Page 52 of True Sight (Nat. 20, #4)

HENRY

I wake up early the next day, draped over his chest like a weighted blanket.

He’s sound asleep, breathing deeply in a slow, almost melodic way.

He slept through the night like he has the last several times we stayed over together.

Each new nightmare free night makes me happier than the last. I hate seeing him so afraid and while I know there’s only so much I can do to help him, I would still trade almost anything to make them go away for good.

As I lay next to him, I think about our time together.

How we started off as strangers and quickly turned into something more.

How, from the first time I saw him, I felt this pull to him that was natural and undeniable.

Even if he was a major arse when we first encountered one another in the parking lot.

He was closed off, reserved, and cold but overtime he’s opened up and shown another side of him that’s thoughtful, charming, and alluring to be around.

He’s smart and quick witted and while he may have his faults, so do I.

We compliment each other in that way, just two people who are working to be better after life put us through the ringer.

Not wanting to ruin the quiet comfort of the morning, I burrow myself closer to him and he instinctively reacts to my touch by pulling the covers higher onto us and wrapping his arm around my back.

I kiss his chest and smile before wrapping my arm tighter around him and close my eyes again, soaking in the safety of his touch.

An hour or so later, I wake up again to find that the sun is breaking through the curtains of his bedroom, casting a light across the room and making it feel cozy and warm.

We’re still wrapped around one another, both of us refusing to let go of the other even while we sleep.

I tilt my head up and study his face, taking in all of his handsome features.

How his jaw swoops in on a curve and the fullness of his eyebrows.

A few scraggly hairs jet out this way and that, refusing to be tamed and lie flat.

I smile to myself and think about how much I love his crazy eyebrows. Of how much I love him.

I’ve known for weeks that I love him. Ever since I went to London and he was the only thing I could talk about, I knew I loved him. Even Ellie knew I was in love with him and told me as such as she drunkenly stumbled down the sidewalk during her hen party.

‘You, Henry Wanker, are in love with Conrad. Everyone, my friend is in love with an American boy!’ she shouted before I could hush her.

A few people hooted at us as we stumbled down the street, making a scene like we always do when we’re together.

The next day at her wedding, we shared a dance and she pulled me close, whispering into my ear.

“I’m so happy for you, pet. You’re the most deserving man I know and I cannot wait to meet your American boy.” She winked at me as she pulled away and kissed me on the cheek before her new husband cut in and swept her away.

I smile at the memory of my best friend and her insistence of meeting him one day.

My hope is that once the studio is open and running efficiently, she can come for a visit and we can all share a meal or two.

Just the thought of it makes my insides buzz.

He stirs next to me, taking a deep inhale and blinking his eyes open slowly.

He runs his hand along my back and stretches for a moment before reaching down to kiss me on the top of my head.

I reciprocate by kissing his chest again even though I don’t think he remembers the one from an hour ago.

“Morning, sweets,” he greets, his voice still groggy and waking up.

“Morning, handsome.” The term of endearment earns me a smile which I reach up to trace with my index finger. He pretends to bite it before turning his head towards me, eyes closed, and pushes his lips towards me, silently asking for a kiss. I lift myself up and meet his lips with my own.

“How’d you sleep?” he mumbles, settling in and holding onto me tighter.

“Pretty good, which is to be expected after last night. You wore me out,” I tease with a smirk.

“What can I say, wearing you out is my favorite thing to do.” He’s speaking with his eyes closed but smiles up at the ceiling.

“How about you? Sleep well? No nightmares?”

“No nightmares,” he repeats. “They seem to stay away when you’re around.

My personal ray of sunshine lighting up my life, even while I sleep.

” I feel my cheeks flush. This isn’t the first time he’s called me ‘his sunshine.’ Every time he does, I feel my heart do a flip and fall even more in love with him.

Wrapping my lips around my teeth, I study him for a moment and push myself up on my elbow.

“Conrad?” My voice is shaky as the three words I’ve wanted to say for weeks now sit on the tip of my tongue.

