Page 27

CHAPTER 27

HARLOWE

T here was no shame over the fact that Camden’s dad had sent me running. The guy was big and scary—though I didn’t fear him physically. And he’d been loud. Angry. I didn’t do well with confrontation like that. I’d grown up in a quiet house. Had never had siblings to fight with and never once heard my parents argue. Loudness didn’t bother me, but something about the… I don’t want to say hatred, but it was close, dripping in his tone had sent me packing.

And I’d been pissed, hence the tears that had fallen after.

More than that, I didn’t want the stress. I was pregnant, after all, and there was so much stress in different parts of my life that I didn’t want it there. Even more, I didn’t want to cause Brooks problems. It wasn’t like he didn’t have better things to do than fight with his family over me and he had playoffs to focus on. I knew what it was like to be a professional player’s girlfriend from being around so many of them through the years. The game came first.

So I stayed at the hotel the first night. Lounged in the huge bathtub until my fingers pruned then went to bed early on a mattress with a comfort level that rivaled Brooks’s bed. When I’d moved into my apartment, I’d gotten whatever bed had been the cheapest, but I could guarantee that Brooks hadn’t done that. He had money, anyway, but his millions-of-dollars-a-year contract didn’t hurt at all.

Shit. I kind of wished he didn’t have all that because then his father couldn’t accuse me of being money-hungry. As if this baby were my way of cashing in.

I ran my hand over my stomach, which had started to grow. Right now, it only looked like I was slightly bloated. Like it was the week before my cycle or maybe I ate too big of a burrito. Soon enough, I was going to look like a beach ball on two legs.

After making arrangements for someone to be there to open the restaurant for me on Tuesday, I stayed in the hotel all day, ordering food to be delivered so that I wouldn’t have to set foot outside, as if one of Brooks’s family would be right there waiting. I’d talk to him. I just had to figure out my life first. After all, it had taken a couple of very significant left turns recently.

The whole time, I’d read the texts he’d sent so he’d at least know I was doing that and I was fine. I’d even caved last night and sent him a message saying as much. I was fine. Or I would be.

I’d let the whole job thing go for too long, knowing that Brooks would do whatever he had to for the baby once she arrived. But I needed to take care of me. I needed to find something permanent because the moment my parents sold the restaurant, I was out of a job. Either the new owners would fire us all—which wasn’t something I’d told the staff yet—or I’d leave. I couldn’t imagine working there under someone else.

Besides, working at Cleats & Kegs had never been my dream. Owning it had been. Even that wasn’t because I loved the business. I loved running the business.

While I looked for a job, applied for anything I was remotely qualified for, I realized that I wanted to talk to someone and that was what best friends were for. I’d turned the baseball game on—the second-to-last one in the regular series—and had ice cream delivered.

My heart sputtered as the camera focused in on Brooks squatting behind the plate to take a few practice pitches from whoever was pitching that night. It wasn’t Cobb, but I didn’t pay attention.

Watching him play made my heart hurt. I wasn’t sure when I’d realized that I’d fallen in love with him, even though it had probably happened a while ago. Mostly, I wouldn’t admit it to myself.

Love looked like my parents in my world and I didn’t want any part of that shit. But in not wanting to be them, in trying to be the absolute opposite of them, had I ruled out anything else?

Admitting how I felt about him even to myself was so hard.

Yet I’d always said that sometimes, love wasn’t enough or it came at the wrong time. For me, this was the wrong time. When everything else in my life was in question, how could I trust this? He’d sworn that he wanted me for more than just the baby, but how could I be sure?

After all, I was making decisions for two now.

It was a good game that Kalamazoo won. I didn’t get a text message from Brooks, not that I should’ve expected one. I was the person who needed to reach out because I’d been the one who’d needed time.

Maybe after the game tomorrow. He had five days “off,” which would be plenty of time to work this out. By off, I meant no games. They’d absolutely be busy preparing for the ALDS.

It wasn’t late, but still, I turned out the lights and snuggled down into the bed. Since I wasn’t tired, I went through my text messages and replied to the ones from Luz at work. She was covering me this entire week and hoped I felt better. My sickness wasn’t physical. It was melancholy because it was becoming clearer what I had to do.

Maybe now wasn’t the right time for me to start a relationship. I was too emotional and my world was on edge. A baby shouldn’t move that timeline up. Maybe once I’d gotten things settled, I’d see if Brooks was still available. And I couldn’t shake the wonder over how many other people would think, if they knew about my baby daddy, that I was a gold-digging whore.

