Page 22

You’ve taken all my nothings and fashioned them into somethings.

The first thing Khalani registered was a damp cloth gently patting her forehead. Her head lay on a firm pillow, perfectly placed to support her neck, and a familiar scent wafted through her nose.

She shifted her head and opened her eyes.

Takeshi was sitting right next to her, watching over her with concern as he dabbed the cloth on her head.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. You were getting hot,” he swiftly explained, pulling his hand away.

Khalani looked around in confusion.

She was in a dark room furnished only with a tiny black dresser, a sparse desk, and the formidable bed she was lying on. A bedside lamp illuminated warm light on Takeshi’s face. He still wore his black uniform, and his hair was disheveled.

“Where am I?” she croaked out.

“I brought you to my room. The medical ward has a different doctor on shift tonight, and he would ask too many questions. The best option was to bring you here.” Takeshi cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably.

Khalani groaned as she sat up. He scooted back, his troubled gaze never straying from her. “I think you suffered a concussion, and your neck will be bruised for the next few days. You just need rest,” he added, like he was reassuring himself.

After considerable effort, she straightened and rested her head against the stone wall. Khalani gave a gentle nod, ignoring the pain from the welt on her forehead, genuinely grateful for Takeshi’s presence. If he hadn’t shown up…

She clenched her teeth, wanting to bathe in scalding water and cut herself apart. Anything to rid her body and mind of Barron’s callous hands brushing over her skin, like her body was someone else’s to claim.

Takeshi tilted his head, noticing the renewed tension in her muscles.

“And Barron?” she gritted out.

Takeshi’s body went rigid, and he immediately clenched his fists, glancing away, but not before she noticed the unhinged turbulence in his expression.

“After I brought you here, I notified a couple guards. I told them Barron attacked me, and I retaliated. When we went to retrieve Barron’s body and hold him accountable to the Warden, he was already dead.” Takeshi pressed his lips together in a thin line, not a hint of regret in his sinister tone.

She didn’t know how to respond. Takeshi repeatedly put his neck on the line for her when all she did was leave a mess of destruction in her wake. Maybe everything was her fault.

Maybe she deserved what happened.

“I’m sorry.” Khalani glanced down at her hands.

Why was she so messed up?

“Look at me.”

Khalani shook her head.

“Look at me, Kanes.”

Her mouth twisted, but she peered up .

Takeshi’s obsidian eyes pierced hers. “ You don’t apologize for anything. I am the one who is sorry. I should’ve been there, but I was running late with drills. This is my fault. You…like this. What that worthless piece of shit did. What he tried to do. I’d kill him again if I could,” he cut himself off, gaze shifting away as he nearly shook with incensed rage.

She leaned forward, daring to place a hand on his shoulder. He refused to look at her, as if the guilt coursing through his body wouldn’t let him.

“That’s not true, Takeshi. You saved me. You did that. And not just at the end. When I was about to give up back there, your voice from training was what gave me the strength to fight back. I’m more grateful than you could ever know.”

Khalani meant it with every ounce of her being. All those times, she hated him for being hard on her…she was such a fool.

Takeshi’s forehead creased at her words, and his gaze flickered up to meet hers. He opened his mouth to speak but abruptly closed it, nodding instead.

As if words weren’t needed.

And for once, she understood the silence.

Takeshi pointedly glanced at the hand Khalani still had on his shoulder.

“Sorry.” She quickly pulled it back, blood flooding her cheeks.

“Worried I’ll still kill you, Kanes?” His dark eyes glinted. “I could’ve so easily with you in my arms.”

The way Takeshi’s magnetic voice stroked her skin made her shiver. Khalani almost thought that part was a dream, his arms wrapped around hers. Because being held by Takeshi felt better than it had a right to. Those details should’ve been inconsequential, an afterthought, but her mind kept returning to that moment, like it was a centerpiece.

“You might still be considering it. Hope my body wasn’t too heavy for you,” she added.

“Hmm. Maybe I should take you to the doctor,” Takeshi mused. “ The day you’re too heavy for me is the day my arms have fallen off.”

Khalani’s pulse quickened, and she momentarily forgot how to breathe. “How long was I out for?” she asked, desperate to change the subject before verbal nonsense came pouring out.

Takeshi threw the damp cloth on his desk. “Just a few hours. Lights out happened not long ago.”

She nodded, and an uncomfortable silence ensued. This was surely the part where Takeshi would escort her back to her cell. And despite how crazy the thought was, Khalani found that she wasn’t ready to leave.

She could explain the irrationality away by being shaken about her encounter with Barron, but deep down, in the parts of her that weren’t meant to be exposed, she knew it was more than that.

