Page 55 of Violent Little Thing
New Leaf?
DELILAH
A FEW DAYS LATER
I ’m not healed enough for this.
Instead of hitting the arrow to send the message, I click the button on the side of my phone to black out the screen.
This is my fifth time and I’m starting to believe I can’t do it.
When I open the phone again, I close my eyes and tap the screen aimlessly. One of the clumsy taps has to be the ‘send’ button. And I’m right because the answering notification sound I get right away unlocks a noise in my throat I don’t know I’m capable of making.
With one eye open, I read the only messages on the screen.
Me: Why did you reach out to me? After all this time? This is Delilah
704-555-8851: Delilah. You don’t know how good it is to hear from you
My teeth punish the inside of my cheek as she types.
704-555-8851: Can I call you?
Me: No
Me: I prefer messages for now
The gray wiggles at the bottom of our thread disappear after a minute of me watching them, so I swipe over to another app and busy myself with videos of Robert Irwin.
I’ve seen the same video of him talking to this koala no less than a hundred times, but it’s something about the cadence of his speech and the way he calls it ‘darling’ that relaxes me every time.
Grinning at my phone, I nudge my glasses up my nose and scroll farther down his page until I get a notification.
704-555-8851: I don’t even know where to begin, but I will say that leaving you was never the plan
Me: But it’s the plan you stuck to. For over 20 years
Me: So why are you saying something now?
704-555-8851: Your father’s death gave me courage
I kiss my teeth. I don’t mean to, but it happens, and I’m left staring at nothing while her words sink in. Courage? She got to wait until he was out of the picture, but I had to endure it? Hoping she’d randomly show up one day and change her mind about leaving us.
Me: So, I wouldn’t be hearing from you if he was still alive?
704-555-5581: Delilah, this is all so complicated
Me: Then make me understand. Because I would have never done what you did.
704-555-5581: You have every right to be upset
704-555-5581: You did nothing to deserve being born into that house. But when I left, he didn’t let me take you
Me: You tried to take me?
704-555-5581: Of course I did. You were my baby
Me: Weston said you left because of me
Me: That doesn’t make sense if you tried to take me
704-555-5581: Oh, honey.
704-555-5581: I don’t know what your relationship is with your brother but he’s a liar just like your father
I know that. My whole life is evidence of that. But every time someone reminds me, it’s like I’m being flayed open to showcase all the shortcomings my naivety helped slip through the cracks.
704-555-5581: He lost his mother at a very young age, and I tried to fill in those gaps. But my priority was you, Delilah.
Me: What?
704-555-5581: I guess that’s on me. I was young and didn’t realize how much losing his mother affected him. I just wanted to be everything to him and your father, and it backfired
Me: What are you talking about? You’re Weston’s mom
704-555-5581: No, honey. I’m not. You are my only child, and I was forced to leave you
Heart palpitations .
I think that’s what’s happening to me. The flutter in my chest works its way up to my throat.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
My hands are too slick to grip my silicone phone case, so I drop it in my lap and stare out the window overlooking the north side of Adonis’ property.
A disbelieving snort turns into a giggle. And I don’t stop until I’m cackling in the living room by myself. Phone buzzing in my lap and the absurdity of it all crashing down on me.
It’s official, I’ve gone off the deep end. It’s finally happened and I’m not fighting it anymore.
Weston is my half-brother?
His mother is dead?
What the fuck is my life and why are there so many layers of fuckery?
Did my father kill her?
Tipping my head back, I stare at the ceiling until a body fills my line of sight.
Adonis.
He’s home.
How long have I been sitting here and why does that keep happening?
He leans down to kiss me and suddenly my world doesn’t seem so upside down.
When he walks around the couch to sit with me, I lift my head and ignore the crick in my neck.
“I got you something on my way home from the office.” He holds up a gift bag, but the boyish smile on his lips slips when he makes eye contact with me. “You okay?”
The lump in my throat only allows me to nod .
“What happened?”
“I talked to Elodie today.” Fuck. I can’t even call her my mom.
“And?”
His earnestness crushes my heart. He’s expecting bad news. Because it’s me. And I refuse to play into it. I don’t want him to always feel like he’s pulling me off a ledge. I can figure this one out on my own.
So, I twine my fingers in his locs and let a smirk tease my lips. A softness transforms his demeanor almost instantly.
His nose wrinkles.
His cheeks lift.
And the line between his brows smooths.
I feel better looking at him. Touching him. Knowing he’s here because he wants to be.
This man is so beautiful. And he loves me.
He loves me.
He loves me.
He loves me.
That alone makes me feel like I can do anything.
“Show me what you got me.”