Page 53 of Toxic Salvation (Krayev Bratva #2)

VESPER

I’ve never been more excited for a doctor’s appointment in my whole entire life.

Although, to be fair, this is also my six-week check-up. Which means, once I’m cleared, I can jump Kovan’s bones like I’ve been dreaming of doing pretty much ever since I gave birth.

That’s what they don’t tell you about having a baby. Your body is broken and weak. You’re bleeding and lactating and you’re sore in places you didn’t know you could be sore from.

But you still crave the things you crave.

Coffee.

Alcohol.

Sex.

Especially sex.

Although that could just be me. That could just be a side effect of having a boyfriend—excuse me, fiancé— as hot as mine is.

Every night, when we go to bed, it’s an exercise in self-restraint not to climb aboard and have my way with him.

So, maybe it’s a good thing that he’s been so busy these past few weeks that we’ve barely gone to bed together.

He usually slips in beside me in the middle of the night when I’m fast asleep.

I’m only aware he’s there when he passes me a mewling infant who demands milk.

He stays up with me while I feed Tali and then he puts the baby back in his crib, singing Russian lullabies the whole time.

I don’t know where he gets the stamina from, because I certainly don’t have it. And I’m at home all the time.

Which is another reason this doctor’s visit is so damn exciting.

I love being at home with my boys—but I wasn’t meant to be a stay-at-home mom. I hate myself for even thinking it, but I can’t deny that the stir craziness kicked in about a week after Kovan went back to being a full-time pakhan .

“How did you do it, Mom?” I ask as Nikolai drives us to Dr. Mann’s private clinic in the middle of the city. “How did you deal with giving up your career to stay at home with Waylen and me?”

Mom adjusts her headscarf, the one that hides how her hair is thinning from the chemo.

“Well, first of all, I wasn’t a doctor who was saving lives on the daily; I was an accountant.

It wasn’t exactly a spiritually fulfilling pursuit.

When I had Waylen, I realized that I’d much rather be a mother.

Staying at home wasn’t a choice—it was my calling. ”

I study her pale face in the rearview mirror. The treatments have been harder on her than she lets on. This morning’s session left her nauseated and exhausted, but she insisted on coming with me anyway.

“God, that makes me feel even worse.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t feel that way,” I explain quietly. “I miss working. I miss the hospital. I miss having something to do every day that matters beyond diaper changes and feeding schedules. Don’t get me wrong—I love my boys; I love being their mom, but?—”

“It’s not enough to just be their mom, is it?”

I bite my lip. The guilt spreads through my chest. “I’m horrible, aren’t I?”

“Honey, of course you’re not. You’re a doctor and a damn good one at that.

You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting something for yourself.

People assume that a woman becomes a mother and everything else in her life stops.

But why should it? Men aren’t expected to drop their lives when they have a baby. So, why should you?”

It’s exactly what I needed to hear. “Thanks for saying that.”

She reaches forward from the back seat and pats my shoulder. “You’ll be back at work in no time.”

“It’s not just that,” I say. “It’s not just my work that I’m preoccupied with. I hate feeling so useless. I hate knowing that Kovan is out there, doing stuff and I’m here, waiting to hear from him. Sometimes, I want to just storm Krayev Headquarters and work right alongside him.”

“Is that an option?”

I let out a bitter laugh. “Definitely not. Kovan would probably humor me for all of ten minutes and then escort me to the car to be driven back home. He keeps telling me that we’re partners and we’re in this together, but then he doesn’t tell me what’s going on.

I keep asking him about Ihor and he keeps giving me these vague non-answers. ”

“He’s just trying to protect you.”

“I don’t need to be protected, Mom!” I lower my voice, aware that Nikolai is listening. “I’m a grown woman. I am his partner. I deserve to know what’s going on so that I’m not taken unaware when shit hits the fan.”

“Then tell him that.”

