Page 22 of Wild Infatuation (Rebel Rockstars #3)

Chapter Twenty-One

Shawn

I’M PRETTY SURE NO one notices me leaving Terrance’s place.

I showed up late enough that the parking lot was dark and vacant.

Now, I leave with my hood up and my head down, scurrying across the cramped parking lot for the guest spot.

Only once I duck inside my car and lock the door do I let the hood fall.

I wait, hardly breathing, scanning the parking lot for any sign of paparazzi.

Nothing. I’m safe. That or the paparazzo is incredibly sneaky, but it’s more likely I got away with this. They wouldn’t expect to look here. They aren’t thinking of Terrance; they’re waiting for me to do this with Olivia.

They’re going to be waiting a long time.

I haven’t even texted her since New York.

We did our job, and we moved on. Another thing I should really thank her for.

She enjoyed the free ticket to the event, but she also noticed my discomfort and let the matter drop after that.

She really is way better than I’ll ever deserve.

If my dad was right about my sexuality being a phase, about boyfriends cheating on me because none of this is real, then I could do a lot worse than Olivia.

I shake my head at myself. I had my tongue inside Terrance less than twelve hours ago, and I’m still wondering if my dad was right about me all along. What the hell is wrong with me?

I start the car and drive away, trying to outpace my thoughts.

It takes longer to get to downtown Seattle from here than it would have from my apartment, but I make it in time to slip into the bleak corporate conference room before Emmett arrives.

I drop into a seat beside Levi, who nods in greeting.

There’s a question lingering in his eyes, likely a question about his sister, but I turn away and pretend I don’t see it.

I don’t know how to answer those kinds of questions right now, with Terrance’s taste tingling on my tongue and his voice echoing in my ears.

Jacob and Keannen are bickering about something, but the rest of us sit silently and wait.

Awkwardness drapes over me like a smothering blanket.

I know Levi wants to ask. I know he’s got as many questions as those paparazzi.

Olivia is his sister, after all, and while they can argue like siblings, he’s obviously going to protect her if he thinks I’m messing around with her.

Which I’m not. In any sense of the word.

I’m about to break and blurt out the truth when Emmett thankfully sweeps into the room, as quick and efficient as ever. He’s swiping through a tablet, fixed on the screen and ignoring us entirely.

“The event went well,” Emmett says without preamble, still swiping through his tablet. “Everything looks good with the music video launch. The buzz was best on the night of the Jam, but it’s held steady ever since. We have our social media teams doing what they can.”

Emmett finally looks up, as though noticing us for the first time. His eyes go right to me, sending a chill down my spine.

“You did well, Shawn,” he says. “Give Olivia my thanks.”

I could say I’m not in contact with her, that Levi is better suited to the task, but my mouth goes so dry it’s glued shut. I manage a nod, which Emmett seems content to accept.

“The pictures look good,” Emmett goes on mercilessly, “and the speculation is great for us. I would ask that you don’t do anything to confirm or deny it. Let it keep spinning if you can.”

I can’t even nod this time around. My stomach sinks as I realize this entire meeting is probably about this , about the fake relationship between me and Olivia that the entire internet is buzzing about.

This is why I couldn’t tell Terrance the truth, or at least not the whole truth.

It’s way too dangerous when Emmett and the band are counting on me to maintain the fiction.

The betrayal wouldn’t just affect me this time; it would hit the entire band.

“In that vein,” Emmett says, “feel free to be seen with her in public, if you like, but nothing overly romantic, nothing you wouldn’t do with a friend. It’s all about the mystery right now. If we lose that, we lose all our momentum. We’ll set you up with a dinner or something.”

How did my band’s future come to depend on me pretending to date Levi’s sister? It’s surreal, yet I give the answer I should and otherwise keep my mouth shut.

Emmett moves on, talking about the music video itself, where and when and how it will drop.

I barely hear him. My whole band buzzes with excitement, but I can’t push aside the knot in the pit of my stomach.

Even when Emmett turns his tablet around and shows us clips of the finished music video, I barely see it.

The flashy images on the screen are great, but when the video zooms in on me, all I can think is that I only look that good because of the way Terrance did my hair and makeup.

It’s a relief when the video switches focus to Jacob, predictably the star of the show.

“There are a few final tweaks, but the editor will finish with those soon,” Emmett says. “I’d prepare you, but your lives have already changed quite significantly. Just be aware that you might experience a fresh wave of attention after this.”

“Seth is gonna have his hands full,” Jacob says.

“And not just with you,” Keannen adds, earning himself an eyeroll.

“Indeed,” Emmett says. “I hope he’s keeping his team appraised.”

