Page 42 of Unseen
THAT IS MY CHOICE
A zriel’s confession of love echoed through my head as the carriage rattled its way back to Linmere. For once, it was not raining, but the sky was pale and blank, as though even the weather could not make sense of what was happening, or what I should be feeling.
I had to still hate him, did I not? After all, this man had robbed me of everything. But as I looked across the carriage at him, at his face as he gazed out of the window, at the scratch marks that I had left on his cheek, I was not sure I truly did hate him anymore.
He ran a hand through his hair, his jaw feathering, as though he was caught in his own thoughts, wondering how we’d get out of this mess we had created for ourselves.
And in that moment, all I wanted was to run my own fingers through that dark hair, clutch him to me, and kiss the scars I had left behind.
Oh no.
“What are we to do?” I asked, quickly tamping down all the feelings that welled up in my throat and threatened to spill out in an ill-advised confession. “About all of this, about my family.”
Azriel shrugged without looking at me, stroking the brim of his hat. “What is there to do?”
“They will not let this rest, Azriel. They were willing to call the police, they are not afraid to-”
“They have no power.” He met me with a neutral gaze. “They think they do, and they do not.”
“They were a powerful family once, that means something.”
Azriel grinned and shook his head. “This is a new world, Evie. A new way of living. Dusty old nobility, crumbling away in houses that they cannot maintain, holding on to titles that mean nothing. What they say is hardly relevant anymore.”
I clutched my gloves hand underneath my cloak, shivering not just because of the cold. “You underestimate them.”
Azriel regarded me with narrowed eyes, rubbing his chin.
“You astound me, beloved. Truly. The things you have done, and were willing to do, without a second thought, with not even a hint of fear. And here you sit, quivering at the thought of what your ageing baron of a father might do to us.” He sucked on his teeth, shaking his head.
“I could have him killed for what he has done to you.”
I sighed heavily. “And that would be rather obvious, would it not?”
Azriel laughed out loud, his eyes sparkling. “You truly are the woman of my dreams, Evie. I speak of murdering your father, and you do not even bat an eye, but simply warn me off because I may be easily found out.”
I quickly looked out the window, swallowing hard. “That is not what I meant, and you know that.”
“Do I?” He chuckled to himself. “No, quite. You are right of course, beloved, and I would never do such a thing. God will take that matter into his own hands in due course.”
“And it is not just my father. My aunt, my uncles, my cousins - all of them, they will be outraged. They will see to it that no one will do business with you.”
Azriel leaned forward with a sigh and took my hand. “I will not let that happen.”
“And how will you stop it?”
“The same way I always do, Evie. With money.” He lifted my hand to his lips, kissing it tenderly. “Money is the only language people like your family understand, and it is the most convincing way to call off the dogs. Which is what I intend to do.”
“They will never accept you,” I said, squeezing his hand.
“They shall.” He lifted his eyes back to mine. “When our child is born, they will accept me as their son and nephew.”
“Our child?” I huffed out a laugh unease twisting my insides. “You are truly of good hope then.”
“Well, I trust you did not use that contraption last night, did you?” He raised an eyebrow.
My cheeks flushed, and I dropped my gaze to my lap. “You told me not to use it, so I-” I gasped as he seized my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes.
“I know you were still using it, Evie,” he murmured, his gaze dark. “I told you what would happen if you continued to use it.”
My eyes widened, and I shook my head. “No, you mustn’t. I will not let you.”
“I trust you did not use it last night?” He asked, giving me a crooked smile as I frantically shook my head. “Good. Then we shall see.”
I shoved his hand away from me, cursing myself for even thinking for a moment that I could love him. That I could even conceive of wanting to be tender with this man, that I wanted him to be tender with me.
“Stop threatening me with vile, lewd acts,” I hissed at him, glaring at the scratches in his cheek and wishing I had ripped the flesh from his bones.
Azriel smirked, looking out the window as the carriage slowed and turned down the lane to Linmere. “It need not be a vile act, Evie.”
“Sodomy? Not a vile act?” I laughed incredulously. “Yes, I am sure it can be most pleasurable.”
“It can be, in fact.” Azriel’s level, neutral gaze was somehow even more terrifying than his rage. “One must prepare properly, of course. But I’ve yet to have a woman complain.”
Wicked curiosity bloomed within me, and I could practically hear the nuns who had educated me screaming in my ear that I was a harlot.
