Page 34 of Tough Guy (Game Changers #3)

For the rest of December, things were as close to perfect as they’d ever been for Ryan.

Coach had been riding Ryan to fight more, but he couldn’t argue with the effort Ryan had been putting in on the blue line.

Ryan felt he was playing the best hockey of his career for Toronto right now.

And maybe that wasn’t saying much, but he was still proud.

Nilsson had been out for the past few games with a minor injury, so Wyatt had gotten to take over starting goaltender duties, which made games more entertaining for Ryan.

Wyatt had also been on fire, winning three of the past four games, and even getting a shutout in the last game.

Ryan had earned himself three assists in the past week.

For the first time in a long time, hockey was fun.

Ryan and Wyatt had also visited the community center a couple more times together, and that had only bolstered Ryan’s renewed love of the game. The kids were fantastic, and the center had greatly appreciated Ryan’s donation of a bunch of pairs of brand new hockey gloves.

The rest of Ryan’s days and nights were full of Fabian.

They split nights between Fabian’s apartment and Ryan’s.

Although Ryan’s was much bigger and newer, he preferred the hominess of Fabian’s place.

Ryan went to Bargain Brunch whenever possible, and went out with Fabian and his friends to interesting performances and talks and art exhibits.

He loved all of it, and was even starting to feel less like an outsider when they all hung out together.

He felt at home for the first time since he’d left Ross Harbour as a teenager.

Toronto’s Village was something else; it was easy for Ryan to believe, if he stayed within in its boundaries, that the entire world was gay. It was exciting.

Almost as exciting as his relationship with Fabian.

When Ryan went to his shows, he could never quite believe that he’d be going home with the gorgeous man onstage.

The man who had an entire club full of people entranced and in love with him, but who had chosen Ryan.

It was unreal. It was, in fact, so hard for Ryan to believe, that he was often shy about approaching Fabian after he got off stage.

Ryan would linger off to the side, waiting patiently as Fabian talked and laughed with the many people who wanted time with him.

But then Fabian would smile at Ryan, beckon him over, and go up on his tiptoes to give Ryan a slow, toe-curling kiss in plain view of anyone who happened to be watching. Ryan couldn’t believe how lucky he was.

He still had to get on planes and leave Fabian behind, but even that was easier to bear when he had a wonderful boyfriend to call from the road. His therapist had noticed the change in him, and was very encouraging and excited.

So of course something had to go wrong.

“Traded?” Ryan asked miserably. “Where?”

“Ottawa,” Wyatt said. “They need a goalie, and they like what they’ve been seeing from me lately.”

Ryan swallowed hard, and was glad they were having this conversation over the phone. He was embarrassingly close to crying. “When do you leave?”

“Today.” He exhaled loudly. “I’m sorry, Pricey. I wanted to call you so you’d hear it from me first.”

“Thanks.” Ryan really did appreciate it. He couldn’t imagine how devastating it would have been to find out by seeing a headline online, or hearing it second hand.

“At least I won’t be too far away, right?”

“Right.” Fucking hell. Wyatt was the first teammate Ryan had ever had that he could truly call a friend. But, “This will be good for you,” he conceded.

“I know. I’m excited about it. And Lisa already has a lead on a job at a hospital in Ottawa, so that should work out too.”

“Good.” Ryan got out of bed and started pacing. “That’s good.”

“I’ll miss you, big guy. You’ll keep going to the center, right?”

God, would he? Ryan didn’t like the idea of going alone. “Sure,” he said. “I can do that.”

“You definitely should. Those kids are nuts about you.”

Ryan smiled at that. “I can’t believe you’re going to Ottawa.”

“I know. The enemy, right?”

“You’ll get to play with Rozanov. You still have a crush on him?”

Wyatt laughed. “Maybe I can get to the bottom of this mystery friendship he has with Shane Hollander.”

“Don’t be nosy.”

“Never. I’ve gotta finish packing and get to the airport. I’ll see you soon, though, all right? And have a good Christmas.”

“Yeah. You too. And, uh, thanks.” Ryan cringed, but he really needed to say this. “You made a difference this year. To me, I mean. Sorry if that’s a weird thing to say, but...thanks.”

There was silence, and then Wyatt said, “You’re one of the good ones, Pricey. Remember that.”

They said their goodbyes, and Ryan sat back down on his bed. In all his years of playing, this was the first time he’d been upset about someone else being traded. The thought of being in that locker room—of being on a plane—without Wyatt there was depressing.

