Page 42 of Unscripted Love
“I do,” Chaz agreed. He swallowed hard and started telling me how it all began. “I only created that profile to use as research for my book.”
“The one you just finished?” I asked.
“No, the one I already published a few months ago,” he said shyly.
“Wait, you didn’t tell me that the book you finished last month was your second book,” I interjected. How intricate was Chaz’s web of lies?
Chaz closed his eyes while he inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled a few times. Fuck, I was the one who needed to do yoga breathing to calm down. Finally, he opened his eyes and looked at me with sincere regret in his expressive eyes. “If I told you about the book, you would’ve wanted to read it and I couldn’t—”
“—Oh my God!” I cut him off before he could say anything else. “Did you put what I did with Drew in the book?”
“I didn’t use any of the conversations we had or specific things we did, but I worried that you’d recognize some of the situations,” Chaz said.
“Situations?” I practically screeched. Wow, I didn’t realize my voice could get that high.
“Kyle, I didn’t use anything specific,” he reiterated. “I meant how we met and started chatting on the app. My book characters took things further and used Skype and eventually met in person.”
“They did?” I asked. “Is that why you refused to meet me?”
“Kyle, how the hell could I have met you?” Chaz asked irritably. “Besides, the relationship you had with the real me was nothing like the one the book characters had.”
“How was it different?” I don’t know why I needed to know; I just did.
“Well, for starters, one of the characters turned out to be a serial killer and—”
“Did you makemethe killer?”
“Babe, I think we veered way off topic here,” Chaz told me.
Then we stood there blinking at one another when we both realized he called me babe. I could tell he wanted to take it back, but I knew it was the most genuine reaction I got from him that didn’t involve sex.
“I think I need a beer. Then I want to hear this again from the beginning,” I told Chaz. “I want to know at what point you knew it was me and why you didn’t tell me before you dirty messaged me through masturbation.”
Chaz’s lips twitched like he wanted to laugh but was too afraid. “Okay, but don’t use the word masturbation in that tone. It sounds so clinical, and I can’t take you seriously.”
“Deal.”
Ifelt slightly less nauseous and a tiny bit more hopeful that Kyle would forgive me when he handed me a beer and sat down next to me. I wasn’t stupid enough to believe I was out of the woods yet, nor did I deserve to be, but I thought it was a good sign that we were talking. He wanted me to go back to the beginning and start over so that was what I would give him.
I took a long drink of beer and said, “I already established that I created the fake gamer account so I could do research for my book. I’d played online video games before, but I didn’t grasp the concept of the gaming community as a whole or the ways they bonded and formed friendships. To be honest, I’m not even sure why the book idea came to me since gaming wasn’t my thing.”
“Maybe it was the serial killer part that appealed to you,” Kyle said sarcastically. I thought there was a good chance I’d killed any chance at a future with him, so maybe he wasn’t too far off the mark.
I ignored his comment and continued with my explanation. “My original outline involved an online dating app, but I didn’t think it sounded unique enough. I decided to switch it up. I thought I would create Drew, join the community, get the information I needed, and get out. That wasn’t what happened.”
“What happened?”
“I struck up this immediate connection with a gamer named Doc Paws. I started looking forward to the times I could steal away to spend with him and focused less on writing about the experience. I realized it was you once we started chatting privately. The small-town vet with an ex-boyfriend who started dating the gay salon owner gave you away. I couldn’t fucking believe that you were the one I connected with out of millions of online gamers. How was that even possible?”
“Why didn’t you tell me right then?” Kyle asked. “Why would you continue with the charade and allow ourfriendshipto evolve enough that I thought meeting you was the next logical step? We had already clicked and—”
“No, Kyle,” I told him. “You didn’t click with me. You clicked with a successful man from Columbus who had his shit together, not some hair salon receptionist who might as well still be living at home.”
“You made up your name and occupation, Chaz, but the rest was all you.” Kyle shook his head then laughed dryly. “I should’ve known it was you by some of your outbursts. No one sticks their foot in their mouth like you do. I would’ve known it was you though if I’d heard your voice.”
“Like I said, I didn’t plan to stick around long enough to use those nifty headphones and cool gadgets. I just wanted an idea of how a relationship could develop; I didn’t plan to create one for myself.”
“So, you didn’t tell me that you were Drew because you felt inferior or something ridiculous, but why did you take it so far once you realized who I was?” Kyle asked me. By that, he meant the dirty messages we exchanged that led to us jerking off together.