Page 33 of Wicked Lies Grow Wildflowers

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

MAEREN

November is here and the thought of my mother contacting me for holiday festivities is nauseating.

The holidays are hard for me to deal with.

Seeing picture-perfect families together in matching PJs, gathering around the table for a meal, and picking out the Christmas tree is all too much.

Knowing I’ve never had that hurts. The holidays are supposed to be a time for joy and spending time in the company of your loved ones.

And while I do love Christmas, it’s also another reminder that I don’t have a real blood relation family to speak of.

Just my mother. And as tenuous as our sorry excuse for a relationship is on a good day, lately it’s downright awful.

She’s acting even more hostile around me now that she has Simon.

The next time I see her should be my last.

Sage has always done her best to invite me to functions, to make me feel included, but it’s just not the same.

Her family is so welcoming to me that it sometimes makes me uncomfortable.

I can’t relate to a healthy family dynamic, so I’m left feeling awkward and out of place.

A calm and peaceful environment? Parents who love each other and support you?

Yeah, how could I possibly fit within that and not feel weird.

Maybe someday I’ll have the magical holidays I enjoyed before my father left with my own family.

A missed text from Xander awaits me when I roll over in bed and grab my phone.

Xander: Good morning. Hope you slept well.

Ugh, he’s so sweet. I haven’t seen him in a couple days, but he made sure to stay with me on Halloween night.

My mind wanders to those memories and I feel a pulse low in my stomach, my need for him ever growing.

I’ve never had a relationship before, but I think I’m ready for one.

For us. Ready to make sure we are real and lasting.

Me: I actually did, thanks for checking on me. How are you?

I close my eyes and snuggle back into my warm duvet, awaiting his reply.

Xander: I’d be better if you spent the night in my bed.

I can just hear his provocative tone.

Me: Well, I’ve never even seen your bed. Why’ve we only ever stayed at my place?

I hadn’t questioned it before, but we’ve been seeing each other for over a month now, and I have no idea where he lives.

Oh God, what if he’s hiding something from me?

What if there’s someone else? Nerves rattle my chest at the thought of being a fool.

If he’s been leading me on this whole time I don’t know what I’d do.

I’m probably just reading into things. He could just be super private.

Or have a weird roommate. Or maybe he’s got seven cats and doesn’t want me to know.

It could be anything simple like that—nothing nefarious. Right?

Xander: Fair point. No reason, really.

Me: You’re not hiding something from me, are you?

Not wanting to come off as needy, I add in the thinking face emoji for comedic effect, trying to lighten the tone.

It takes a couple minutes for a response to come in.

Xander: No, not at all. My place isn’t as cozy as yours, it’s cramped, and full of work shit. You’ve got nothing to worry about.

I breathe a sigh of relief, choosing to take him at his word. Not everyone is a liar, not everyone is out to hurt me.

Me: Well good, because if there were someone else I might just have to kill them.

A winky face ends the message and I smile to myself, happy that this hasn’t gotten awkward.

Xander: There will never be anyone else, Maeren. I told you, you’re mine.

Tears burn my eyes at his admission. He could tell me that I’m his a million times and it would still feel like an impossible dream. Sage aside, having someone care about me like this is such a one-eighty and a little overwhelming. I don’t know when I’ll get used to it, and honestly, I’m afraid to.

Biting at my nails I repeatedly read over the text to make sure it won’t disappear on me. You’re mine, you’re mine, you’re mine. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing that, feeling like I have a place with someone else, like I truly belong.

Me: I’m yours.

I type and hit send, trying to reel in my emotions and get it together. It’s not a marriage proposal, but it feels nearly as significant.

Pulling my ponytail high up on my head, I attempt to keep my purse from flying off my shoulder.

I was late leaving the house and now I’m fumbling through the parking lot of Land of Lakes Realty, hoping to God no one is looking out of an office window right now.

I’m usually not such a mess, but I can’t calm my nerves or my racing heart today.

Maybe I shouldn’t have had that third cup of coffee.

I finally make it out of the cold wind and wipe the flyaways from my face. Throwing my bag onto my desk, I plop down into my chair and let out a huge sigh.

“Rough morning?” My cubicle neighbor Jess asks, popping a hip out and fluffing her hair with a perfectly manicured hand.

“Something like that,” I sigh as I straighten my top and unpack my belongings. We get along well enough, but I think she can sense my desire to be left alone.

“Donuts in the break office,” she says before walking off to flirt with one of our male coworkers.

