Page 30 of Tracing Holland (The Hold Me NSB #2)

“Aw, I’m sorry. Yeah, your family always rocked the underhanded cut-downs.”

He grunts. “Yeah, Great-Uncle Alan actually introduced himself! That bastard. He said he was surprised I still remembered all their names when I told him I knew who he was. Totally serious too, as if I wouldn’t see through such an obvious blow.”

I smirk, I can’t help it. “Um…”

“Yeah, exactly. What a dick.”

I laugh, fresh from my own encounter with Great-Uncle Alan. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, he told me I probably had an STD so...”

“What?! No!”

I nod, still chuckling. “Yep. Right after Great-Aunt Norma said I was probably high on ‘the dope.’”

“The dope? Oh my god!” Casey roars, laughing so hard we draw stares from other tables.

I’m right there with him, trying to compose myself as the humor of the entire situation begins to chip at the horror.

“Oh, yeah. And you should have seen the flowers the Label sent. Completely ridiculous. Like five times the size of any other display.”

I laugh again, not surprised. “They wanted you to know they care, man.”

We exchange a wry smile as he shakes his head. “Yeah, whatever. Do you think the Executive Assistant who ordered them even knew who I was?”

“Depends if the Executive who gave the command included the band name in the email,” I joke, and Casey laughs again.

He shakes his head with a smile. “Hey, thanks, man. There was nothing funny about it at the time, but some of it is kinda hilarious on the other side,” he admits, as if reading my thoughts a moment ago.

I grin. “You know me, always finding the fun in life.”

He snickers. “Yeah, you’re just a ball of sunshine. Speaking of that, oh man, you should have seen what Uncle Nestor was wearing. Hang on.” He pulls out his phone and starts scrolling through pictures.

I just about spit out my coffee when he turns it toward me.

“What is that?” I cry, trying to make sense of the black tuxedo/tracksuit monstrosity.

Casey shakes his head, cracking up so hard he can barely speak. “I have no idea. He walked into the church like that, and even Callie almost lost it. Callie! Unbelievable. I guess it’s for when you want to look like you’re trying without giving up the comfort of your favorite couch apparel?”

“Wow, that’s, uh, something…”

He’s still chuckling. “Oh, and then I pretty much choked on my mint when Nate asked him where he got it. You know Nate, totally sincere and polite. Like, just making conversation.”

“No way. What did he say?”

“That’s the best part. His girlfriend made it for him!” Casey starts laughing all over again, and I stare at him in disbelief.

“Wait, Uncle Nestor has a girlfriend!”

“Four years, dude! Four fucking years! They met at Sole Barn!”

“The shoe store?”

“I know!” Casey smacks the table. “I guess they share a love of bland, sensible footwear, I don’t know.”

“Wow…”

He nods. “Exactly.” He grows serious. “Hey, so, you should also know that at least ten people came up to me and asked me to tell you how sorry they were for what happened at Nate’s house.”

Shocked, I’m not even sure how to respond at first. “Seriously?” I manage finally.

He nods. “Yeah, man. They were blown away by you. They feel bad for hiding and not standing up for you at the time, but they couldn’t believe you just stood there and took it. That you’d actually come back to take responsibility for your actions. They have a huge amount of respect for you now.”

I look away, still not sure what to make of that. “Wow. I…”

Casey shrugs. “Dude, you’re legit, and people are seeing it.”

I draw in a deep breath and stare into my coffee cup. “Thanks, Case. I needed to hear that.” I force my eyes up and meet his gaze. “I went to visit Elena today. Holland went with me.”

He’s quiet for a moment and I can’t begin to read his expression. “Good, I’m glad you did,” he says finally, studying me. “Holland’s an amazing woman, Luke.”

I nod and instinctively glance toward the entrance as if she’ll walk in at that moment. It hits me hard how much I want her to. “She is. Incredible.” I focus on him again. “You know I didn’t ask for any of this. I wasn’t looking for someone else.”

He meets my eyes. “I know. You have nothing to apologize for. You will always love my sister. We all know that. It doesn’t mean you can’t love someone else too.”

I swallow, doing my best to breathe. Leave it to Casey Barrett to transform his moment of pain into evidence of what an amazing friend he is. I almost smirk at the thought of freaking him out with an impromptu hug but have mercy. I stare back at my mug instead.

“I think I could really love her, man. I think Holland might be it for me,” I say after a pause, shocking myself as much as anyone with my confession. I glance up again to test his reaction, but Casey doesn’t seem surprised.

“I think so too. But Luke, you should know that Callie and I are going to do everything in our power to keep you from screwing it up this time. You should just know that up front.”

