Page 24 of Wicked Lies Grow Wildflowers

CHAPTER NINETEEN

MAEREN

So far Xander hasn’t left me any more notes or flowers which makes me a little sad because I started to like it, once I got over my initial fear and all.

Thankfully, it’s finally Thursday, and he’s coming over soon.

I head to the store to grab some frozen pizzas and wine because I said I’d make dinner.

I hope my lack of cooking skills doesn’t scare him off, but pre-made pizza is the best I can do, unless it’s spaghetti or something in a crockpot.

When I’m in the wine aisle, I feel a prickle on the back of my neck and turn to see someone who looks familiar several feet away from me.

It takes me a minute to register who it is, and I realize it’s my mother’s boyfriend, Simon.

We make eye contact and I offer a small smile.

“Oh, hi Simon! Funny seeing you here. Small world.” I still feel awkward after the dinner incident.

“Maeren! So good to see you! You know, your mother misses you and isn’t happy with how things ended last time you were over. Would you like to have dinner with us again? Next Saturday? She also has a bracelet you left at the house a while ago if you want to stop by and pick it up soon.”

“Oh, I’ll have to let you know about dinner. I’m just not sure I’m ready to see her yet.” I want to be cordial, but I don’t want to talk about my mommy issues with a man I barely know, one who may not be around long anyways.

“Well, you have my number and hers, just let us know. You’re always welcome.” He smiles at me, and somehow it feels… slimy.

“Yeah, okay, I guess I’ll pop by for the bracelet this week sometime.

I’m finished shopping now, so have a good night.

” I smile and walk off to the checkout. I don’t remember leaving any jewelry at my mom’s but who knows really.

I usually leave in such a frenzy that it wouldn’t surprise me if I left my entire car behind one of these days.

I’m not sure it’s worth grabbing but I suppose I can go by when I know she’ll be at work.

I make a mental note of that as I ring my groceries up.

When I return home, I throw the pizzas in the oven and the wine in the fridge to chill. I don’t know Xander’s intentions for the night, so I change and make sure my bra and panties match, just in case.

I’m flicking through my streaming channels when I hear a knock at my door and excitedly run to open it. “Xander!” I clear my throat, trying to not sound too excited—heaven forbid I come off overly eager. “Please, come in.” I usher him inside and shut the door behind him.

“Smells good,” he says as he sniffs the air.

“Well, don’t get too excited, it’s a frozen, store-bought pizza.”

“Frozen store-bought pizza happens to be my favorite meal. After you, of course,” he winks.

My face goes red but I laugh, caught slightly off guard.

I need to get used to his witty and sexual remarks if he’s going to be sticking around for a while.

My smile almost falters as I realize I just might want him to stay around.

“Good to know. Please, have a seat.” I take a deep breath and try to bite back another smile.

We gorge ourselves on pizza and he picks off all the olives which is an affront to me as they are the best part of supreme pizzas.

That may be a bigger red flag than him initially creeping around and leaving me notes, in all honesty.

But when he sees my appalled face he offers them all to me, so I guess I can look past this flaw.

Xander and I recap our week and my wine addled brain lets my upcoming visit to my mother’s slip. “I’ve gotta swing by my mother’s house sometime soon.” Shit.

“Your mother? Tell me about her,” he replies.

Oh God, not this again. Please, not this. “Oh, like I’ve said before, there isn’t much to tell.” I try to brush his inquiry off, but he isn’t having it this time.

“Really? Nothing at all? What are you hiding from me, Wildflower?”

That nickname is going to become my undoing, I just know it. “I’m not hiding a thing. There’s just nothing of note to share.” I can’t meet his eyes as I speak, too ashamed of the reality.

“I know when you’re lying to me, Maeren, and I really hate liars, you know that by now. But then again, I’m finding it impossible to hate you, so maybe I’ll coax the truth out? Hmm?” He leans forward and brushes his nose against my neck.

I take a sharp inhale at the contact. “Why do you want to know this so badly?” my voice sounds like a plea.

“Because I want to know you . Everything about you, every detail that’s made you who you are at your very core,” he whispers as his tongue traces from my collarbone to my ear.

“My core ?” I scoff. “I don’t even know myself that well.”

