Page 25

I’ve retreated into myself for far too long.

Pain was not something to cower from. Pain was a product of perseverance. When sweat pooled, tears dried, and blood hardened into scabs, only then did the mind rest soundly at night, knowing every ounce of effort had been given.

The strong didn’t see pain as a barrier but as a rocket ship propelling them beyond the limits of the mind. Without pain, victories would be worthless.

Otherwise, everyone would win.

A loud grunt sounded from her left. Derek winced as he released his tight grip on the shovel, blood staining the dirty wooden handle.

“You alright?” Khalani set down the heavy wheelbarrow.

“Yeah. Fresh blister popped.” Derek huffed, and she glanced at his hands, bloodied and raw, worse than usual.

“Here.” Khalani reached into her pocket, retrieving a clean cloth she’d managed to grab after her shower that morning, and quickly wrapped it tight around his palms, protecting the fresh wounds.

“Thanks.” Derek’s mouth twisted as she tightened the cloth, but he made no protest. “I vaguely remember doing this for you when you first arrived.”

She smirked, finishing the knot with a tug. “Seems like a lifetime ago.”

At that point, Khalani had lost track of how long she’d been in Braderhelm.

“Too long,” Derek whispered.

She frowned at his expression. It was the kind of tired that bled past the physical, where your will holds no more power, and your brain doesn’t remember why it’s pushing anymore.

“We’re gonna make it through this,” Khalani insisted, gently squeezing his wrist.

“How do you know?” Derek searched her eyes.

“I know because the alternative isn’t an option,” she said with determination.

“You two!”

Startled, they turned their heads as a bald prison guard charged them. “Why aren’t you working?”

“W-we are working, sir,” Derek stammered, and the guard’s face seemed to harden as he stalked over. “We’re just taking a quick br—” Derek fell to the ground as the guard brutally smacked him across the face with a baton.

“Does it sound like I wanna hear your excuses?” The guard reared his boot back and kicked Derek in the stomach with crushing force.

“Stop!” Khalani yelled as Derek folded in on himself like a fetus.

The guard whipped his head and took a menacing step toward her. “What did you just say?”

She breathed heavily as Derek struggled to rise to his knees. “If you keep hurting him, he won’t be able to work. And the Warden won’t be happy about that.”

The guard narrowed his eyes. “What would a pathetic prisoner like you know about the Warden?”

Her mind scrambled as she tried to stand straighter. Even so, the top of her head barely came to his chest .

“I’ve met with the Warden several times,” she lied through her teeth. “And he voiced his displeasure about the tunnels being incomplete. Hurting another able-bodied prisoner will further slow the work, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to explain the delay to him.”

The guard closely studied her as he clutched the baton tighter.

Any moment, he could turn his weapon on her and use her skin and bones as a punching bag, but Khalani didn’t shy away from his gaze, projecting confidence as her hands shook.

The cruel guard’s eyes swept over her body lewdly, and he grunted. “You wouldn’t be the first piece of prisoner ass the Warden has taken a liking to. But I can hurt you in ways the Warden won’t notice.”

Before Khalani could react, he pushed a taser into her bony ribs. The voltage was high and hot electricity raced through her muscles as she collapsed to the ground, shaking uncontrollably.

The guard leaned over her and smirked sadistically.

“Talk back to me again, and I’ll find other uses for that mouth. But I won’t kill you. I’ll kill him.” He pointed to Derek, keeping eye contact with her.

She ground her teeth together, imagining taking the steel weapon from his hand and beating his ugly face in. Kicking and scratching and biting, over and over like some extinct animal.

And then she’d stick the taser in every hole in his body—on max voltage.

But she contained those vicious instincts, letting the quiet speak for her. The guard held her gaze with a threatening glare and eventually walked away, cursing under his breath.

After several seconds, her muscles stopped twitching, and she slowly gained control of her limbs.

“You alright?” Derek panted from the ground.

“I’ve had worse.” Khalani hobbled over to Derek. “Are you okay?”

“No.” His face contorted, and she noticed a fresh wound running from the corner of his eye to his lip as she helped him to his feet. “But if it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t be moving.”

