Page 38 of Traitorous Lies (Prey Security: Charlie Team #6)

Chapter

Nineteen

Leaving her alone was probably the best thing to do.

If Monique wanted company, there were more than enough people for her to find it.

Instead, she’d chosen to sit on the front porch, wrapped in a blanket to ward off the chilly fall weather, rocking herself almost absently in the porch swing.

She wasn't doing anything, just sitting there, gently rocking, staring off into space, and Jax would give anything to know what was running through her mind.

There was something slightly different about her by the time she wandered out of the woods and back to the mansion for lunch.

It wasn't like she’d returned to the woman he’d first met, who he’d been busy falling in love with these last couple of weeks, but she also didn't seem to be empty inside. She’d clutched something tightly in her hands, almost as though it were a lifeline, although he had no idea what it could possibly be.

When she’d noticed him trying to get a look at what it was, she’d quickly shoved it into her pocket.

But her voice had been a little more real .

Her expressions not so dead.

And Essie had even managed to draw Monique into a genuine conversation.

Bless the little girl’s heart, he was so glad that the child was so bubbly and full of life that she just drew everyone in whether you wanted her to or not.

Since Essie was only five, she was no threat, and Monique seemed comfortable enough interacting with her.

Now he just had to figure out a way to have the same impact on her.

Were the little things he was trying to do making any impact at all?

Was he completely kidding himself that a dozen tiny gestures could undo the horrible words he’d thrown at her?

Even if he was fighting a losing battle, he wasn't going to give up.

Not when what he was fighting for was worth so much.

Worth everything.

So Jax dragged in a deep breath, feeling more nervous than he was used to, slipped through the living room where he’d been staring out the window watching Monique, and headed outside to join her on the porch.

If she heard him come through the front door, she didn't make any indication of it.

Just continued to sit there, staring out at the woods surrounding the Gothic mansion.

What he wouldn't give to go back in time and keep his words in check no matter how scared he was when he realized she was calling her dad with no comprehension of the danger she could be putting herself in.

Without those words hanging between them, Monique wouldn't be so intent on isolating herself. He could only imagine how alone she must feel with his entire family there and her with no one.

Not that it was true.

His family was her family, and he knew Cassandra hated the distance between her and the sister she’d just found. Plus, the Delta Team guys were definitely protective of Monique, especially Lion.

Clearing his throat, he saw Monique tense, and then it was like she was drawing in reserves of strength as she turned to face him.

A benign smile curled her lips up, and when she spoke, her voice was the epitome of polite. “May I help you?”

Tired of this little Miss Perfect routine she had going on, and desperately wanting the real Monique back, Jax strode across the porch, closing the distance between them until he was standing before her.

With him standing and her sitting, she had no choice but to tilt her head back to look up at him, and he saw her visibly swallow as though affected by his presence.

Please be affected by my presence.

I'm driven crazy by yours.

“Do you mean that?” he asked.

“Mean what?” Her brows drew together in confusion, and he almost whooped in relief at the small gesture of normalcy.

“Your may I help you. Was it real? Did you mean it?”

“Uh … yeah … I guess …” Monique stammered, clearly trying to figure out where he was going with this and if she could continue to maintain her air of politeness that she seemed intent on clinging to.

“Good. You can help me by dropping the act you have going on.”

“There’s no—” Pausing as though catching herself, Monique drew in a deep breath and schooled her features back into one of polite indifference.

“Uh-uh. You just said may you help me, and I said you could help me by stopping being someone that you're not.”

A spark of frustration flickered to life in her eyes before she could cover it. “How would you know who I am anyway?” she snapped before once again smoothing away her anger and shoving it back down.

No.

He didn't want that.

Jax would gladly take every bit of anger she had. It was all well-deserved, and he wanted to shoulder it for her so she could let it go and be free.

“I know you, I see you. I messed up. I'm not denying that. But I'm fully prepared to get to my knees and beg for forgiveness.”

Actually, that wasn't a bad idea.

Too bad he hadn't thought of it earlier.

