Page 31 of Wild Infatuation (Rebel Rockstars #3)

Chapter Thirty

Terrance

WE START LOOSENING BUTTONS and ties in the elevator. By the time we get into Shawn’s apartment, we fling jackets and shirts and belts to the floor. Shoes thump unceremoniously to the hardwood, but we barely notice, too busy trying to kiss each other as we frantically strip.

“I’m sorry,” Shawn says between kisses. “God, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I should have—”

“Shhh.” I cradle his face in my hands. “Not right now. Right now, I need you.”

He groans, kissing me harder, pulling me against him as we stumble through his apartment.

Our shirts lie on the floor. We’re down to pants, the buttons and zippers undone so the clothing clings precariously to our hips as we clamber up that spiral stairwell to his loft still trying to make out the whole way.

We crash onto his bed, gazing into each other’s eyes for the first time since we burst into this apartment and started groping each other.

“Stay,” Shawn says. “Stay with me. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll make this right.”

The guilt in his eyes leaves my chest tight. Yes, he screwed up, but I never asked him to spend the rest of his life repenting.

“I’ll stay,” I say, “but only if you want me to, not for some sort of penance. I love you, and I’m not afraid to say it, but if you’re never going to say it back, if you’re just going to flagellate yourself forever, then send me away now before you make it worse.”

Pain and guilt flicker across Shawn’s face. His lips press together hard, eyebrows drawing down.

“I want you,” he says. “I don’t want you to leave. I swear. And I…”

The next words don’t quite make it out. I can almost taste the years and years of wariness and hurt that keep them locked in his throat.

I reach up, stroking his cheek. It’s okay. I don’t need those words right this second. And there are other ways he can express it to me, ways that light his dark eyes as he gazes down at me.

He sinks atop me, kissing me slower, longer, a kiss that savors instead of takes.

Then he makes his way down my throat, sucking on my neck until I gasp.

He nips at my collarbone, then trails down my chest. It isn’t just my mouth he savors.

Every bit of skin receives all the devotion he has to offer, and goosebumps break out along my body from the attention and care.

When he reaches a nipple, he sucks it into his mouth.

He teases with his teeth, tugging until I yelp and press my whole body toward him.

My hand flies to his hair, grabbing at the longer top piece.

Shawn groans, a delicious shiver that rumbles through my chest, and releases the nipple with a wet pop before continuing his destructive journey downward.

When he gets to my hips, I stop his wild plunge. He sucks at the divot beside my hip as I tug on his hair to drag his head up. Shawn’s eyes swim with confusion when I pull him up to look me in the eyes.

“Not like that,” I say. “I want to do it together. Turn around.”

We’ve come this far. Why not seal it in the most perfect way possible? Instead of one of us chasing the high alone, we can do this together, giving and receiving all at once.

Shawn pushes himself up and climbs over me, turning around so his hard cock hangs above me.

He groans when I reach up to stroke it, thumbing over the head, enjoying seeing him hot and hard from kissing me.

A couple strokes seal the deal, and Shawn bends down to angle me at his mouth.

The motion brings him closer to me, and I swipe my tongue along his shaft.

Shawn groans, his hot breath puffing against my cock. He lowers himself further, sealing his lips around me, and my hips hitch spasmodically. I sigh out a breath of pure pleasure, ensuring when I close my lips, his thick cock lies on my tongue.

We roll onto our sides, giving us both an easier time reaching the other.

Shawn wraps an arm around me, grabbing my ass and pulling me closer as he bobs along me.

I do likewise, holding onto his leg to give me some leverage as I sink down him.

He fills my mouth, hot and heavy and thick.

I close my lips tight around him, diving down to reach more of him, breathing in the musk of him all around me.

We’re like a single being, a single person working toward a single goal.

Our bodies move together. Our mouths and tongues work in tandem.

The moans shiver through both of us, like ripples on a pond intersecting and mingling until they’re a single wave.

The burst of salty brightness that hits my tongue comes as no surprise; I’m in a similar state, my need starting to spring out of me.

Shawn grabs my ass harder, fingers digging into my skin.

I push toward him, eager for the tight heat of his throat, but he sucks harder, and I open my mouth wide around a moan that refuses to remain contained.

His cock slips out, but that leaves me space to lick along his soft sac instead.

I suck one ball into my mouth, so eager for him, so desperate to taste any piece of him.

He grumbles, some word that’s mangled by my cock deep in his mouth.

Shawn grabs for himself with his free hand, stroking while I go on sucking and licking.

My hips jerk all the while, seeking whatever depth he can give me.

Shawn doesn’t flinch away from any of it, letting me dive into him without constraint until I feel like I’m hitting the back of his throat.

