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THE BUTTERFLY

D ay turns to night, and the silence is deafening. No calls. No messages. No way to reach Jamie. I try not to let the unease settle too deeply in my bones, but it’s creeping in like a cold draft under the door. Sure, he left the gun. If someone comes for me, then I’ll have to kill them.

He made it sound so simple, for him it’s no big, before seeing Jamie’s brother being killed, then I had the confidence to do it. Now, not so much.

I wander to the kitchen, to stop being so paranoid. A trait I have developed from all the shit which has happened to me in the past. The shelves are lined with a few tins of tuna, sardines, tomatoes, and beans. The fridge has fresh vegetables, eggs, some meat, and fruit. The closet has a stash of nuts, a few scattered snacks, and—chocolate. My fingers hover over the familiar crinkle of the wrapper. He knows me too well. He knew I’d need comfort, because he brought bread and chips.

I try to calculate how long I can stretch this supply. Five days maybe, if I ration carefully? On the sixth day, if I could survive on just snacks.

I grab a bag of chips, my mind too restless for anything more complicated, and sink into the warmth of the fire. Jamie showed me how to keep it going, and I take comfort in the steady glow in the dark room. There’s a decent stack of logs by the fireplace, enough to last, and more outside if I need them.

What if the killer comes?

Is he just going to come to the front door, and then I just wave my gun at him, and shoot, or like he showed me how to hide in the cabin. There is something Jamie didn’t think about, the thing which could really fuck up his plan, boredom.

A n idle mind is the most dangerous weapon and can make a person do stupid things. I know, because I’ve done them so many times, which is why whenever I get this sense of madness I crave to go the asylum, because they will give me the one thing I need so desperately right now, medication to make me forget everything and anything.

I’m spinning around the open plan living room, kitchen and thinking what to do. There is no asylum near by and leaving isn’t an option.

Now, I’ll clean. Yes! I'll get myself into a routine, which will keep my hands busy, and my mind occupied.

I can do this for one more day.

Easy peasy.

M y enthusiasm for finding myself a routine and getting on with things died today. I woke up full of energy and then nothing. Especially when I ventured into Jamie’s room and saw there was nothing in it at all.

No clothes.

Not even a damn toothbrush.

I didn’t see him come into the cabin with anything, then again I wasn’t really paying attention. One minute Noah was dropping me here saying Jamie would be here soon. He told me Jamie was the agent, whose cousin had died. A lie . The one guy I thought I could get on with and could be friends with in another life, ended up lying to me from the offset.

Why do people always do that?

To protect me, or themselves?

Then again, did Jamie really give me a false sense of security by leaving me a gun with no way to use it?

I grab a few things together and leave. If I’m going to die, I’ll rather do it in the woods than here.

Then again, I’ll prefer not to die altogether, but if I stay here then I will die. So, I head to the bedroom and change into a couple of sweaters, jeans, socks and sneakers. Then I head to the open space to grab a hat, jacket and gloves which are all hanging by the door.

I rush back as I remember about the fire, then as I spin around, I realize I’m dressed to go for a trip to the store, not dressed to go through the woods, to God knows where, but there’s one problem. There’s no bag. Nothing. Only the suitcase with my things.Then I remember the bag Noah gave me in the car, the one where he gave me the food to come here.

Bingo.

I find it and it’s not the most ideal way to travel, but it’s better than nothing. A few bananas, snacks and more importantly, water and then I head back to the front door, before scanning and thinking if there’s anything else I need.

I have no idea if it’s afternoon turning into night. I don’t care. I just know I need to get out of here. I have a sense of purpose and confidence as I close the door and then step down from the cabin knowing if worse comes to the worse, I have something important in my pocket, the gun. Even if the killer finds me lost in the woods, or if I come across any wild animal. One thing for sure, I’m more than prepared to deal with them.

It doesn’t take long for me to figure out the one burning question I had before I set foot into the woods, if it is morning turning to afternoon or afternoon turning into night as the trees stretch high above me, their branches clawing at the dimming sky. The last light of day seeps through the cracks in the canopy. I don’t have a clue where I am, or know how to get back to the cabin, so I tighten my jacket around me.

