Page 7

Brittany

Six And A Half Months Later

I rub my hands over my belly. Since I’m trying to fly under the radar and be as safe as possible, I’ve opted for a home birth. My midwife shoos my hands away to place a stethoscope against my belly. She listens intently as I stand quietly. I know the drill. We’ve been doing this every week for the last six months.

My anxiety finally drops down a notch when I see her smile. “Your child has a nice, strong heartbeat.”

“So, is everything okay?”

My Native American midwife is certified and well-experienced and has delivered numerous healthy babies in her twenty years. She stands back up from her bent position and loops the stethoscope back around her neck. She’s wearing light blue scrubs topped with a brightly colored knitted cardigan. Her smiling face says it all. I laugh when she helps me smooth my shirt back down.

“Everything is fine. Your baby might be small, but they’re strong. Based on measurements, the baby weighs close to six pounds. This is a thriving weight for a baby. You are due any day now.”

We talk for a while longer about the birthing process we have planned. Instead of going to an approved birthing center, I’ve elected to have my baby at home.

“I read through the material you left and have been taking it easy, trying to stay hydrated, eating healthy foods, and taking warm baths to help me relax,” I say.

“You would be less anxious if the father were here to support you.”

This is the first time she’s brought up the father of my child in any meaningful way. It catches me by surprise.

I tell her, “Unfortunately, he’s totally out of the picture. I only have myself to rely upon.”

“There are many eligible bachelors in this area. Many would be happy with a ready-made family.”

I look into her wrinkled face and have to smile. She’s seventy and has the highest success rate for live births in the whole state.

“Are you perhaps a matchmaker as well as a midwife?”

She cackles with laughter and begins packing up her stuff. “No, but that would be the perfect side hustle for me. Did I say that right?”

I nod. “Yeah, side hustles are still a thing. But I don’t want a man. I’ll be doing well to take care of myself and my child.”

“As you wish, Brittany. Call me when you feel your first contraction. Don’t wait. The roads are not always clear. That means I need time to arrange a helicopter.”

“I’ll call you right away,” I promise.

At first, I thought it was weird how many choppers do light duty in this area, then I realized that it’s more out of necessity than convenience.

After she leaves, I start fussing with my little cabin on the frozen lake, trying to make it as comfortable as possible. Clara told me it’s called nesting.

Yeah, I’ve been talking to Clara again. I wanted to cut off everyone I knew from the Savage Legion, but Clara has been good to me. She doesn’t deserve for me to go no-contact with her.

I fuss around with my bed, making it cozy. Then I stoke my fire and add another log. I’m using smaller logs because they are easier to lift. That means I need to bank the fire down more frequently. I have electric heat, but I like to use the fireplace. It makes the whole cabin feel warm and tranquil.

I cut myself some fruit and squeeze lemon into my ice water. Then I settle down and call Clara’s number.

She answers immediately. “Is it time yet?”

I rub my belly with my free hand. “Not yet. The midwife says any day now.”

“Can’t believe you’re about to pop.” There is a short pause, and she adds, “I still feel like shit for lying to Tusk.” Her voice is heavy with regret.

“It wasn’t your lie. It was mine. I lied to you, and you innocently repeated the lie. No one can hold you responsible. Besides, Tusk has enough kids to worry about. I don’t want my baby raised feeling like less than because I’m just some club girl he hooked up with.”

She hisses, “It’s not like that. He

—”

“We promised not to talk about Tusk. I made my decision, and now I’m going to have to live with it. I can’t keep second-guessing myself when it comes to that man. It’s too stressful and not conducive to having a good pregnancy.” She told me all about the misunderstanding, but by then I’d made up my mind. I knew Tusk was fond of me, but if he’d thought I was old lady material, then he’d have done something about it—and I didn’t want to feel like a stop gap until he found someone who ticked all the boxes.

When I start to get wound up, she interjects, “Okay, I get where you’re coming from on that issue. We don’t have to talk about Tusk.”

“Being a million miles away from the Savage Legion is the best thing I could do for my baby. My child needs to grow up in a place where nobody knows about my past as a club girl. I don’t want them growing up with the stigma of their mother being a whore.”

Clara makes a disgruntled sound. “That’s such an ugly word. People don’t think like that anymore. We’re all just women. It doesn’t matter what we do with our personal lives.”

“My child has four half-siblings. Their mother didn’t like me before I ended up pregnant with Tusk’s child. Imagine what she’d tell her children if she found out?”

“She doesn’t get to have an opinion after cheating with my husband. It’s a rubber-and-glue situation.”