Ignoring Keannen’s jab, Jacob says, “Of course. Him and his guys will be ready.”

The mood drops as we contemplate a fresh wave of media attention. We haven’t gotten a break in something like a year now, and it’s flattering, but also exhausting. I wouldn’t mind if I could leave my apartment to get groceries some day.

Emmett goes through a few more things, things I mostly tune out. Dan is better at keeping track of all that stuff, and Jacob is the one who whips us into shape. I do what I’m told, like with this whole Olivia thing.

I spend the rest of the meeting trying to look like I’m listening and pushing down everything I feel about having to maintain my fake relationship even longer. I can deal with emotions later, alone, in my apartment, where no one else can see me reliving old arguments with my shitty father.

At last, Emmett lets us go. I make a break for freedom, but all five of us end up in the elevator together, and when we get off, someone tugs at my hoodie sleeve. The others go on ahead, as eager to leave as me, but Levi says, “Hey, man, could we talk?”

My stomach plummets into my feet. I nod, and Levi gestures toward the side of the building, away from the street and the front door.

Old cigarette butts litter the ground. Dumpsters sour the air, but we aren’t going to get any better privacy than this, so we slip under the shade of the building towering over us.

“Olivia said she had a nice time in New York,” Levi says.

Not even a warm up. The guy just pummels me with that out of nowhere.

“I’m glad,” I say. It’s a relief to say something I genuinely mean, but I’m not enough of a fool to think that’s why Levi pulled me aside.

“Yeah, she said you were nice,” Levi says.

“She’s your sister, man. I’ve known her forever.”

“I know, I know. I didn’t think you’d be a jerk or anything, but…”

I brace. There is nothing good waiting on the other side of that preposition.

“Did you have a good time?”

I shrug. “It was fine.”

Levi rubs at the back of his neck. “Come on, man. You know what I mean. Was it okay? Did you hate it? Did something happen?”

“No, it was fine.”

“Then why did you seem miserable the whole time?”

A bolt of dread stabs coldly into my stomach. “I wasn’t miserable. It was the jet lag and the crowd and stuff.”

Levi scowls at me, his look clearly saying, I don’t believe that for one second.

My eyes flicker, as though I’m calculating my escape. I’m easily taller than Levi, and it’s not like he’s doing anything to physically trap me here, yet I tense like he’s got a knife at my throat.

“Shawn, what’s going on?” Levi says, dropping all pretense. “Are you okay? Is Olivia okay?”

“She’s fine. I’m fine. We’re both fine.”

“Then please explain. I’m not the press. I’m not going to tell anyone. You can trust me.”

I want to. If there’s anyone in this world I should be able to trust, it’s the guys in Baptism Emperor.

They’ve been with me through everything, yet I’ve never told them about my father or my three horrible exes.

They have no idea. They’re probably expecting me to date Olivia just like everyone else.

It strikes me how little I’ve let even Levi and the others into my life.

And for what? Do I really believe they’d betray me like those ex-boyfriends?

Do I believe they’d yell at me like my father?

That’s absurd considering every shred of evidence I have speaks to their care and support.

When Ryan did what he did to Jacob, everyone rallied around our frontman, spending the night at his house like teenage girls at a slumber party so he knew he was safe.

But Ryan wasn’t going to tank our new music video.

That situation had nothing to do with the band’s fortunes.

I don’t know if the guys would be quite as supportive if they knew I wanted to throw all this hype and buzz to the wind for the sake of an obsessed fan.

Levi’s hand on my arm snaps me out of my thoughts.

“You know you can talk to us, right?” he says. “All of us. If there’s anyone who’s got your back, it’s us.”

“I know,” I say around a sudden lump.

The truth almost squeezes past that lump.

I almost blurt out that I don’t have any interest in Olivia, that I don’t even want to pretend to have any interest in Olivia, but again I stop.

The band needs this. All I have to do is shut up and bear it a little longer.

How selfish would I be if I threw it away for a fling?

“I’m okay,” I say instead. “Really. And Olivia’s okay. We’re all friends. I think it’ll be a relief when the music video is out and we don’t have to worry about this stuff anymore.”

“Sure,” Levi says, but I get the sense he doesn’t quite believe me. “We all want what’s best for the band, but we also want what’s best for you, okay? If that’s not Olivia, that’s okay.”

“I know.”

I do. I do know. And I believe him. But I only have to do this a little longer.

Then everything will surely be okay. I can pretend a little longer for the sake of the four people who’ve never betrayed or hurt me.

On the other side of this, I’ll tell them the truth.

I’ll tell Olivia the truth. I’ll tell Terrance the truth.

I just have to keep up the charade a little longer.