Page 43 of Unscripted Love

“Honestly, I’d had the hots for you for so fucking long, Kyle. Knowing that I, or an extension of me, could get you hot and hard was a temptation I couldn’t refuse. I never thought that it would develop into genuine feelings. I panicked and bolted when I realized what I’d done. I was wrong, and I understand if you can’t forgive me.”

“Damn, I just can’t wrap my head around it, Chaz.” Kyle shook his head slowly. “The entire time I was messaging Drew, I felt this crazy connection to him like I knew him. He just got me. Then he and I—well you and I—started messing around together and it felt so damn right. I went to bed at night happy that I found someone then I would see you in town or at the salon and I felt this magnetic pull to you that made me forget Drew existed until later that night when we chatted again. I felt like a horrible fucking person for wanting two people at the same time. That was a cruel thing to do, Chaz.”

“I know,” I said softly.

“I don’t think that you do,” Kyle said. “I fell so damn hard for youtwice,Chaz, and both times you rejected me instead of trusting me with the truth. Do you have any idea how much you…”Hurt him.Kyle stopped suddenly and shook his head. I did know because the sadness I heard in his voice was louder than his unspoken words. “I messaged you slash Drew every day, and you couldn’t even tell me that you weren’t interested or to fuck off? The only thing that hurt me worse was you walking away from me at the wedding.”

I saw how much I devastated him by my actions and I spent our separation in a constant state of self-loathing that led to sleepless nights and a constant state of misery. Kyle had offered me everything I ever wanted, but I threw it back in his face. I should’ve fallen on the sword and begged his forgiveness. A small hopeful voice whispered,maybe it’s not too late.“I’m sorry—”

Kyle wasn’t through and cut me off before I could finish my apology. “You made me feel like that unwanted, unlovable fat kid again.” He ran his hands roughly over his face then said, “God, Chaz, how are we supposed to work past this?”

I sat blinking at him for the longest time because surely I had misunderstood him. He sounded like we weren’t over and that perhaps he might give me another chance to redeem myself. Then his next words dashed my premature hope.

“I want to understand and forgive you. I want to get back to the way things were between us, but I don’t know if I can, Chaz. I’m just so… disappointed.”Ouch!It would’ve been much easier and less painful had he just been angry. Anger was sometimes easier to overcome once time had passed, but disappointment often lingered long after the tears dried. Who in their life hadn’t worked past their anger over a situation in their life, and who still wore the scars from disillusionment years, or even decades, later. His disappointment cut me to the bone, and his forlorn expression broke my heart in two. True to his compassionate nature, he was more concerned about upsetting me when he should’ve told me to take a hike.

I reached over and placed my hand over his. “You don’t owe me anything, Kyle. I was the one who betrayed your trust twice and ruined something incredible both times.” My voice broke, and I cleared my throat to get myself under control. I refused to cry in front of him and make him feel even worse. I needed to make things easier for him, not harder. I shook my head and stood up. “I’m not sure I deserve your forgiveness, but I damn sure don’t deserve a man like you.”

I started to walk away from him, but he reached out and snagged my hand. “Where are you going?” Kyle asked.

“I was going to walk home,” I replied.

“That last bit you just said was book worthy, but a total cop out,” Kyle said, tugging my hand until I sat down. “We definitely won’t patch things up if you keep running from me every time things get hard. Don’t just tell me you’re sorry and that you regret what you did; show me.”

I’d done just what he accused me of in the past, but it wasn’t my goal that night. I rejoiced in the fact that Kyle still held my hand and hadn’t recoiled from my touch. I’d never been one to gamble or take a leap, except when I published my book, and that wasn’t all that scary since I released it under a pen name. If my book had bombed, no one had to know. I could’ve just chalked it up to a life lesson and gone about my business. That night while looking into Kyle’s bottomless blue eyes, I felt braver than I ever had before in my life. I knew he might never forgive me, but I wouldn’t know unless I took a leap and tried. I boldly turned my hand over and linked my fingers with his.

“I wasn’t running this time,” I said softly. “I thought you could use some space and time to think.”

“I don’t think that’s what we need.” Kyle took a deep breath and released it slowly. “I know you, Chaz—or so I thought I did. You’re not a mean person who would deliberately hurt someone, so I’m having a hard time reconciling that with your actions. It makes me question if I truly know you beyond the little pieces of Drew and Chaz that you’ve shown me. There’s only one way to find out.” Kyle caressed the back of my hand with his thumb. “I think we have to start all over again.”

“You do?” I asked in surprise. His suggestion shocked me as much as his tender touch.

“I have to try, Chaz, because I’m not happy when you’re not here. I want to know everything there is to know about you, even the things you think are too stupid. And for once, I want you to walk toward me, not away from me,” Kyle said. “Are you willing to give it a shot?”

“Wow,” I said in awe. “You really are better than a book boyfriend. I don’t know what the hell I did to deserve you or this second chance, but…”

Kyle silenced me by pressing his finger gently over my lips. “I’m not some perfect boyfriend—fictional or otherwise—and if you keep thinking that, we’re destined to fail. Let’s be honest, your misguided ideas about me were the reason we’re in this mess. If not, we could’ve been together and happy this entire time. As for deserving forgiveness, it’s not like you killed someone. Wait, did you kill me off in your book?” He looked horrified at the thought, and I smiled fully for the first time that evening.

“Are you more worried that I made you the killer or that I killed you in the story?” I asked.

“I need to know the name of the book right now,” Kyle insisted. He opened the coffee table drawer, pulled out his Kindle, and set it on my lap.

“You’re not going to read it while I’m sitting here, are you?” I asked. The idea of Kyle reading my book worried me but being able to see his expressions while he did it was terrifying.

“No,” Kyle said. “Tonight is about talking.” He nodded at his tablet, indicating that he wanted me to download my book on it.

“I can give you a free copy,” I told him.

“A month from now?” Kyle asked. “Nope. Do it willingly, or I’ll play rough.” He flexed the fingers on his free hand in the air in a tickling gesture.

I swallowed hard because that wasn’t much of a deterrent, but I didn’t want Kyle to feel like he needed to tickle things out of me. If we were going to work, I would need to share every part of me with Kyle. I released his hand so that I could find and download my book onto his device. Once I finished, Kyle took the tablet back and lay it on the coffee table before he looped his arm around my neck and pulled me close. I lay my head on his chest and closed my eyes to fight off the tears of joy. He was giving me a chance, and I wouldn’t fail him again.

“Now tell me everything,” Kyle whispered.

I chuckled and asked, “Where do you want me to begin?”

“Wherever you’d like,” he responded.

My mind spun with what to tell Kyle first. Honestly, I thought I was quite possibly the most boring person in the entire world. I didn’t have cool hobbies or talents. I didn’t shine or sparkle, nor did I captivate anyone’s attention when I walked into a room. I was just… there.