Page 58 of Unscripted Love
“How about you get your ass in here and eat the food I made for you,” my mom said. “Sounds like you’ll need the energy.”
Chaz threw his head back and laughed. “Mama ears,” he told me. “They don’t miss a darn thing.”
I pinched Chaz’s plump ass, and he smacked my hand.
“I saw that,” Mom yelled.
“Eyes that can see through walls too,” I told Chaz.
Everyone had taken their usual spots at the table which left a seat vacant across from me for Chaz. We passed the dishes around so we could fill our plates and I got ribbed for my healthier choices while everyone else loaded up on French toast casserole and real sausage or bacon.
“I made you some low-fat blueberry muffins,” Mom said.
“Probably low taste too,” Mark commented.
“Thanks, Mama,” I said, helping myself to two of them. I bit into one and was pleasantly surprised at how good it tasted. I had expected Mark to be right, but I was glad he wasn’t. “These are really good.”
“She’d give you the recipe, but you don’t cook,” Sierra teased.
“I’m thinking about learning now that I have that big fancy kitchen,” I confessed. Sierra reached for one of my muffins, and I jabbed my fork at her playfully like I was going to stab her.
“Really?” Jenn asked.
“I figure it can’t be that hard to make basic stuff,” I said with a shrug. “Hell, I can read so I should be able to follow a recipe.”
“I’m so happy to hear you say that, Kyle,” my mom said. “I bought something for you then questioned whether it was the right thing to do.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“I bought you a Quirky Chef membership,” she said.
“What’s that?” I asked her.
“It sounds kinky,” Brittney said. “Mom, he has Chaz now!”
“It’s a service that sends meal kits filled with fresh, healthy meats and vegetables to your home with recipe cards that tell you how to prepare the food. I thought it would be fun for you and Chaz to do together,” she said. “Did I overstep?”
“It’s a great idea, Mom.” I looked at Chaz and asked, “What do you think?”
“I think it sounds fun. I eat way too much carryout and frozen foods,” Chaz said. I agreed that Chaz and I could have a lot of fun learning to cook together.
“Okay, can we get back to what Chaz plans to do after he leaves Curl Up and Dye?” Britt asked.
“Well, I…”
“Oh my God!” Jenn exclaimed. She jumped up from her seat and ran to the bathroom down the hall.
My mom narrowed her eyes and looked at Brett. “What’s going on?”
“Um…” Brett said.
“Brett?” My mom used her Don’t Fuck With Me tone. “Is there something you’d like to tell us?”
“Um, I’m just going to check on my wife.” Brett retreated hastily from the room.
“I recognize that reaction to food,” my mom said. Tears filled her eyes and she placed her hand over her heart. “Oh, Derrick. We’re finally going to have a grandchild.”
“Maybe she just had to pee really bad,” Sierra said with a shrug.