The next evening while I waited for the game to start, I decided that it was time to talk this all out with my best friend, so I called Camden.

There was still, like, five minutes before the game started and I didn’t know if she was there or not.

“Finally,” she answered. The background noise told me she absolutely was at the game.

“You’re at the game,” I told her. “I can let you go.”

“Absolutely not,” she countered. “I’m just glad you finally called. Are you all right?"”

“I’m fine,” I lied. “Or I will be. I have a huge favor to ask.”

“Shoot. You know I’d do anything for you.”

“How would you feel about leaving the stadium and coming over to watch the game with me?” I asked, waiting for what I hoped would be a quick, “Absolutely.”

“Absolutely. I’d feel great about that, but you know… I have an empty seat here. You could join me.”

I shook my head and sighed. “I’d rather you come to me.”

“Tell me where you are.”

“See, that’s part of the favor. If I tell you where I am, I need you to promise me you won’t tell your brother.”

“Harlowe… he’s been worried.”

“I know and feel bad about that, but could you? Please?”

It took her thirty seconds as I stared at the TV, watching the Knights get ready to take the field. Brooks was taking practice pitches then stood up and came back over to the dugout.

“Yeah. OK. I have to at least tell him I talked to you.”

“Yeah. That’s fine.” Because I didn’t want him to worry. I just needed to clear my head.

“OK. Tell me where you are.”

I gave her the name of the hotel, then we ended the call.

Ironically, the camera was on Brooks. The announcers were talking about how he was a shoo-in for another Golden Glove this year, having already won three. Right now, he was the best catcher in baseball. Even though I had nothing to do with it, my chest swelled with pride. But as I was watching, something caught his attention and then I saw Camden in the frame right at the railing before the field. There was also a net there, but she could talk to him through it.

Clearly, she was telling him that she’d talked to me and probably that she was going to see me. His eyebrows rose and I would’ve sworn he said, “Where?” She shook her head then left the frame.

At least I could trust my best friend to keep her word.

Twenty minutes later, there was a knock at my hotel door. The only person it could have been was Camden, so I opened up and let her in.

Once we’d gotten comfortable on the bed with all the snack food I had left, she said, “Everyone’s been looking for you.”

I furrowed my brows. “What do you mean, ‘everyone’? Work knows I’m going to be out this week. My parents would never look for me.”

“Brooks. The guys.” Meaning her brothers.

“Your brothers have been looking for me?” I asked. She nodded. “That’s weird.”

“It’s really not. Brooks was… anxious to find you.”

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I didn’t want to do it before he was done playing.”

“I think he would’ve preferred it.”

I sighed and finished chewing the potato chip I’d popped into my mouth. “I know, but I needed to get some things figured out in my own head and the last thing I want to do is prove your dad right by becoming a distraction.”

“Ohmigod.” She sat up straight and turned to me. “You should’ve stuck around for when Brooks showed up at my parents’ house the day my dad freaked out.”

“He came over?”

“Of course he did. I called him and told him a quick version and my parents were arguing. They never argue—in front of us, at least.”

My stomach tightened. “What happened?”

Camden went into everything that had happened during the confrontation. That Brooks had told his dad basically that he wasn’t relevant to Brooks’s life and if he didn’t shape up, he wouldn’t be part of our child’s life, either. Then she said that Brooks had been on the verge of punching his dad. Even gotten toe-to-toe with him.

My stomach and chest tightened and a throb began at the back of my throat.

That was the kind of stuff I hadn’t wanted to happen.

“I’ve never seen Brooks so angry,” she finally said.

“This is exactly what I didn’t want for any of you.”

“Please.” She scoffed. “My dad is an asshole. I think he loves us… He just has a singular focus. The best part was, before the guys even got there, my mom told him that if he gets in the way of her having a full relationship with her grandchild, she’ll divorce him and not look back.” My breath caught in my throat. All of this over me. “I think he might shape up now.”

That didn’t relieve the guilt. Camden must’ve seen it because she reached out to put her hand on top of mine. “Don’t worry about it,” she told me. “This was going to happen either way. All of my brothers were there and were all fully behind Brooks. None of them want this for the women they love.”

I wanted to push for even more information but thought better of it. In my head, I didn’t want to put Camden in the middle of anything between her brother and me, but at the same time, I almost wished someone would’ve recorded it so that I could see it.