Doing just that, Jax dropped to his knees in front of the porch swing where Monique was curled up, making her eyebrows jump to the top of her head.

“What are you doing?” she demanded.

“Exactly what I said. I'm so sorry, Monique. I lashed out in fear the other day. I know you don’t see it because you're loyal to your father, but he’s not a good man. He’s dangerous, cold, and unfeeling, and will do anything to protect himself.

Including hurting you. Your loyalty is making you vulnerable, and the thought of you getting hurt …

” Jax sucked in a breath because he couldn’t even finish that sentence out loud.

Felt like that would be bad luck, and Jake was right, he had needed good luck that day.

Now he definitely needed a miracle.

“I hurt you, and I'm so sorry. You are not spoiled, immature, or a child. You are a beautiful, brave, strong woman who lived through a horrific ordeal as a teen and came out the other side even more beautiful, brave, and strong. You know who you are, and you haven’t let your family pressure you into being who they want you to be.

I like the woman you are. I like your passion when it comes to caring for animals.

I like how you put people at ease because you're so genuine. I like every single thing about you, and I want the real Monique Kerr back. So if you were serious about the may I help you, then please do that. Please be you again.”

His impassioned speech had rendered her silent in shock, if the way she stared at him, mouth hanging open and eyes wide, was any indication.

Good.

He hoped he’d gotten through to her at least a little bit.

When she finally let loose and let him have it for the way he’d talked about her, he’d know that he’d gotten through to her.

“Can you do that for me?” he asked, resisting the urge to reach out to her.

As badly as he wanted her in his arms, she didn't feel the same right now and she deserved his respect for her boundaries.

She deserved a whole lot more, but this was something small he could give her right now as they built back toward bigger things.

“I … I don’t know,” Monique whispered, momentarily letting her guard down and showing some of the vulnerability she was feeling.

Unfortunately, he got where she was coming from.

She’d spent her whole life having her grandparents try to mold her into who they wanted her to be, and then the media portrayed her as something she wasn't. She’d told him herself that all she wanted was to be seen, and she’d allowed him to see the real her only to have it thrown back in her face.

It was no wonder she was wary about trying to be herself again.

“Can you try?” he asked.

Maybe that was too big an ask for her right now, but he couldn’t stand seeing her stifle herself. She deserved to be free to be whoever she wanted to be, and to be seen for that person and nothing else.

“I can try,” she said softly, and a sliver of the guilt and regret smothering him slid away.

A baby step, but a step nonetheless.

“Perfect. Because you're perfect just the way you are. Anyone who can't see you is an idiot. Myself included,” he added with a self-deprecating grin, and was rewarded by a tiny smile from Monique. “I won't ever allow my fear, or any other emotion, let me speak words that hurt you. Never again.”

That was a vow he intended to keep even though he didn't expect her to believe it right now.

“If you're feeling up to it, I have a surprise around the back. Something we’re all going to do together,” he told her. Just because he had made baby steps this afternoon didn't mean he could let up. Not even for a second.

Jax was fighting the most important battle of his life in regaining Monique’s trust, and he intended to give it his all.

November 12 th

3:00 P.M

I can try .

Those words seemed stuck in her head as Monique remained where she was, curled up in a blanket on the porch swing, Lion’s carved hedgehog held tightly in her hands, waiting for Jax to tell her what this surprise he had planned was.

Although she’d said the words, she wasn't sure how true they were .

Right now, she didn't think she could be her real self around Jax and his family. She wasn't even sure if she could be her real self when she went back home either. But she also wasn't sure she could ever really be who her grandparents wanted her to be.

Her fingers stroked the soft wood she held, and she decided she didn't have to figure it out right now.

Maybe what she needed was to get out of her head for a little while.

Jax had apologized, and it wasn't like she’d never spoken words in the heat of emotion that she wished she could take back, in fact, she doubted there was a person alive who had never done that.

There was still some anger, although it was fading a little, and there was still a whole lot of hurt, but she did believe that he was sorry.

He’d told her several times, and was trying to undo the damage he knew his words had caused by showing her little things he’d seen in her or remembered.