“You do, so let me in. Tell me everything about you. Now.” He bites down on my neck and sucks on the spot, his tongue soothing the sting.

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to carry on a conversation when all I want to do is close my eyes and get lost in him, but something tells me I won’t get what I want if I don’t play this game.

I’m emboldened, knowing how badly he wants me, and not just my body but me. Maybe I shouldn’t be scared to show him my truths after all, maybe the darkness I’ve been running from is child's play to him. “What do I get for telling you?” I tease.

“A reward for being a good girl.” His mouth finds mine and latches on. My tongue delves out to meet his and I’m swept up in the taste of him, wanting more. I pull myself into his lap and he breaks our connection. “Ah ah ah. No honesty, no reward. That’s how this works.”

I let out a frustrated groan and lean back, making some space between our bodies.

“Where do I even begin?” I rub a hand down my face as I grasp for some resolve.

“Okay. Okay,” I say more for self-reassurance than anything else.

“Well, I don’t really have a relationship with my mother as I’ve said.

My father left when I was only six, and my mother blamed me for it.

She said I was too much, that I ruined her and it drove him away.

” I fix my stare beyond Xander, focusing on a small crack along the wall.

If I don’t make eye contact, I can keep myself together; seeing him give me pity will only break me.

I clear my throat before continuing, “She uh, became distant to me on a good day, and cruel to me on the worst ones, which was most of the time. She’d openly blame me for every problem in her life, tell me she wished I was dead, and called me every name you can imagine.

And sometimes she’d beat me, pull my hair, slap me, shove me.

She just wasn’t a good mother, so I don’t like talking about her much.

” I shift my legs and tear my gaze from the wall.

When I look to Xander and meet his eyes, they are full of rage, the cords of his neck rigid and flexed, his jaw ticking.

“Mother or not, if I ever come across her disrespecting you, let alone physically assaulting you, I’ll make her fucking pay for it,” he seethes. I know he would, too. I can tell he’s the kind of man to stick up for me, no matter what it would take.

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t see her much anyways, and she can’t hurt me anymore, not really. Not like she used to when I was young.”

“I’ll always worry for you, Maeren. Always.

No one deserves that, not from anyone, let alone a parent, and especially not a child.

” A tear slides down my cheek at that, and he wipes it with the pad of his thumb before bringing it to his mouth and licking it away.

“From now on, the only tears you cry are for me and the pleasure I give you,” he vows.

Staring at him, dumbstruck and speechless, I try and catch my breath to keep more tears from falling.

I’ve never felt so seen and accepted before.

I almost forget how shameful this level of intimacy usually makes me feel.

For the first time in my life, I feel like whatever this is between us could be more than I’d ever dared to dream of, something real and lasting.

“Then show me some of that pleasure,” I say against his lips and I crash into him, needing every inch of his body against mine.

He growls into my mouth and hooks my legs around his waist, grabbing my ass and lifting me with him as he stands. “I want to take you properly. Which way to your bedroom, Maeren?”

“Down the hall, to the right,” I explain and then he sucks on my neck while he carries me to my room.

My bedroom door is kicked open and he walks us to the edge of the bed, dropping me onto the mattress.

He kicks off his boots and climbs over me, his eyes hungry.

I fist his shirt and drag his face to mine, grasping it in my hands as I study every angle and shadow.

Studying the overwhelming want I’ve never seen on anyone’s face before.

He drops his lips to mine and we’re a mix of frenzied kisses, roaming hands, and slow languid movements, neither one of us being able to control ourselves or the pace.

I rip off his shirt and his hands delve under mine, sliding up my stomach to cup my breasts as his mouth works my throat.

I need him closer, so close every inch of me aches for contact.

He slips off my shirt and pulls my pants off, stopping to admire me, looking awestruck as he does. So it was definitely a good choice that I wore my red lace set tonight. He lets out a heavy breath and runs a hand through his hair, looking at war with himself.

“What’s wrong?” I question, puzzled by his drawn out stalling.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I just want to savor this, but I don’t know if I have the restraint. I want all of you. Right now. And I don’t know if I can be as slow as I’d like to be.”

“So don’t be, you can take me however you need to.”