Page 40 of Wedding Cake Carnage
Everett looks to Cormack and me and we shrug, indifferent to the questionable facts. It’s safe to say we’ve lost our appetite about six minutes ago as we watched our dates get accosted by a topless blast from the past.
“Nachos it is.” Everett nods her way. “What’s going on with you? Other than strutting your hot stuff on tabletops? You seeing anyone? Married? Kids?”
She bleats out a laugh. “Darn right, I’m still hot stuff.” She crashes her hip to his. “I’m dating a dog. No kids.” She runs her finger down his tie in the shape of an elongated S. “You want to give me a little help in that department? We’d make a perfect pair. And your mother loves me.”
“She loves me, too,” I say, trying to sound cute and funny instead of desperate and insecure, but I’m pretty sure I hit those last two on the head.
“Aw.” She gives one of my curls a tug—and yes, it hurt. “You must be Sexy’s little plaything.” Nice to know he has a consistency with his nickname that spans decades. “Is this serious, or is it another case of two ships colliding magnificently in the night?”
“Lemon and I are a perfect combination of both. So who’s this dog you’re dating? Do Noah and I need to bust a few kneecaps?”
Noah and I? That bizarre brotherly camaraderie alone was worth the price of admission.
“An investor from Ashford. A real lunatic if you ask me. And that’s exactly how I love my men. Right, No-No?” She gives his tie a yank, too, and soon she’s got them both by the not-so-proverbial leash. “Ah, remember that night you and I got so drunk we sat on the roof and howled at the moon?”
“The good old days.” Noah shakes his head wistfully as if he meant it. “So really, who’s the dog? You never know. I might know him. Stranger things have happened.”
She scoffs like she might be sick. “Pierce Underwood. A real piece of work. I’m not proud to say it, but I’ve been his side piece now for going on five years. He just glides in and out of other relationships, and I don’t say a word. You know me. I don’t think I deserve a man all to myself. My mother never did.”
Both Noah and Everett start in on groans and moans and somewhat verbal protests.
She holds up a hand. “His chick died. Someone shot her in the back a week or so ago. She’s dead as a doorknob, and you know what that lunatic does?”
“He proposed to you?” Cormack’s face is open with surprise as if it were the Cinderella ending every girl dreams about on the heels of a homicide.
“No.” Her expression sours as Coconut Featherhead lives up to her moniker. “He starts sleeping with her best friend. I can’t get my claws into this dude no matter how hard I try.” She glances to the exit a moment. “And honey, I have tried more tricks in the book than I care to remember.” The words come out weak as if she were speaking them to herself.
I force a dull laugh to tremble through me. “Like murder?” Okay, so it’s not good manners to jest about committing a homicide when in fact an actual homicide took place, but we’re all friends here, right?Right?
Her eyes narrow to slits as she hooks her gaze to mine. “There are a lot of people I’d kill for.” She shrugs without adding another word to the ominous threat.
Noah sighs her way. “Did you know the girl? The one who was shot?”
She flicks her gaze to the ceiling. “Yeah, I knew her. Jana and I were actually friends. I mean, she didn’t know I was sleeping with her fiancé, but outside of that we got along great. God knows I liked her a heck of a lot more than I do his sister, Tracy, or the dead girl’s best friend, Jackie. In my opinion, they should be slaughtered, too. Sorry to sound so crass. But Jana? Let’s just say she got in somebody’s way.”
Beasty growls. “I don’t like her. She’s holding something back. I can see it in her lying eyes. Ask her if Jana borrowed money from her.”
“Um”—I clear my throat—“did Jana ever borrow money from you?”
Her eyes spring wide open. “Jana didn’t borrow money from me. She had Pierce taking care of her every need. It was me who needed money. It was me Pierce should have been throwing wads of bills at. Instead of living the high life, cruising on yachts, indulging on all the caviar and bubbly I want, I’m shaking my business at fifty different men a night. I’m sick and tired of being treated like the help and relegated to the back of the line. I went all in with my heart, and that man stomped on it time after time.”
Beasty roars once again. “She’s angry enough to kill. If she indeed harmed my sweet girl, I’ll be sure to stomp on her heart until it stops beating just like Jana’s.”
“I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to threaten anybody,” I try to say it low, for Beasty’s ears only, but Monica sucks in a sharp breath.
“Honey, you’d threaten him, too, if you knew him. I’ll be back with your order.” She takes off and we take turns looking at one another after the rather odd breasty exchange.
Everett picks up my hand. “She didn’t do it.”
“You don’t know that,” I say. “You haven’t seen her in years.”
“True.” Noah purses his lips. “But she didn’t do it.”
“Huh.” I cast a stern look to the two leaders of the Monica Peeler Fan Club. “Would it be wrong of me to admit that this little bit of collusion between the two of you has moved her to the top of my suspect list?”
Noah’s dimples flex at the thought. “All right, so she presented a clear motive, but she’s not a killer.” He winces. “But we’ll explore the option.”
Everett gives a sober nod. “It’s the right thing to do.”