Page 79 of We Live Here Now

78

Emily

I’ve done a lot of thinking in the couple of days since Sally and Joe left and the house fell still.

We are not like those other couples. We are going to be okay. Mark’s paperwork didn’t arrive, so I’ve chased him and he’s emailed me copies as proof while he gets a second lot of papers prepared. I’ve told him to send the replacements recorded delivery. That way the postman will have to bring them to the house, but it doesn’t matter if Freddie sees them. I’ve finally made my decision. I’m going to tell him about the money and we’ll work through his problems together. We’re both flawed. We can both be selfish. He’s gambled away all our money because I nearly died, and I’ve coldheartedly blackmailed one of our friends to save us. Neither of us is perfect. But at least we’re whole.

We’ve been together a long time and I don’t want to give up on us now. I don’t want us to become like all those other couples, staying together out of habit, love having curdled into mild contempt. We’re better than that. And I’ve got the money and a plan. Yes, Freddie can be weak under his sweetness, but I need to accept that, and anyway it leaves space for me to take charge. I’ve found four potential places in France that could work as a home with space for a little bed-and-breakfast or Airbnb. We could leave everything behind and start again. Live our best lives.

I’ve gone into Wiveliscoombe for the day, and while the librarian prints out Mark’s documents, I’ve found a comfy chair and am browsing a book on living in France. I’m not keen on spending too much time in the house alone, especially after what Sally said about it bringing out the worst in its residents. I’d thought about that all night after they left, and she’s right. I would never have blackmailed Mark before we lived in Larkin Lodge. And the way Freddie and I fought about the nail. That wasn’t like us. There were plenty of things happening in the house that weren’t Sally too. The cold draft. The way the bathroom door opened just enough for me to follow Mark and Cat but not enough for me to get caught. Who knows why the house is the way it is—there was no explanation in the ledger—but maybe it came from the energy of the miserable souls buried so awfully at the crossroads for hundreds of years. So much misunderstood unhappiness. Maybe that’s why the house draws couples with problems to it. I was angry with Freddie when I was looking at the house, and he said that the house was there on my iPad when I was in the hospital, but I’m pretty sure I’d closed the window down. I always do.

The house wanted us. But I’m wise to it now.

After an hour or so a group of nursery children come into the library for story time, so I get some lunch at a cute café, grab some beef from the butcher for dinner, and then, after going to the pharmacist, on my drive home I pull in at the vicarage.

“Hey.” As Paul opens the front door, I hold out a cake box. “I was in the village for lunch and they had such a great cake selection I bought you a couple.” I’m on a charm offensive after seeing the cautious side glances he kept giving me when he came over last Sunday. It may take us a couple of months before we sell the house, and I want to get our friendship back on an even keel.

“That’s so very sweet of you. Thank you.”

“I can’t stop but I wanted to thank you for being so supportive since we’ve moved in. You’ve made us very welcome in the village.” Behind him the narrow hallway is filled with the plants from Sally and Joe’s studio and my stomach flutters wondering how they’re getting on. “And I’m sorry again for getting snappy in the car. The pain can really affect my mood sometimes, but I’ve been taking stronger painkillers and they’re really helping.”

“I’m so pleased to hear it.” He steps a little back into the house. “Are you sure you won’t come in?”

“I can’t today. But don’t be a stranger. Maybe we can keep one another company while Sally and Joe are away.”

“I would like that. And it’s good to see you looking so well. You’re positively glowing.”

“Honestly, I feel great, I really do.” Glowing. Am I glowing or is he being polite? I guess the pack of three pregnancy tests in my bag will answer that question soon enough. “I’ve turned a corner and my head is much clearer. I think I’d underestimated the effect of my accident on my senses. Looking forward to seeing my specialist and getting the all-clear.” I nod at the plants before he can comment. “Are you managing with those okay? Any news from Sally and Joe?”

“I’m doing my best. And I had a text to say they’d arrived but that was it. I expect they’re too busy having fun.”

“I expect so.” I can only imagine. “Anyway, I should get back. I’m attempting a beef Wellington for Freddie today. Wish me luck. And feel free to pop up any time.”

I breeze off to the car, and his smile as he waves me off is much more relaxed. I feel good and my leg is hardly aching today. Time to get home and prep dinner. And then there are the pregnancy tests. I can’t fight the excitement. Time to expunge my guilt.

It’ll be like I never cheated. I can pretend all that was just a dream. I’m going to be a good mother. I know I am.