Page 47 of Wicked Lies Grow Wildflowers

Me: Meet me at The Bean. Please. I’ll be there whether you decide to show or not, so please come. We need to talk, you need to hear me out. I love you still, Wildflower.

I slip on my boots and grab my jacket and keys, prepared to wait all day for Maeren if I have to.

Even if she doesn’t show. I’ll just keep asking as long as it takes, as long as she needs to not be afraid of me and realize that I’ve only ever wanted to protect her and shield her from the horrors of the world.

I swing my door open to leave and find Maeren—fist raised to knock, bare faced with bags under her eyes, but as beautiful as always.

My heart somersaults and I stand there for a moment, slack jawed, my mouth opening and closing like a fish as I take her in, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that she’s really here. She came to me.

She lowers her hand and stares at me, waiting for me to get a reign on my shock. Before I can let her in myself, she shoves past me into my kitchen. “Hi,” I breathe out.

“Hi,” she says, quietly, softly, like if she speaks too loudly it will break whatever tentative reconciliation we may have.

“Please, sit.” I shuck off my jacket, kicking off my boots and dropping my keys at the door. Maeren takes a seat on my couch and I sit next to her, making sure to leave a few inches of space between us.

“I uh, I just wanted to talk,” she swallows and I nod for her to continue.

“I’ve been thinking a lot the last couple days and…

” She sucks in a deep breath and fiddles with her sleeves before continuing on, “I’m just really fucking mad at you.

” Her eyes shoot to mine with the confession, she chews her lip as if she’s worried about my reaction.

“I know. I’m angry at myself, Wildflower.

I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.

I didn’t mean to take things this far in the beginning.

And I’m so fucking sorry you got caught up in everything, and that I hid so much from you.

You have every right to be mad at me, or hate me.

Fuck hate me all you want, you deserve to.

” I’m hunched over now, angled towards Maeren with my fits under my chin.

I’m trying to keep my hands to myself but all I want to do is reach out for her.

“I don’t hate you, Xander. What you’ve done is so fucked up, beyond fucked up. But I don’t hate you,” she shakes her head, eyes squeezing shut.

“Maeren, I’d do it all again. You need to know that.

I’d do everything again just to be close to you, to make sure you’d be mine.

I’m sorry, yes, but I’m not regretful of every fucked up action leading me straight to you.

I can’t regret that,” I shake my head, hoping my admittance doesn’t fuck me over.

Her hands fidget and she tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear and nods, “I can accept that. You’re just—you.

You’re intense and serious and so fucking broody to everyone but me.

You’d do anything for me, you already have.

You killed for me, Xander. You saved my life.

I know I’m safe with you, that you would never hurt me on purpose, your motivations and actions are just messed up.

” She pauses for a moment, considering her next words.

“It’s a lot to wrap my head around and accept, and I just needed a little time apart to cope.

To understand it all without causing a bigger fight.

I just felt so violated and gross after knowing what Simon was doing to me.

But you’re not him, you’d never try and take anything I wouldn’t freely give.

You’re not the same person, and yeah I’m still mad, I’ll be mad for a while, but I don’t want to be apart from you anymore.

Just promise me no more secrets. Please promise me, Xander,” her voice breaks and a lone tear travels down her cheek.

I lean forward to wipe it away with my thumb as I cup her flushed cheek.

“I fucking swear to you Maeren. I’ll tell you everything you want to know.

Everything . Whenever you have questions I’ll have honest answers.

The only time I’ll hide anything is when I have to conceal names for my…

unsavory employer. But I’ll always let you know where I’m going and what I’m doing.

” I squeeze her knee, reassuring her. “Always. I never want to drive you away again because you’re fucking everything to me, and I’m so fucking sorry I almost lost you, but I won’t ever make that mistake again.

I’ll never weave wicked lies around you Wildflower. Never again,” I vow.

Maeren looks up and meets my eyes, clutching my face in her hands and bringing our foreheads together.

She nods against me with her eyes scrunched closed, tears still silently flowing.

She opens them and locks her gaze with mine once more.

We sit there, clutching each other with our lips a hair's breadth away, emotion bubbling over as the gravity of everything we’ve been through these last few weeks anchors us.

“I believe you. I trust you, and I want this to work. I want us to work,” she whispers out.

“We’ll work. I know we will. Now and forever.”

“I’m still mad at you though, so maybe you should start making it up to me?” she boldly whispers before seizing my lips in a kiss. A kiss that out of the hundred we’ve already shared somehow feels the sweetest. It feels like a vow to always try, to always fight for this, for each other, for us .