Page 41 of Upon Buried Embers (Upon Buried Embers #1)

Rohan

“She’s not here.”

“Are you sure?” I ask Kaldar, and he nods.

“She’s nowhere to be found.”

“She couldn’t have just left! There’s a storm for fuck’s sake!”

“What did you say to her?” Asseya asks.

“I told her to leave.”

Adora shakes her head. “Why would you tell her that?”

“She removed a braid from my reins, washed it and re-braided it.”

Their eyes go wide.

“Are you sure?” Calian asks. “She wouldn’t do that. I’ve seen her in that room and she’s scared to go near it.”

“But she did. She told me herself.”

“Fuck,” Calian mutters, running a hand down his face. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“Maybe not,” I agree, “but she told me she did it.”

“Then why?” Adora asks.

I don’t know, but I need to find her.

“There must be a reason, brother.” Kaldar squeezes my shoulder, and I nod.

“So she left?” Asseya says softly, realization dawning in her eyes.

“I already told you—"

“No, Rohan. She left. You told her to leave, and she knows she did wrong. That girl never steps a single foot out of place and with you telling her to leave, that’s exactly what she did.”

My heart squeezes painfully. “She wouldn’t. We had a deal.”

“You told her to leave, not get out,” Rhett agrees, shrugging, while Dorkin nods.

But that’s not— Fuck .

“Maybe it’s for the best,” Rhett says, placing a hand on my shoulder. “She can go on with her life and we can be safe here without the threat of the king finding out.”

I shrug his hand off of me. “No. She needs to be here. I didn’t mean—”

Our heads snap to the tent flap as a roar splits the air.

Drogonah…

I rush outside, the others following.

“What is it?” He growls, turning to the side and leaning down. “You found her?” He growls again and I run, grabbing on to a spike, then with practiced ease, I climb upon his back—no saddle. “Take me to her, now.”

“We’ll be here when you get back!” Asseya shouts, but I’m already in the air, Drogonah’s wings beating rapidly.

I stay low, our visibility low as ice forms in my hair from the wind, the storm still in full effect. We head for the forest, my heart hammering.

She didn’t come this far out, did she?

Did she really leave?

Drogonah lowers, and there, just in the distance, I see it. Fire.

What the fuck?

“Drogonah!” He roars, and another roars back.

We aim for that light, and I move up high on Drogonah’s neck to get a better look.

He swoops down lower, the tops of the trees grazing his feet and then without a care, he drops into them, crushing them and landing before the fire with a heavy thud .

I sit up, looking to the side of him and find Escor laying down near the fire.

“What are you doing here!” I shout, jumping down off Drogonah and going to him. “We need to find—”

His deadly growl cuts me off, his teeth bared and Drogonah growls at him.

I haven’t ever heard Escor sound like that before. He’s deadly serious, he will attack me if I get closer.

“Escor,” I start, but pause when I see the position he’s in.

He’s laying down on his side, one wing hovering out at the side of him, curled under at the edges, his feet hidden.

“Are you hurt?” Is his wing broken? Fuck. “Let me see.” I take a step forward, and he growls again, ignoring another warning from Drogonah.

When he lifts his head back a little, it shifts his wing, and that’s when I see it.

Red hair peeking out from under it.

“Elf!” Escor spits fire out, landing just before my feet.

I have no axe, and he’s ignoring Drogonah’s warning.

But I still have my bare fucking hands.

“Escor,” I growl, standing to my full height. “Thank you for sheltering her, but I need to get to her.”

More fire, I step over it.

“I will not hesitate, Escor. She needs me.”

More fire. I walk through it.

“We need to take her back. Now!”

His head lowers, lips peeling back and I stare at him. I step closer and after an intense moment, he peels back his wing, slowly letting me have access, though he doesn’t stop that threatening growl.

He can burn me all he wants if it means I get to her.

I rush forward, moving her hair aside.

Fuck, she’s blue.

No, no, no.

“Elf,” I say softly, rolling her onto her back. “Elf, wake up.” I pat her cheek gently and hiss at the contact. Fuck, she’s freezing.

I lean down, listening and… there.

Her breathing is slow but it’s there. “Fuck,” I rasp. “Come on, open those eyes for me.”

She doesn’t.