“I plan to every night—and then, every night, I fall asleep the moment Tali’s down. By the time I’m awake, lucid and capable of having a conversation again, Kovan’s back at work. I’ve barely seen him this last week.”

Mom keeps rubbing my shoulder. “Soon, this will all be over and he’ll be around more. You’ll have your work and he’ll have his and you’ll find your rhythm, honey, I promise.”

I want to believe her. But six weeks of this limbo has me questioning everything. “I hope it is over soon. I feel like I’m waiting for my life to begin.”

“Your life is happening right now, darling. Don’t let Ihor take that away from you.”

I look down when my phone buzzes against my thigh. Kovan’s name lights up the screen and my stomach does that silly, schoolgirl flutter it always does when he texts me.

KOVAN: Just wanted to wish you luck for the appointment. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there but I plan on being home early tonight... and I plan on showing you just how much I love you.

The implication in those words makes my stomach clench with want. I pull up the photo I took this morning before leaving—me in the sexy red lingerie set that Osip had gifted me for Christmas. I attach it with a message.

VESPER: Funny... I was going to say the same thing to you. Six weeks baby!

Right after I send the text, the SUV comes to a stop in front of Dr. Mann’s clinic. I turn to Mom, taking in her gray complexion and the way she’s gripping the door handle. “Why don’t you sit here and wait for me, Mom? You’ve been in enough doctor’s rooms as it is.”

“Are you sure, honey? I don’t mind. But if you want some privacy, I can wait here.”

“You’re tired. Chemo this morning was too much, wasn’t it? You should have just stayed at home and rested like I told you.”

“I want to be here for you as long as I can be.”

The words sting. As long as she can be. Because despite our best efforts and the magic of modern medicine, we might not have as much time as we thought.

“Good. Then you can be here for me right here. The appointment shouldn’t take too long. This is just to clear me for… uh… normal activities.” My face gets hot and I duck my head.

Mom laughs. “Go on, get cleared. I’m happy to keep the boys with me tonight, by the way.” She winks.

“Mom!” I jump out of the car to avoid her knowing look.

I rush inside, followed by my usual security detail. Nikolai, Tikhon, Aleksei, and Filipp spread out behind me in formation. At the entrance, I stop them.

“Nikolai, Tikhon, you’re with me. Aleks, Fil, stay with my mother. She’s tired and she’s going to rest in the car.”

They nod and adjust accordingly. Two head back to the SUV while Nikolai and Tikhon follow me into the clinic.

The moment the receptionist behind the desk hears my name, she straightens in her chair. Her leopard-rimmed glasses slip down her nose. “Dr. Fairfax! Of course, you’re Mr. Krayev’s fiancée. Right this way. I’ll inform Dr. Mann you’ve arrived.”

The special treatment still feels strange. Before Kovan, I was just another face in the crowd. Now, I’m someone people notice. Someone who gets rushed to the front of the line.

She leads me into a spacious room painted in soft lavender with abstract art on the walls. Dr. Mann has done her best to make the space feel less clinical, but the examination table and medical equipment give it away.

I only have to wait a few minutes before the doctor herself walks in, her blonde hair loose around her shoulders. “Hello, Vesper, how are we doing today?”

“Great. Excited for you to clear me.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Eager, aren’t we?”

My cheeks burn. “Uh… something like that.”

Chuckling, Dr. Mann starts pulling on her gloves. “Lie down for me, please, and put your legs in the stirrups.”

I do as she says, letting the paper gown billow around my waist. The examination is quick and professional. Dr. Mann hums to herself as she works.

“Alright, it looks like you’re all healed up! Everything looks great.”

“So… I can stop by the salon right after this?” I ask, only half-joking. “Because I’m in urgent need of a Brazilian.”

Dr. Mann laughs. “Go get that wax, girl. You’re good to go.”

“Fully cleared?”

“You’re free to have as much sex as you want. But just a heads up—you are able to get pregnant again now. So, if that’s not part of the plan, I can take you through your birth control options.”

“Can I get on the pill?”

