Page 36 of Traitorous Lies (Prey Security: Charlie Team #6)

Chapter

Eighteen

Everything was so wrong, Jax wanted to scream.

Ever since she came back inside from wherever she’d run off to earlier, Monique had been nothing but a shell of the sweet woman he’d been getting to know.

Now she was so polite it hurt. Her face was completely blank, her smile brittle. She responded to every question or comment posed to her, but there was no life to anything she did.

She was like a shell going through the motions.

What made it even worse were the dirty looks his brothers and their girlfriends kept shooting him. The Delta Team guys, too. If looks could kill, he’d be dead a hundred times over already.

This was killing him. A few careless words, and he’d ruined the best thing to ever happen to him. It wasn't what he’d meant, those words he’d spoken to her, none of them were true, or how he saw her. It was nothing more than his fear talking, and his frustration at the whole situation .

How did he manage to keep messing this up?

Monique was a surprise, the last thing he’d expected to find when he went to that charity gala, but she was also more than he could ever have hoped for.

Looking for a girlfriend hadn't even been on his mind, not even after all five of his brothers falling in love in the previous few months. Yet from that very first second that his gaze connected with Monique’s, he was hooked.

He knew how lucky he was that she’d given him this second chance, and he’d managed to mess it up in twenty-four hours.

As badly as he wanted to make things right, he couldn’t if Monique wouldn't give him a chance.

Not that he deserved one, he got that, but it didn't stop him from wanting one.

Desperately.

More than he’d ever wanted something in his life.

Adding scoops of ice cream to all the plates of brownies he’d just prepared, he drizzled caramel sauce on top of each and then grabbed the biggest one.

This was Monique’s favorite dessert, he remembered her telling him that in one of their talks while they were walking in the forest in France, and while it wasn't like he expected brownies and ice cream to soften her toward him, he at least wanted to show in little ways that he was invested in her. In them.

“I made dessert,” he announced as he walked back into the large dining room where they’d all eaten dinner together.

Monique was the only one who didn't look over at him.

She just sat there in her chair, staring blankly into space. There wasn't a spark of life left in her pretty gray eyes, it was like she just wasn't in there anymore. Everything that made Monique Monique seemed to have vanished.

His words had done that.

While he didn't have many memories left of his mom, he’d only been four when she died, one memory he did have was her telling him and Jake to always be careful with their words. Words could hurt someone more than any weapon, they were the most dangerous thing in the world .

As a child, he’d never gotten that, at least not really, but now for the first time his mother’s warning was sinking in with undeniable clarity.

Words hurt.

Words were dangerous.

If you wielded them in the heat of the moment, you could cause damage you never foresaw.

“Is that ice cream, Uncle Jax?” Essie piped up.

“Yes, it is, messy Essie,” he replied, still standing beside Monique’s chair, the dessert held out between them like a peace offering.

It wasn't much, but he wanted her to know that he really did see her, even if his careless words earlier suggested otherwise. He’d listened to all the things she told him, even the little things.

“Yay! Ice cream is my favorite dessert,” Essie cheered.

“These ones have hot brownies with them, and some caramel sauce on top, they’re Monique’s favorite.”

If he was hoping to get some sort of reaction out of her, he was mistaken.

Monique didn't move at all.

May as well have been alone in the room for all the signs of life she was giving, or complete lack thereof.

“Here you go,” he said, setting the dessert on the table in front of her, half expecting her to ignore it, or refuse to eat it, to yell at him maybe.

But she did none of that.

With a painfully polite nod, she offered him a smile that was nothing more than the curving up of her lips, it went nowhere close to reaching her eyes or looking real. “Thank you,” she said, her voice perfectly polite with not a hint of anything real to it as she picked up her fork.

“Where’s mine, Uncle Jax?” Essie asked before Gabriella could shush her.

The little girl was the only one not picking up on the tension hanging thickly in the air.

It wasn't like he’d hidden the careless words he’d hurled at her in fear.