I’ve never been much for workplace socialization, but I enjoy watching people interact.

I’m really glad to be in the office today so I can do just that and refrain from texting Xander to ask what we are.

I need a name for this. Are we dating officially?

Are we just exclusive friends with benefits?

Do people my age just not clearly identify their relationship status with the question of Will you be my boyfriend?

I feel like I won’t be able to relax until we have a label, as silly as that is.

Once again I spend the day making phone calls and scheduling home tours.

Soon enough it’s five in the evening and everyone is packing up for the day.

I close my laptop, happy at how much I’ve gotten done and how productive I feel.

I say some quick goodbyes before digging my keys out of my bag and crossing the parking lot to my car.

The sun has sunk low on the horizon, making the bite in the air more brutal.

When I get to my car and try to unlock it, nothing happens.

I click my key fob over and over, thinking maybe the battery in it’s gone bad.

I use my backup key to manually unlock the door before chucking my purse to the passenger seat.

Turning my key over in the ignition, my engine tries, and fails, to turn over.

Fuck me . I give it a few more attempts, my car stuttering for a second each time before giving up. My lights won’t even turn on.

Great. My fucking battery is dead. Just my luck.

I slam myself back against the seat, slapping my steering wheel in irritation.

Digging through my bag, I find my phone and think through my options.

Sage or Xander. My finger hovers over Xander’s name for just a second before making my choice.

The call rings through a few times before his husky voice picks up.

“Hey, Maeren.”

“Um, hey. I hate to bother you, so don’t worry if you can’t, but my car is dead and I’m stuck at work. But if you’re busy I understand, don’t feel obligated. I can call Sage instead.” So much word vomit, Maeren.

“Oh shit, I can leave now. Land of Lakes Realty on Maple Street, right?”

“Yes. Thank you so much.” My voice is full of relief knowing I won’t have to wait long.

“I’ll be there in fifteen. See you soon.”

Leaning my seat back, I relax in the empty parking lot, waiting for the sound of Xander pulling up.

Click Click Click Click —the noise has me blinking my eyes open, suddenly startled. I look around the empty lot, noting the dark office and not seeing anyone. Weird, it sounded just like a camera.

No, Maeren, you’re just being paranoid because you’re alone in a dead car, inside of an empty parking lot with little light. It’s only your imagination.

I’m so paranoid all the time now, maybe I should start going to therapy again. It’s probably a combo of so much change in my life and knowing the last threads tying me to my mother are about to be severed by my own hands.

Regardless, I stay watchful until the rev of Xander’s engine comes purring up next to me.

I grin at him as he hops out and rounds the car to his trunk, retrieving a pair of jumper cables.

I pop my hood before getting out of my car to join him as he finishes connecting the cables.

He grabs my hips and pulls me against him before leaning in to kiss me.

I oblige him for a moment before he pulls away and says, “Hey, baby.”

Being called baby does something to me and it feels just as special as being called Wildflower.

I sigh exhaustedly. “Hi, thanks for coming. Seriously, I appreciate you so much.”

“No problem, it gives me an excuse to see you tonight,” he winks at me, always charming.

“I don’t know what happened. I’ve never had battery issues before or anything, must be a fluke or something,” I explain.

“Yeah, these things happen, especially when the temperatures start to dip so much. It’ll just take a couple minutes to recharge.

” We lean against his hood as both cars idle and I’m appreciative of the warmth from the engine.

Xander has an arm wrapped around my waist and is holding me possessively, as if he’s afraid the shadows are going to steal me away.

After several minutes he detaches the cables, and I’m relieved when my car stays on.

“You are a freaking lifesaver.” I press a quick kiss to his lips and then reach for my door handle.

“I’d like to follow you home, if that’s okay. Just to make sure your car stays on and you make it there safely.”

“Oh, sure. Of course. That’s probably a good idea, actually.”

I lead the way and pull up to my apartment building twenty minutes later. Xander parks behind me, and I walk over to his window as he rolls it down and looks up at me.

“Thank you, it was really sweet of you to drive back with me.”

“Wildflower, nothing I ever do is because I’m sweet.” I understand his double meaning instantly and my cheeks heat. As do… other areas.

“Goodnight, Xander.” It’s only seven and far from bedtime, but I don’t know what else to offer.

I lean in through his window and give him a peck on the cheek before turning around and rushing into my building.

When I get inside, I mentally chide myself for not inviting him in.

What is wrong with me, and why do my brain cells automatically leave whenever he’s around?