Yet I also didn’t have the heart to tell her that sure, her brothers who were in love would want to defend their women, but Brooks was probably defending his kid and me as an extension of that.

But I didn’t say any of it. Instead, we finished the ball game, then she decided to stay with me at the hotel. It wouldn’t be the first time we’d shared a bed and at least we were both courteous sleepers who didn’t snore.

In the morning, I didn’t milk the maximum checkout time. Instead, I got up, took a shower, and packed everything into my one bag. I hadn’t needed much while I’d been here.

Camden gave me a hug before leaving me at my car and I told her that she didn’t have to keep where I was from her brother anymore. I had to talk to him, anyway, and I didn’t want to put that strain on their relationship.

They’d played their last game the night before, so there was nothing stopping me now, especially since they didn’t have another game for five days as they waited to see the results of the Wild Card Series.

That meant as soon as I got to my apartment, Brooks pulled up right beside me.

“Hey,” I said after we’d both gotten out of the car, me not looking forward to what was about to happen.

“‘Hey’?” he scowled as he came toward me. “Really?”

I sighed, letting my shoulders slump. “Let’s go inside. I don’t want my neighbors to hear every word. I like to keep them guessing a little.”

Brooks followed me inside and I had to acknowledge that I’d missed seeing him. It wasn’t the point, but he looked so good in his jeans and black T-shirt.

“What the hell, Harlowe?” he asked after closing the door behind him. “Why didn’t you just come home?”

“You’d find me here,” I told him honestly. “I needed time to think.”

“Think about what?” he snapped, then he closed his eyes for a moment. “Sorry. Think about what?”

I swallowed hard as I set my bag by the couch and folded my hands together to stop the nervous energy buzzing inside of me.

“Everything. My life. This baby really knocked the wind out of me and pile on the restaurant and you, your family… I just needed a minute.”

“If you need a minute, you should come to me.” He stepped forward and that was when I realized this was going to hurt. As much as it was going to hurt, I still had to do it. I had to put a line up between the two of us so that we could successfully be there for our child.

Wasn’t that what parents were supposed to do? Put their kid first? Right now, it was what I needed to do instead of making my life so messy.

I mean, from the moment any of his family had found out about this situation, I’d been fighting with Camden, gotten that worked out, told the rest of the siblings, Camden had seen we were together, more fighting with her, then when I’d gone to make up with her, their father had said some awful things about me.

Time to rip off the Band-Aid.

“I couldn’t come to you,” I explained, “because you are part of what I needed to take a minute on.” Then I blew out a breath, on the verge of throwing up. “I don’t think you and I are a good idea right now. Honestly, if I really think about it, I don’t know that I ever did.”

He snapped back to his full height. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying we have a baby coming and all of this drama, all of this stress…” I shook my head. “I can’t deal with it anymore. I’ll never stop you from being in your child’s life, obviously. As long as you want to be, but I don’t want any of the other stuff.”

“Fuck that,” he spat. “I love you, Harlowe. I’m in love with you.”

Nodding, I bit my lips together to try to divert some of the ache forming in my chest. “Because of the baby.”

“No. Not because of the baby.” He stepped forward toward me. “It started a long time before that.”

“I told you that I don’t want to live my life relying on anyone. I need to make my own way with my own security. What’s that going to look like? I don’t know because I’m about to lose my job.”

“You can move in with me,” he said gently. “You can live with me until you find something else.”

I shook my head and moved away from him again. “I won’t be like my mother, Brooks. That’s what my mother would do. I just need to get another job and figure it out. You know when the next doctor’s appointment is and the ultrasound will be after the World Series, which is what you should be focused on.”

“I’m focused on you ,” he yelled, making me wince.

“I know. And that’s the problem. You have a contract. You have to focus on that.”

Then I walked over to the door and opened it. “After things settle down, we’ll talk about this. Figure out what we want, but right now, I have to figure out how I’m going to take care of myself.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, but he headed toward the door. It wasn’t like I was hiding what I wanted him to do. “Right.” He stopped in front of me, looking down at me with those dark eyes. “I already know what I want. You can take care of yourself while also letting someone else take care of you, Harlowe. You don’t have to be your mother just because someone loves you.”

Then he walked out and I shut the door behind him and leaned my head against it as panic rose in my chest.

I’d done what I’d needed to do, but the idea of this being permanent hurt me so badly that I wasn’t sure I’d keep the tears at bay.