Page 13 of Wild Infatuation (Rebel Rockstars #3)

Chapter Thirteen

Shawn

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

I brace and worry for days after the incident at the photoshoot.

It doesn’t help that I don’t need to do anything these days except occasionally practice with my band.

With the music video wrapped up and “Escape” on its way to going out as a single, we’re not all that busy.

Which leaves me with way too much time to pace my apartment and check social media.

I’m sure the next time I refresh I’ll see something about what happened between me and Terrance.

He’s our biggest fan. Is he really going to tell no one that he hooked up with a member of the band?

He promised to keep it secret, but I don’t believe for a second that’s going to hold.

He’s going to tell someone, and then the news will spread around.

There will be threads and think pieces about how I leveraged my power and fame over a poor, helpless fan.

Emmett will have to boot me out of the band.

I’ll never see the guys again. I’ll lose this apartment and go back to working as a delivery driver and—

I force myself out onto the balcony before my thoughts can keep spiraling.

The wind whips off the sound glittering in the distance.

Behind me lies an apartment full of brand new furniture and fancy electronics and nice clothes, but none of it makes me feel any more secure.

No amount of nice things will convince my brain that I haven’t invited yet another man in to betray my trust.

I startle when my phone buzzes, but it can’t be Terrance. He gave me his number, not the other way around. Indeed, when I check, it’s Levi reminding me we have a meeting with Emmett later today.

I hurry inside, grateful for a distraction.

Getting ready occupies enough of my brain to take the edge off the panic.

I’m being ridiculous. If he was going to say something, he would have already.

Besides, there’s no reason for the world to freak out over a thing like that.

We didn’t do anything wrong. Really, if the whole world knew, what would it even matter?

I’m simply too primed to brace for disappointment.

After repeated failures, I can’t help but believe every man I get close to will break my trust in one way or another.

Terrance has a golden opportunity to follow in the footsteps of my exes, but he’s had days to do it and so far there hasn’t been a peep.

By the time I drive to the meeting, I almost believe everything will be okay.

Besides, it was good. It was great, way better than a dry handy should ever be. Maybe it’s been so long since anyone’s touched me that I’m that easy, but if I can convince myself to trust Terrance, I might see if he’s up for round two.

I’ll give him a little more time, I decide as I park. If a few more days go by and he’s kept his mouth shut, maybe I’ll let myself have this.

I head into the meeting feeling better than I thought I could. Why shouldn’t I, though? My band’s working on our highly anticipated second album, we shot our first music video, and I got laid on top of all of that. I should be living it up. It’s only old, irrational fears and hurts holding me back.

I’m the last one to make it to the meeting. Everyone else is sitting around the long, rectangular table in the meeting room, chatting about the music video. Jacob’s been an explosion of energy ever since the shoot. I take a seat next to Levi, who greets me with a nod.

Within seconds, Emmett strides into the room, as brisk as ever. The tall, harsh man flicks through his phone as he enters, completely ignoring us. At this point in our careers, he’s damn near the only person on the planet who doesn’t care about being in the same room as us.

“Everyone’s here?” he says. He doesn’t wait for us to answer, skimming over us with his dark, cool eyes and apparently deeming us present. “Good. We have a few things to go over.”

Levi slouches beside me. None of us love these meetings.

They usually take the form of Emmett lecturing us like a school teacher.

No matter what we do, Emmett has the face of a man perpetually disappointed by us and everyone else around him.

I’d complain, but the guy is almost single-handedly responsible for our music career.

He knows his business, and he gets shit done, so none of us have yet complained about his less than shining personality.

“We need to get you out doing some public events,” Emmett says.

I’m not the only one who groans at that.

“We just did the meet and greet and the TV thing,” Jacob says.

“And the music video,” Levi adds.

“The music video wasn’t a public event,” Emmett says, “and your latest television appearance was in summer. Summer is almost over and the video is coming out soon, so we need to get you back on people’s minds.

If they’ve forgotten about you, they’ll forget about the single as well.

We have to get you trending again before all of that. ”

I nearly groan all over again. I love making music, but I’m not meant for all this publicity and social media stuff. If people like our music, they like it. Getting Baptism Emperor trending on social media has nothing to do with that. Fans like Terrance love us regardless of hashtags.

For a crazy moment, I sort of wish there were more of him.

He’s so loyal, so dedicated. More people could stand to have that sort of steadfastness instead of changing their opinions on a whim.

It offers me another tempting reason to trust him, whatever might have happened in my past, but maybe that’s the lingering afterglow from that hookup speaking.

