Page 33 of Tracing Holland (The Hold Me NSB #2)

I wanted it to be belted, growled with the fire of the hell-beast chomping at my entrails, but instead it trickles out as an embarrassing drool from my numb lips.

I wonder if my face is as contorted as my soul.

Hers is… oh god, her demon face that has haunted me for a year and a half is now my present.

She looks surprised, then hurt. “Didn’t you get my text?”

My eyes widen. “That was you?”

“Ouch. Wow. Lost my number, I guess?”

“Luke, what is going on? Why is Laurel Karns here?” Holland asks. It’s more whimper than anger, which only makes the accusation so much worse. I turn my horrified gaze on her but can’t begin to handle the pain in her eyes when my own heart is spiraling into panic.

“I never kept your number…” I bark, focusing back on my first problem. “You need to leave.” There’s the fire. Thank god!

“Excuse me?”

I’m probably more shocked that she’s shocked. “Seriously, I don’t know why you’re here or why you contacted me but…”

“Um, you’re the one who contacted me, babe,” she shoots back, whipping out her phone.

“What?”

Hey, girl. Remember Luke? He asked me to see if you wanted to hook up when we play New York next week.

My brain shuts off. Gone. I no longer see color, hear sound.

“No…No way!” I roar, and take a step toward the building.

Holland grabs my arm, and I hate that my instinctive response is to turn my fury on her.

One look in her eyes, however, and the inferno simmers into something more manageable.

I’ve never been tempered before. Never. But here we are. Inexplicably under control.

“Luke, what is going on?” Holland asks, searching my eyes. She should be screaming at me. Why isn’t she screaming?

“Yeah, Luke, what is going on?” Laurel echoes. “I’ve been waiting for you forever! You finally reach out and then I can’t even get past security after the show to say hello? I had to slip them just to find you now!”

“Waiting for me?” I scoff, returning to the horror show. “What the hell were you waiting for?” I know I’m gutting her but I don’t care. I need to go gut someone else right now. This is on him.

“I’m so confused! Luke, talk to me! Did you not tell Wes you wanted to see me?”

“Wes? What does Wes have to do with this?”

I hear Holland’s horrified question, but there are too many horrifying interrogations going on at the moment.

I stay focused on Laurel, incredulous. “Of course I didn’t tell him that! That was the worst night of my life. The biggest mistake of my life! I can’t even think about that night without getting sick, so, no, Laurel, I did not want to ‘hook up when we played New York!’”

Tears spring to her eyes as she absorbs my callous outburst but there are no politics left in me, no civility. The void is saturated with something else now, dripping with revulsion transformed into rage.

Laurel shakes her head. “No! Wes wouldn’t do that to me.”

“He didn’t,” I spit. “He’s doing it to me.”

“What?”

I force air into my lungs. I need this woman to remove herself from my life, preferably without a method that lands me in jail.

“Laurel, please. Please.” I’m pleading now, searching her eyes, begging her to understand that she’s collateral damage on two fronts. I can’t call her a victim, though. There is no victim in this, just the one, and she’s dead.

I don’t even look at Laurel’s face as she finally releases a frustrated curse.

“This is bullshit, Luke!” she cries, nearly matching my own disgust. “ You are bullshit, you know that?”

I don’t respond, there’s no relationship to save, and turn to confront the one I can’t bear to lose.

“Holland, I swear to you, I had nothing to do with her showing up here! Please believe me. Please!” It’s amazing how quickly my fire has melted into desperation.

But she doesn’t offer much as she studies me, evaluates. “Luke, what’s going on? Why was she here? What was on her phone?”

I rip my gaze away, but my response is silenced by Wes making his way toward us with Spence. Their paths are about to intersect with a retreating Laurel, and every fiber of my being longs for her to smack him. It’ll be a good warm up for what I’m about to do.

“Ask him !” I growl, watching as Laurel unleashes her own verbal assault. He shrinks a bit from her wrath, almost stunned, which catches me off guard more than a punch would have done.

We can hear their conversation in the nearly empty parking lot, and I’m about to join them to offer my own opinions when I feel a soft hand slide into mine.

“I believe you, Luke. I do. Please don’t.”

Startled, I force myself to meet her gaze. The patience. The forgiveness. The inexplicable trust. It’s all there, rooting me by her side when every part of me wants to bash Wes’ skull into the pavement.

“Shit…” I mutter, closing my eyes. “I want to kill him, Holland. I might seriously kill him this time.”