Takeshi’s presence comforted her. It wasn’t solely due to the warm energy he carried with him. It was the way he listened, as if her voice truly mattered. It was how he commanded the area around him and urged her to take up space too. It was the way he gazed at her with concern, like he wanted her to be more than just okay.

Maybe she stopped hating him long ago and never truly noticed until now.

Takeshi tapped his finger on his legs as he studied her. “So, you have a couple options.”

“Okay.”

“I can take you back to your cell, and you can sleep there tonight. I promise no one will bother you again,” he stated forebodingly.

“And the second option?” She held her breath.

Silence descended for a few moments.

“The second option is to stay here…just for the night to rest. I would give you the bed, and I can sleep on the floor,” he explained with a guarded expression.

She wrung her fingers together.

Takeshi’s words were like physical lines of energy, prickling up the sides of her arms, lighting her on fire from the inside out.

Khalani knew the answer she wanted to say. The words were on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be set free. But they swallowed tight inside her.

If they were both no longer themselves and anxiety was another meaningless thing, the truth would burst from her mouth like the first breath of air after drowning.

But they were a living contrast, marked and bound as enemies. And yet, at this moment, it felt like every chain constraining them receded in the background. As if they were in a bubble, separate from prison, displaced from Apollo.

For this one night, he was giving her a choice, the freedom to decide what she wanted, something long stolen from her.

She glanced up at his steely eyes, hoping to find a hidden solution, but he had the perfect poker face. The only indication of his inner thoughts was the breath he seemed to hold along with her.

She should go back to her cell.

It was the logical thing to do. They’d already crossed too many boundaries.

But despite his rough exterior, Takeshi came to her with compassion when she needed it the most. Around him, she didn’t feel like Number 317. She was a human being again, in every good and painful way.

When she was near Takeshi, that was when she felt most alive .

Khalani readied herself. Logic could take a long walk off a short bridge.“I’ll stay with you tonight.”

“You sure?” Takeshi’s voice went a couple octaves lower.

She didn’t trust herself with words, so she just nodded.

“Alright. As I said, the bed is yours, and I’ll take the floor.” His brows furrowed. “I’m just going to change out of my uniform, okay?”

He waited until she nodded, and he started to untie his boots. She surveyed his every movement intensely. Barefoot, he walked over to his dresser, pulling out a pair of grey sweats and a T-shirt.

For some odd reason, it surprised her that he owned different clothing. And she realized how stupid that was. He wasn’t born wearing a uniform .

Takeshi reached behind his head to pull off his fitted garment.

Khalani’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. She’d seen him without his shirt in training, but not this close, where every tendon was visible.

His back muscles shifted as he pulled a softer black t-shirt over his head. He turned, and she quickly drew her attention to the other wall as if it was the most riveting thing she’d ever seen in her life. The clanging of a belt being taken off echoed in her ears.

Don’t look.

Don’t look.

Don’t. You. Do. It.

She pinched her fingers together, trying to focus on something, anything else.

The disgusting food she’d have for lunch tomorrow. Yeah. That was a safe topic. The meal would definitely smell foul too. But you know what doesn’t smell bad? Takeshi’s white sheets. That she was currently sitting on. That he sleeps in every night.

AGH.

After several agonizingly long seconds, the soft creak of steps returned. Khalani slowly peeked through her lids, making sure it was safe.

The sweatpants hung low on his hips, and the black shirt was oversized, but Takeshi filled it up completely. His soft black hair swept over his forehead in a rough way that made him appear more youthful, but his charcoal eyes…they burned right through.

It wasn’t fair. No one should be that attractive without trying.

Takeshi’s jaw tightened as he hesitated, his gaze fixed on her sitting on his bed. Awkward tension filled the air, both aware of every square inch that separated them.

He quickly reached over and grabbed the smallest white pillow on his bed, tossing it to the floor.

“You keep the covers. It can get chilly in here at night.”

She bit her lip and waited, like sinking in his covers was illegal. But she eventually scooted her body toward the head of the bed and pulled the warm blankets over herself. The soft sheets caressed her skin, and a content sigh escaped her mouth.

After months of sleeping on a hard stone slab, nestling in his bed was like laying on a puffy cloud. Takeshi’s eyes tightened as he stared at her and nodded, lowering his body to the ground and out of her vision.

They laid in silence. Her body was exhausted, but her mind was wide-awake, sending signals like she was sprinting a marathon.

Takeshi was sleeping on the cold, hard floor instead of his bed. Because of her. Their lives appeared to have been switched for the night, and she was unable to enjoy the new positions. With each passing second, guilt and another heated emotion crept up her throat, preventing her eyes from closing.

After nearly a minute, she couldn’t take it anymore. Khalani leaned over the bed. Takeshi was lying on his back, palms folded against his chest, and his eyes locked with hers.