“Talk to me, please.”

Nothing.

“It’s okay.” I run my fingers down the side of her face. “I have you now, let’s get you home.”

I grab her, holding her close to my chest and stand. I don’t know if she can even hear me, but I want to reassure her.

“It’s okay.” Her head lolls to the side, and I swallow roughly. “Just keep breathing for me.”

This is all my fault.

“Get us home, quickly, Drogonah.”

He lowers his wing and I climb on his back, Escor coming up behind me as I hold her as close to me as possible, trying to warm her up as Drogonah takes us home.

“Her wrist is broken,” Asseya tells me, and I grit my teeth, sitting next to my bed.

“I have what I need to speed up the healing, but it will still take a little time. I will check over the rest of her tomorrow, but with her sleeping, I won’t know if she’s in pain anywhere, so best to keep her body still. ”

She rifles through the bag, putting paste on something and then wrapping it around her left wrist before putting some sort of splint on it.

I stare at her, her lips still tinged with blue even with the roaring fire.

She has a little cut there, and I glare at it, along with her swollen eye.

It doesn’t look like injuries from a fall. That’s what Asseya said.

So how the fuck did she get them?

“Why won’t she wake?” I clear my throat.

It feels thick, like something is stuck there.

Asseya smooths the hair from her face. “She ran into a snow storm, Rohan.”

Because of me.

“She wasn’t wearing the appropriate clothing.”

Because of me.

“She’s exhausted, and then she got hurt, and we don’t know how long she was buried in the snow before Escor got to her.”

Because.

Of.

Me.

A hand covering mine has my eyes flicking up to her concerned ones. “She needs rest, warmth and,” a pause. “Care.”

I pull my hand away and nod, because no words will come.

I remember how she flinched when I shouted at her, how she dropped the roses because her hands shook too much, and I remember the light dimming from her eyes, tears falling before she turned and went out the door.

“I’ll come by tomorrow. A bath will warm her, but let’s keep her in the bed for now and the fire lit. There’s some warm broth on the table, try to trickle it in her mouth and rub her neck to swallow. Well,” she says sadly, “What you can reach with the collar.”

The collar I still haven’t found a way to get off without hurting her.

It was melded together at the back, just under her hairline and I saw the scar from it there.

It must have hurt.

Just like her running in the cold hurt her.

Just like her broken wrist hurt her.

Just like I hurt her.

Fuck.

What have I done?

“Rest, Rohan.” Asseya says, and then she leaves us.

I watch her chest rise and fall under the furs. She’s wearing one of my tunics underneath.

I closed my eyes and changed her under the furs, needing to keep her warm but I also felt like I didn’t have the right to see her naked, no matter the times I’ve seen her when bathing.

I didn’t deserve to.

Hesitating for a moment, I place my hand on her head, stroking her softly and look at the braids she tried to do on her own, because I haven’t been doing it.

My throat tightens.

She struggled with it, the braids, sometimes making four strands and not the simple three. Her hair is thick, long and curly, untameable, like fire and I… enjoy braiding her hair, but I hadn’t been doing it.

I’ve been avoiding her after the meeting, and I know it upset her, I could tell.

But I had to focus on my duty, what’s important, getting the clan prepared for The Games, for what’s to come… I couldn’t be blinded.

Instead, I was fucking stupid.

There’s no honor in making a woman run into a snowstorm and causing her to get hurt.

That isn’t what we do. That isn’t what I do.

I didn’t mean for her to run like that, I was angry, and my anger has caused her pain.

I rub my eyes with clenched fists.

She whimpers, and I sit up instantly, eyes on her closed ones, waiting for them to open, but they never do.

Sighing, I untangle her hair gently and re-braid it the best I can with her laying down.

I try giving her broth next, but with the collar, it was no use getting her to swallow, so I just drip a little in her parted lips and blow gently.

It doesn’t work at first, but slowly, she groans before swallowing, then her body heaves with coughs.

“I’m here, gentle.” My words are soft, softer than I’ve ever heard them. Any other time I would chastise myself for it, but I can’t.

I rub the center of her chest, my sole focus on helping her the best I can as she settles and stays deep in sleep.

I don’t think of anything, don’t look at anything else.