She tugs my hand and draws me back to her. “I know, but you won’t. You know why? Because you’ve just proven you’re a better man than he is.”

I suck in a ragged breath and turn back to the scene twenty yards away. Laurel has resumed her furious stomp toward the building, leaving Wes motionless, staring at us as we stare at him. The moment the bulls decide how they’re going to slaughter each other.

It’s pretty obvious Spence would rather be anywhere else on the planet right now.

“Ok, wait, it’s not what you think!” Wes shouts, jumpstarting the showdown and moving toward us.

I shake my head, taking a step to meet him but Holland pulls me back. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” I snarl from my place.

“Look, man, just…”

“Wes, what did you do?” Holland cries as he reaches us. “Why did Laurel come after Luke?”

“I…Ok, I know…”

“He contacted Laurel and told her I wanted to meet her tonight,” I spit, turning to Holland. “That’s what was on her phone. A message from him telling her I wanted to hook up.”

“You what?!”

“Ok! I know this looks bad, Hol, I just…”

“Looks bad? It doesn’t look bad, Wes, it looks insane! What is wrong with you?!” Holland fires.

“You’re falling for him! Everyone can see that and it was the only thing I could think of to remind you what he is! Nothing else was working!”

“What he is? You don’t even know what he is!

Nothing was working because you’re the one who’s not seeing clearly!

Luke has done everything he can to prove himself to you because he cares about me enough to do that for me.

For me!” Her eyes narrow and I’m just glad I’m not on the receiving end of that fury.

“And what did you prove in return? That you’re the one I should be running from! ”

“Holland…”

“Stay away from me. From this point forward, we’re coworkers. Nothing more.”

“What? Holland, come on, you don’t mean that!”

“Let’s go, Luke.”

“Holland!”

He grabs her arm as we pass, and I instinctively shove him away.

“She told you she was done. That especially means don’t touch her,” I warn.

“Stay out of it,” he returns, and I almost laugh.

“I’ve wanted nothing more since the beginning! You’re the one who keeps making it into something!”

This time there’s no doubt he swings first. I duck, but not fast enough to avoid his fist. I can’t believe I’m getting hit in the face by Wes Alton for the second time in a week.

Spence is running toward us now, Holland’s shouting, but I barely notice any of it as I block his next blow and shove him back.

“You’re messed up, dude,” I mutter, trying to ignore the pulsating patch of skin swelling around my eye. Again.

I could demolish him. I know I could. Hell, his face is still a patchwork of evidence of what I can do when tested.

I’ve done it a hundred times to guys twice his size, but this isn’t about him.

It’s about the woman standing behind me, and right now I know that’s not what she wants.

I know that love means I have to let that be enough.

“Don’t,” I warn when he straightens and starts toward me again. “I’m serious, Wes. Just leave. Now. I’m not letting you near her.”

“Holland, please! It’s only because I care about you! You know that!”

“Coworkers, dude,” I quip, blocking his path again. “Got it?” I search his face, making sure he understands how serious I am about protecting the people I love. “One more word and you’re off the tour.”

“Fuck you,” he spits, but at least turns and starts directing his fury in the opposite direction. We watch him go in silence, and it becomes obvious Spence has no clue what to do next.

“We’ll get through this,” Holland offers gently, acknowledging her drummer’s distress as well.

“I’ve never seen him like that,” Spence admits, staring back at Wes’ shrinking silhouette. “You ok?” he asks, turning to me.

“I’m fine,” I assure him, not missing his concern.

He shakes his head. “I guess I should go check on him. You gonna have him kicked off the tour?”

I sigh and cast a quick glance at Holland. “Only if that’s what she wants.”

“We’ll work it out, Spence, ok?” Holland assures him, squeezing his arm.

He nods, but doesn’t seem convinced.

“Can you just do us a favor and let them know we changed our minds about going out tonight? We’re going to hang here, I think,” Holland continues.

“Sure, no problem. I’ll catch up with you later.”

We say our goodbyes and wait until he disappears out of sight to turn to each other and begin the debriefing.

“Oh, hey, you dropped this in the skirmish.”

She holds out a slip of paper as her face ignites into one of the most beautiful smiles I’ve ever seen. My heart soars and sinks at the same time. I can’t believe I almost lost it. I need to find a more secure place for her note if I’m going to fuse it into my existence.

“You kept it,” she whispers, pressing it into my hand. She doesn’t let go.

“Of course I did.”

“Well, I’m flattered, but I probably should write you a new one.”

“Why?”

“Because now I’m the liar. I do believe in you.”