My voice rings out louder than his, his mouth being occupied, but the noise feels like it could be coming from either of us as the haze of lust crests, swallowing me up in its turbulent tide.

I rock. I lick. I roll my hips searching for release, but it’s like running down a scree field, loose rocks spinning away under my feet and sending me crashing down faster and faster every second.

I can’t get my footing. All I can do is fall and fall until I’m disintegrating into a million broken pieces.

I shoot down Shawn’s throat, unable to control myself, groaning around the delicate skin of his sac in my mouth.

I tug harder as I endure the crash, and then something hot splatters across my chest, and Shawn pulls back a little to moan.

A gasp gusts out of me, and I release him as he releases me. We lie there shivering, bathed in a cloud of bodyheat, Shawn’s sticky seed cooling on my torso. Both of us flop onto our backs and gasp at the ceiling of his bedroom, panting for breath.

I drift, content in the quiet, but it’s Shawn who eventually breaks the silence.

“There were three of them,” he says.

I push up onto my elbows, but his gaze remains fixed on the ceiling. “Three what?”

His throat works, and I brace myself, heart fluttering as I realize this is the moment he promised me, the moment he comes clean.

“I’ve only ever dated three people,” he says, “and all three of them cheated on me.”

I clench my teeth as bile rises in my throat, but I hold my silence and let him continue in his own time.

“The first one…” His voice hushes even further.

“He cheated on me with a girl. We were young. My father said it was because … because he could tell I wasn’t really gay.

We were just kids experimenting, according to him, and that guy grew up faster than me and moved on to what he was ‘supposed’ to be doing.

I was stuck in a phase. Except…” His eyes finally flicker to me. “The phase never really ended.”

After what we just did, I’d hazard to say it didn’t.

“I’m sorry,” I say instead. “That’s an awful thing for your own father to tell you.”

Shawn shrugs, even lying down. “It became a running theme, I guess. When the next two did the same thing, my father only became more convinced it was something about me. I guess I believed him. I started to … I started to distance myself from people, even my own band. I never told them about my boyfriends or my sexuality. I was too afraid they’d tell me it was a phase too.

I’ve been estranged from my family for years, and hearing those words come out of the mouths of my closest friends — it was too scary.

I couldn’t bear it. So I just … said nothing. ”

“And then they asked you to pretend to date Levi’s sister,” I fill in.

He nods. “They didn’t think anything of it. It sounded like a super obvious and easy choice, and I didn’t correct them. I didn’t have the courage to tell you, either.”

“You mentioned something about publicity.”

“Yeah, but that was only part of it. I should have explained. It would have made everything easier.”

I can’t deny that, and I don’t offer him the easy out. He’s right; he should have said something. I don’t know if it would have made seeing him in those press photos sting less, but at least I would have understood.

Even so… “I was, am, a fan. You were being cautious.”

He sits up, and I join him. The mess on our bodies is starting to make itself known, but this is too important to interrupt even for that.

We’re close enough that he can reach out and tentatively stroke a thumb along my cheek. I lean into the touch, trying to show him that I’m prepared to forgive him if he’s prepared to move on.

“That’s no excuse,” he says. “I could have at least asked Levi or someone for advice. My past doesn’t excuse how I acted.”

“Maybe not, but you can’t undo that. It doesn’t help either of us for you to torment yourself for the rest of your life. I don’t care about your past. I care about what comes next, what we do next. Together.”

He muses over his words, speaking slowly and carefully.

“I think … we can’t do that unless you understand my past. Does that make sense?

I still have to learn how to … how to do this.

How to do it right. How to trust. It’s not going to change in a day, so I don’t want you thinking about the future unless you’re really sure. ”

I cradle his face in both hands, looking straight into his eyes as I say, “Shawn, I’m sure. I’ve been sure this entire time. I’ve already said I love you, and I don’t regret it. I’ve never had a single doubt about this or about you.”

His eyebrows curl as his eyes pick over me like he’s searching for deceit.

I stare right back, unafraid, sure he’ll find nothing but conviction.

Yes, he handled this poorly. Yes, he could have done better.

But I’m ready to take that journey alongside him.

I’ll be patient for as long as it takes for him to trust me.

He tips forward, kissing me slowly, sweetly, hanging on my lips like he can taste every single thought I left unsaid between us.

His voice is low and husky when he speaks, as though he’s holding back a swell of emotion. “I love you too,” he says, “and I’m going to do whatever it takes to prove it every day.”

I pull him toward me, but before I kiss him, I hesitate an inch from his lips.

“I know,” I say with perfect, unwavering faith.