Page 40 of Wicked Lies Grow Wildflowers

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

MAEREN

I’m sitting in Xander’s car which is still parked in front of my apartment.

He’s got the heat blasting while waiting for me to talk as he rubs circles on my hand with his thumb.

I’ve spent the last fifteen minutes trying not to hyperventilate and I finally feel calm enough to get out more than one sentence before breaking down again.

“Okay, I think I’m ready. First, I want to say that I’m so so fucking sorry for freaking out on you and not believing you.

I know I had no reason to doubt you, but nothing else felt like it made any sense, until tonight.

” I suck in a breath and start explaining what happened to me for the second time tonight.

By the time I’m done I feel as though I’m outside of my body, shock is setting in, I’m sure.

When I turn back to Xander his face is scarily blank, void of any emotion, but his body is radiating a lethal energy. The hand that was holding mine stops all movement, and his other hand is white knuckling the steering wheel. He’s silent, I can’t even hear him breathe, and it’s scaring me.

“Xander, say something, please .” I swallow.

“I’m going to kill him. I’m going to find him and I’m going to fucking kill him,” he says between clenched teeth.

“Well, sorry to tell you this, but I don’t think you’re going to find him. The police aren’t even confident they can, let alone you.” I wish he could though, not that I want to see anyone seriously hurt or dead, but what if that was my attacker’s plan for me?

He casts his eyes away from me. “I am so fucking sorry I didn’t protect you, Maeren. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

“It’s not your fault. If anything it’s mine. I didn’t believe you, and then I didn’t lock my door when I went to bed, and all of this just feels like my fault because I’ve been so naive and God I just should have listened to you.”

Xander grabs my face now and stares into my eyes. “No, it’s not your fault. None of this is your fault and don’t you dare think for even a fucking second that you caused any of this.”

I rest my forehead against his and nod. Xander takes me to his place as neither one of us wants me at my apartment. When we arrive we go straight to bed and I fall asleep with him holding me. Feeling safe for the first time in hours.

The next day I call into work, taking another work from home day and cancelling my showing. I feign that I’m still getting over the flu, and luckily Thanksgiving being tomorrow affords me the weekend off for more rest.

I don’t have anything at Xander’s place and need my car and laptop, amongst everything else.

Including Gracie. Oh my God I hope she’s okay.

She’s probably scared and wondering where I am.

We drive across town and I stare up at my apartment from the street.

Xander offers to come up with me and help gather my things.

I’m not sure how long I plan to stay with him, but I know I can’t be here right now. The terror is far too fresh.

I slowly climb the steps and try to stop the flashbacks of last night from assaulting me.

It takes every effort for me to steady my hands enough to unlock my door but when I push it open Gracie meows and runs straight for me.

I fall to my knees and gather her up in arms, pressing kisses to her head and crying into her soft fur. I’m so relieved to find her safe.

Xander helps me stand and shuts the door behind us.

I carry Gracie slowly to my bedroom and stare at the closed door, my hands shaking as I try to open the knob.

Xander gently places his hand on my shoulder and reaches to open it for me.

I step inside and look around, my face going ashen and limbs locking up as I take in the disheveled bedding.

Amongst my twisted sheets lie photos. Dozens of photos of me.

Running, leaving work, at showings, shadows of me through my closed curtains, even of me at the grocery store.

A note lies in the very middle of my bed.

‘You can’t escape me.’ I drop Gracie and run past Xander, unable to hear anything he’s saying to me.

I stumble into the bathroom, dropping to my knees in front of the toilet as I retch into it.

Over and over I dry heave, bile burning my throat.

Xander holds my hair back with one hand as the other holds his phone.

He’s talking to the police, telling them about what just happened.

They are sending officers out again, and encourage him to not leave me alone.

When he hangs up I drop my head onto the toilet seat and he smoothes my hair from my face.

“Stay right here, I’m going to gather your things while we wait for the police, okay?”

I nod and Xander places a kiss to my temple before going to my room and packing my things. By the time the police come, he has two duffle bags packed for me, and Gracie sits in her travel carrier, meowing to be let out.

The police take photos for evidence and package all of the photos into evidence bags. They’ll join all of the other pieces of evidence they have from the last several months of this nightmare.

Xander carried my things down to his car and drives me back to his condo, where I fall asleep for several more hours. My mind and body are spent and need rest. I only hope my dreams don’t turn into very real nightmares.

When I wake it’s evening.

“Fuck. I have dinner with my mom tomorrow. I have to get to the grocery store.”

“Are you sure you’ll be okay to do that tomorrow? It’s okay if you need to cancel. We can just do something here,” Xander offers.

“I wish, but she’ll have my head if I don’t go.”

“Okay, well I’ll drive you to the store then.” Xander stands up from the bed.

“Sure, I’d like that.” I don’t particularly want to be alone at all right now.

The grocery store is absolutely slammed with last minute shoppers fighting over turkeys and stuffing mix.

