Page 17 of We Live Here Now

16

Freddie

I knew something was off with Mark as soon as they arrived, and when Iso insisted we go and get that stupid Ouija board from the outhouses he started probing me with all his questions as if he knows something. I’d had a feeling he’d wanted to get me on my own all day and I was right. Well, he didn’t get anything out of me. My secrets are still safe. Just. I should have been better at answering his recent texts. I forget how well he can read me after all these years of friendship. He knows when I’m hiding something, I start to hide myself.

I lean against the locked bathroom door, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself down. Whatever Mark thinks he knows, he doesn’t really know anything. But even if he doesn’t know , he definitely suspects. At least it was dark and wet outside and he couldn’t see my face as I tried to laugh it off. Has he shared his thoughts with Emily?

Despite the freezing cold up here, I’m overheating with nerves and my stomach clenches, threatening to force me to vomit up all that food. Think, Freddie, think. He can’t have done. I’d know. Emily would have lost her shit. But if Mark suspects, how long will it be before Emily does? God, I’ve been so stupid. So bloody stupid.

I need to stop this, I tell myself for the hundredth time. I don’t need it. Emily’s alive and I have to look after her, get this ship on an even keel. She’s not back to her normal self yet, that’s for sure. All this talk about ghosts. She moved that planchette herself, but I don’t know if she even realizes it. Is her mind playing tricks on her? Post-sepsis symptoms?

Maybe it’s a good thing for now. I need the time.

I have to stop. I have to.

I close the lid and sit on the toilet, my phone in my sweaty palm. Emily’s never been the sort to go through my phone, but I have to delete everything incriminating just in case. And then I’ll end it. No more.