She eyed him with concern as he gingerly picked up his shovel and continued placing rocks into the barrel, low groans escaping him.

“Don’t push so hard.”

He lifted his eyes but kept shoveling. “We don’t have a choice, Khalani. Not in here. They’ll let us rest when we die.”

Her brows pulled together as he clutched his ribcage and turned away to hide the pained tears in his eyes.

Contacting Hermes might not be enough.

They needed to escape Braderhelm.

Khalani passed her cell as she headed toward the pit, trying to figure out how the impossible could become possible when an untamable voice sounded behind her.

“Kanes.”

The deep resonance in the masculine tone made her breath hitch, jolting her heart into overdrive. Khalani slowly turned and her pulse quickened when a familiar shadowy gaze connected with hers.

Takeshi stood a few feet away, his muscular arms crossed over his chest. His eyes traced every inch of her, lingering on the bruises around her eye and the cuts on her lip. His gaze was physical, like fingertips caressing over each focal point.

Khalani’s hands instinctively tucked her hair behind her ears, acutely aware of her disheveled appearance. Strands of her messy bun were frizzy, sticking out in every direction. Sweat trickled down her neck, and her uniform was stained with dust and soot.

“Look at you, Kanes.”

His words from that fateful morning sliced her anew. It was easier to focus on the worst of him rather than the way he stared at her in the pit, or the tender words exchanged in the safety of his bedroom.

Good or bad weren’t apt descriptions for Takeshi. He was the warmth of the fire and the sadistic burn of the flames.

Men like him should come with a warning sign.

“What do you want?” She crossed her arms.

He took a few steps toward her. Slow. Predatory. The black uniform clung to his broad shoulders, weapons concealed except for the sharp blade clipped to his belt.

His handsome face was calm and composed, but when Takeshi’s scalding eyes met hers, the dangerous temptation of him made her muscles tingle, preparing to run away.

Or take one step closer.

“I’ve been thinking,” he stated.

“Careful. Too much of that will hurt you.”

“Since when did either of us ever mind the pain?” Takeshi’s eyes glinted in challenge.

“I can punch you in the face to test the limits of that theory.”

“Go ahead. But I choose the punishment if you miss.”

She huffed, fully convinced that Takeshi was put on this earth just to spite her. Storming through her life, breaking down her walls, only to survey how she reassembled the pieces.

“Am I in your way or something?”

“Depends.” He leaned closer, his large body enveloping her vision. “Barron’s dead. You decisively won your fight in the pit. It would seem as if you’re done with training.”

“It would seem that way.”

“Unless you wanted one more round against your main enemy.” Takeshi subtly cocked his head to the side with that daring look, eyes locked on her every movement.

At that point, her heart was conducting a drum competition in her chest. His deep gaze searched hers, and her fingers curled as if electricity tingled down her bloodstream.

Around Takeshi, she was a live wire, a ticking time bomb with his finger held over the trigger. His words sank deep into her gut. And the way her stomach fluttered, like a na?ve, stupid child, only made her want to hurt both of them in retaliation.

“I thought you didn’t want to be around me anymore. You made that perfectly clear to me in your room. ”

Takeshi’s jaw tightened. “I know what I said and won’t apologize for it.”

“Glad to hear it.” She turned around, giving him the same courtesy he gave her that morning.

“Wait.”

Her fists tightened at her sides, but she hesitated, her body acting on instinct before her mind could catch up.

Slowly, she turned to face him, and raw emotion lingered in Takeshi’s gaze.

“The truth can’t be taken back, Kanes. It had to be done. And if you think watching your face that morning didn’t make me want to destroy something, you’re wrong. But the idea of not having one more moment where I’m just your trainer, and you aren’t my prisoner, makes me want to kill someone.”

She pulled back like his words struck her. Her forehead pinched together, and her mouth hung slightly open, his voice doing weird things to her chest. What he was saying didn’t make sense.

Because her heart ached the same.

Maybe heart wasn’t the right word.