I wanted to ask Azriel more, ask him how something so disgusting and surely painful could ever be pleasurable.
And more than that, I wanted to ask how it was even possible.
But the carriage slowed, and we reached the drive of Linmere, coming to a stop outside its imposing black doors. It almost felt like a drop of an abyss, back into the harsh reality of our lives. There was no escaping here, no bribing a policeman for his silence.
“Mr Caine!” Barlow, the man who had more or less replaced George, quickly approached the carriage with a raised hand as Azriel sprung down and put on his hat.
“What is it?” Azriel asked, extending a hand to me to help me down.
“Mr Carshaw, he sent an urgent message for you to attend his rooms the moment you returned from Leicester.”
Azriel frowned at the man. “Did he state a reason? ”
“None, sir.” Barlow replied, and his uncertain gaze flickered to me for a moment.
“Who is Mr Carshaw?” I asked.
“My lawyer.” Azriel seemed to think for a moment, brow furrowed as he regarded the floor. Then he straightened up, dropped a kiss on my cheek and nodded at Barlow. “Good man. I shall take the carriage directly.”
“You are going now?” I asked as Azriel directed Barlow and two other men to remove our trunks from the carriage.
“I think it best I go now, beloved.” Azriel gave me a smile, but it did not quite reach his eyes, and I could sense the simmering anger behind them.
“Sort out whatever mess has been brought to our door. Go and rest, you are surely tired.” He turned with a swish of his cloak, and banged an open palm against the outside of the carriage. “Highgrove Road, and right quick!”
The driver nodded his ascent, mumbling a short, “Yes, sir,” before clicking his tongue and spurring the horses on. I was left alone outside the doors of Linmere, dread pooling in my stomach as I wondered what in heaven’s name could cause Azriel’s lawyer to call him directly.
The dread was followed swiftly by a pain, and I clutched my hand to my stomach. Mary appeared just as I walked in the door, her face shadowed with worry.
“Madam, welcome home,” she said, taking my cloak and hurriedly unpinning my bonnet. “You must be exhausted, you poor thing. Are you well?”
“Just anxious for a bath to wash off all this dust.” I gave her a wan smile, wincing as another pain cramped my stomach. “I think my monthlies may be cursing me with their presence,” I told her in a low voice, and she nodded quickly.
“Oh dear, well then best run you a bath and get you into some fresh clothing.”
“Yes, thank you, Mary.” I watched as she rushed ahead and up the stairs on light footsteps, following her slowly.
I wished I had gone with Azriel, but I knew he wouldn’t have allowed that.
In his own way, he wanted to protect me.
At the very least, I hoped he did. For what waited for him in the rooms of the mysterious Mr Carshaw could not spell good news for us.
But it did not bear thinking about, and my head was so heavy it refused me leave to even attempt to stuff in another thought. Instead, I made my way to my room, collapsing into my arm chair and pulling my boots from my aching feet.
“I’d already turned on the boiler, madam!” Mary called from the bathroom, where heavenly steam and the scent of lavender wafted through the door. “I knew you’d be wanting a lovely bath, and I was right!”
“You were, Mary. You certainly were.” I once again attempted a smile as she emerged in the bedroom. “I am cold, and dirty, and ever so hungry.”
“Then I shall see to some food being brought up for you, leave you to your soaking.” She helped me out of my dress, unbuttoning and unlacing with nimble fingers. “And how was Leicester, madam? I’m sure your father must have been thrilled to see you.”
“I’m not sure thrilled is the word for it.
” I frowned at my reflection, displeased with what I saw.
My shawl now gone, the marks on my neck from where Azriel had left behind his passion were stark and ugly.
My skin was sallow, and I looked as tired as I felt.
“They are not especially pleased with… the situation.”
“Oh now, madam, they will be soon.” Mary lifted my robe onto my shoulders, and smiled at me in the mirror as I folded it around myself. “When you have a baby in your arms, they will not be able to resist. Everyone loves babies, and they’ll be so pleased for you.”
I laughed softly. “Yes, Mr Caine said the same thing. ”
“And he is right.” Mary clasped my shoulders gently. “Do not worry yourself, madam. Go and enjoy your bath, and I’ll be up in a while with something delicious to soothe that weary stomach of yours.”
“Don’t forget the tea,” I called after her, and she nodded from the door, smiling brightly before closing it behind her.