So much so that I don’t think about the hair still on the floor, the dragons outside my cabin, and I don’t think about how I lay down with her, curling around her to protect her when I know I shouldn’t.

When really, someone should be here to protect her from me.

She has a fever.

She trembles uncontrollably as Asseya tries to give her medicine, and she coughs most of it up.

“Poor dear,” Asseya sighs, holding the mug of medicine and looking down at it. “I’m certain she can come out of this on her own, but the medicine will help.”

I wipe a cloth over her forehead, exhausted after two days but refusing to have a break.

“I’ll give it to her, just leave it on the side.”

She puts it down on the nearby table. “I’ve left some soup, make sure to have some?”

I grunt, but don’t confirm.

I haven’t eaten anything since she’s been like this, can’t stomach it.

“You need to eat, Rohan.” I know Asseya is concerned, but it isn’t needed, I just need her.

“I will.”

“I didn’t take you for a liar.” Neither did I.

She sighs and comes over to me, placing a kiss on my head like a child. “Rest.”

And then she’s gone.

I rinse the cloth and grab more water, wiping sweat from her face, and then add more wood to the fire before coming back and sitting next to her once more.

“Come on, Little Whisperer. We need to get up, there’re things to do.” She breathes deeply, but her eyes don’t open. “Escor misses you, even Drogonah has been more grumpy than usual.”

I sigh and look at the medicine and back to her, a plan forming.

“Don’t hate me for this.”

I take a drink of the medicine, barely tasting the rancid thing, before I grab the back of her head and gently lift her up.

Once satisfied it’s enough, I place my lips to hers and gently nudge them, coax them open.

It takes a little while, but she parts them a little, and then I place my lips on hers, letting some of the medicine flow in.

Touching her this way should excite me, but my sole focus is on getting this medicine inside of her, in any way I can.

This isn’t how I’ll kiss her for the first time.

So I continue like this, taking it slow, and eventually, she has taken all of it.

I lay her gently back down, stroking a finger down the side of her face.

“There, that should make you feel better.”

I clean up, and watch her shivering in her sleep, hating myself more and more.

She burns up once again, sweat dripping down the side of her head and I grab a fresh cloth.

Bath.

That’s what Asseya said will help.

After making sure the water’s ready, I peel the furs back, preparing to lift her.

“I’ll keep the tunic on, don’t worry, and then I’ll change the bed—”

I frown as I look down at her arm.

There are dark marks on her, five of them, and I place my hand on it, trying to wipe it away.

It doesn’t.

I grab a damp cloth, rubbing over it, and once again, it doesn’t go away.

What the fuck?

Sitting now, I lift her arm and get a closer look, running my finger over them.

They aren’t dark, they’re a deep purple.

I look further down and see another mark on her forearm, this one larger. I quickly check the other one, and there are two small ones there.

I sit back, fury building as I pull the furs back more, eyes glued to her legs as more marks appear, one looking to be the shape of a boot.

“R… Rohan.” My eyes snap up at the slurred words, and dazed, green eyes land on me.

“Elf.” My tone is guttural, rough, and I clear it. “I’m here.”

“Hmm.” Her eyes blink closed before slowly opening again, her fever still taking hold of her.

“I need you to answer me something, okay?”

“H…hmm,” she mumbles, blinking lazily, barely with it.

I take a breath, trying to get the words out.

“Tell me where the bruises came from.”

“From?”

“Yes.”

Her head lolls to the side. “Fell… over.”

“Over what?”

Her brows dip. “....always falling over.”

My stomach turns, and I remember back to when she told me she fell over a bucket, or hit the well and ended up with a cut on her forehead.

But these bruises… you don’t get them from falling over, you get them from someone hurting you.

Someone has been… hurting her.

“Tell me who hurt you?” I demand, barely able to scrape the words from my throat.

“Always… hurting.”

My hands shake with her words.

“Elf.” Her eyes close, and her breathing deepens with sleep.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck.

My head falls forward, hands clenching on my knees as they tremble and I close my eyes as I feel myself slipping into a place of no return. Into a place I can’t go right now because she needs me.

But as I blink my eyes open, locking with the purple bruises on her body, dreading to think of the ones still hidden.

I’m already out the door, nearly tearing the fucking thing off of its hinges.