“Yeah, sweets? ”

I take a breath and jump. “I love you.”

His eyes finally open and he stares at the ceiling for a beat before looking at me. He studies me intensely through furrowed brows and his mouth hangs slightly ajar. My heart is pounding so loudly in my chest I swear he can hear it.

“Conrad,” I start, making sure he can hear me.

“Yeah?”

“Did you hear what I said? I said I love you…” My voice trails off as the wonderful fantasy I created in my head about how this moment would go quickly starts to fade.

“Yeah, I heard you,” he replies, bringing his eyes back to the ceiling of the room. My own eyebrows push together, confused by his reaction. I sit up in bed and face him.

“And?” I ask, apprehensively.

“And what?” He’s blinking feverishly and his eyes dart around in every direction other than me.

“And…” I keep my voice soft. “Do you have anything you want to say?”

“Uhh–uhm,” he stammers. “No, I don’t think so.” He swallows hard and licks his lips. The air around us is thick and uncomfortable as I sit next to him like a dejected puppy. My head falls and I stare at my hands in my lap.

“Oh…okay then,” I manage to get out. I can’t believe it; he doesn’t love me back.

I thought when I told him he would say it too but I guess I’d been wrong.

We sit in an awkward silence as I wait for him to say something, anything.

Sadness and disappointment grows in my chest the longer I sit and before long, it’s too much to handle.

“I’m gonna go,” I whisper, quickly crawling out of bed and collecting my clothes. The need to escape, to be anywhere else, is burning through my body. Needing to escape the mortifying feeling of shame and embarrassment has me moving faster than I do in almost any of my classes.

“Henry, wait,” he calls after me, scrambling out of bed and following me through his apartment.

“No, it’s okay. I have to go, I’ll talk to you later.

” My throat is tight as I choke out the words, trying to sound optimistic and cheerful.

I quickly get dressed and step into my trainers.

My shirt is inside out but I don’t take the time to fix it because the tears in my eyes are threatening to spill down my cheeks with every passing second.

“Please, Henry, don’t leave.” He sounds desperate but I can’t bring myself to look at him. If I do, I know he’ll pity me even more. The sad pathetic sap who’s stupidly fallen in love with him and is now trying not to cry at his rejection.

“I have to go, I’m sorry. Bye, Annie girl.” I lean down to give her a quick kiss and hurry out the front door.

“Henry, wait,” I hear him say but I don’t stop to hear him finish the sentence before slamming the front door behind me.

Once it’s shut, I wait outside to see if he’ll pull it open and come after me.

But after a minute of waiting, I know he isn’t coming and I let the tears fall down my cheeks my entire walk home.

“Nice job, everyone. You all crushed that one,” I pant into my headset the next morning, using a towel to wipe the sweat from my brow.

Alex sighs dramatically behind me before laughing, turning in circles to cool down and slow her heart rate.

I rattle off my standard closing of class, reminding everyone of the opening date of the studio and how their membership will change once it does.

Before closing, I give as heartfelt of a sign-off that I can muster up and then close our virtual studio room.

Shutting my laptop, I plop down on my butt and lay flat against the cool studio room floor.

My eyes flutter shut as I work to catch my breath.

Between the final cardio push of class and the crushing realization I had yesterday, I feel like I can’t take in a full breath.

“You wanna talk about it?” Alex asks, lying down on the floor and resting her head on my stomach. Together, we form a capital T while lying on the floor with our eyes closed.

“Talk about what?” I sigh without opening my eyes but cry out when she reaches up and pinches my thigh.

“You know what. You don’t seriously think you are hiding it that well, do you?”

“I don’t know what you’re–ow! Stop that,” I scold and slap her hand that had pinched me for a second time.

“Well, stop being an idiot and talk to me. You haven’t mentioned Conrad’s name once and normally by now I’m almost sick of hearing it. What’s going on with you two?”

I pause for a beat before forcing myself to say the words.

The last twenty-four hours since I left his place have sucked and I want nothing more than to curl up in my bed and never leave.

