Page 15

CHAPTER 15

EDIN

I almost forget about Elijah as I’m gathering Mo and her things after practice. She’s excitedly talking about how I made a goal. This is the third time she’s recounted it in as many minutes. I smile because how can you not?

You always hear about how parents brag about their kids and how proud they are of their kids’ accomplishments. No one ever talks about how kids do the same thing over their parents’ successes. When I stopped at Coach’s office to pick her up, she was making sure he understood that her dad had skills he ‘ wasn’t utilizing properly .’

Her words. Not mine.

She’s still excitedly telling me how epic it was to watch and how loudly she was cheering for me as we step out of the arena. I hate to break it to her that the goal doesn’t truly count for anything. It was practice. Against my own teammates. It matters during games and against rival teams.

“And then it just whooshed right by his glove!” she says, raising her hands and jumping into the air. I chuckle. “He had such a silly look on his face, Dad. He didn’t even realize it happened.”

Not going to lie. Everyone needs their biggest fan to be an eight-year-old. My chest feels all warm and gooey.

I glance up and take a double take when I see Elijah standing against a light pole with a big box in his hand. My breath jumps as I meet his eyes and he smiles at me.

Why did I agree to this again? What was I thinking? I’m sending all sorts of wrong messages and yet… I don’t hate his company. That’s why I agreed. I like our conversations. They’re… comfortable and easy.

You know, as long as it’s not right after he fucked me boneless and I’m trying not to fall apart. It’s not comfortable then.

Mo stops talking when she sees him, and I turn my attention to her. She’s glaring, her arms crossed over her chest. “Be nice, Mo,” I say. “He’s a friend from class.”

She looks up at me and I can already see that she’s heard the lie in my voice. My daughter is far too smart. “Is he, really?” Her attention turns back to him as we stop a few feet away. He’s not carrying a box, but boxes. Of pizza.

“He is,” I insist.

Elijah’s looking at Mo with a smile. Not the kind so many people give kids when they’re unsure or trying to bribe them to be friends with something ridiculous. This smile is patient. Kind. I’m pretty sure it’s genuine.

“Can we start over?” Elijah asks Mo. “I promise not to make your dad scowl at me anymore.”

Mo presses her lips together and then rolls her eyes, dropping her arms. “Fine. I’m Morgan, but everyone calls me Mo,” she says as she holds out her hand.

Fuck’s sake. This girl.

Elijah adjusts the boxes of pizza in his hands so he can take hers. “I’m Elijah, but everyone calls me Eli.” They shake hands and, jeez, does it make me want to fucking grin like a stupid clown. Elijah adjusts the boxes and shows them to her. “I brought pizza to convince you to be my friend.”

“That’s a start,” she says as she examines the boxes. She looks up at him again and I can see the moment curiosity takes over her surly attitude. “Why do you have glitter on your face?”

He laughs. “Because it’s impossible to cheer and not get glitter on your face. That stuff sticks to everything like dog hair, so even when you haven’t touched it in months, you still find it a permanent part of your life.”

We begin walking down the sidewalk toward home as Mo looks at Elijah with excitement. “You’re a cheerleader?”

“I am.”

“Are you any good?”

“Mo!” I say.

“What? It’s a real question!”

I sigh, but Elijah’s laughing. “She’s right, Edin. It’s a fair question. But let me ask you one instead, Mo. Is your dad any good at hockey?”

Mo immediately gets defensive. “He’s awesome! He just made a goal tonight, too. And that’s not even his job!”

Elijah raises his wide grin at me. “That is awesome.”

I roll my tongue in my mouth, trying not to glare or let his comment make me blush. There’s no reason to blush.

“What if I told you that I’m as good at cheer as your dad is at hockey?”

Mo gives him a dubious look, but it doesn’t last long before her excitement wins out. Honestly, I had no idea she was interested in cheerleading. Had I ever asked that? Fuck, do I need to get her into sports? I hadn’t asked that question, but not because I don’t want her involved. I haven’t asked because I don’t want her to feel pressured. I kind of thought that if she was interested, she’d tell me she wanted to play something.

Way to parent, Edin!

“Wow!” Mo exclaims. “Can you show me things? Cheers and stuff, I mean.”

“I can. I have some videos on my phone I can show you.”

Mo looks up at me with glee.

The walk to our house isn’t long. As soon as we make it to the path, she takes off toward the door at a sprint. That’s the rule. She has to stay with me until the path that leads up to the door.