I can’t help but chuckle at hearing her use that childhood expression.

“Sometimes I forget that you’re a schoolteacher, Clara. How are the kids in your classroom doing this year?”

“We’re having serious staff shortages again. I ended up being moved to an elementary school. They gave me a classroom full of hyperactive kindergarteners. It’s all I can do to keep them from eating their own boogers all day.”

Somehow, the image she draws in my mind makes me laugh.

“You’re a funny lady.” I remember to ask about her anniversary. “Is Tex taking you someplace nice for your anniversary in a couple of months?”

There is a long pause, and she sheepishly admits, “It’s ten weeks out. I was thinking of asking him to buy two tickets to Alaska.”

I bolt upright in my seat. “Are you serious?”

“Would you like that?”

“Yeah, but you’d have to be really careful. Do you think Tex would rat me out to Tusk?”

She says cautiously, “I think that if I made him promise, he’d keep his promise.”

I feel tears welling up in my eyes. Being pregnant, everything makes me emotional. I’m a weak woman because, of course, I want to see my only real friend. Who wouldn’t?

I’m silent for a few moments as I weigh up the pros and cons. Neither my family nor the church knows I spent the last five years with the Savage Legion. Missing that link means they’d never be in a position to follow Clara and Tex to Alaska. That just leaves Tusk as a potential problem.

I clear my throat and tell Clara, “Look, you can visit. I’d love to see a friendly face. Just don’t tell Tex about my pregnancy. Let me tell my own lies this time.”

“So, you plan to lie to my husband?”

Her innocent question really drives home what a sheltered life she’s led—or maybe my life has just been wildly out of control by comparison.

“I’d love to be in a position to tell everyone in my life the truth. Unfortunately, I don’t have that luxury. I’m going to tell him whatever keeps him from feeling like he has to tell Tusk where I am.”

“Alright, I guess you have to do what you think is right for yourself. I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you have anyone you can trust.”

“I have one person I can trust. You. That’ll have to be enough for me right now.”

“Well, we both have two weeks’ vacation coming up pretty soon. Tex’s son, Levi, has already decided to stay at the clubhouse with Evan. Levi is a junior prospect and takes his duties very seriously.”

“Yeah, Levi and Evan are really dedicated. Is Evan still with his girlfriend?”

“Kayla? Yeah, they’re still together. She’s managed to keep away from Silver after that huge bust-up they had where her ear got torn.”

I tell her empathetically, “Silver is bad news.”

Clara responds, “Yeah. You know, Brittany, I know you thought that you were a troublemaker, but compared to Silver, you were a saint. Silver has a mean streak that scares me.”

“Stay out of her way,” I warn my friend. “Don’t give her an opportunity to get you alone. She’s unpredictable, and there’s no telling what she might do to you simply because you’re my friend.”

She lowers her voice. “Tex got me some bear spray to carry on my keychain. He said when it comes to Silver, I should spray first and ask questions later.”

“Your husband is a smart man. Do exactly as he says.”

“Will do,” she promises. “Look, I’m going to get off here and talk to Tex. I’ll let you know when to expect us.”

“I’m loving how quickly this plan came together. I’ll text you directions to my place when you land.”

“Great. I’m really excited to see you again.”

***

When the call is over, I sit there, sipping my lemon water and thinking over the pending visit with Clara and Tex. How am I going to explain the baby? I turn the situation over in my mind and keep coming up empty-handed.

Setting my drink aside, I run both hands over my rounded belly. My baby kicks so hard it makes me wince in pain. The pain doesn’t subside this time. It turns into a long, drawn-out type of pain that can only be described as a contraction. My hand fumbles for my phone again, and I call the midwife.

Within thirty minutes, she’s letting herself in, just like we planned. She comes to me and places her hands on my belly.

“Yes, your baby is active.”

She calmly listens to the baby’s heartbeat again. Then she takes my blood pressure and pulse.

“Everything is normal, Brittany, your baby just wants to come and meet you.”

I try to take some solace in her words, but truthfully, I’m super anxious and scared.

She gets me up and encourages me to walk. I watch as she hauls her big bag up onto the coffee table and begins digging through it. All her utensils are sterilized and sealed in white paper pouches. She’s so organized that I can’t help but feel like she has everything under control.

I remind myself that I’m just one of millions of women giving birth this year. I’m strong, and I want this baby badly. This is an opportunity to have my own family of two. Tusk’s last gift to me. I can do this, no matter how severe the pain is. In the end, I will get a child.

And not just any child.

It will be one created with the man I love.

That makes it exponentially more precious to me.