When Takeshi walked away from her that morning, she felt it in the back of her throat, in the cracks between her lips, in the heavy joints of her shoulders. All the inconsequential parts of her were brought to life around him, like her body would rather burn than be invisible.

“Takeshi, I…”

She didn’t dare finish speaking.

One more syllable would destroy the remnants of her strength. Completely eradicate her control. As it was, she wasn’t ready to turn away. No, Takeshi’s gaze alone held her feet stapled to the ground.

He was the anchor when her resolve threatened to slip away in shrouds of dust. She bit her lip and lifted her gaze, preparing to be sliced open. Her body would accept nothing less.

Traitor.

“One last time,” she agreed.

Takeshi didn’t speak. His expression was focused and controlled, but his eyes flickered with a slow-burning fire. He nodded his head, sealing their pact.

She exhaled deeply as they made their way toward the training room. They walked in ponderous, deliberate steps. Slower than usual.

Like time was their enemy, more than prison ever was.

Takeshi opened the door to the gym, and it was like coming home. Home is not where the heart is.

Home is the place that accepts the worst of you: the ugly crying where snot streams down your face, the anger when your fists clench to connect with something physical, the floors your knees fall to when life wins the prize for the biggest bitch on the planet.

The smell of sweat and pine drifted to her nose, and she inhaled deeply like it was perfume. Khalani walked past him and squeezed through the rubber bars, stretching her arms across her chest as she walked into the center.

The place was the same, but something was different. An air that had Khalani’s muscles tightening and the pressure in her lungs increasing. When she turned around and saw Takeshi easily step over the bars, his body relaxed but gaze glued to her like he could see through the back of her skull, she knew the answer.

You didn’t have to physically be with someone to know them intimately. When someone touched your mind, kissed your memories, and licked your dreams, you became intertwined in ways beyond the physical. And that was the problem. Being intertwined with Takeshi would lead to her own destruction.

She quickly changed into clean clothes and joined him in the center.

“So,” She lifted her hands out to her side. “How should we do this?”

“We play a game.”

She scoffed. “Since when did you ever make training a game?”

“Life is nothing but a game consisting of winners and losers,” Takeshi replied in all his muscley wisdom.

“Fine.” She succumbed. “What’s the game?”

“It’s simple.” He cracked his fingers, staring down at them like he was relaxing under the sun. “A hit to the body equals a point. The first to five points wins.”

Her lips twitched. She liked this game. She liked this game a lot.

Takeshi was strong, agile, and able to end her life in a flash if he wanted, but an insane part of her enjoyed the high of battling him. He wouldn’t make this easy, though.

She’d have to play smart to win.

“Fine. But I need something from you.” She faced him. “I have a sizable knot in my back from the first shift and can’t reach it.”

Takeshi’s gaze narrowed. “And you expect me to what…rub it out for you?”

“Thought you wanted it to be a level playing field, but if not, that’s fine. I’ll deal with it.” Khalani shrugged and turned away.

An exasperated sigh sounded over her shoulder. “Get your ass over here, Kanes.”

Khalani fought the grin tugging at her lips as she edged closer. His hooded eyes blazed intensely, and he jerked his chin for her to turn around.

Takeshi’s fingers brushed her shoulder as she gave him her back, kneading the skin slightly with his warm touch. She forced herself not to groan in bliss as goosebumps raised on her collarbone.

“Where’s the kn—”

She quickly pulled her arm back, elbowing him in the stomach. A loud grunt left his mouth, and she bounded forward, ready for his retaliation.

Takeshi heaved in a rough breath and slowly straightened, a menacing flicker stirring beneath his glower.

“You cheated.”

“Fighting’s never fair. One point for me.” She couldn’t help the slight upturn of her cheeks.

A nefarious expression played on his face. “You know I’m going to make you regret that.”

“Maybe a cane will help you move faster. It would make me feel better about beating the elderly.” Khalani readied her stance and tightened her fists .

A part of her core shook at the narrowing of his eyes, but the wicked side of Khalani laughed and told her to cut deeper for all the times he made her care without giving anything in return.

His tongue smacked against his teeth like a caged animal, and he launched forward without warning.