Mo throws it open and yells, “I’m home!”

The answering chorus of “OPA!” answers her as she disappears inside.

Elijah looks at me with laughter. “Opa?”

I shrug. “I really don’t know.” Looking at the pizza, I tell him, “You didn’t have to bring dinner.”

“I want your daughter to like me, and everyone likes pizza. I didn’t bring enough for everyone, but if you choose your six favorite guys, they can eat too.”

I snort, bowing my head as I lead him inside. Mo’s just slipping into her slippers as she tries to run off. “Freeze.”

Mo stops, freezing in mid-motion as if we’re playing a game. “Come here, child. Put your foot up here.”

She obeys and sets her slippered foot on the cubby. She can’t get the back on because they’re too small. I give her a look and she’s all wide-eyed innocence. “Why didn’t you tell me these were too small?”

“Because they’re my favorite and they’re comfortable.”

Sighing, I tap her leg so she’ll put it down. “Go on. Choose six of your favorite bros to eat some pizza with you.”

“Only six?” she asks, eyebrows knit.

“We’ll feed the others next time,” I assure her. “Unless ten want to only eat one slice of pizza each.”

She nods, all business-like, and turns to sprint into the other room. I hear her run off and then, “Eli brought pizza.”

Mario responds with, “Who’s Eli?”

“The cheerleader? Dad says they share a class, but I know that’s a lie.”

I rub my face and sigh heavily. Eli chuckles. I drop my bag and motion for him to do the same. They sit in mine and Mo’s cubbies. “You can leave your shoes on if you want,” I offer as I slip out of mine and into my slippers.

Elijah kicks off his shoes with mine.

Before I lead him in, I turn to face him. “I don’t get around to studying until Mo’s in bed, so… it’s going to be a while. You didn’t have to come over so early.”

No, his smile isn’t sweet and doesn’t make my stomach flip. That’s only because I’m hungry and I smell pizza.

“It’s cool. I want to hang out.” When I give him a wary look, he smiles again and assures me, “Just friends, Edin. Promise. Totally casual.”

Sighing, I nod toward the door. “Let’s go before she starts rioting.”

I’m not surprised she’s chosen ten guys. I hear her whispering to them that they’re only allowed a single slice of pizza. When Mario teasingly whines, “But I’m so hungry, Mo,” she pats his hand and tells him, “We’ll see what’s left when everyone has one slice.”

Elijah looks at me with amusement. “You’ve done a good job with her.”

His comment catches me off guard and I turn away as I struggle to take a breath. “I’ll grab plates. Meet you in there,” I say and hurry off.

I don’t know why, but my chest tightens. I know I’m self-conscious about my parenting because the amount of anger I hold toward myself for keeping Mo in that toxic situation for so long weighs heavily on me. Plus this isn’t the ideal situation, living with forty-plus twenty-year-old boys. And I know I don’t have enough money to give her all the things or the time I’d really like to give to her.

Every little thing I don’t or can’t provide is a growing list living tauntingly just behind my eyelids.

To hear someone who hasn’t seen much of anything except a few minutes of my daughter’s life observe that I’m doing well by her? Yeah, it chokes me up a little because I try. I fucking try so hard and sometimes I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel getting nowhere, no matter how fast or how long I run.

Then there’s the fact it came from Elijah, and, for some reason, that too feels important to me. Taking a breath to clear the bubbling of emotions inside me, I grab a handful of paper plates and the roll of paper towels. I stop at the fridge to grab the unopened box of juice bags so everyone has something to drink. Mo will love for everyone to drink her juice bags with her.

“Sit here, Dad,” Mo orders, pointing to the chair between her and Elijah. “Eli said we could eat already, but I told him he’d be in trouble if we didn’t wait for plates.” She looks at him out of the corner of her eye as she tries to fight a smile.

“Tattletale,” Elijah mutters as he puts on a look of innocence that looks well practiced.

I take my seat and give Elijah the expected look of chastisement, which only makes his eyes glitter with something looking far from scolded. I sit quickly to hide how that little fucking hint stirred my errant dick. Mo passes out the plates I brought and orchestrates who takes a piece first. The only change of assignment she gives into after everyone insisted, is that she takes her two slices of pizza first.

My little mother hen makes sure that everyone gets a fair amount of pizza after their designated single slice. Once the pizzas are gone and the guys leave after Mo prompts them all to thank Eli for feeding them, I sit back with a sigh.

I get up to take care of the boxes and Mo immediately takes my seat. “Cheer,” she prompts. “Show me what you got.”

