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KIMBERLY “KK” KENDALL

B ack In The Day…

Chilling in my room at my desk, putting the finishing touches on my best friend Darius graduation card, Post Malone’s Congratulations flowed through my Beats speaker as I rapped along to the lyrics. The vibe really had me deep in my feelings. Being a junior in high school, I had one more year to complete before I’d be graduating, and all I could think about was if my dad would show up or not. The last time I’d seen or heard from him was at my 8 th grade graduation.

According to my mom, she claimed he had showed up late and that was a compliment compared to all the shit she’d been talking about him leading up to the day I graduated. She swore that he wouldn’t show up at all, and the fact that he did show up but was late wasn’t good enough for her. All I know was, when I looked out into the crowd, and my eyes landed on my dad, it filled my heart with so much joy. My dad being there was almost as important as the fact that I graduated. I was a daddy’s girl to my heart and the fact that he showed up for me meant the world to me. Him being there also proved me right and my mom wrong.

Once the ceremony was over, I nearly broke my damn neck rushing and pushing through the crowd of people in search of my parents. I was so excited to see my dad I could barely breathe, and when I walked up on him and my mom, my mom was showing her entire ass. She was yelling at him for showing up late. He looked embarrassed, and I was mortified.

“You coulda just stayed where the hell you was at, Karl. Ion see the point in coming at all if you gon’ be late as hell. You damn near missed it. You never could get yo shit straight and put your priorities in check. Damn shame and disgrace!”

“But I didn’t miss it, Rochelle. I got to see my baby girl cross the stage and that’s all that matters. I came to see her, not anyone else. Today not about you, it’s about Kimberly. But you wouldn’t know nothing ’bout putting your own feelings aside for someone else,” Karl, my dad, defended.

“Aye mane, we not doing this. When you addressin’ my wife, address her wit respect. If you can’t do that you gon’ have to just talk to me only. Matter fact, I prefer you speak directly to me and not her anyway, seeing you don’t know how to respect a lady.”

“This not what you think it is, my nigga.” My dad stepped toward my stepdad. “Fuck around and find out today. Ion give a fuck if Rochelle yo wife or not, she had my muthafuckin’ seed and long as it’s about Kimberly, I’m addressin’ her mammy how I see fit and ain’t nan nigga gon’ do a gotdamn thang bout it… ya dig.”

“Oh yeah!” Todd responded.

“Thanks for coming, Daddy,” I spoke up as I stepped between my dad and Todd while they stared each other down. “Today supposed to be a good day, filled with joy, love, and excitement not this. Can y’all please chill.”

“Absolutely, baby girl; look at you! My precious Kimberly, you are growing up too fast, slow down please. I can’t believe my baby girl ’bout to be in high school.” My dad gloated, still glaring at Todd like he was ready to attack. Eventually my dad turned his attention to me.

“Shit wouldn’t be so much of a shock if you was an active parent.” My mom huffed, rolling her eyes. Todd stood next to her mean-mugging both me and my dad.

“These are for you.” My dad ignored my mom as he handed me what looked like two dozen roses, the cutest, biggest teddy bear I’d ever seen, a card, and a gift bag that had some weight to it. “I hope you like your gifts. What you got planned for later?”

“Shit that got to do with you! You act like she a damn baby. She about to go into high school not junior high, fool. Hurry up and finish up with your dad so we can get back on the road, Kimmie,” my mom ranted.

“Rochelle, you don’ kept my damn child from me for years and now you tryin’ to rush. What’s the problem? Why are you so angry? I came in peace, hoping today would mark a new path for us and I can finally be back in baby girl’s life, but you have all this negativity and anger in your heart. Why aren’t you healed and happy? Isn’t this the life you wanted? You blocked me completely out y’all life ’cause you claim you found your soulmate. I respected that, and all I asked of yo ass was to let me still be there for Kimberly and you have done everything you can to prevent that.”

“Take me to court and fight for her then,” my mom paused with a mean mug and smirk. “Yeah, like I thought, crickets ’cause you would never. You ain’t shit but a disloyal, disgrace of a human, you can go straight to hell. Talkin’ about today about Kimmie; nah, nigga, you roll up in here tryin’ to make it about you. If it were up to me, Kimmie wouldn’t have shit to do wit yo ass. You could care less about her, talking ’bout today about her. Tah, bearing over the top gifts trying to outdo people ’cause yo ass done fell short since she been alive.”

“Ma, please,” I butted in in hopes of calming her down, but it only made things worse.

“Stay in your place, Kim, this grown folks talking.” My mom jeered.

“Baby girl, let yo momma get it all out. Clearly, she been holding this mess in so long, look how it got her looking. Let her get it out so she can get on wit her life.” My dad smirked. “As for me, baby girl, I hear you loud and clear and I’m done with the conversation.”

“Of course you’re done. That’s what you always do. God forbid you stay and fight.”

“Stay and fight for what?” My dad rebutted.

“Rochelle, let’s go!” Todd sneered.

