Page 41

Jon rolled his eyes. “I love you, but you need to go to work today. I’ll be alright. Gus is here, and I’ve been up and about since yesterday.”

Levi looked up from his lunch. “What?”

“I just mean you’ve been here for nearly a week. I know I’m not going back to work until next week, but you need to get out of the house. You enjoy your time at the bar. Besides, Leo will probably come here looking for you if you don’t show up tonight. We’ll be fine, won’t we Gus?”

Gus laughed. “Don’t bring me into this.”

Levi looked at him. “Am I getting on your nerves or something?”

Jon smiled. If he told the truth, Levi would be shattered. Jon loved him and loved that he would drop everything to care for him. But he was feeling smothered. Togetherness is a wonderful thing, but sometimes it needs to be tempered with time apart. “Not at all. I just feel like a burden and think it would do you some good to go check on the bar.”

Levi looked at Jon, then Gus. “Fine. I’ll go to the bar. What are y’all going to get into?”

“Probably just rest and play some games. Catch up with Gus. Ya know?”

“Yeah.” Levi’s voice was soft. He placed his sandwich down and stepped away from the table. “I’m going to take a shower and head on in. You’re right, I’ve been away too long.” Jon felt a light pat on his shoulder as Levi passed by him.

He looked at the abandoned plate. He turned to Gus. His eyes pleading. Gus looked past him, a finger raised until the shower turned on. Gus nodded.

“Did I say something wrong? I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings or anything. He seems really upset.”

Gus smiled. “He’s just pouting. I’ve never quite seen it this bad. He must really enjoy feeling needed. That’s all. This is an emotional time for him, anyway.”

Jon raised an eyebrow. Gus dropped his head.

“What do you mean by that?”

“It was around this time that he landed here in Derecho.”

“Oh shit. Should I say something?”

“Nah.” He paused. “Y’all haven’t had any real fights, have you?”

Jon closed his eyes. He sighed. “No…”

Gus placed his hand on Jon’s shoulder. “That’s painfully obvious. He gets like this sometimes. Like now, where he wants to argue, but knows it wouldn’t do any good, or even if he wins, it wouldn’t help the situation. It’s weird, I know, but it’s like he plays the entire fight out in his brain in just a few seconds, and he carries the mood, but he’ll get over it.”

“Are you sure?”

He heard the bathroom door open. Gus turned back to the remains of his sandwich. Jon nursed his bowl of soup. Levi didn’t return. Gus looked at him and nodded. He mouthed something that looked like ‘I’ll tell you later’.

Levi emerged from the bedroom. He yelled, “Ok, I’m out. Call me if you need me” and headed for the door.

Jon stood slowly. His face contorted with the pain of the sudden movement. “Wait.” He walked over and embraced Levi. “I love you. Have a good evening.” He kissed Levi’s cheek.

Levi smiled at him. “I know. I love you too,” and kissed Jon’s forehead before leaving.

Jon made his way slowly back to the table. He stood, knowing that sitting down only meant that he had to stand up again, eventually.

“Gus? You’re sure he’s ok?”

Gus sighed. “He will be. You’re right, you know. He needs to get out of the house. You do too. I know y’all went to the insurance company yesterday, but that ain’t enough. You have a down payment ready? If you’re up to it, I thought I might take you car shopping.”

Jon’s head dropped. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. I’m still slow and sore. Besides, I don’t need to drive anywhere for the next couple of weeks, so why don’t we push that to this weekend?”

Gus smiled. “As long as you’re not pushing it out of fear, that’s fine.” He paused and his smile faded. “Do you at least feel like getting out at all, though? I have something I need to do, and it would be nice to have the company, if you don’t mind.”

Jon felt an unusual gravity in the air. “Of course, I don’t mind. If you don’t mind me picking your brain.”

“As long as it gets back around to why you were at the lake.”

“Well, the reason I was there is kinda what I wanted to talk to you about, so that’s a given. Let me go piss. I’ll be ready to go whenever you are.” Jon made his way toward the bathroom.

“Have you taken your painkillers today?”

Jon ignored the question as he closed the door behind him. Of course, Gus had noticed. Today was the second day he hadn’t taken them. He shouldn’t have watched that documentary on the Opioid crisis. But it wasn’t just that and the fear of becoming addicted. He didn’t like the way they made him feel. He flushed and steeled himself for the lecture he was going to get.

“Nah. It’s not as bad. I know I’m getting around slow, but I’d rather feel it right now. I’m sick of feeling numb.”

To his surprise, Gus nodded. “I can respect that. So long as you take them if you need them.”

“I will.” He tapped his pocket, making sure the pill bottle rattled loud enough for Gus to hear.

“Then let’s hit the road.”

“Where are we going?”

Gus stared through the windshield.

Jon felt his voice crack. “Gus?”