Three days later, Fabian flew home for Christmas, and Ryan was completely alone.

On Christmas morning he enjoyed a long video call with his parents and Colleen.

They’d seemed surprisingly cheerful despite his not being there.

Ryan was glad they weren’t upset about it, but he couldn’t help but feel that he’d disappointed them so many times now that they were beyond caring.

He’d considered going home this year. He really had. The possibility of flying to Halifax with Fabian had been enticing, but Ryan wasn’t sure he wanted Fabian to see what he was like on a plane.

Returning to Ross Harbour could also be overwhelming, sometimes.

He was the hero of his small town, and the attention he got whenever he went home made him uncomfortable.

Jetting home for two days for Christmas wouldn’t give the townsfolk much time to bother him, but still.

Spending the holiday safe and alone in his apartment rather than dealing with planes and travel and over-interested neighbors was a much more appealing option.

He did miss Fabian, though.

He’d bought him a gift, which he would give him when he got back. He wasn’t sure how Fabian would react, but when Ryan had seen it at the mall he’d been killing time at in Dallas, he hadn’t been able to resist.

Ryan was ready to enjoy a quiet afternoon of reading, and then maybe finding a good restaurant that was open on Christmas Day, when disaster struck. He bent to pick up a pair of socks he’d dropped and he threw his back out completely.

“Son of a—” Ryan cursed, then howled, “Fuuuuuck!”

He’d been through this enough times to know that nothing was going to help except patience and caution.

He hobbled around his apartment, piling the pillows from his bed onto the couch, then wincing as he had to reach for the heating pad he kept on the top shelf of his closet. It was a stupid place to keep it.

He got himself settled on the couch, with the heating pad tucked under his lower back, and at least was able to read as he’d planned.

He turned on the television he’d finally bought and played the fireplace channel as he read.

He’d taken some muscle relaxers, and they were making him feel a bit floaty.

He wasn’t sure when he’d fallen asleep, but he woke to his phone ringing. The noise startled him, which caused him to cry out in pain. He fumbled blindly for his phone, keeping his eyes squeezed shut against the agony that was coursing through him. “Hello?”

“Merry Christmas,” purred his favorite voice.

“Fabian. Hi.” Ryan could hear the strain in his own voice. Fabian didn’t miss it.

“Are you all right?”

Ryan blew out a breath as the worst of the pain subsided. “No. I threw my back out.”

“Oh no! When did that happen?”

“This afternoon. It’s been a pretty excellent Christmas.”

“I’m sorry. I wish I was there to help you.”

“I’ll manage.” Ryan grimaced at how grumpy he sounded, and added, “I do wish you were here, though. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, darling. I have had more than enough family.”

“How are they?”

“Oh, fine. Sonia’s husband, Paul, is a former hockey player, of course. He works in marketing or something now. He is the absolute worst.” He sighed. “He makes Sonia happy, though. And everyone is excited about the pregnancy.”

“How’d your show go?”

Fabian brightened. “It was great! I haven’t played in Halifax in so long, it was a really appreciative crowd. It was nice to see some old friends too.” He laughed. “Amy snuck in with a fake ID.”

“I still can’t believe she’s eighteen.”

“You’ll have to see her. She was asking about you.”

Ryan nearly sat up in surprise, until he remembered his back. “She was? What do you mean? Did you tell her about...us?”

“I told my family that we’d reconnected, and we’ve been hanging out. I think my parents were mystified enough by that. I didn’t feel like adding to it by telling them that I’m...well anyway. I didn’t tell them. But Amy figured it out.”

Ryan’s stomach knotted up. “What did she say?”

“She’s thrilled. She remembers you very fondly. You used to pretend to be a dinosaur and let her ride on your back.”

Ryan chuckled. “That was fun. She was a great kid.”

“I have hope for her. I might just have a friend in my family after all.”

They talked for a while longer, and Ryan tried not to overthink the fact that Fabian hadn’t told his parents they were together.

It wasn’t that he was disappointed Fabian was keeping their relationship a secret from them, it was more that he understood all the reasons why.

Reasons that reinforced his fear that this thing he had with Fabian couldn’t possibly last. They were simply too different. They didn’t make sense.

“I’ll see you in a couple of days,” Fabian said. “Rest that back. I’ll be there to soothe and comfort you before you know it.”

