Page 39 of Toxic Salvation (Krayev Bratva #2)

VESPER

“Hey, grumpy,” I say, walking into the kitchen. “What’s with the sour face?”

Waylen hunches over his cereal bowl, shoveling huge spoonfuls into his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in days. “Doesn’t your boyfriend have anything better to do on Saturday morning than flirt with our dying mother?” he mumbles through a full mouth.

I pause. “You’re grumpy about Kovan and Mom?”

“They’re in her room right now. Laughing.

Playing cards. Having the time of their lives.

” He swallows. “She kicked me out. Actually, she told me to go get some food so she and Kovan could ‘catch up.’ Like they don’t catch up every damn day.

” He pitches his voice high to imitate her.

‘Go get something to eat, honey. Kovan and I can chit-chat.’ It’s weird, Vesper. Don’t you think it’s fucking weird?”

I lean my hip against the counter. “It sounds like you’re jealous.”

He scoffs. “Of what? You were Dad’s favorite. I was supposed to be Mom’s. But your boyfriend swooped in and stole my spot.” His face falls. “Okay, maybe I am jealous.”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t get their connection, either.”

“That’s because it’s unnatural! A thirty-five-year-old crime boss shouldn’t be best friends with a sixty-year-old cancer patient.”

I sigh, already exhausted even though it’s barely eight in the morning. “You’re overthinking it.”

He shakes his head. “I need to get my own place. Living here with you and Mom is turning me back into a teenager.”

“Good. At least you’re aware of it.”

He stands and picks up his bowl to dump it in the sink. “I’m going to find Luka,” he says. “You should check on Mom. Pretty sure she’s trying to steal your man.”

I swat him with a kitchen towel, but the moment he disappears upstairs, I’m walking down the hall toward Mom’s room.

I’m not jealous. Not exactly. It’s just confusing how easily Kovan charmed her. I’ve spent thirty-one years trying to get close to my mother, and he waltzed in and became her favorite person in no time at all.

Laughter drifts from Mom’s room. I crack the door open and peer inside. They’re too absorbed in their card game to notice me.

“Good game,” Mom says, pushing her cards toward Kovan. “You make smart moves.”

“My smartest move was getting involved with your daughter,” Kovan replies. “I hope you know I plan on marrying her.”

My breath stops.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Mom says with a saucy wink. “Just hurry up about it. I want to be there when my girl walks down the aisle.”

“She hasn’t said yes yet, Annabelle.”

“She will. She’s madly in love with you.”

I’m not sure how I feel about Mom speaking for me. Though in this case, she’s right.

“Sometimes, I worry she doesn’t know what she’s signing up for,” Kovan muses. “I know she’s a doctor. She’s seen blood and death. She deals with extreme situations every day. But it’s not the same thing.”

“No, it’s not,” Mom agrees. “But telling her won’t make any difference, Kovan. Her mind’s made up. Just like mine was with Thomas.”

“Was he as devoted to you as you were to him?”

I press closer to the door. Maybe this is why they get along so well—they can discuss things I’ve never been able to talk about with Mom.

“He was devoted to his work,” Mom admits. “I knew his patients came first. Vesper won’t be as understanding.”

“I already know that.”

I frown. How can they be so sure about my reactions when I don’t even know myself?

“She was the center of her father’s world, and she’ll expect to be yours,” Mom continues. “She has high standards. That’s inconvenient sometimes, but it’s also good.”

“I want to make her happy.”

“Then be honest with her. It’s the only thing that works. I think my inability to be truthful with Vesper is why we were never as close as we could have been. Now, I might be running out of time.”

“You’re honest with her now. Better late than never.”

“Except I’m not,” Mom says. I lean closer. “I told Vesper I fought Thomas about the Keres. That I urged him to stop. That I kicked him out of the house. But it’s not true.”

“It’s not?”

“I was upset when I found out. Heartbroken, really. But it never crossed my mind to kick Thomas out or make him stop. I was never going to leave him. I loved him too much. I knew I couldn’t live without him. It was cowardly and weak, but that’s the choice I made.”

“Why didn’t you tell Vesper that?”

“Because I was ashamed. And because those high standards she has make it impossible for me to open up to her the way I can with you. She’ll judge me. I can’t bear to disappoint her. Her father did that just fine by himself.”