She panicked, barely managing to block a hit toward her core, but Takeshi was incredibly fast. He smacked her on both sides of her ribs with an open palm. Damnit.

Her teeth clenched together as she showered him with a barrage of punches toward his torso. He effortlessly blocked each one without breaking a sweat. A sly look overshadowed his expression, and he countered her with another hit to her core, grabbed her wrist, and turned her body around so her back was flush to his chest.

Takeshi’s forearm quickly wrapped around her neck, not tight enough to where she couldn’t breathe, but his other hand held her left wrist immobile by her side.

“Elderly, huh? I think you mean experienced, Kanes. I know some tricks that would make a girl like you turn crimson at the thought. Still wanna fight dirty with me?”

The heated and not-so-gentle whisper against her ear brought shivers down her arms and spun her mind into forbidden territory. Their chests rose in unison, and she fought the urge to turn around and see how riled up he was.

“You wanted to play. Let’s play,” she retorted and stomped on his ankle.

Takeshi grunted and, quick as a viper, swiped her legs out from under her and brought her down on her back, but not before she wrapped her arms around his head, bringing him down with her. They rolled on the hard ground, and she felt two more hits to her chest before she landed on top of him.

Khalani quickly captured his wrists with both her hands as she straddled him, knowing full well that he let her hold him down. Her eyes widened in triumph but paused at his vicious smirk.

“Shit.” He made it to 5 .

“I win,” Takeshi huffed out. “Almost forgot how hard you like to make things.”

Their eyes connected, and she didn’t immediately move her hips from his. Her nails tightened over his wrists, digging into his skin, nearly drawing blood in a cruel effort to deal him pain like he’d dealt her that humiliating morning in his bedroom.

But Takeshi didn’t move. Didn’t object. His face cemented in resolve, as if he was more than capable of handling all the punishment she had to give, like he could take every inch of suffering from her and bear the weight himself.

Knots of tension appeared on her forehead.

He shouldn’t look at her like that.

Like he would fight any battle for her, defeat any adversary that stepped in her way. Because it wasn’t true. It was all a game to him.

And she was in far more danger now than at any point in prison. Because it wasn’t her pride, strength, or body on the line. That annoying, fragile beast in her chest was beating up a storm just from the hint of vulnerability in his gaze, mirroring her own.

Her eyes lowered to his lips.

What would it feel like to have that part of him brushing against her body? She’d probably become undone.

“Kanes,” a rough whisper escaped him.

Her eyes lifted, and a deep frown etched into his forehead. She noticed that his fists were balled against the floor, and he shook his head, wanting her to stop the trail of her gaze, but his eyes communicated so much more, as if begging her to keep going.

Her heart pumped faster, and she found herself leaning forward.

Stop while you still can.

The logical part of her brain that was switched off found the on button. Khalani quickly scrambled off Takeshi, rubbing her hands over the sides of her knotted hair.

What was she thinking? What the hell was she doing? Khalani was letting herself get distracted and pulled in by Takeshi when she needed to focus on their plan to contact Hermes .

This needed to end.

“Sorry,” she muttered, blood pooling into her cheeks. “We should probably go.”

Takeshi stood up to his full height. “What’s wrong, Kanes?”

“Nothing.” She waved her hand in dismissal. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Bullshit,” he raised his voice. “I know you too well. I’ve noticed the stress in your eyes for the past month. What is it?” His intense gaze drilled a hole right through her as he waited for an answer.

She shook her head, turning around. “No. Just drop it, Takeshi.”

“Kanes!” The deep roar bounced off the angels in the ceiling, and she turned in shock. His muscles flexed in irritation. “Why do you have to be so goddamn stubborn? You can be honest with me.”

All the tension, frustration, and anger were bubbling up inside her, ready to ignite and destroy everything in her path.

“You’re joking, right? The king of the cold shoulder is accusing me of being stubborn? Why don’t you go first? Tell me all your thoughts, Takeshi!”

His lips pressed into a hard line. “We’re not talking about me.”

