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THE PROTECTOR

W e put on our clothes, and then head to the car. Neither of us say a thing after we spent a good few minutes just laughing on top of my brother’s tomb.

What happened was madness. Pure madness. I can’t believe I had an urge to just fuck her on his grave, when his headstone hasn’t even been secured properly.

Once we start walking to the car, I open it and Penelope sits by my side and it is in this moment, that I have a good look at her, and assess the damage which has been done to her clothes.

“Do you want to get something to eat, or shower first?” I ask.

She sighs as she puts her head back.

“I would love to shower, but I’m hungry and now I need something to wear.”

I chuckle, because I have a solution for the problem so it’s no big deal.

"Ruslan and Noah were always on the move, so there are always some spare clothes in the back. We can go to a nearby gas station, and then you can change there, and we can find something to eat afterward,” I utter.

She nods in agreement and puts on her belt. I don’t know what to say, so I turn on the radio to fill the silence. Once I see a gas station and pull up, I head to the back and give her the bag. Her hair is a mess, and I manage to get a twig out of it. Or maybe two. She chuckles as she shakes her head and takes the bag. I know she’s going to be in there for a while, so I fill the car with gas and decide to take the other bag and see what’s in it. Once again, I start thinking about Penelope, but I realize my clothes are pretty damaged too.

My zipper is broken and my shirt doesn’t have all the buttons. So, after filling the car, and avoiding stares from onlookers, I head to the bathroom to change my clothes. Once we’re both out, once again we laugh. We’re both dressed as if we’re tourists in typical Welcome to New York jerseys, with sweats and a hoodie. She’s pretty when she laughs.

“Ready?” I ask.

She nods, and then we head back to the car. Her hair is tied up and no doubt it is wet, because she probably tried to wash it in the bathroom. Either way, she looks a lot better than she did when she went in there.

An hour passes before I find a place to eat, something simple, nothing fancy, just a stop to fuel up the body. My mind was still in gear, processing what we’d just done, but my body was hungry, and in need of a distraction.

Then, we hit the road again, to find a motel, the cabin is too far and besides one night in a motel is no big deal. We check in without a word, just the kind of place which can give us some space. I didn’t need to say much. As I know she’s just as exhausted as I am, but I’m not sure I can sleep, but I’m going to try. I can’t fuck her once more, it would be wrong and I need to concentrate on finding this killer and there’s no room for any more distractions.

Not even Penelope.

I watch her as she falls asleep on the bed far from the door. It’s as if everything about her has turned me from the animal who wants to avenge my brother’s death to a lamb.

She’s innocent in this.

Penelope wants answers, Noah called to say that he’s going to see some from friends, who have better access to whatever he was talking about. I took the phone call outside, of the room but all I could think about was Penelope in the room. So, I was half-listening, as my mind raced back to what happened at the graveyard. What happened at the graveyard was insane. I still can’t get over that I fucked her on my brother’s grave and I loved every minute of it.

Is this what Ruslan felt like?

A man who had lost his mind, this is how I feel when I’m with her, not like a ex-special agent.

Once we’re in the room alone. My phone rings again and it clearly startles her as she jumps up and her eyes lock on mine, as I get up and leave the room. I need to give her some time to recover, I know I wasn’t gentle with her. I was grieving or I still am and this is why I behaved that way. Like a man I no longer know.

There’s no caller ID which is weird, I turn it off, thinking that tomorrow morning, I’ll get another one and let Noah know the number.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

She shakes her head, not denying that she’s sleeping or maybe the phone hadn’t woken her up.

She was laying on the bed, and I was watching her chest rise and fall. I should have rented two rooms, but I didn’t want her too far from me. Besides, the motel is basic. The room has two single beds, and her bed is near the bathroom. I have a chair near the door, so I can keep one eye on her bed, and one near the window by the door.

The woman on reception didn’t care, as long as I paid cash which I did, because she was too busy flicking through TikTok as if her life depended on it. An addiction, I will never understand.

“Were you pretending to sleep?” I ask. I put the light on, because I thought she was sleeping, so I had turned it off.

“Not so much pretending, but I was scared to move.I don’t know what to do after what happened between us. You haven’t brought it up, and I don’t know why.”

I don’t want to make a confusing situation any more confusing than it already is. We had sex, and we both need to worry about the task at hand which is finding the killer. I keep telling myself that Penelope and I can never be, but then I keep acting as if there is a chance for us. I don’t know who I hate more for doing it, her or me.

“Do you think I’d hurt you?”

Still avoiding my stare she continues to look at the television in front of the bed, which isn’t on.

“Your brother followed me for years, and I don’t know if it was because he was a secret admirer, never wanting to get close or something else. In the woods then earlier in the graveyard, the way you took me, I don’t know if you want to hurt me or comfort me?”

A wave of jealousy takes over me as she mentions Ruslan’s name. It’s as if I’m second choice, and I’m no booby prize.

“Did you enjoy it?” I ask.

Her face grows red, but the way she was screaming on the tomb, I know the answer to the question. She enjoyed it. She fucking enjoyed it.