The cold creeps in through the fabric and into my skin. My breath clouds in front of me, vanishing into the night air.

I can smell the damp earth, thick with the scent of rotting leaves and pine. Somewhere in the distance, something moves—twigs snapping under unseen footsteps. My fingers curl around the cold metal of the gun in my pocket. It offers little comfort.

I’m alone.

The plan I had in my head is slowly starting to be a big regret as the wind whispers through the trees, and the branches move. I lower myself onto a patch of moss, my body is aching from exhaustion. I never should have left the cabin. I was warm. Safe. Yet it didn’t stop me from making this one stupid move.

As the night draws near, every sound is sharper now—the rustling of leaves, the distant hoot of an owl, the scurrying of something unseen through the underbrush.

Fear coils in my stomach. I don’t know what’s out there, but I know I can’t stay awake forever. My eyelids grow heavy, and despite the cold, despite the unknown pressing in from all sides, I curl into a ball wishing my childhood hadn’t been stolen from me and I knew how to make a fire. I’ve eaten and drank nearly everything I’ve brought with me. I have enough clothing on, but not enough for me to take it off and forget about it. I see a little bush, I head to it and then use it as a shield and it offers some warmth. Not the same as the cabin, but enough for me to fall asleep with my arms around my legs.

N ight becomes day and I’m tired and exhausted after hours of walking around. I’m cold. Not quite freezing and I’m surprised and happy about surviving the night but I know one thing for sure, if I don’t find my way back to the cabin, I need to figure out a way out of the woods for sure.

I thought surviving the night would make me feel better, but it doesn’t because once again, I’m lost. There’s no denying it, all I can see is nothing and just when my stomach starts to rumble I panic.

I didn’t want to die, and now I’m going to die.

This is the universe’s sick joke, my stalker, Ruslan, dies trying to save me and here I am going to die anyway in the woods. I can hear him laughing beyond the grave. He’s laughing at me for falling for his brother, for thinking in some sick twisted way it is him, but I know it’s not him, because they are completely different. Ruslan looked at me as if he wanted me, but didn’t know what to do, whereas Jamie looks at me with a look of disgust one minute and the next as if he wants to devour me. At times, he frightens me and has me wanting him.

I take one more step, another log creaks under my feet until I hear footsteps coming towards me. They are prominent and I don’t know what to do. My heart races and fear swallows me and has me frozen. My chest heaves as my breathing becomes out of control, due to the fear of what’s about to happen to me.

I want to get down on my knees and pray. I haven’t set foot inside a church for years, but I beg for forgiveness for all the sins I’ve ever committed in my life. ThIs is how it is supposed to work, right? I try to remember everything I learned when I was a child and innocent. Before my world became corrupted.

Until I feel a hand on my shoulder, but then he spins me around to face him. There’s no denying whose hand it is.

It’s his.

“You shouldn’t have left the cabin. I told you to stay there!”

I have a sense of relief, Jamie’s here and has come to rescue me, but the darkness in his eyes makes me feel otherwise.

“I had to get out. I didn’t know if something had happened to you. It has been three days since you left,” I comment. I sound like a child, whining and complaining. He didn’t tell me when he would be back, and I didn’t know what happened, so it’s not fair for him to complain about me leaving the cabin.

“This is the problem with your generation. You need something to keep you entertained all the time. Sorry, I didn’t think to pack a book, or set up Netflix to keep you occupied, when I was concentrating on saving your life.”

He bends down and out of his backpack which he had on his back, he had a blanket. He wraps it around me, and then goes back down to close his bag.

“Keep warm. It’s cold out here.”

“My generation. You left me in the cabin and you took all your things. How did I know that you would come back? How did I know that you didn’t leave me there to die?”

The side of his mouth lifts in a smirk. “I do love you spirit. How long have you been out here?”

Now, he’s mocking me. Jamie moves in nearer, his breath brushing against my lips.

“You belong to me.”

I shake my head, because I don’t belong to anyone, but as I do it, his eyes send a tremor through my thighs. It’s almost as if he’s enjoying watching me suffer, as I contemplate if maybe the woods is a better option then going back with him. I need to brush my teeth, take a shower and get back to the cabin.

Why did he bother to come and look for me in the first place?

