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13

HUNTER

I should set her free, my butterfly. It has been five years since I rescued her from her aunt and blew her aunt’s brains out. Then, I avenged one of the two men, that raped her, and the rest are either dead or behind bars.

Yet, it isn’t enough. I still want to be with her morning, noon and night. Last night I did all I could to stop myself from taking all of her whilst she was on her bed. I wanted to taste her. Feel the warmth of her skin next to mine. Yet, no matter how close I get to her, no matter how much I want to be with her, I just end up being a shadow.

I watch with bated breath, my chest rising and falling in time with hers, my body leaning forward whenever she moves. She’s the one I’m connected to at the moment which is why I need her near all the time. I made sure she doesn’t work too far from her apartment, so she can go for walks and I could linger behind her like a ghost.

No more is she a caterpillar on the bed, or locked up in the mental asylum, but she is free from the darkness of her past, like a butterfly.

There were three men in her room that night when I killed her aunt. They had some sick plans. They weren’t only going to fuck her, but torture her too. They had a chainsaw, whips and even a fucking hammer as it they were doing some home DIY.

“Are you still keeping an eye on her?” Noah asks as I open the door to our new hideout, which isn’t too far from the diner where Penelope works.

"We need to move again. Somewhere where there are cases to solve in the field. We can't stay in a sleepy town in Ohio where the local sheriff can solve cases all by himself."

I've seen the sheriff and his son, the deputy, and they spend more time in the diner, having breakfast and lunch. They treat their job as if it is an eleven to three-thirty job, because it’s the only time they're in the station. They are either out, or at home.

"I chose here for Penelope, because it's not too big for her to get lost or feel unsafe. And not too small, for everyone to be asking questions about her past. She's comfortable here," I remind him about why we're here in the first place.

I know part of the reason he wants to move is because ever since that night, our relationship has changed. No more does he see me as his father figure, but someone who he works with, a colleague. I know he's seeing a girl, one who is hundreds of miles from here. Maybe he tells her everything, the way he used to do with me. Either way, I'm happy for him. Just because I'm miserable and lonely doesn't mean he has to be.

“Well, it’s all online. I mean your job is, it doesn’t matter where we’re at?”

He side eyes me, before looking back at the screen, and sitting down.

“Yeah. I thought my case made it obvious. The big time predators aren’t doing things the conventional way anymore, they’re not online and creating websites. They’re more creative, sometimes they stalk them. Then again, you should know all about stalking.”

I sit down, and then move my chair next to his, ignoring his dig at me.

“Frank’s retired. I think you should do the same,” he says while avoiding my stare and looking at the computer screen. His eyes darting from screen-to-screen, just so he doesn’t have to look at me.

Noah isn’t the scared little kid I rescued years ago. He’s a man now, and any time soon he may be a really tall buffed up one the way he spends so much time in the gym and with those protein shakes.

I shake my head, because he’s saying it, he doesn’t mean it.

Does he?

“You couldn’t do without me,” I say my voice quivering as if the idea of the one person who does care about me, is starting to think otherwise. Then again, he has felt that way before, I could see it in his eyes, and even worse, we’ve never had a real conversation about it.

“Besides, I don't see myself buying a bar in Mexico and living a normal life. Not yet. I’m still young,” I chuckle.

Seeing as I never celebrate my birthday or keep tabs, the idea of me being too young is laughable. I’m forty pushing on forty one, that’s not exactly young, not like Noah.

“Well, maybe you can date the girl you’ve been seeing in person, instead of just talking to her online,” I say. If anyone has a future to look forward to, it’s him not me.

He pauses and stops and faces me. “Look Ruslan.”

Another thing, he no longer calls me Hunter. I suppose part of me should be happy about not hiding my identity anymore. Then, again the other part of me, regrets the way he found out. It wasn’t right. Maybe Jamie is right, I have no idea how to have any relationship with anyone. Not even a dear friend, let alone someone who I used to refer to as the son I never had, but I still think of him that way deep down inside.

“I know we’ve been distant since that night.”

I don’t have to explain which night in question, he knows. Shit, we both do. As much as I’m telling him to leave, the idea of it, scares the shit out of me.

Trust.

I would have to find someone I could trust, which is ten times harder than the job itself.

Maybe I do need to retire. I can’t be the only one in the world, doing this job. There’s a law enforcement agent. There’s the CIA, so there’s no need for me to act as if the predators will never go down, if I give up being whatever I’m supposed to be.

“But…maybe you’re right. I could do with a break. You’re out at night and sometimes during the day just following her around”

“Making sure she’s safe.”

I correct him. But stalking her is closer to the truth.

“You put security cameras in her place and her phone is traced, but you still stalk her as if there’s no tomorrow. For what? I still don’t get it. Why don’t you think she’s safe?”

It’s as if he read my mind, as he said what I was thinking earlier.

“Yeah, because I have a feeling something will come up. I don’t know what it is, but my gut never lets me down.”

“Or you’re obsessed with her?”

That too.

“Either way. Molly and I were talking about heading to the Bahamas for a Spring break and I’m thinking we shouldn’t wait too long. We should just go for it.”

I nod my head in agreement. What is he waiting for?

“We caught most of the therapists who were linked to Dr. Sinclair, but I think you’re right. There are predators everywhere. It’s not as if they are all in one place.”

“Noah, we shut down the New York operation, and the L.A. one too.”