But with the studio being so close to opening and classes fully booked, I know that isn’t an option.

So I did my best to reset, put on a brave face, and get the work done.

“I told him I loved him.” My voice is somber as I start to explain. Normally, telling someone you love them is an exciting, happy experience, but mine has just left me confused and deeply hurt. I thought he would say it back but instead he said…nothing. I can’t believe it.

“Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ in there?” Alex asks gently. She starts to shift and I open my eyes to see her looking back at me, propped up on her elbow with concern written all over her face. I close my eyes again and wrap my arms around my head, too embarrassed to look at her.

“ But ,” I sigh, “he didn’t say it back. ”

“Oh…” Her voice is small as she thinks about it. “Well what did he say?”

“Nothing,” I say flatly and roll my eyes behind my eyelids.

“Nothing?” she clucks.

I open my eyes again and look at her. “Nothing.”

She frowns at me for a moment before lowering her head back down to my stomach and confidently announcing, “Well, boys are dumb. He was probably just surprised. Sometimes you need to give them more time to think about things like that.”

“You do remember that I’m a boy, right?” I snark, glancing down at the top of her head.

“Yes, but you’re a fully developed boy, you don’t count.” She waves a hand. “He probably just needs time to process. You’re his first boyfriend, his first gay experience. You’ve said before how he’s told you he doesn’t like change. Having someone tell you they love you is a pretty big change.”

“He didn’t come after me, Alex,” I lament, recalling how I waited for him to open the door and ask me to stay.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I left and he didn’t come after me. I waited, but he didn’t come and I haven’t heard from him since,” I rattle off, flinging my hands around in the air around me.

“You left? You said I love you and then you left?” Her voice is getting louder and more annoyed as she speaks.

“He didn’t say anything back, what was I supposed to do?” I cry out defensively.

“Oh my fucking god, maybe you aren’t as fully developed as I thought you were.” I can hear her eyes rolling. The sounds of her scuffling around fills the room and when I open my eyes, she’s sitting up completely and looking at me once again.

“Listen to me. You do not tell a boy that you love him and then run away when he doesn’t say it back.

It’s a lot of pressure to say that to someone and to run away when they don’t say it back right away isn’t fair.

” She’s lecturing me as if I’m a schoolboy being taught how to behave on the playground.

“And from what I know about him, he really isn’t the type of guy you dump and run on.

He probably thinks you’re mad at him or that you don’t want to be with him anymore. ”

I look at my friend whom I’ve only known for a couple of months but already feel like she’s more of a sister.

I regretted leaving as soon as I made it home but also couldn’t bring myself to go back to his place.

I know she’s right when she says he probably needed more time than others to process my confession, knowing that about him was part of the reason I’d waited a few weeks before saying it at all.

But I still couldn’t stop my heart from feeling like someone whacked it with a baseball bat when he didn’t say it back.

“So what do I do now? I haven’t heard from him since I left his place yesterday and just showing up on his doorstep seems a little much, don’t you think?”

“I think you need to honor the forty-eight hour rule,” she says confidently.

“The forty-eight hour rule?” I ask skeptically. Waiting has never been my forté. I’m better known to rush in at full speed than to pause and think before I act.

“Give him forty-eight hours to think, process, and reach out. If he doesn’t, then you reach out to him. Give him the space he needs to get out of his head and realize how madly in love with you he is and come crawling back to you.”

“I’m actually the one who normally does the crawling…” I murmur under my breath, cracking a joke .

“There’s my Henry boy,” she boasts, putting her hands on my shoulders and shaking them.

My heart falls when a thought I’ve been trying to keep at bay rears its ugly head and I can’t help but ask the question.

“What if he doesn’t love me back? What if I scared him off and he doesn’t want to see me again?”

She looks at me with a hopeful smile and tucks her chin to look at me through her lashes. “Then he’s an even bigger idiot than we thought and you and I will ride off into the sunset, happily ever after.” I smile at my friend and nod in agreement.

“I’m never sleeping with you though,” she deadpans and we both fall into each other laughing.