Page 40 of Violent Little Thing

Whatever I am, You Did It

DELILAH

B y my twenty-first birthday, I knew I was going to kill my father.

Before he put a price on my virginity.

Before the parade of men vying for my hand in marriage.

I knew I was going to kill him four years before any of it.

When I turned twenty-one, that was supposed to be it. A guarantee of my independence.

I agreed not to tell anyone what he’d done behind closed doors all those years.

But he lied. My father lied about so much, now that I look back on it, I don’t know how I was naive enough to believe him.

The goal post kept moving, my freedom became more evasive.

No matter how good I was, no matter how much I let him hurt me, it didn’t matter. Because he never planned to let me go .

I was obedient for nothing.

I kept my head down for nothing.

I kept hope blooming in my heart for nothing.

So, I turned into his worst nightmare.

He was already beating my ass every chance he got; I might as well do something to earn it.

It took four years, but I finally got that freedom. At least a sliver of it.

I terrorized every man he brought in that house.

I defied him every chance I got.

I was hell on two legs. And I paid the price. But walking away at the end of it all was priceless.

The day I killed him was unplanned, but everything culminated into the perfect storm, and I was at my limit.

Past the point of being patient and trying to figure out how to smuggle poison into the house to lace his coffee.

Past the point of trying to sneak upstairs with a knife after he hid them for what I’d done to Kenneth.

“Talk to me, Delilah.”

Adonis’ calm presence in front of me helps me shutter the cap on my memories and bring me back to the present moment.

“What happened?”

My face contorts as a familiar pressure burdens my chest. “I just needed pads. I started my period, and it was heavier than usual. I asked him all morning if he could go buy some or give me some money so I could order some on Weston’s phone.”

Adonis wipes a tear I didn’t know had fallen.

“He kept telling me no and I was frustrated. I didn’t mean to kill him that day. It wasn’t supposed to be that messy. But I was so tired, Adonis. So fucking tired of being the joke in that house. And the stairs were right there…” My rambling trails as I hike my shoulders.

Adonis sits down, lifting me onto his lap in one fluid motion that would be impressive if my brain wasn’t so scattered trying to figure out how he knows.

“How did you find out?” And what are you going to do to me?

After my father died from the fall, I made one more deal with the devil. Weston would get rid of the proof. He’d destroy the tape in exchange for what my father left me in his will. Or so I thought.

“Alonzo sent it to me. The day your dad died was missing from the footage we had so he went looking for it.”

Alonzo had seen me kill someone.

Adonis had seen me kill someone.

I had dirt on my brother, but by his logic, at least he hadn’t killed anyone. Let alone our father. Anything I told the police would be his word against mine. And for all they knew, I hadn’t existed since my fifth birthday.

Besides, he had the evidence. Not me. I didn’t even know the first thing about trying to destroy the tape. My technology literacy might be bad now, but it was in the fucking toilet back then.

So, I took his word for it. And I let him dangle it over my head whenever he felt like it. That’s the only reason I agreed to go to the auction that night.

I hadn’t worked twenty years to get out of one prison just to be thrown into another.

My sternum burns and my stomach quivers as paranoia wraps me in its ugly embrace.

“Are you going to tell on me?” I ask in a voice that doesn’t sound like mine.

“No, Delilah. I’m not going to tell on you. You have no idea how proud I am of you right now.” His lips graze my jaw in a gentle caress, but I’m still shaking so hard it feels like my bones are trying to evacuate my skin.

“I didn’t want to, but he didn’t give me a choice. I tried to be a good daughter for him. He was the only parent I had.” I gasp out a broken sound. “I tried.”

I repeat those two words over and over. Until they scratch my throat for the last time and I hide my head against Adonis’ chest.

“I know you tried. And you did a damn good job. Nobody in that house deserved you, Delilah. Don’t ever think otherwise.”

My arms wrap around his neck, and I let the few tears I have left dampen his skin.

Adonis holds me through it. He doesn’t let me go. His embrace is the remedy. The anecdote I’ve needed for so long that was just out of reach. There’s still a pang where my heart is, but I tell myself it’s all the cracks trying to mend themselves now that I know it’s safe.

“You’re okay, baby. Nobody is going to fucking lay a hand on you or do anything to you. I already promised you that.” He kisses the corner of my mouth. “You’re safe with me. Nothing’s changed.”

Soft lips go from my jaw to my neck to my forehead. When they finally land on my lips, I breathe a sigh of relief and lose myself in the kiss.

I don’t know why my center has a heartbeat right now, but it’s telling me I’m exactly where I need to be.

On top of Adonis.

I band my arms tighter around his neck and let his tongue lick away my hurt and all my regret.

Adonis’ kisses make me believe it’s okay .

Adonis’ grip on my hips is a quiet refuge. A necessary anchoring so I don’t drown in my own misery.

It’s all I can do to get closer to him.

Further into his space.

He lets me.

God, he lets me.

He tips his head

It’s sacred.

It’s perfect.

It’s necessary.

And I need this.

Between his hands and the rocking of my hips, I take what I want. What my body tells me I need. And it feels so damn good, tears burn my throat.

“Adonis,” I whimper into his mouth, tipping past the point of eager into desperate territory.

The man beneath me lays flat on his back and moves his hands from my hips to help me spread my legs over him. I’m straddling his waist now and the contented look he gives me propels me to reconnect our mouths.

I taste his tongue, loving the feel of it against mine when I start to work my hips again.

The heartbeat at my core pulses harder, so I speed up, chasing that feeling as much as the connection.

I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never wanted to.

Right now, I’m closer to Adonis than I’ve ever been to anyone and my mind is overrun by how good it feels.

Why does it feel so good?

Is this what I’d been missing all those years?

Adonis hisses my name again and again.

He grows thicker behind his zipper, and I can’t stop grinding on him.

Pleasure replaces all my reason, all my doubt until I’m undulating on top of this man, chasing something I’ve never had.

But I know it’s good. It has to be. Or else my heart wouldn’t be beating this fast, and my panties wouldn’t be so wet.

When the sensations turn to overstimulation, I suspend my kisses and sink my teeth into his bottom lip, savoring the last of my control before it shatters into a million and one tiny pieces.

Adonis is rigid where I’m soft and we fit together in an effortless rhythm.

I don’t know what happens next, but I know I want it to happen on top of him.

Then he pitches his hips up and makes sure that’s exactly what happens.

“Yes,” I moan. Fuck yes .

Gratification shoots through me and stuns me into silence as my body rocks on its own.

I crack open. Shaking and jerking on top of Adonis. Even when he tries to hold me in place and grind against me from below.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

This must be what heaven feels like.

My thighs quiver on either side of him and I can’t catch my breath.

But I wouldn’t change anything.

Belatedly, I open my eyes and look down at him.

He rewards me with an easy smile and rubs his hand up and down my side. “That was so fucking perfect, menace.”

Heat rushes to my cheeks. “I can’t believe I just did that. ”

“Why not? It felt good, didn’t it?”

“Yes.” I nod, shifting against him and trying not to let my eyes roll back at the heightened friction. My panties and the rough denim of his pants are a recipe for desire. I feel greedy. So needy again. Already .

But Adonis’ voice comes out rich and reassuring. “Take what you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

And I believe him.