“I’m not a monster, I didn’t try to hurt you like those monsters. I never will,” I confess.

She sits up and cradles her knees. I shouldn’t have brought it up, but I can’t admit to her what I did at the gravesite scared me more than her.

I don’t have to defend myself, because I’m still working everything out. In the space of a month, my boss has been killed, my brother is dead and I’ve given up my job. The one I’ve worked so many years at.

Part of me doesn’t even recognize myself anymore and it worries me, because I’m thinking what’s next? I’ve taken life in my stride never having fear, but since I went to Maplewood, I’ve had emotion that I never knew I possessed and it all centered around her.

“It’s just with your brother, it’s as if he always wanted to protect me.”

Maybe?

Who knows?

It’s not like the dead can talk.

“And that’s why he’s dead” I bite back.

She starts to sob, burying her head in between her knees. This is exactly why I don’t do any type of relationship, because I never say the right thing. I just always end up saying the wrong thing and it ends in tears. Never mine.

“I know, it’s all my fault.”

It isn’t, but the words don’t come out. I won’t tolerate her comparing Ruslan to me. It hit a nerve. I’m not a kid, but I act like one around her, which isn’t right.

She nods her head, and this time she stops to look at me and it’s as if she’s taking in my appearance. I don’t know if she likes what she sees, because her face is neutral as she stares at me.

“Does my staring make you feel uncomfortable?” She says coldly.

She surprises me with her question, because I get the impression that she fears me.

I shift next to her, unsure why. Like a magnet, I’m drawn to her. She lifts her hand and cups my face and in an instinct my natural reaction is to take her hand away, and dismiss it like a piece of trash.

“You’re not used to people touching you?” She asks.

I don’t answer her, as I move closer, inhaling her vanilla scent and attempt to do what I did with her in the asylum. I want to fuck her pain away, her memories and her thoughts. I can’t get enough of her, and yet my brother felt that way about her, and he never got as close as I have done.

He never will.

“You shouldn’t want to get close to me. I can’t give you what you want,” I confess.

Our eyes lock, because I don’t want to focus on her oval lips. She’s breathing so fast, as if she’s trying to keep her composure. I don’t know who she is fooling. I’m pretty sure the reason she’s getting hot, and her face is turning red, is because I’m near.

“I can’t love you,” I purr, as I draw even closer to her.

Her mouth opens to say something to disagree with what she wants from me, but the sadness on her face says it all. Her expectations are too much.

“Someone wants you dead, and we need to figure out who it is before…”

“I want you to train me. I want you to make me strong,” she mutters.

I chuckle at the idea of turning her into Wonder Woman when the only thing I want to do right now is have her once again, but this time on top of this bed.

“You should get some rest.,” I say.

She shakes her head. “I was a child when your brother rescued me, but I’m so much more than that now.”

“You’re a woman who has been abused and you’re lonely. I shouldn’t have…”

“Fucked me,” she fills in the gap. This is what I did, but it sounds so crude coming from her mouth.

“If I try and make out that we’re going to be in a relationship or anything. Then I’ll be taking advantage of you.”

“Is that why you left me hanging after we kissed in the woods? Because you don’t want to take advantage of me?”

She moves closer. I can feel her breath on my face, and my cock starts to rise as she does it, because she wants me to take her again.

“What happened at the graveyard was a mistake!” I snarl, as I back away from her.

“You don’t mean that. You’re just worried that you can’t protect me if we get involved.”

I raise an eyebrow.

“Maybe I’ve read too many romantic books.,” she sighs as she avoids eye contact.

“There’s nothing romantic about me training you, let alone fucking you,” I mutter to her as I shift to the chair in the other side of the room, because I can’t trust myself near her.

“You want to do more than fuck me!” I snap. I’m trying to keep her away, and control myself and she’s making it so fucking hard.

Penelope has turned into a swan with a lot of guts. Maybe she has been reading too many romantic books, and as much as my brother wanted to protect her, maybe she could do it all by herself.

I shake my head, because I’m doing what I didn’t want to do. I’m getting distracted.

“Penelope!” I bark as I sit down, and do what I should have done in the first place, keep my distance, and sit down in this chair in silence.

“I frighten you. That’s why you keep backing away from me,” she teases.

She’s right., but I’m not about to back down. She should be broken. The girl who had a therapist that looked just like her Aunt. The one who was raped by ten men, she shouldn’t be trying to seduce me, but she is.

“I’m not like my brother,” I warn her.

I stand my ground, as she stands in front of me. She’s so close that I can see her erect nipples. She’s teasing me again. I want to taste every inch of her, not like on Ruslan’s tomb, but I’m being selfish. I have to think of someone else, apart from me for a change, and I intend to do that now.

“Good!” She smiles.

“You shouldn’t play with fire, little girl, otherwise you’ll get burned.”

My length is growing, touching her, and it’s as if her wetness intoxicates me.

“I’m going to punish you every time that you provoke me like this,” I warn her.

“Good.” She repeats. “Because I am a filthy girl.”