Gus sighed. “Sorry, I’m not used to having company on this trip. I was out of town on the actual day, and I couldn’t bring myself…”

“It’s ok Gus. I understand.”

“We have a stop to make first.”

Jon nodded and watched the world move by. They headed away from downtown. He wasn’t sure where they were going when Gus abruptly turned into a florist.

“You want me to come in too?”

“Nah, I called Janet earlier and let her know I was coming by this afternoon. I guess you could say this is a tradition. I’m just glad to share it with someone for once.”

Jon watched him as he walked inside. Why was he bringing him along if Levi never came with him? Gus emerged carrying three large white bouquets. He handed them to Jon before climbing behind the wheel.

“You mind holding these?”

“Not at all. Are these for your wife?”

“The roses are for Betty, and the dahlias are for Timmy.”

“Who are the lilies for?”

Gus chuckled. “They’ll be for you if you don’t tell me what you were thinking about the night you nearly got yourself killed.”

Jon smiled. He inhaled. “I was thinking about Levi. Me. Our future. Like I’m happy with him. Really happy. He’s wonderful and sweet and nice.”

“That’s it?” Gus’s voice was sharp. “Nothing else?”

Jon closed his eyes. “Well, that’s kinda the thing. In all honesty, it’s why I asked Levi to go to work tonight, so I could get some time to talk to you. With everything you’ve done for us, we’re in a good spot. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”

“I sense a ‘ but’ coming.”

Jon sighed. “Not exactly a but … but I’m not sure if he’s ready, or if I’m ready. I know you told me once to not wait for the ‘right time’, but with this, I can’t help it. Or maybe it’s not that I’m waiting for the right time, as much as not wanting to rush at the wrong time. Does that make sense?”

“It does.”

They turned into a cemetery nestled behind a small church. Jon didn’t think he’d ever been in this part of town before. “It’s funny how small Derecho is, but how little of it I’ve actually seen. I didn’t even know this was out here.”

“It’s a little out of the way. Betty liked coming to Sunday services here. I never cared for the preacher, but he’s planted in the back now, too. Not sure about the new guy, but from what I hear, he is a major improvement.”

Jon stifled a chuckle as he got out of the car. He wanted to be respectful. He carried the flowers and followed Gus across the rows, staying a few steps behind, wanting to allow Gus as much space as he needed. Besides, he was still sore as hell.

Gus stopped in front of a large stone. Jon approached as quietly as he could. The first thing he noticed was Gus’s name on the left.

“Betty picked it out when Timmy died. She went on and on about why buy a stone now, and another later when we could just plan ahead and have one nice stone for all of us.”

Jon didn’t know what to say to that. It was smart, but somehow the words felt disrespectful in his head. “It’s very nice.”

Gus reached over and took the roses and dahlias. “Thank you. And thank you for coming out here with me, and for carrying these.” He placed the roses on the ground above Betty. The dahlias on Timmy. “Go ahead. Put the lilies between them. Betty hated lilies. She always said they were too sad. But I am sad, so I get them for me. When I die, I’ll be with them again, but until then I always put them between them.”

Jon kneeled down and gently placed the bouquet on the ground. Every muscle in his body was screaming. He bit his lips together to keep from crying out. A tear ran down his face. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Gus? Why did you want me to come? I appreciate this chance to pay my respects to them, given all I’ve heard about them, but I don’t understand.”

Gus cleared his throat. “I wanted you to know where they were and about the stone. Besides, we needed to talk.”

“Oh?”

“I’m not going to be here forever.” He looked at his name on the stone. “Ok, scratch that. I’ll be here forever. But you know what I meant. I’ve trusted you with making sure all my affairs are in order. God knows if something happens to me, Levi will be a mess, and I know you can buckle down and handle business even through the pain.” He sighed. “I know what I told you about not waiting for the right time, and it sounds like I had guessed right about what you were doing. You know I’m always comparing Levi to Timmy, but he just looks kinda like him. You think like him.”

“I do?”

He nodded. “You know what else I’ve learned spending this time with you guys since your accident?”

“What?” Jon’s eyes were wide.

“Watching you two is almost like watching me and Betty. Levi acts like I did back when we were y’all’s ages, and you act just like her. I know y’all can make it if you try. But I’m going to tell you to ignore what I said about not waiting for the right time with this. Don’t propose until you are ready, but when you’re ready, you’ll know, and the time will be right.”

Tears were streaming down Jon’s face. “What if he slips through my fingers because I wait too long?”

Gus smiled. “He won’t. When he looks at you, there’s a fire there that tells me he would move heaven and earth to make sure you stay safe and happy. But I promise that if he even gives me the slightest hint he’s frustrated with waiting on you to propose, I’ll ask him why you’re the one who has to do it.”

Jon smiled.

“Besides, y’all are the closest thing I have to a shot at having grandkids.”