As soon as Monique had gone running out of the house, he’d gathered his family and told them about her phone call and how badly he’d reacted to it .

Like he’d known they would, despite their disappointment in him, the whole family had rallied.

Supporting Monique while they asked her questions about her father, and talked through every piece of evidence they had against these men.

Trying to show her through their words and actions that she had a place there if only she could accept it.

Even if she couldn’t forgive him, she still had a place.

This was Cassandra’s family, and she was Cassandra’s sister, so she was family too.

Jax prayed she would come to see that. While not being able to have her in his life the way he wanted would be the worst kind of torture, if Monique at least found a place to belong where she would be accepted, then that would be something.

“Coming right up,” he answered Essie, turning away from Monique and trying to fight the disappointment.

Not that he was giving up.

He’d made this mess, and it was his job to clean it up.

Whatever he had to do, however long it took, he was going to find a way to show Monique that he saw her. That he knew she wasn't the immature, spoiled, vacuous, high-society princess the media portrayed her as.

The opposite.

She had depth and substance, she was smart and compassionate, knowing who she was, what her skills and strengths were, and putting them to work in her community. She was sweet and put people at ease, even if she was a little introverted.

Honestly, she was everything, and he was an idiot for not making sure she knew that.

“You know you're an idiot, right?” Jake asked as his brother echoed his thoughts as he apparently followed him through into the kitchen.

“I know.” That was going to get no argument from him.

“Why would you say that when you know she’s sensitive about not being seen?” Jake asked.

“Why did you mess up and walk away from Alannah in the hospital after she asked you to move your relationship from friends to lovers?” he shot back, not to make his brother feel bad but to illustrate his point.

“Because I was terrified of losing her,” Jake replied.

“Right. When I walked into that room and found her on the phone with her dad, knowing how vulnerable she is to him because she isn’t ready to let herself see the truth, it was like something in me went feral.

I could so easily lose her, and I just snapped.

Words were coming out of my mouth without me realizing it.

It wasn't until I saw her shut down literally in front of me that I realized what I'd done.”

Only by then, it was too late to take back those words.

They were out there, and they would forever hang between them.

Even if Monique was able to forgive him and give him another chance, they would still be there.

Likely for the rest of their lives there would always be that tiny bit of doubt hidden in the back of her mind, wondering if he really saw her or the version of her the media had created.

“Tell me how I fix it,” he ordered. Jake was his big brother, the only one who had always been there for him, looked out for him, cared for him, and guided him. Now he needed him to give him step by step instructions on how to fix the mess he’d created. “How did you fix things with Alannah?”

“By being honest. By holding nothing back. And by promising that I would never let my fears and insecurities come between us again.”

That all sounded great, but how was he supposed to do that when Monique didn't want anything to do with him, and seemed intent on pretending she was nothing but the overly polite, empty inside woman the world thought her to be?

November 12 th

10:16 A.M

If she didn't get somewhere on her own in the next few seconds, Monique was going to lose it.

Clinging to her calm, cool, polite facade was becoming increasingly difficult. It took everything she had in her, every single thing she’d ever learned from her grandmother on how she was supposed to behave, not to let everything that boiled inside her come exploding out .

Just because she was beginning to accept that the life she wanted was never going to happen for her, and she’d better become resigned to the life her grandparents wanted for her, didn't mean she wasn't angry, hurt, confused, and betrayed by Jax’s words.

It seemed he regretted them. He’d apologized several times, and he kept doing little things for her like last night’s dessert, that she assumed were supposed to convince her that he was sorry, but she couldn’t allow herself to believe it.

A game.

That’s all.

He was playing another game with her. Had to be.

Although why he would bother she wasn't sure. Yesterday she’d listened to them go through everything they knew about the men involved in Carla Charleston’s rape.

While she still didn't see any definitive proof that her father was involved, it was more than obvious that they were convinced. So she’d made a list of every conceivable place where she thought her dad might be.

The sooner they proved his innocence, the sooner she could get away from this family and move on with her life.