“There’s an event coming up in New York that I think will serve nicely for these purposes,” Emmett is saying when I tune back in.

“Wait, New York?” I blurt before I can stop myself.

“Yes, we’ll take care of the flights and everything. We’ll send a car to get you to the airport as well. You don’t need to worry about packing anything beyond the basics. We’ll dress you and take care of your transportation and meals.”

My heartbeat skips. Another event where we’re going to wheel through hair and makeup and wardrobe like mannequins, but…

“The team over in New York will take care of you when you get there,” Emmett continues.

Right, yeah, there’s no reason they’d fly Terrance all the way across the country to do our hair and makeup. New York has plenty of stylists.

“Why New York?” Jacob says.

Emmett heaves an aggrieved sigh. “The annual Fashion Jam takes place in New York every fall. None of you are aware of this?”

He scans each of us in turn, but receives blank looks and shrugs in return.

“Do we look like we know about fashion?” Keannen says with a wave.

He has a point. Levi and Dan are in sweatpants.

Keannen looks like he ran his clothes through a shredder.

Jacob is somewhat put together, but I get the sense that his wavy brown hair lies that way on its own and not because he put any special care into it.

I grabbed black jeans off the floor and zipped a hoodie over an old T-shirt with an anime character on it, so I’m hardly a beacon of fashion myself.

We definitely don’t look like fashionistas.

Rather, we look like five guys who suddenly became rockstars in the past year or so.

“Setting that aside,” Emmett says, “the Jam is an ideal opportunity for you to get into the public eye ahead of the single’s release. You’ll walk a red carpet, take some pictures, answer softball questions.” When we don’t look convinced, he adds, “And there’s a party at the end.”

“I’m bringing Tim,” Keannen says immediately.

“Then I’m bringing Seth,” Jacob chimes in.

Emmett pinches the bridge of his nose. “You can bring your boyfriends, yes. We did anticipate this. The rest of you are welcome to bring a guest as well. Please let us know in the next two days, however, so we can arrange accommodations and the like. We’ll send you all the details in the coming days, but all you need to do is get on the plane, look good on the red carpet, and answer a few questions.

Make sure you talk about ‘Escape’ every chance you get, understood? ”

We nod, and Emmett apparently deems this response good enough because he announces that we’re free to go — except for me.

“Shawn, please hang back a moment, if you would.”

I cringe as the rest of my band leaves the conference room. I jumped to my feet when Emmett said we were free, so now I’m stuck standing up gripping the back of the chair I was sitting in.

Once the room is empty, Emmett closes the door behind the others and paces toward me, his arms folded over his chest. I’m tall, but even I have to look up a little to meet Emmett’s eyes.

“Is there anyone you plan to bring as a guest?” he says.

I tense. Maybe he does know. Maybe Terrance did say something after all.

“No…” I say slowly.

“Good,” Emmett says.

“Good?”

“We’re thinking of arranging a guest for you.”

I release the back of the chair to stand up straighter. “I’m not sure I’m following this.”

Emmett huffs as though irritated I can’t read his mind. “I’ll be blunt. The whole world is currently speculating about whether Baptism Emperor is exclusively a queer band. After Keannen and then Jacob, they’re waiting for another of you to come out. We’d like to … gently suggest otherwise.”

My heart falls with each word, but Emmett continues ruthlessly.

“We’ve spoken with Levi. You know his sister?”

I nod, numb.

“She’s agreed to attend the event with one of you. We’d like that person to be you. She can’t attend as Levi’s date, obviously, but if you were her date, it would create the impression we’d like.”

The impression that I’m straight. The impression that there’s someone in the band worth lusting after. Is this really happening?

“We won’t force you,” Emmett says. “We have never interfered in any of your personal lives. We suggest this because Levi’s sister is a friend and you are, as far as we are aware, otherwise unattached.

You don’t need to say or do anything. Simply arrive with her and let the press and the fans assume whatever they like. ”

Easy for him to say. He won’t be the one paraded all over websites and social media. What will Terrance think when he sees that? I’ll be the one who looks like a traitor.

Yet I nod. This is important for the band, and there’s no reason to say no.

As Emmett said, I know Levi’s sister Olivia.

She was always around in those early days when we practiced in his garage, slightly younger than us but cool.

Besides, no one is expecting anything from me except my presence and silence.

Even so, by the time I leave that conference room, I find myself reaching for the business card I tucked into my wallet, my heart in my throat as I type in the number.