“You can. It shouldn’t be a problem. The IUD and the patch are also options.”

“I’m comfortable with the pill.”

“As you wish. If you start the first dose today, it should become effective in the next seven days. I’ll have the front desk give you your prescription.” She strips off her gloves and tosses them in the waste bin. “All in all, my work here is done. A pleasure as always!”

“Thanks, Dr. Mann.”

She gives me a wave and heads out of the examination room. The moment the door closes, I’m already reaching for my phone.

Feeling bold, I slip the hospital gown off completely. I arrange myself on the examination table, angling my body to show off my post-baby curves. Six weeks of breastfeeding has done wonders for my chest.

I snap several photos, scrolling through to find the best one. Not bad for a woman who had a baby six weeks ago. I actually look pretty damn good.

I pick the sexiest shot and send it to Kovan without a message. Some pictures need no words.

The moment it’s sent, I get dressed quickly, adrenaline pumping through my system as I think about tonight. It’s been so long and I’m desperate to satisfy this burning need that’s been driving me crazy.

I need to call Charity. Tonight has to be perfect.

Sitting back on the examination table, I dial her number.

“Hey, friend,” she answers on the second ring. “Great timing. Just punched out for my lunch break.”

“Please tell me you’re free tonight,” I beg.

“What’s happening tonight?”

“My sons need a sitter and I really, really need to have sex with my fiancé.”

“Ready to jump right back in the saddle, huh? Atta girl. You ride that stallion all night long.”

“I plan to. I just need to make sure my little colts are looked after this evening.”

“Let it never be said that Charity Page refused to get her best friend laid. I will be there tonight at six, ready to take care of the boys so that you can rattle the bedframe with your man.”

“Bless you!”

“Just remember, this is a two-way street. There will come a day when I need a babysitter for my kids so that I can get laid. I’ll need you then.”

“Goes without saying.”

“Perfect. Now, let’s get to the important stuff: What are you wearing?”

“I have a bunch of new lingerie that’s just been sitting sadly in my closet. I plan on breaking it in tonight.”

“What about that sexy blue number I saw when I was helping you organize? Oh, or the purple teddy from…?”

Charity keeps talking, but I’ve stopped listening. There’s a shadow outside the door that’s been there for the past thirty seconds. It’s not moving. Just hovering.

If it were Nikolai or Tikhon, they would have knocked by now. Or called my phone. A nurse would have walked right in after a quick rap on the door.

So, who is lurking out there?

“Char?”

She breaks off mid-sentence. “You don’t want to wear the green one? Is the thong too much? Because honestly, I think you should go all out. Go big or go home, as they say.”

“Char, I’m at Dr. Mann’s office. Call Pavel or Osip and tell them where I am. Tell them to contact my security team. Nikolai is in charge today.”

Her tone changes instantly. “Aren’t you with your security team right now?”

“I don’t know what it is, but I know something is wrong. Just call one of them. I have to go.”

I hang up and immediately try Nikolai’s number. A second later, I hear ringing on the other side of the door. Three rings.

Then the ringing stops.

Fuck.

“Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God…” I back away from the door, scanning the room for anything I can use as a weapon.

The art on the walls is too big and heavy. The medical instruments are locked away. There’s nothing here but a paper gown and my purse.

Before I can make up my mind, the door opens.

A tall figure walks in, reeking of expensive cologne and cigarette smoke. His dark hair is slicked back and his eyes are wild with glee.

“Ihor,” I breathe.

“Dr. Fairfax.” He grins, closing the door behind him. “It’s been a while. You look amazing for a woman who’s just had a baby.”

“Where are my bodyguards?”

“Dead. Just like you’re going to be if you don’t come with me. Right now.”

My options flash through my mind in rapid succession. Run—but where? The door is behind him and there are no other exits. Fight—with what? Scream—and hope someone hears me before he kills me?

Going with him is not an option.

Not for me. Not for my sons.

I grab the heavy glass picture frame from the wall beside me and hurl it at his head.