He grins, and I return it.

“Thanks. I’m holding you to that.”

“Good, because Callie is already planning our double wedding.”

I laugh and shake my head. “Wow. Well, don’t worry. I think she’ll change her mind when she finds out how long she’d have to wait. I don’t think Holland’s in any kind of rush either.”

We return to Philadelphia different than when we left, but better somehow.

The four of us grew individually, as well as together, and it almost feels strange when the car returns us to our tour and the other reality we’d left.

I often feel like I’m living multiple lives, but never more so than when I’m reminded of the deep chasm separating my past from my present.

I’ve only complicated the gap further with this new present that I’m still trying to grasp.

Still, I can’t shake the feeling that the path has changed, that a fragile bridge is now hanging precariously between my islands and I’m starting to catch glimpses of a future where I can navigate them freely.

It’s a lot easier to imagine that kind of freedom when I watch Holland embrace it with effortless grace.

I linger beside her, holding one of her bags, as she fishes through her purse for her hotel key.

“I’ll probably check in with the band tonight for dinner,” she announces, almost apologizing, and I grin.

“Yeah, me too. No worries,” I respond, following her inside so I can deposit her belongings.

She turns to me and slips her arms around my waist, pulling me against her. “But you know I’d rather spend the night with you.”

“Yeah, me too. No worries,” I repeat, and she laughs.

I kiss her, surprised when my casual gesture turns much more intense. The magnet of her body starts drawing me forward, locking me against her as she backs into her room.

“We can’t. Not now,” she groans, but does nothing to help her own cause as she claws at me, her sudden aggression ripping a frenzied blaze through my body. I have no interest in playing fair either.

Her top is on the floor at nearly the same moment my jeans succumb to gravity, and there is nothing refined about our contact. It’s one primal need feeding the ravenous hunger of another.

“Luke, don’t stop this time. Don’t talk. Don’t do anything but make me need you,” she breathes in the most convincing argument of all time.

And I do.

“I apologize in advance for what I’m about to say, but holy shit,” Holland sighs, dropping back to what’s left of the bed.

I laugh and close my eyes, still trying to catch my breath.

“Unbelievable,” she continues and turns toward me. “Pavlov had no freakin’ clue. No clue!”

“So I’m getting better then?”

She responds with a kiss that makes me burst with pride at just how satisfied she is. I love that I’m enough for her.

“Seriously. Perfection,” she breathes, pulling away, staring into my eyes. I’m not even sure she’s talking about the sex.

I return her smile, captivated by the sudden explosion in my heart. Something is happening. Right here. Right now. Something huge, and I take a deep breath, searching her eyes.

“Holland, my entire life people have tried and failed to ‘fix’ me. You’re the first person who’s made me believe I’m not broken.”

Silence.

I actually think I’ve stunned her for once.

My words settle in the stillness, hanging between us like a promise, a gift, and I wait in agony, wondering what she’ll do with it.

Her eyes fill as she seems to search every recess of my soul.

I don’t know what she’s looking for this time, but as usual am afraid she won’t find it.

That I can’t be for her, everything she’s becoming for me.

I swallow, suddenly nervous, ashamed, maybe even regretting my impulsive confession. I don’t deserve her. I’m sure she knows that. “I’m sorry if that scares you. I…”

She shakes her head and cuts me off. “No, you know what scares me, Luke?” she whispers, still staring into my eyes. “I’m terrified I’m not even close to finished falling in love with you.”

“Dude, you killed it tonight! What is up with you?” Sweeny cries as we move off stage. The crowd is still screaming, still calling for us and we’ve already done two encores. I grin and shrug as I wipe at my forehead with my shirt.

“Just feelin’ it, I guess,” I return.

“That was amazing!” Callie cries, running toward us.

I return her quick hug and catch Holland gazing at me several feet away.

She’s surrounded by her own band so I know there’s no chance to get to her.

But my body is pumping with life right now, and it kills me that I can’t share this moment with the one person I’m craving.

My phone buzzes and I cast a quick glance at the screen.

Incredible performance. Almost as good as this afternoon’s.

My blood sears hot as the grin spreads across my lips. I glance up at her and notice her own attempt to hide a smile.

Thanks. I was pretty nervous so I just kept picturing you naked in the front row.

She seems to like my joke, and this time gains the attention of her bandmates when she chuckles. I’m careful to look oblivious in my own circle as I sense Wes’ gaze. I can’t tell if he buys it or not. He has to know she’s talking to me.

When we get to Toronto, you won’t have to imagine anything.

I suck in my breath.