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. You can sleep in your bed,” she said.

Takeshi shook his head.

“I’m okay, Kanes.”

“No, seriously.”

She frowned, but he didn’t budge.

Fine.

Grabbing the pillow, Khalani stood up. Stepping over Takeshi, she placed the pillow next to his.

Takeshi abruptly sat up, his eyebrows drawing in a tight line. “What are you doing?”

“You saved my life. I’m not sleeping on the bed while you’re on the floor. If you’re down here, I will be too.”

Takeshi squeezed his eyes shut in exasperation, and the next moment, he heaved his body up, grabbing his pillow. He surprised Khalani by grabbing hers as well. He set both pillows back on the bed and interrupted her before she could speak.

“Don’t even attempt to sleep on the floor. It will only upset me.” He pulled the covers back and gestured for her to get in.

Her heart jackhammered inside her chest as she moved back under the covers. Takeshi straightened out the blankets and laid on top, keeping space between them.

Even on the bed, the size of his body completely dwarfed hers. They stared at the ceiling, the quiet like a physical being hanging over them.

Khalani was hyperaware of his body next to hers. The indentation of the covers with his full weight, the sound of his soft breaths, the heat coming off his arms, only a few inches away.

Yep, she was getting no sleep tonight.

Khalani glanced over at his virtual window on the wall. A full moon glowed in the frame, the picture so clear, you could trace every dark crater.

“Do you think the moon really looks like that on the surface?” she whispered, trying to break the tension.

Takeshi turned his head to stare at the window. He paused for a few moments. “I think on the surface, everything appears more beautiful.”

The corners of her mouth turned up.

“I think so too. As much as I hate Genesis and everything it stands for, it was the most beautiful place I’d ever seen.” She felt him move an arm behind his head as they continued to stare, lost in thought.

“Genesis used to be my home,” his voice lowered.

Khalani whipped her head to him in shock. “You lived in Genesis? How did you end up being a guard in Braderhelm?”

Takeshi shook his head with a half-smile that didn’t reflect in his eyes. “My tale isn’t a happy one, Kanes.”

She shifted on her side to fully face him. “Is anyone’s personal story ever truly happy? We’re all fucked up. Some are just better at hiding it than others.”

He followed her movement with a deep frown, testing the sincerity of his words.

“I never knew my father,” he started. “He left when I was born, and my mother raised me on her own, barely making enough to support herself. But she always made sure I was fed and happy, and kept me completely unaware of how little we had because her love filled the gaps.

“But she wanted to give me more, a better education, and started dating a wealthy businessman in Apollo. His name was Hector. I did like him…at first. They married right when the dome was completed, and he had enough money for all of us to live in Genesis. That’s when our problems started.”

Khalani lay there in a trance as his words floated through the air like a spell, beckoning her to only listen and be still. As if any movement would break the story’s hold over her. Over him.

“For the first couple of years in Genesis, my mom seemed happy, but slowly, her laughter faded. Every now and then, I noticed bruises on her arms. Her cheeks. I often asked about them, but she’d always say that she tripped or was too clumsy. My happiness mattered more than hers, and she never wanted me to know the truth. I was fifteen and came home from school early one day. I walked in the door and heard him screaming at her. He called me a disobedient bastard, a constant disappointment, and a pitiful excuse for a son. They didn’t know I was standing in the doorway. My mother slapped him, and he punched her.

“I was frozen. My mother lay on the hard floor, and Hector didn’t care. He just walked out the door. I held my mom on the ground, and we both cried in each other’s arms. I couldn’t speak. I was horrified and scared. But mostly, I was angry. Angry that I didn’t know what was happening. Angry that Hector hurt my mother. And I was furious at myself when I didn’t do anything to stop it.” The muscles in his arms tightened.

“I dropped out of school the next day and enlisted in the Academy to become a guard. My mother objected, but I didn’t listen. I needed to be able to protect her if he tried hurting her again. A few years passed, and there were no more bruises on my mother, at least, none I could see.

“I graduated the top of my class in the Academy and was selected as one of the Governor’s personal guards. After my final qualifications, I came home early to share the good news. Only this time, when I walked in the door, Hector had my mother up against the wall in a chokehold. I didn’t think. I just attacked. I used all my training to wrestle him off her. I punched him over and over again. With each hit, I visualized him hurting my mother, who would never harm a fly, and it only enraged me further. But I was too late. Her injuries were too severe, and she was already gone by the time I killed him.”

A light sheen was in his eyes as he continued, “No one cared about her murder. In everyone’s eyes, she was her husband’s property, to do with as he saw fit. I was the one punished for murdering Hector. Because I was the best pre-guard they’d ever seen at the Academy, the Master Judge spared my life and decided I would be best put to use in Braderhelm Prison.”