The L.A. one was a fucking nightmare. I catch my breath as I remember kids as young as seven were caught up in that circuit and dead beat actors with attitudes. No one wanted to work with them in the business again, so they were doing anything to get their names up in lights again. They were feeding kids mostly their own or new talent, they claimed to still have connections in the industry like feeding meat to lions in the zoo.

“Every time I think about L. A. I feel fucking sick. The kids were being tortured. Poor Jason had his leg amputated when he was six, just so he couldn’t run away. Do you remember that kid?” I ask Noah as I remember him.

“How could I fucking forget. Let’s vow not to go into detail, when we talk about L.A. Most of them were so fucking high, they didn’t know what they were doing before let alone after the slaughter.”

“Nor care,” I whisper. At least I’ve stopped smoking for now, but the drinking is a different issue which isn’t out of control, but if I stayed in L.A. and saw anymore fucked up shit, then it would be.

“Anyway, what should I do, book flights and go?”

He’s asking me for permission. He turns once again to face me. The young boy I rescued from his mom has gone and is replaced by a good looking blue eyed man, with dark hair, which he died, because he felt like a change.

“Yeah,” I croak as I stand up and shift away from him, before I mess up by weeping.

“Maybe you should go back to NY and visit your brother.”

I chuckle at the idea of it. “Jamie and I may look alike, but after that night, after I used his ID without his permission to bust down the door of Penelope’s aunt. He said I’d taken it too far. He takes his job seriously.”

“But didn’t you guys used to step into each other's shoes all the time? Taking up each other’s lives as if they were your own?” He raises an eyebrow, then motions for me to give him a glass.

“That’s different. Whenever we took over each other’s lives, then we gave each other permission to do it, but at that time, it felt as though I were stepping on his toes.. I’ve never been his brother. More his shadow. Our mom was dirt poor in Russia. One day at the market, this rich dude asks if she has the one kid and she lied and said yes. That’s how we became one person.”

“I still don’t get how you got away with it,”Noah says.

I shrug, and then I get the glass and pour a generous amount of bourbon.

“Well, the guy had a private jet, he was that rich. He flew us here from Russia. No one really checks your passport or anything when you have so much money. There’s no immigration. Mom had a house at the back of the mansion which she used to dabble in art. One thing about mom, she was creative. I would give her that.”

This is the first time, since Noah found out the truth about Jamie and I, that I’d given him the details of how it had happened, and the reason why we did it.

“What about the house?” He asks.

“Jamie and I took weekly turns to live in the main house. He had a taste of my life and me his. Then as we got older and moved to college, we did the same thing. We had an apartment outside of the city. He would stay there and get up to God knows what, and I would do the same. The main thing was always making sure we let the other one know what we got up to, when we had time off,” I explain, not only to him, but to myself. I’ve never really had to sit back and think about it all, till now.

Noah knocks back his drink, and then I follow suit.

“I can’t believe no one noticed the difference, not even your stepdad.”

I choke, “he was the worst. He knew mom had one kid, but when he found out that he couldn’t have any kids. He didn’t want to raise another man’s son, knowing he could never raise his own. His interest in Mom deteriorated, so she moved into the outhouse with us. Besides, Mom died when we were at college. We had our college fund and never went back to the house again. He moved in with his mistress and other family and that was it.”

“Shit, that’s rough. And you never felt the desire to be you?” Noah asks.

I tilt my head as I think back to when I was a kid, and then I start to fill my glass again.

“Sure. When I was a kid and I used to get an A. I would be like, I want that A to have my name not Jamie’s. When I was older and wanted to date a girl. I couldn’t, because it would mean her getting too close. So, it was all about the one night stands, which suited Jamie. He can’t have anyone close to him.”

“Why?” Noah asks.

I shrug. “I wish I knew the answer. As I said, we look alike, but we’re not close at all. It’s like we used to meet and discuss whenever we took over each other’s lives as if we were in a business meeting exchanging notes.”

“But he used to come to the hideout and pretend to be you. Why?”

I shrug. I never asked him. I’m not sure I ever will.

“A habit maybe. I think Jamie liked not being him sometimes, and when he came to the hideout, when he didn’t have to be him, but me, then he found comfort in it.”

This must be where the saying, “it is good to talk,” comes into play. I’ve done things, especially with Jamie, out of habit. I never questioned why he would not want to be an FBI agent, because it always gave me the opportunity to find out about the predators with Noah’s skills, and the FBI resources. Noah’s good, don’t get me wrong, but at times I think as much as he knows about technology, sometimes we need time to get out of our own skins, and get help from unsuspecting places like the FBI.

“I don’t get it. I don’t think I ever will. No offense,” Noah says as he drops his glass and heads back to his computer.

“I think you both need some love, ecause none of this makes fucking sense. You switched lives when you were kids and continued when you were adults too for no good reason. I’m out of here today. I just had a message back from Molly that she’s game too. I’ll book the tickets.”

Silence enters the room. As much as I said I wanted him out of here, the idea of him leaving and not being by my side makes me feel uneasy and I don’t know why.

“Are you sure that you’re going to be alright?” He asks.

I shake then nod my head finding myself speechless. The little kid is giving me advice on what to do. He’s right, this thing between Jamie and I needs to have a conversation. I’ll be out tonight, making sure Penelope’s safe, then tomorrow I’ll head out and see Jamie to have the talk we should have had a long time ago.