“You underestimate your daughter, Annabelle. She’s stronger than you think.”

“I know she is. I’m saying I’m not strong enough. I’d rather she think of me as better than I am.”

My heart aches as I close the door quietly and walk away.

I’m not an eavesdropper. Never have been. Which makes it ironic that, a few hours later, I find myself on the wrong side of a door for the second time today.

Though technically, this isn’t truly eavesdropping. Kovan and I are supposed to tuck Luka in together. I was about to walk in when I heard Luka ask a question that made me freeze.

“Is Vesper my mom now?”

I creep closer so I don’t miss Kovan’s answer.

“Vesper is like your mom, isn’t she?” Kovan says. “She does everything a mom’s supposed to do. Takes you to school, tucks you in at night. Most importantly, she loves you.”

“But does she love me like any kid or like her kid?”

I press my hand to my chest.

“What do you think?” asks Kovan.

Luka’s answer is confident. “I think she loves me like I’m her kid.”

Smart boy.

“Then trust your instincts, Luka. They’re rarely wrong.”

I wish I could see Luka’s face, but there’s a door between us. All I can make out are shadows cast by his moon lamp.

“Do you think things will change after the baby comes?” Luka asks quietly. “This baby is really her son.”

“Listen to me, malysh . I’m your uncle and I’ll always be your uncle. But that doesn’t change the fact that I think of you as my son, too. Having a baby doesn’t make you any less my kid. Vesper feels the same way.”

The room goes quiet. I can picture Luka’s face scrunched up in concentration, working through his complicated feelings. The only reason he’s asking so many questions is because he feels insecure about his place in our lives.

I hate that he has even the smallest doubt. I blame Yana for planting those seeds of insecurity.

“Would it be okay if I called Vesper ‘Mom’?”

My throat tightens.

“Do you want to?” Kovan asks. I assume Luka nods because Kovan continues, “Then you should. Vesper will be over the moon that you think of her that way. Call her whatever you want whenever you’re ready.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“It feels weird to call you Uncle Kovan when I call Vesper ‘Mom,’” Luka points out.

“It doesn’t have to be weird. I don’t need equal billing here. Especially because you had a great dad.”

“Yeah…”

“What’s wrong?”

I push the door open wider and slip into the room. It’s dark except for Luka’s moon lamp. They’re too absorbed in their conversation to notice me.

“Sometimes, I forget,” Luka admits softly. “I try to remember stuff about Dad, but I can’t think of anything. Even his laugh. I used to know exactly what it sounded like. Now, it’s fading away.”

Kovan sits stiffly. This conversation can’t be easy for him. “I have lots of videos of your dad,” he suggests. “How about we watch them together? It might help you remember.”

“That sounds good.”

He squeezes Luka’s shoulder. “Even if you forget your dad, it’s okay, Luka. He won’t hold it against you. Remembering how he laughed doesn’t really matter. What matters is remembering how he made you feel.”

“I knew he loved me.”

“Because he did.”

“I think I’m a bad son.”

I’m about to interrupt when Kovan speaks. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I want you to be my dad,” Luka admits. “It feels like you are my dad. Then I feel bad because if Dad knew, he’d feel sad.”

“Luka, your dad would have wanted you to be happy. He’d be glad you’re comfortable enough with me that you think of me as a second father. You can have two, you know. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. I’m happy to share you with your dad.”

Luka brightens. “So I can call you Dad if I want?”

“‘Dad’ was what you called your father,” Kovan says carefully. “How about you call me ‘Papa’? That way we both get to share you.”

Luka throws his arms around Kovan. “Thanks, Uncle Kov—I mean, Papa.” He pulls back and grins. “I’ll have to get used to that.”

“You and me both. But it sounds good.”

“Are you nervous about the baby?” Luka asks.

Kovan lets out a low whistle. “A little. But then I think about all the help I’ll have. Vesper’s going to be an amazing mother, and you’re going to be an amazing big brother. Really, I have nothing to be scared about.”

I hold my hand to my chest, fighting back tears. I may be a woman of science, but I’m starting to believe Vitalii might have been onto something.

Because something this beautiful has to be fate.