Khalani lay there with her mouth hanging open. Takeshi had his life ripped away from him in the worst possible way, just as Khalani's had been stolen. Takeshi hadn’t come to Braderhelm by choice. He was sentenced there.

A prisoner without the title.

Takeshi’s gaze was far away, face hard and muscles rigid. She saw herself in his eyes. Takeshi’s consistently harsh demeanor made sense to her now. He pushed people away so he wouldn’t get close enough to care if they got hurt. Like his mother.

“I’m sorry, Takeshi. What happened…you didn’t deserve that,” she whispered.

Takeshi glanced back as if he could feel the weight of her focus. He studied her like a kindred soul, both lost in their cruel, pain-filled world.

“You didn’t deserve to lose your parents either.”

Tears formed, and she pursed her lips, trying to hold herself together. “Do you think that,” she paused to swallow, choking on her words, “one day, we’ll see them again? Like in heaven?”

It was the first time she ever let those words escape.

He frowned and pondered her question .

“For the longest time, I didn’t believe in God. I mean, how could God do that to me? To her? But my mother believed. If there is a heaven, and anyone’s there, it’s her. And when I look at you…” Takeshi’s chin lifted, and his heated stare halted her breath, like her oxygen was his to preserve.

“I know I shouldn’t say this, but your beauty is so overwhelming that it makes me ache. It’s more than physical. It’s who you are as a person. That’s how I know if your parents are anything like you, they are in heaven too.”

Tears fell down her face without permission. And at that moment, she didn’t even care.

“It’s not fair,” she whispered.

“What is?” He searched her eyes.

“For you to know me better than I do.”

He recognized her deepest scars. Scars she didn’t show anyone else. The immense pain, anger, and regret for being powerless to stop your loved ones from being taken away resonated beneath their skin.

It didn’t weaken Takeshi, though. No, he was stronger because of it, ready to take on the world fighting.

“But I’m thankful,” she confessed. “Not just for trusting me with your story, but for being there for me earlier.”

Takeshi’s face tightened. “I was scared. I saw your body on the ground, and the first thing I thought of was my mother. I thought I’d failed you too.”

“I know...but you didn’t fail me. I’m okay,” Khalani insisted, but his troubled gaze shot to the red marks on her neck.

“I even did the squishy eye finger trick you taught me,” she added. “Freaking gross. You’re the only one who could convince me to do that.”

“I noticed. But you sound less badass when you call it the squishy eye finger trick, you know that, right?”

“Perhaps. But I just got you to admit that I’m a little badass.”

Takeshi rolled his eyes, but the tension slowly eased from his firm body. “Are you trying to distract me from being upset, Kanes? ”

“Yes, is it working?”

Takeshi turned on his back, face still hard, but the barest hint of a smirk appeared. “Maybe.”

She laid on her back as well, smiling to herself. A gentle peace lay between them. A truce. Just for that one night. And after his story, Khalani was compelled to share a small detail of herself that no one else knew.

“You know, I wanted to be a gardener when I was younger.” She focused on the ceiling, imagining a whole array of flowers growing in the grey cracks.

“Really?” Takeshi’s deep voice softened as he stared at the ceiling with her.

Could he see the art too?

“Yeah. Every other kid in my class wanted to be a scientist, a Death-Zoner, or a councilman. Something grand. Not me, I drew myself watering flowers in Genesis.”

He chuckled. “I would’ve thought you wanted to be the first female Governor with your stubbornness.”

“I don’t like to be in the spotlight. I’m more inclined to fade into the background and the shadows. I guess Braderhelm was the perfect place for me, even though there are no flowers,” she joked, putting her arms over the covers and snuggling deeper.

Takeshi didn’t speak for the longest time. When she started to close her eyes, the weight of exhaustion hitting her, he whispered,

“I’ll find some flowers for you.”

Takeshi put his arms by his side, still lying on top of the covers. Then slowly, like there was static electricity trickling up the side of her body, his pinky grazed hers.

And stayed there.

Khalani breathed out, feeling like her heart was galloping at the small touch.

That was it.

They didn’t hold hands .

It was the most minimal connection, but those skin cells connected to his were like electrical rods, pulsing and beaming with energy.

She didn’t remember what purpose her pinky ever served before it was touched by his.

She swallowed, trying to slow her pulse. They didn’t move except for their chests, rising up and down with each breath. Khalani eventually closed her eyes as the soft sound of his breathing helped calm her erratic mind.

She soon found herself down a sleepy tunnel and sank further in its depths, the side of their fingers still connected, right till she fell asleep.