Page 54 of Wedding Cake Carnage
“I have no doubt. But I’m not talking about going home—consider yourself kidnapped.”
“What?” I squawk just as Noah and Everett come up behind me.
Meg nods. “We’re giving Lainey a ride home. Wink wink.”
“Wink wink?”
“Yup. We’ll be making a pit stop at the Ladies’ Lounge. Don’t worry, boys”—she grins over at Noah and Everett—“I’ll have her home by three.”
Noah and Everett exchange a glance.
The next thing I know, Lainey has a blindfold on, and Meg is speeding down the highway while Keelie and I sing a familiar song that happens to be playing on the radio at top volume.
“We can’t seem to lose ’em, Lot!” Meg howls with a laugh as she looks to the car behind us.
“No, you won’t. It’s useless to even try,” I say. Noah and Everett vowed to offer me a much-needed layer of protection tonight, and I wasn’t about to turn them down. God forbid Hailey show up and clobber me over the head, or worse yet, Lainey. Nope.
Noah and Everett have offered to make the supreme sacrifice—that of their male ego.
The Lady’s Lounge is a hot pink mess that sits smack in the middle of the grimiest part of Leeds. Usually this is where I would let a wisecrack fly about how every part of Leeds is the grimiest part, but I would be oh so wrong.
“Oh my God,” Lainey barks as soon as she takes off her blindfold. “Thank God Noah and Everett are with us. I can’t believe Forest left me in your supervision. I’m seriously thinking of swapping out one of your boyfriends for the groom. And just to be clear, I’m talking to Lottie.” She swats Meg with her purse as we’re shuttled inside and greeted by the sound of twangy music that makes all sorts of pornographic promises.
The thick scent of cheap perfume engulfs us as throngs of women scream at the men swinging their stuff up on the long dark stage.
A barrage of neon lights rain down on a group of ten or twelve men, all gyrating their hips in time to one another. Much to my delight, they’re all wearing jeans and a T-shirt—then in one well-choreographed move, their pants are torn away and they’re currently working on getting rid of those T-shirts, too.
Meg scores a big round table down in front, and while she and Keelie lose their ever-loving minds screaming at the scantily clad men as if they were rock stars, Lainey and I sit back with Noah and Everett sipping on appletinis and noshing on French fries.
Noah leans in. “Don’t ever say I never did anything for you, Lottie.”
Everett shakes his head. “Cupcake, this is just a preview before the main event. You and me, my bedroom. I’ve got a robe and a gavel.”
Noah snorts. “I’ve got a badge and gun.”
Lainey slumps my way. “Forest has a yellow trench coat and an axe. Can we leave now?”
Meg turns around. “Not on your life, Lainey Lemon. You do realize these are the last days of your life that anyone will ever call you that.” She turns back around, hooting and hollering with the best of them while Lainey falls apart on my shoulder.
“Nothing will ever be the same again,” Lainey laments as one set of naked men is traded for another.
“No, it won’t. But that’s the best part of all.”
And the scariest, but I leave that little tidbit out.
* * *
The dayof Lainey’s wedding, I get up at four in the morning—and for me, that’s practically sleeping in. I pull my laptop forward in Everett’s kitchen as I try not to wake anyone, but sweet Toby is front and center keeping me company like the loyal friend he is.
Hailey James.
I input her name into every search engine known to man and still come up empty.
Harlow James.
I try that one and the same sad stories bubble to the top. I take my time and dig deeper and deeper and still nothing. I’m about to click out when I spot an errant article at the bottom of the page.Dr. Isaac James donates one hundred thousand dollars to the Hampshire Psychiatric Hospital.
I click over and hold my breath.Dr. Isaac James donated to the facility for its exemplary care of his daughter who has been receiving long-term care within their department.