“Hold on. Homework?” I ask.

Mo shakes her head. “Nope. I don’t have any. I swear.”

Eli tries to keep his smile contained.

“Okay. You want your leftover sandwich from earlier for lunch tomorrow or eat it at practice?”

She makes a face as she thinks about it. I love her conflicted face. It’s fucking cute. “Lunch, please.”

“Okay. Now you can look at cheer stuff.”

“Cheer stuff,” Elijah mutters, shaking his head with a heavy sigh.

Smirking, I take the boxes and discard them. While they’re looking at ‘cheer stuff,’ I get Mo’s lunch ready for tomorrow and clean out her backpack, making sure there isn’t in fact homework she’s not attending to. I don’t expect there to be. My daughter doesn’t make a habit of lying.

There’s also a note from the teacher pointing out Mo’s sneakers are a little snug, and she was complaining of the back rubbing her ankle the other day. I scratch out a response stating that I’ll order new ones now and she’ll have them by next week and stuff it back in her folder.

Once I have her packed, I do just as I said I would. I shop for new shoes and slippers, ordering her a couple pairs of the next two sizes. I order a few new dresses too. $300 later, I muse that this is the reason I already need another weekend at Confessions.

The thought makes my cheeks heat as I glance up at Elijah. His head is bowed with Mo’s as they watch his phone screen. She’s all kinds of animated, asking questions, enthralled by what she’s seeing. It takes me several minutes to realize I’m staring at them. Probably with a stupid sappy smile that is completely inappropriate.

The rest of the evening goes by in much the same way. While Mo is occupied with Elijah, I throw in a load of her laundry and clean out her dresser drawers to see how much she’s grown out of. She keeps her room pretty clean, but I think that’s because she tends to play literally anywhere else in the house since there’s always someone to play with.

I let her stay up ten minutes later than normal before sending her up for a shower and to get ready for bed. When she runs off, Elijah and I grab our bags and follow.

Elijah sets up on my floor and is already studying by the time I get Mo settled. I sit where I usually do against my bed at the angle where I can peek through my slightly ajar door at Mo’s.

We study for a couple hours. I’ll hand it to him; Elijah doesn’t even talk about anything other than a comment on classes here and there. It’s all studying. Not a code word for whatever else he had in mind.

I’m relieved. That relief allows me to relax and, for some reason, I manage to focus much better than usual. I don’t even pick up my phone.

But the day catches up with me around ten and I drop my head back. “I think that’s all I got,” I admit, stifling a yawn.

Elijah nods and shuts his book. “Same. I don’t know how people cram all night. Are you really retaining anything at three in the morning?”

I shake my head. “I’m not.”

With half-closed eyes, I watch as he packs up and gets to his feet. I follow. “I’ll walk you down.”

He gives me a smirk. I pause at Mo’s door to peek in, making sure she’s asleep, and then we head downstairs. It’s only ten and I understand that’s relatively early for a college student, so I’m not surprised there’s still half a dozen guys downstairs playing video games.

I walk Elijah outside, shutting the door behind me. He turns with that ever present sexy grin on his face. Wait… I just mean smile.

“Thanks for feeding us,” I say. “Unnecessary, but thank you all the same.”

Elijah nods. “You’re welcome. You have a really great daughter.”

“I do,” I agree. The words ‘ I’m glad she likes you ’ almost come out of my mouth, but I cut them off.

“I appreciate the study sesh,” Elijah says. “Even when we’re not working on the same thing, it helps to have someone else there. Accountability and all that.”

“Yeah, I noticed. I got through more tonight than I usually do in a week.”

His smile climbs. “That means you’d entertain another study session?”

I don’t answer right away. I’m very conscious of the fact that maybe my agreeing will be giving him mixed signals. But I like Elijah. He’s a nice guy. I enjoy his company far more than I ever imagined I would.

Taking a breath, I nod. “Yeah.”

He grins. I turn into a deer in headlights when he leans in and kisses my cheek. “Good night, Edin,” he murmurs. “Thanks for hanging out. I had fun.”

Elijah doesn’t wait for a response. He turns and heads down the path. For a moment, I just stare. I should offer to walk him home, right? Is that…

My thoughts trail off as I watch him disappear into the night. I stand there, feeling a little lighter and more content than I have in… forever. Because this one confusing man wiggled his way into my life despite my best efforts to keep him out.

I’m not even sure I’m upset about it like I should be.