Without warning he grabs my wrists and pins them to the tree I’m standing against. And his body presses against me. I surrender to him as his body presses me so forcefully that I can feel his heartbeat. It’s racings as much as mine, if not even more.

I’m having this effect on him.

“Once you accept my terms then I will help you out of here, if not then you can stay.”

"You want to leave me here to die," I whisper, barely able to speak, because I can feel the hunger I've awakened in him—and more than anything, I want him to kiss me. To make me know the emotions I felt for him weren’t just in my mind.

He didn’t tell me about his mother, his past, just for the sake of it. I mean more to him than anything in the world. This is what he wants—to show me, to make me understand what I mean to him.

I shrink underneath him as if I’m boneless as the cold wind brushes over my face. He’s right. I’ve never felt as if I deserve anything but hate, until Jamie came into my life. Even if it was under the most darkest circumstances.

The one night Ruslan had the opportunity to take me, he never did, unlike Jamie’s doing right now. I know that I’ll lose myself in him to the point that I’ll completely lose my mind. This is the part that scares me.

He doesn’t say a word, but just gazes at me, as if he’s challenging me to deny the truth. There is a connection between us, a yearning that I can’t fight. I close my eyes admitting surrender, thinking that he’ll let me go, but wishing he won’t.

The moment I've been waiting for has arrived as his lips meet mine slowly and confidently. I’m scared to talk, to move, in case he changes his mind. His lips press against mine so slowly, like a secret being unwrapped in the dark—and I let myself fall into it, into him, into this moment that feels so far removed from anything else I’ve ever known.

The forest breathes around us, the wind whispering through the trees in low, rustling currents that stir the leaves and brush cold air against our skin. I can hear a branch snap, but I don’t flinch, and he doesn’t look away. His mouth lingers gently against mine, and if he does kiss me—if he does do the thing that I crave so much—then this will be my first proper kiss. Yes, I have been kissed in the past, but I wasn’t conscious to know what was happening, neither did the predator care about my feelings to stop doing what he wanted to do. This time, it will be because he wants me, just as much as I want him.

He holds me gently, one hand resting lightly at my throat—not as a threat but as an anchor, steady and warm. The other traces the line of my face, the curve of my jaw, fingers moving slowly, as though he’s memorizing me one fragile inch at a time. His head tilts slightly, his gaze fixed on mine, and I wonder what he sees when he looks at me like this way. Does he see me as damaged property or a woman who has survived a horrible ordeal.

I want to ask. The words rise up in my throat, but I hold them back, afraid that speaking would fracture the stillness between us. His tongue is now at the base of my lips, and without hesitation, I open my mouth—no longer questioning, but answering something we both felt long before our mouths ever met.

As his tongue enters my mouth, with his hand still holding my head firmly in place at my throat, I feel boneless in his hand. My knees feel weak, and his other hand is now on my back, holding me in place.

His mouth doesn’t leave any part of mine unexplored as it touches the base, entwines with my tongue at one point, and all I can do is let him kiss me. Let him explore me.

My heartbeat was once out of control and racing against time, but now I feel the wetness between my legs. No more do I feel as if my feet are on the ground, but as if they are floating up in the air.

Soft murmurs leave my lips, but his turn from silence to growls—as if he can’t get enough of me.

I don’t feel the cold or exhaustion in which I felt hours ago, if anything I have a new wave of energy as he leaves me breathless. My skin prickles as my lips part some more and a soft gasps escapes me as my heart expands.

His cock is hard against me, showing his arousal, and it makes me feel proud. I am turning him on. I’m making him feel this way, as he holds my hips in place as if he’s fucking me against his groin.

Then he moves back, and I drop to the ground, it’s as if he has revealed his true feelings, so he leaves me hanging.

“You never should have left the cabin. You never should have disobeyed me. Follow me before it gets dark again.”

The moment we had is gone, and he doesn’t even try to help me up.

But I don’t feel sad about it. If anything, my heart, which was beating out of control, remains the same, because Jamie has proved to me that it wasn’t all in my mind. He wants me, just as much as I want him. I know one thing for sure: when we find out who this killer is, when things are the way they should be, I will be his.

All of his.