I could tell my dad wanted to say more but instead, he looked me in the eyes and my heart broke with each word that came from his mouth. He looked so defeated, and I felt devastated. “I’ma head out. It made my day to see you graduate, today is a day I will always cherish, baby girl. I hate that things are the way they are, but I am so damn proud of you. You are a beautiful and very smart and intelligent girl from what I hear, Miss Honor Roll all year round! You make me so proud, Kimberly, and I love you with my whole heart. Stay in school and learn everything you can, and I promise you it will all pay off in the end. And I mean that, never forget that no matter what anybody says, I’m looking you in the eyes and telling you that you are my heart in human form and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

My dad kissed me on the forehead then walked away. I wanted to say so much more. I wanted to ask could I leave with him instead of going back home to my mom and Todd. I wanted to ask, why won’t he fight hard enough for me, but I already knew the answer to that and that was because of my mom. I wanted to ask why he wouldn’t take her to court to fight for me but what would it matter? Just like I dreaded, that was the last time I’d seen or heard from my dad.

I truly believed my dad could never do any right to my mom and because of that she was the reason why they were not together. She was always more outspoken and with the rah-rah energy than he was. I can’t remember one time when I ever heard him yell or raise his voice in any way toward my mom or anyone. He defended himself, no doubt, but he had a smooth, calm demeanor about himself at the same time. He didn’t have to get all hyped and loud as hell like my mom.

My mom was a totally different type of person than my dad. To me, she was more of a selfish person. When she made moves, they appeared to be for her best interests, and never for the ones around her.

I didn’t know much about the dynamic of my parents’ relationship when they were dating because I was very young when they broke up. From what I did remember, I spent a lot of time with my dad because my mom stayed out in the streets. The only time I was with her was when my dad was at work. Then one day I woke up and my mom told me we were leaving and she never turned back. She cut my dad off and because I was a minor and had no choice; she cut him out of my life too. Now here I was, a junior in high school and all I could anticipate was my graduation because I prayed my dad would be there. Last I heard he was with a lady and playing stepdad to her daughter. That bothered me more than it should; not because I was selfish but more so because I wished he was more in my life.

My phone ringing interrupted me from my thoughts. As I reached over to answer, I turned the music down just a little because I had it up pretty loudly in an effort to drown out my mom and Todd arguing in their bedroom, which was next door to my room. The walls were so thin it’s like you could hear when one of us farted from another room.

“What it do shorty?”

“Hey, Darius, I thought you was playing ball?”

“I’m headed to the park now. You coming?”

“Yep. I gotta get out this house before I go crazy. Ion want no parts of what they got going on in there.” I huffed as I rolled my eyes, hearing the front door slam so loud that my bedroom window rattled.

“They at it again, huh?”

“You already know.”

“You straight tho?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ll meet you up at the park in a few.”

“I’ma come scoop you.”

“Nah, you good,” I interrupted him. “I gotta get ready first. These cramps kicking my ass, got me moving slow as hell. I still need to get dressed and do my hair.”

“I’ll be waitin’ in front of yo crib. Hurry yo slow ass up,” Darius rebutted then hung up before I could protest.

I laid his card on the corner of my desk so that it could dry then went to my closet to find something to change into. Darius and I met in junior high when he transferred in the middle of the first semester of his sixth-grade year. We became friends because we had study hall and gym together, even though he was a grade higher than me, and we have been thick as thieves ever since.

All day I had lowkey been in a funk thinking about and missing my dad and the fact that my period started wasn’t helping me keep my emotions in check. I was normally more emotional around the time of my cycle; my hormones just be all over the damn place. I hated when I got like this emotionally, but I missed my dad and couldn’t help it and couldn’t wait to graduate high school so I could move out and find somewhere as far away from my mom and Todd as I could find.

Since it was nice outside, I decided on a pair of black and white Adidas biking shorts, an all-black Adidas tank, and a pair of Oreo Yeezy Boost. Going to the park to watch Darius and his homeboys play basketball was one of my favorite things to do. All the neighborhood kids would be there; the girls jumping double Dutch, the boys playing ball, and the littles running amuck on the playground was always a vibe and a good time. Couldn’t nobody see me jumping rope, but today, I didn’t plan on jumping because the way these cramps was set up, I wasn’t on any of that. I just planned on cooling it and watching the guys which was always entertaining. Hell, truthfully, anything to get out of the house was my favorite thing to do and entertaining.

I went into the kitchen to get a water bottle so that I could take a couple of Midol’s before I left, and just as I turned to go back into my room to grab my keys and cell phone, I bumped into Todd. He was standing there with a stupid smirk on his face. I really prayed that it was him that had left when I heard the door slam but lately, God wasn’t always on my side, and this moment had just proven that yet again.

“Where you finna go?”

“To the park.”

“You ain’t ask nobody shit?” Todd rebutted as I rolled my eyes and smacked my lips. “You think you so fuckin’ grown, don’t you?”

Doing my best to ignore him I tried to step around him, but he stepped in front of me, blocking my path.

