Page 30 of Wild Infatuation (Rebel Rockstars #3)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Shawn

THE CAMERAS START FLASHING before we even get out of the car.

I emerge first, and turn to offer Terrance my hand.

For a second, it’s just us, his eyes soft as moss in a sunlit forest as he smiles up at me.

I help him out of the limo, and we stand staring into each other’s eyes for one perfect, quiet moment.

Then the camera flashes intensify, like strobe lights at a rave.

The paparazzi shout, but it’s never been easier to ignore them.

I slide my arm around Terrance’s waist, leading him onto the red carpet that stretches from the limo to the bar the band rented out for the party.

Jacob and the others went on ahead of me, each taking their turn down the perilous stretch of space between the curb and the doors.

They smiled for the cameras like they were supposed to, and now it’s my turn to do likewise.

Normally, I’d hate this part, but it’s a little easier with Terrance at my side.

His smile comes more easily than mine. I hope that’s something I’ll learn from him, but this journey has only just begun, so I don’t want to overburden it with expectations.

Since I appeared at his salon and begged his forgiveness, we’ve texted and called a lot, and it’s been …

nice. Really nice. I’ve always had my bandmates, of course, but trust is a new muscle in me, and I’m only beginning to learn how to exercise it.

There’s a long way to go.

“Are you together?”

“Is this Terrance?”

“How long have you been dating?”

“What does Olivia think?”

I ignore the barrage of questions. After indulging the reporters for a few seconds, I turn, leading Terrance away.

We slip into the bar, and the shouting grows distant.

I release a pent up sigh, shoulders slouching.

My designer suit is tight and hot, and I take off the jacket the moment I’m inside.

The black button up beneath is more than enough.

In the center of the room, Keannen’s already rolling up his sleeves, and Jacob is wearing some kind of mesh thing.

Emmett wanted us looking nice for the red carpet, but this is supposed to be a celebration.

After all, the music video is out, and people love it.

As it happens, who I’m dating or not dating isn’t the deciding factor in whether or not people like our music.

Sure, it helped create buzz, but the comments on the video aren’t about me; they’re about the music, as they should be.

The weight that’s come off my shoulders in the past day could crush a car.

I take Terrance’s hand as we weave into the party.

A DJ plays music in a corner, sending a low, thumping beat through the open space.

There are multiple bars stocked with all the best booze, plus servers carrying plates of fancy, palm-sized hors d’oeuvres.

Terrance snags some kind of cheese thing as a server passes, but I’m too jittery to eat.

I grab two glasses of bubbling champagne instead, passing one to Terrance as he swallows his treat.

When we reach the rest of the band, I hold up the glass.

“Cheers, guys,” I say.

Jacob’s smile could outshine the sun. Even Keannen smirks.

Everyone holds up their glasses, and we clink them before drinking.

None of us need to say out loud that this is fucking surreal.

Sure, we’ve been doing this for a while now, but I don’t know if it’ll ever get less strange to put out fancy music videos and sell unfathomable quantities of records.

This was a dream for so long, and we haven’t gotten a second to pause and breathe and appreciate that it’s real .

Levi brought his sister as his guest, and they approach while I’m sipping on champagne.

“So, you’re Terrance,” Olivia says.

My stomach flips, but she smiles and offers her hand.

“It’s great to meet you.”

Terrance smiles and shakes, and just like that, the tension pops.

“Wait, it’s true?” Olivia says when Terrance explains how we met. “You really worked on the music video?”

“Just hair and makeup, but yeah,” Terrance says. “Before that, I was a fan. I’m still a fan, I guess, though it’s kind of weird to think of it that way.”

“Not weird at all,” Levi says. “I mean, if you weren’t our biggest fan before, you’re definitely the top of the list now.”

Terrance rubs the back of his neck and chuckles. As the conversation dies, I gather my courage and breath both. I’m on an apology tour, and this is far from the last stop, but it’s one of the most important ones.

“Olivia,” I say, “I’m really sorry about how this all went.

” She starts to shake her head, but I barrel on.

“I should have told you. I should have told Levi. I made everything harder for both of us by not trusting you. I never thought you’d react negatively.

It was pure cowardice on my part, and I’m still working on making it right. ”

This time, she doesn’t brush off the apology. “I appreciate that,” she says instead. “It’s all in the past. I’m happy to move forward if you are.”

“Of course.”

It’s more grace than I deserve after how I handled this, but Olivia offers it freely, and Levi is smiling beside her. She even steps in to hug me, and we all get back to talking like none of this ever happened. It’s not the last apology I owe, but I’ll take it for now.