“Looking forward to it.”

“Me too. Good night, Ryan.”

“Good night. Merry Christmas.”

Ryan set his phone on the coffee table and picked up the remote.

He flipped around until he found The Shop Around the Corner on Turner Classic Movies.

He ordered some Chinese food and forced himself to walk around the apartment a bit, because he knew it would be better for his back if he moved around.

The thing was, even with the injured back, this wasn’t Ryan’s most depressing Christmas ever. At least this year he had a boyfriend who was concerned about him and called him darling. A boyfriend who missed him, and who would be back in his arms in a couple of days.

Which was why Ryan really needed his back to heal.

Fabian could not believe how much he missed Ryan.

It was staggering. Even though they had spent plenty of time apart in the weeks since they’d first hooked up, he’d never felt Ryan’s absence as acutely as he did now.

It probably had a lot to do with Fabian being back in the house where they’d first met, all those years ago.

His old bedroom was unrecognizable. The band posters that had covered the walls were gone. There were no books, no knickknacks, no color. It was a drab and generic guest bedroom. It actually reminded Fabian a lot of Ryan’s apartment.

Except Ryan’s apartment would have Ryan in it, which would make it infinitely better.

Fabian ate dinner with his family for the last time for what he was sure would be months, if not a year or more.

They had ordered Lebanese food from a restaurant that was owned by a family friend because neither of Fabian’s parents had any interest in cooking.

Fabian had grown up eating a lot of takeout and heat-from-frozen convenience food.

“Where did you say you ran into Ryan Price again?” Dad asked.

Fabian chewed and swallowed his mouthful of falafel as fast as he could without choking, and said, “At work. The drugstore.”

His mother made a sound that Fabian interpreted as, The drugstore is no place for a man of thirty-one to be working. He ignored it.

“Did he recognize you right away?” Amy asked.

“Yeah. We recognized each other.”

“That’s cute.”

Dad made a sound that Fabian interpreted as, Men don’t do things that are “cute.” He ignored that too.

“So what sorts of things have you been doing together?” Mom asked.

Fabian was glad he didn’t blush easily. “Just stuff. He comes to my shows. He’s hung out with my friends. He’s nice. We get along.”

“Have you been to any games?” Sonia asked. “If you can get free Guardians tickets and you’re not taking them, I’m going to scream.”

“I’ve never asked,” Fabian said truthfully. He felt suddenly guilty about that. Should he feel guilty about that?

Sonia made a noise that Fabian interpreted as God, my brother is such a fucking weirdo. He couldn’t ignore that one.

“What, Sonia?”

“Nothing. I just can’t believe he’s friends with you. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Well,” Mom said. “He’s always been a little odd, hasn’t he?”

“He definitely has a history of strange behavior,” Dad agreed. “And there was that thing that happened last year.”

Fabian couldn’t stop himself. “What thing?”

Sonia laughed. “Oh my god. You don’t even know, do you? He had a total fucking meltdown.”

“During a game!” her stupid husband, Paul, added. “On the bench. He just...freaked out and had to leave the game. I heard he stripped naked and was screaming about bugs living in his brain or something.”

“Could be drugs,” Mom said. “Some players just can’t handle the pressure. They become addicts.”

None of that sounded right to Fabian. He frowned at his plate, no longer hungry. Under the table, Amy put a hand on his knee and squeezed. “I’m sure it was all exaggerated,” she said.

“I don’t know,” Dad said. “He didn’t play much for the rest of that season. And then Buffalo traded him to Toronto.”

“Surprised Toronto wanted him,” said stupid Paul. “I guess he’s still scary as hell. Maybe being crazy makes him scarier.”

“He’s not crazy,” Fabian said.

“It’s a shame, whatever it is,” Mom said. “He was a good kid when he lived with us. Very polite.”

Fabian excused himself and went to his room, exactly the same way he’d done countless times when he’d been a teenager.

His stomach hurt and his eyes were stinging.

Had Ryan really had a public meltdown? If so, what had caused it?

And how hard was it for him to keep playing hockey after it happened?

After knowing everyone in the hockey world thought he was. ..broken? An addict? A joke?

God, Ryan.

Fabian sent him a single red heart emoji, and then got into bed. It would seem like a silly gesture, but it was the best representation of how Fabian was feeling right now. He wanted to give Ryan his heart.

But who was he kidding? Ryan already had it.