Carts are piled full and there’s so much chatter going on, so many families clearly excited to be getting together.

I can’t relate. I also shouldn’t have waited this long to grab a pie but current events clearly took precedence over all else.

My eyes roam the measly picked over dessert section, and settle on an apple pie because pumpkin is all out.

Hopefully my mother doesn’t mind—I can picture her ranting on and on about how I must not respect tradition if I couldn’t even manage to get the one pie Thanksgiving celebrations are known for.

I imagine using that as my cue to stand up to her and tell her to shove the pie right up her ass before walking out, and I laugh to myself at the idea.

That wouldn’t go over well, but if the end result is as I intend, then I guess it would be just fine.

Instead I’ll try to bite tongue just long enough for her to pretend we are a functioning family for Simon, before letting her know it’s the last meal we will ever share.

She’ll be crying and screaming as I walk my way out of her door and into perpetual solitude.

I’m still dreaming of my future solitude on our way home, but those dreams burst when I see Sage standing in Xander’s parking lot. I turn to him, “What the hell?”

Xander shrugs, “She threatened to cut my balls off if I didn’t tell her what was going on with you. She’s had my number for a while because she ‘didn’t trust me’ . I invited her over because I think you could use the support, and she’s very worried about you. We both are.”

I can’t even argue with his reasoning. Though I wish he would have asked me about seeing her, even though I probably would have said I wasn’t ready. He probably suspected that, though. So here we are.

“You are so in deep shit for this one,” I say before climbing out of the car. “Sage! What are you doing here?” I ask, my knuckles white around the pie I’m holding.

“Oh, just coming to see why my best friend has been hiding from me after being deathly sick for nearly a week is all.” Her eyes are narrowed and suspicious.

“Me? I wasn’t hiding. I’ve just been busy catching up with work and recovering. And I didn’t want to risk getting you sick,” I explain, but she sees right through me.

“Righhhhht,” she says in the most accusing voice.

“God Sage I really don’t want to get into this right now.

The last week has just been a lot. I have Thanksgiving dinner with my mother tomorrow too.

I’m just on edge and I really don’t know how to explain everything.

” I say as Xander and I walk up to his condo, Sage following right behind.

I don’t want to keep her shut out but I don’t even know where to start with everything.

As soon as we step inside Xander’s front door Sage narrows her eyes and scrunches her nose at me.

“Cut the shit, Maeren. I know you. Something is going on. You never ever avoid me like this and I can’t think of one other time you’ve done so.

Tell me what’s going on with you and maybe I can help.

Wait. Is this all about having to play house with mommy dearest tomorrow?

Are you really that stressed about it? I can ditch my parent’s and go with you, and you know you’re always welcome at their house if you want to spend the day with us instead. ”

“No, it’s not about that. Tomorrow will be fine,” I offer a tight smile, not wanting to lie to her but not wanting to be direct either.

Her eyes widen and then her face falls. “Oh my God! Wait! Does this have to do with Xander? I swear to God Maeren I will help you hide his body if I need to.” She gives Xander a pointed stare and he scoffs at her, rolling his eyes.

“I’ll give you an alibi too. We’d never be caught,” she jokes, but I know to hold her words with more weight than that.

My face crumples at the love I feel from her, the love I feel from both of them. The tears come and they don’t stop.

“Oh no honey, I’m so sorry. What’s going on? Do you want to talk about it? Do you want privacy, just the two of us?” She drags me to the couch and wraps her arms around me, smoothing my hair with her hand.

“I—I. No, Xander can stay. He already knows everything. God I don’t even want to explain it all.

Xander and I —-we got into a huge fight a few days ago.

I felt like he wasn’t being honest with me.

I told him I knew about the notes and the flowers and he denied it all.

He said nothing was from him, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was lying,” I choke on the words.

“Oh, honey,” Sage says, her voice full of compassion.

“And then I told him I knew he was lying and he still wouldn’t admit it. I screamed at him and shoved him out of the apartment, I told him to get the fuck out and he—he left. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe him,” I sob.

Sage continues to caress my hair, comforting me like a sister would.

She doesn’t question me as I tell her everything.

She listens and holds me as I choke on the awful things I said and did to Xander.

Her grip on me tightens when I tell her about being attacked, when I tell her about the polaroids, and every little coincidence I chalked up to being Xander when it never was.

We sit on the couch and talk for two hours.

Eventually Sage does lay into me for keeping so many secrets from her.

I know she’s offended I didn’t feel like I could go to her, but it isn’t her fault.

I felt fucking crazy for days and then I just didn’t know what to do.

I didn’t want to involve her. And then, like the amazing friend she is, she eventually understood and forgave me.

She left and I promised to keep her in the loop with, well—-everything. I crawled into Xander’s bed and he said he needed to get some work done in his office. I wanted him with me, but I felt safe with him just across the hall. I close my eyes and drift into a restless sleep.