Page 20 of Traitorous Lies (Prey Security: Charlie Team #6)

“I understand why you were desperate, Jax, but that doesn’t make it okay what you did to me.

I'm not all right with being used and treated like I don’t matter.

I'm sick of being treated that way. I'm not really stupid enough to walk off and stay out here when I have a way to get home, and I’ll give you the DNA sample and even try to find out where my dad is so he can help you clear up this mess, but I don’t ever want to see you or hear from you again. ”

With those firm words, that relief vanished, and he realized he’d lost her.

Whatever could have been was over.

And somehow, he had to find a way to live with the consequences of his decisions.

November 6 th

4:46 A.M.

Finally.

The plane started its descent, and Monique let out what felt like her first real breath since the future she had been starting to picture in her mind completely fell apart.

All she wanted to do was get as far away from Jax and the rest of his family as possible so she was free to lick her wounds in peace. Here on the private jet with all of them watching her, she had to keep her game face on.

For once in her life, she was thankful for the lessons her grandmother had taught her as a young girl.

One of them was how to keep her emotions to herself, something a lady should always do, according to her grandmother.

While Monique didn't agree that she wasn't allowed to show her emotions, she was grateful that she knew how to paint on her mask of indifference.

Without it she’d only be adding to her humiliation.

She was absolutely gutted to know that while she’d been dreaming about this wonderful future, opening herself up, sharing parts of her past she usually kept hidden, and falling for him, Jax was only there to use her.

How stupid was she?

Why hadn't she seen the truth?

After all, what kind of man wanted to leave a fancy party just to hang out with her?

None of them.

That was the answer, and when Jax had been different and taken an instant liking to her, she should have known better. Should have been more cynical. Other than her name and all that went with it, why else would anyone ever think to look at her?

Letting out a sigh as the plane hit the runway, signaling the end of the ordeal the last several hours had been, she looked out the window at the dark early morning. It was weird to be back home, even though she should have returned a couple of days ago.

France had not turned out the way she’d envisioned, and in the worst possible way.

She hadn't just allowed Jax to have sex with her, she’d asked for the things she’d always wanted. Now those memories, which should have been badges of courage for her finally standing up for herself and her desires, felt dirty and tainted.

How would she ever be able to trust a man with what she needed again?

How would she trust anyone again?

It seemed this was a lesson she was doomed to have to learn repeatedly because she couldn’t seem to get it through her head.

The only way she was ever going to get a relationship where she didn't have to second-guess the person’s reasons for being with her was if she married one of the men her grandmother was always trying to set her up with.

The problem was, if she married any of them she was basically pimping herself out as part of a business contract where her family could expand its wealth along with the family of whoever she married.

It wouldn't be for love, and there was a good chance her husband would cheat on her as it would be a marriage in name only.

That wasn't the life she wanted either.

All she wanted was to just be her.

Just be Monique who loved animals and was a little shy and introverted unless she felt comfortable with the people she was with. No Kerr. Just take her last name right out of the equation so she could just be herself.

Too bad all that could ever be was a wish.

The plane stopped moving, and she unclicked her seatbelt and grabbed the bag someone had packed for her.

She was grateful that Jax’s brothers had assumed she would be with him when they found him and brought along a few outfits for her, so she wasn't stuck in the clothes borrowed from the dead guard.

The jeans were comfortable, and the sweater soft and pink, the material brushing lightly against the bite wound on her breast.

Yesterday, that wound had been something she was proud of, now it was nothing but a slightly painful reminder of the biggest mistake of her life.

At least it would fade.

Unlike the emotional scars of opening herself up to a man who was only using her.

Not just using her but had singled her out and traveled the globe to arrange a meeting.

If he’d just asked her about her dad and explained his family’s situation from the beginning, she would have been happy to donate a sample of blood for DNA testing.

There had been no need for the whole charade.

Ignoring the guys—who had thankfully left her alone once they got on the plane to fly home—she headed out of the plane, dragging in a breath of fresh air. They’d all be flying on to Maine, but they’d dropped her off in Vermont first. Another thing she was grateful for.

Rifling through her purse, which Jax’s brothers had collected from the crashed car, she pulled out her cell phone.

Apparently, the small private airfield they’d landed in was about an hour away from her property, so she might have a bit of a wait for an Uber to come get her, but at least she’d be home soon.

“There’s a car waiting to take you home. ”

Startling at the unexpected voice behind her, her hand flew to her chest where her heart was racing, and she spun around to find Jax standing just behind her. Unfortunately, her hand rested right above the bite mark he’d left behind, and she felt her anger surging.

Why couldn’t he have just been honest with her?

Why play her like a fool?

Why have sex with her when he was only there to try to get intel from her?

It was such a violation of her trust, and it left her feeling dirty and used.

“Oh, uh, thanks,” she mumbled. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate being able to get home quicker, it was just that everything felt awkward with Jax now. The amazing thing with him had been that from the very beginning, everything felt so natural, like she’d known him her entire life. Now she realized she’d never really known him at all.

How much of the last few days was real, and how much of it had been an act?

The problem was, she honestly didn't know, and that made none of it feel real even as she knew some of the things he’d told her had been true.

Because as far as she was concerned, there was nothing left to say, Monique turned and headed for the small building she assumed would lead to an exit, only to be stopped when Jax darted out a hand to circle her wrist.

“Wait, please, can we talk?” he asked, his voice lacking its usual confidence.

“I don’t see what else there is to talk about.” Nothing was going to change that their whole relationship, extremely brief though it had been, was a lie. Not because it had to be, but because he’d chosen to play things out that way.

“We were desperate, Monique.”

“I told you I got it, I understand. Your family has been targeted over and over again, and I hate that you’ve all been in danger.

I agreed to send you a swab so that you can do a DNA test and prove your stepsister isn’t related to me.

I don’t know what else you want from me, Jax,” she said wearily.

As angry as she was and as much as she’d love to rant and scream at him, reality was she was tired, embarrassed, humiliated, and feeling stupid. All she wanted was to go home.

“I just want you to know I never meant to hurt you.”

He was so imploring, his voice so sincere, his dark eyes practically begging her to believe him, but the problem was she wasn't sure what to believe when it came to this man anymore. Her trust in him had been obliterated.

Maybe if she hadn't been used because of who she was in the past it would be easier to get over. Jax’s way of using her might be different than the other men who had hurt her, and she wasn't lying when she said she got why he’d done it, but in the end, it made her feel the same way.

Like she wasn't a real person.

She was only something to be used for what value she could offer.

It wasn't okay to treat her that way, and she wasn't going to allow herself to be put in that situation. Jax might be sorry now that he’d hurt her, but that didn't undo that hurt. Neither did understanding where he’d been coming from.

If she was overreacting, then that was her prerogative. Protecting her feelings was also her prerogative, after all, it wasn't like she had anyone else there to do it.

“Whether you meant to or not, you did hurt me,” she told him. “You used me, reduced me to nothing more than my last name, and I'm so sick of that happening. I meant what I said in France, Jax. I don’t want to see or hear from you again.”

With that, Monique straightened her spine, turned around, and walked away.

It was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do, but it was the right thing to do for herself.