Lately Todd was starting to get beside himself and had been coming at me on some other level type shit. He was a pothead and drunk who liked to snap out and put hands on my mom, and he even hit on me a few times. He didn’t whoop on me as much as he did her, and the last time I threatened to call the law, so he chilled out on that with me; but now he had started coming at me in a whole different creepy sort of way.

Taking one of his fingers, he tugged on the front of my top, exposing the top of my cleavage and out of reflex, I snatched my shirt from his grasp.

“Excuse you! Don’t touch on me like that!” I huffed, feeling violated yet slightly scared at the same time.

“Keep prancing around this muthafucka like you grown and I’ma treat you like you grown.”

“What does that even mean?” I asked, not sure what he was implying. Was he saying he was going to make me leave the house ’cause I’m grown, or what? There were a handful of times I’d heard him and my mom arguing about me and Todd would say things like he couldn’t wait til I was grown enough to leave so he could put me out if I pissed him off.

Grabbing his crotch, as much as I tried to avoid looking, I couldn’t help but to quickly glance down, and I could see the large print of his manhood in his hand. He looked like he had a hard-on, which instantly put into perspective exactly what he meant by acting grown.

“Come find out.”

My stomach turned and my heart dropped. Was this man about to try me like that? Nah, not the Todd that had been around me since I was a little kid. I knew that it was just he and I home alone and I didn’t know what to do. All this weird touching was getting out of hand and terrifying the shit out of me. He had never taken things to this extent, and I would hate to have to jab a knife through his heart for violating me.

“The hell goin’ on in here?” My mom smirked as she brushed past me and Todd then went to the kitchen sink to wash her hands. Whenever she came in from outside, she always washed her hands at the kitchen sink.

“Shit, yo jit think she grown. Talkin’ ’bout she goin’ to the park!” Todd jeered. “Ain’t heard her ask shit but gon’ tell me what she gon’ gotdamn do up in my house.” Todd fussed.

“Don’t start in on her cause you mad at me. You really need to get outcho feelings.” My mom rebutted and that was my cue to get the hell out of dodge.

“I ain’t in my muthafuckin’ feelings! This my house, and I run this muthafucka. Ion know who she think she is tellin’ me what she gon’ do. She think she grown, I’d be wrong to treat her like she grown.” Todd rebutted.

“Treat her grown like how?”

“Shit, she gon’ have to earn her keep up in this bitch, that’s how.”

“Her focus is school and not a job. Long as her chores are done that’s earning her keep,” my mom defended. “I know what you need.” My mom smirked as I rushed out of the kitchen and headed back into my room.

I quickly combed out my wrap and as I was grabbing my Hilfiger mini backpack, I could hear the headboard in my mom’s room knocking. They nasty asses was up in there fucking with the hard on he got from looking at me. Talk about diabolical. Since I was leaving out, I turned my Beats speaker off because I didn’t want either one of them to have a reason to come into my room while I was gone. I made sure all my things were put away then grabbed my keys.

I didn’t have a cell phone anymore because my mom had taken it from me as a punishment back in my freshman year. I was pretty much the only person in high school without a cell phone. After closing my bedroom door, I could really hear my mom and Todd having sex in the hallway as I headed to the front door. As soon as I closed and locked the door, I scurried to Darius’s all-black, matte Dodge Magnum. I could hear R. Kelly’s R he just didn’t have a kitchen down there. There was a living room area with a large-oversized couch, sixty-five-inch tv, a large closet, a bathroom, his bedroom, and the laundry room. The only time I would see his mom was when she would come down to the laundry room to wash her clothes. Other than that, she never disturbed Darius. She gave him his privacy. Hell, she seemed to need more privacy from him than he needed from her. His mom lived her best life unapologetically.

While Darius was showering and changing his clothes, I was watching reruns of Growing Up Hip Hop on TV.

“I gotta go see a bitch about a cat,” Darius said, coming into the living room area looking and smelling like he was about to go get into some good trouble.

“You gotta do what?” I chuckled.

“What’s that saying, y’all ’bout to go see a man about a horse? So, I’m ’bout to go see a bitch about a cat and get some pussy, ya feel me.” Darius laughed, causing me to laugh at how corny he sounded.

“Welp, time for me to go.” I chuckled.

“You ain’t gotta leave if you not ready to go back to the crib. I ain’t putting you out. You know you can stay as long as you like, just don’t go upstairs if you can avoid it. She up there wit company so you know how that go.”

“Thanks, but I’ma head home. I need my heating pad and pillow.”

I would’ve stayed if he was going out to making money in the streets but for him to go and trick off with a female, I wasn’t about to be sitting at his house like that. I really didn’t want to go back home but I would just lock my door and do my best to avoid Frick and Frack at all costs. Even though Darius lived around the corner and two blocks over from me, I could’ve walked home but he insisted on driving me. When he pulled up in front of my house, he grabbed my hand before I got out of his car.

“You sure you gone be straight?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I woulda stayed at your place if that wasn’t the case.”

“I’ma call you before I go to bed.”

And just like he said, later that night just after eleven he called me right before I fell asleep.