I don’t realize I’ve relaxed until I spot Emmett heading toward us and tension shoots through my shoulders all over again. Our tall, stern manager strides up to our group with the same brusque efficiency he uses to conduct band meetings.

“May I have a moment?” he says.

He casts a significant look at Levi and Olivia, who gracefully bow out of the conversation. Terrance makes as though to go too, but Emmett stops him.

“Actually, I’d like both of you to hear this,” he says.

I can feel Terrance going tense beside me. Emmett can have that effect on people, even eternal optimists.

“Shawn, I’d like to apologize for the way this unfolded,” he says.

He holds up his hand when I start to object.

“No, you’re owed an apology. I was not aware of your situation, nor did I ask.

I should have. It was never our intention to belittle your sexuality or force you to portray something that isn’t true to yourself. ”

Despite his denial, I shake my head. “I should have said something. I could have said something. The whole thing was a misunderstanding, but I could have cleared it up far sooner.”

“Be that as it may, I would not want you to believe we would force uncomfortable decisions on you in that way. When we selected Olivia we saw it as a rather harmless and perhaps even agreeable arrangement.”

It should have been. If I had told Emmett or Olivia or Levi, if I had trusted my own band, it could have been a simple, comfortable arrangement. But I let hurt guide my decisions and dug in my heels instead, refusing to believe in people who’ve only ever supported me.

“I should have said no,” I say. “I should have declined. I thought the band needed that from me, and I…”

“In the future, we hope you’ll assert yourself,” Emmett says. “We want to maintain a harmonious relationship with you and the rest of the band. We’re here for more than promotion. If something is going to be an issue, please come to us and say so. We all care about you, and we all support you.”

I have to sip on my champagne. It’s a shockingly long and touching speech from Emmett.

I’ve honestly never heard him speak this way once since he plucked us out of that bar.

He’s never been mean or cruel, but he’s always stuck strictly to business.

He’s like a calculator come to life, so I’m unprepared for this abrupt turn toward the sentimental.

“I appreciate that,” I manage, voice a bit rough around the edges.

Emmett knows when he’s approaching the precipice. He lets the matter drop, wandering off into the party. Beside me, Terrance squeezes my hand.

“You okay?” he says.

I nod. “I owe a lot of people a lot of apologies. You’re very high on that list. I didn’t expect to come in here and have our manager apologizing to me instead.”

“It’s like he said,” Terrance says. “We care about you. Everyone around you. We all want whatever’s best for you. You just have to trust us.”

“I’m working on it.”

“I know. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t believe that with all my heart.”

“I hope one day I’m worthy of that.” There’s still so much I need to tell him, so much I need to trust him with if this is going to be real.

And I desperately want it to be real. I want to trust again, to believe in someone again, to love again.

I plan to take that step tonight, but not while we’re stuck at this stupid party.

That lump in my throat thickens as I gaze at a man who has given me far, far more grace than I’ll ever deserve.

I half- expected him to kick me out of the salon when I burst in, but I felt like I needed to make a big, dramatic move if I was going to have any hope of showing him that I really do care and I really am sorry.

He forgave me on the spot, and I plan to spend the rest of my life proving that he made the right choice.

We drift through the party, talking to the rest of the band, drinking, eating, dancing.

Keannen’s boyfriend, Tim, invited his band, The Ten Hours, but they’re far from the only music industry guests in the room.

Everyone is abuzz with their own projects and dreams, even as our new music video plays on flat screens mounted on the walls.

There’s all kinds of wheeling and dealing taking place around me, but I’ve never been good at that stuff.

I leave it to others, like Emmett, and stick to enjoying the glow of this moment with my friends.

We really made it. We really did it. Our lives are beyond our wildest dreams, and things are only going to continue getting better.

Eventually, however, the drone of conversation, the jostle of people networking and socializing, takes a toll on me.

I’m not a natural extrovert like Jacob. My battery is blinking red after a few hours of delicate social maneuvering infused with silent rules I barely understand, and I start looking for the exits.

I lean close to Terrance while we’re trapped in a conversation with a group of people who are talking past us. I don’t know any of them, and they seem to want nothing from me but a whiff of my fame.

“Hey,” I say quietly to him, “you wanna get out of here?”

Terrance smirks up at me. “Sir, are you propositioning me?”

A smile quirks my mouth. “I guess I am.”

“Well…” His eyes rake up and down me shamelessly. “I suppose I could leave these stimulating conversations behind to sneak away with a handsome man.”

The mischief in his eyes stirs something deep inside me, something that will very shortly demand my full attention.

I wrap an arm around Terrance’s waist, pulling him away from the group and toward the door without so much as a goodbye.

“Come on. Let’s get the hell out of here.”