Page 37 of True Sight (Nat. 20, #4)
“What about the girls?” Ophelia’s voice calls out from the living room. Within seconds, all three of them come sauntering in, further interrupting our gameplay. I push out a heated breath and set the die down on the tabletop knowing it will be a minute before I get to roll it.
“We’re all going out this weekend, the whole group,” Malcolm explains, sliding his chair back and pulling her into his lap.
“Uhh, we already have plans this weekend,” Bailey starts from behind Hank, popping her hip to one side and draping her arms around his shoulders.
“And it’s no boys allowed,” Magnolia finishes with a smirk.
When she reaches Kolbi, he takes her hand into his and runs his thumb along the back of it.
Seeing the small signs of affection between everyone makes my heart squeeze.
I wonder if I’ll ever be able to have this kind of moment with Henry.
Just the thought of my friends finding out about him makes my stomach knot.
I do my best to refocus on the conversation at hand.
“And where do you think you’re going, flower?” Kolbi questions, looking up at her through squinted eyes.
“We’re going out,” Bailey chirps, smiling wide at everyone around the table. Being a dog person now, I sometimes like to compare the people in my life to different breeds and Bailey is 100 percent purebred golden retriever. Her and Hank both are.
“A night on the town, just us girls,” Ophelia almost purrs. Her devilish smirk grows a few inches as she looks between Bailey and Magnolia.
“What can I do to get you to let us come along?” Malcolm asks, shaking her a little with his arms that are wrapped around her. The way they look at one another is as if they’re going to rip each other’s clothes off at any minute.
“ Nothing ,” Magnolia stresses and looks at him seriously. “It’s just us girls, and Margaret, she’s coming too.”
“Sounds like fun, baby. You all go out and enjoy yourselves,” Kolbi says to her before pressing up to kiss her on the cheek. “The boys and I can just hang out here.”
Malcolm and Hank shrug and nod before the three of them look at me for confirmation.
“Sure, yeah, whatever. I’ll come. What day?” My need for organization and a schedule kick in, trying to figure out when I’ll be able to see Henry now that I’m making these plans.
“We’re going out on Saturday, so y’all can get together then. Entertain one another while us girls go out and have a good time,” Bailey quips and flaps her hands at us.
“Saturday it is,” Hank confirms and we all nod.
Once the girls are gone again, it is finally my time to take my roll. As the die falls from my hand, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and I can’t help myself from pulling it out and checking to see who it is.
1 New Message: Sweet s
“Hey, no phones at the table,” Malcolm barks next to me and goes to grab my phone but I pull it away in time.
“Yeah says you, Mr. Perpetually Late,” I scoff, sliding my thumb across the screen to read his message.
“You know for a guy who is a stickler about everyone else following the rules, you do a pretty piss poor job of following them yourself,” Hank comments, only half amused.
“Guys, just let him be,” Kolbi says, holding up a hand to put a stop to their harassment. He looks at me through his lashes and I flash him a tight smile. Kolbi is like the big brother of our group, our den mother we like to joke, and he plays that role well.
I glance around the table at my friends before looking down at my phone to read his text.
Hello there love. I just wanted to send you a message and let you know that I’m thinking about you. I hope you’re having fun with your friends tonight. Text me when you make it home safe
I try not to react to his message so I don’t tip off my friends but I can feel the corners of my mouth threatening to turn up. I click the lock button on my phone and slide it back into my pocket.
“Who is it?” Malcolm chastises.
“Why would I tell you that?” I say flatly.
“Because I’m your best friend and best friends tell each other everything,” he replies quickly. He’s leaning on his elbows on the table and staring at me inquisitively.
“That’s hilarious seeing as how all three of you have kept things from the group in the past.”
“But we’re in a new era of adulthood. We’re older, wiser, all getting closer to thirty. We share things with each other now, so come on, share.” He smacks me hard on the back as if to force my secret out of me with brute strength.
“There’s nothing to tell, Malcolm. Drop it.” I start to roll the die in my hand and toss it across the table.
“Of course there’s something to tell. This is the second time you’ve been on your phone at the table and you never let us get away with that before. What’s up, Connie, got a girlfriend?”
‘Got a girlfriend?’
Of course he would think I’m talking to a girl. That’s always where people go, as if the person on the other end of any man’s phone has to be a woman.
“I don’t have a girlfriend,” I sigh, and keep my eyes glued to the table.
“Oh please. You’re the last one left of us without one and the way you look at your phone nowadays gives you away immediately. You have no poker face.”
“Malcolm, leave him alone,” Kolbi begs, sighing as he does. We exchange another glance across the table.
“Why? I’m happy for him, clearly he has a girl in his life and I think that’s really nice,” Malcolm exclaims. The urge I have to yell at him that it’s not a girl and he’s a fucking tool for assuming so is strong enough that I almost get up from the table to walk it off.
My brain is getting more and more confused on what I want and what everyone else clearly expects of me.
“Let’s just move on with the game, please,” Hank finally adds.
“Yes, please. Tolith, what’s your roll?” Kolbi asks, looking at me sympathetically. I know he thinks he knows what’s going on with me and that I do have a girl in my life, but that isn’t the whole truth. I call out my roll, hoping to seamlessly bypass this conversation.
“Are we seriously going to just move on from this?” Malcolm snorts.
“With that roll, Tolith, you take out the dark wizard and move to join Auffroy in the pursuit of the golden chalice. Your roll, Auffroy.”
Ignoring Malcolm entirely, Kolbi, Hank, and I play through the next bit of the game while he pouts in his chair.
After a few minutes he seems to get over himself and joins in on the gameplay once more.
While we continue to play through, I look at my three friends and wonder what they would say if they ever find out that the ‘girl’ they all think I’m with is really a guy.
It isn’t that I think they’ll judge me, it will probably be the complete opposite actually.
They’ll be happy for me, just like Maragret was when she found out.
Kolbi will tell me he’s proud of me and Hank will probably be excited that Henry enjoys working out as much as he does.
Malcolm will ask a million inappropriate questions that will make me want to crawl into a hole but that’s just who he is.
They’ve been my best friends since we were eight years old and will want nothing more than for me to be happy.
But the thought of telling them makes me sick to my stomach because admitting to them that I’m with Henry means admitting that I’m someone completely different than who they think I am.
It means admitting something to them—and myself—that I’ve known to be true for the last few weeks, possibly years if I am being fully honest with myself.
That I’m attracted to men.
That I’m gay .
And how am I supposed to admit that to them if I’m not even ready to admit it to myself yet?