“Oh yes, we are. This is about how you want me to be upfront with you, but you can’t extend me the same courtesy.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

She took a few steps toward him. “You know damn well what I’m talking about. Why were you kind and sweet the night I slept in your bed, and the next morning, you go back to being a cold and indifferent asshole . Explain that to me!”

Takeshi’s inflexible gaze hardened. “Forget I asked, Kanes.” He strode toward the exit. “I guess we’re finally done with your training.”

She let out a humorless laugh that echoed throughout the church. “Wow. Look who’s scared now.”

Takeshi froze as if someone shot him, and his eyes tracked her across the room.

“What did you call me?” his voice lowered.

Khalani felt a storm rising within her, and she refused to back down. “You heard me. I said you are scared. ”

“Watch yourself, Kanes. You’re treading on thin ice,” he growled.

Khalani was too far gone to stop, and she raised her chin. “Go ahead.” She lifted her hands and stepped up to his large frame. “I’m not afraid of you. Hell, I might understand you better than I understand myself. You’re not like Barron or the other guards here. You’re the person who dropped out of school to protect your mother. You killed another guard to protect me.

“But you’re also a total mystery and too damn complicated of a puzzle to even want to solve. Your lips say one thing, but your eyes say the complete opposite. You go from hot to cold because you are scared that I might be more than just a dirty, disgusting criminal that deserves to die in prison.” Her pulse raced like she was crossing a battlefield.

Takeshi stiffened, and the air held still, as if the floating dust and bodies within the paintings were paying attention to her every word.

“When I first came here, I was completely empty. If you were to scream inside my mouth, your voice would echo back at you across the empty spaces. So, you want the truth? All of it? I can’t tell you because somehow, through all this shit, I developed feelings for you. I don’t know how it happened because you annoy the hell out of me and get under my skin like it’s your mission in life. But that simple fact burns inside me so often, I don’t even remember what it’s like to not feel the pain.

“I feel so damn much that at any moment, it could all come blurting out and I’d make myself look like the world’s biggest idiot. So, there it is, Takeshi! I like you. And my deepest secret doesn’t mean anything because you don’t feel the same about me. We are worlds apart. And that’s where we’ll always stand.”

By the end of her speech, she was panting. Takeshi’s eyes widened, and he seemed to stop breathing as well.

At that moment, it was like Khalani had an out-of-body experience, and she replayed every nonsensical utterance that escaped her mouth.

“Oh my God.” Her eyes widened in horror. “Just forget everything I said, Takeshi. Don’t worry about it.”

“Kanes. ”

“No, seriously. I was being stupid, and it didn’t mean anything,” she explained in a rush. Khalani glanced at the ceiling, wishing for one of the painted angels to fly down and strike her on the spot.

“Kanes.” Takeshi stepped toward her, his broad chest a few inches from her face.

“Please. Do me a favor, and let’s just pretend this conversation never happened. I need to go ba—”

“Khalani!”

Her muscles froze solid. It was the first time Takeshi had ever called her by her first name. The sound of it rolling across his tongue and lips was like liquid fire through her veins.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up,” he rasped. “We were never worlds apart. If we were, you wouldn’t be everywhere inside of me. When I look at you, my chest feels like it’s about to crack open, and all the emotions I’ve beaten down to submission come roaring back with a fucking vengeance . ” The power beneath his voice shook her.

“For every scar visible on your body, I have to prevent myself from seeking out your assailants and slashing each one of their throats. I’ve watched you fight through every battle, despite the trials and tragedies you’ve faced, and it never ceases to astound me. Just staring at you right now makes me want to take you every way imaginable, and nothing about it is innocent.”

Khalani forgot the concept of breathing.

Heat rushed through every inch of her body, and her heart threatened to burst into a million pieces.

His energy dominated the room, and all the barriers she futilely built against him came crashing down. Takeshi was her black hole, sucking every detail of her in until she finally stopped resisting and dove headfirst.

“You know I was never innocent.” She lifted her head, pulse racing. “That’s why you met me in prison.”

His eyes blazed sinfully, and then he grabbed her by the back of the neck and kissed her.