Page 21 of Tough Guy (Game Changers #3)

Ryan opened the door to his apartment. “I haven’t really done much with the place.”

His nerves had returned during their walk, once he’d gotten the pressing need to kiss Fabian out of the way. Now that they’d made it home, he had no idea what to do next.

“Wow,” Fabian said, walking past him into the living room. “I’ve never been in one of these buildings.”

“I couldn’t quite afford a unit that faces the CN Tower, but I still have a pretty good view, I think.”

Fabian snorted. “My apartment has a view of an alley where raccoons like to fuck. There’s a reason why I keep my curtains closed.”

Ryan laughed, but he was worried that his apartment was making Fabian uncomfortable. Compared to Dallas Kent’s stupid mansion it didn’t seem overly ostentatious, but it had still cost him plenty.

Fabian slipped his coat off and draped it over the back of Ryan’s sofa. Ryan was oddly touched by how easily Fabian did this, as if he was in his own home.

Ryan hung up his own coat in the closet and slipped off his shoes. Fabian noticed him doing this and looked embarrassed. “Shit. Sorry. I’m super fucking rude.” He grabbed his coat off the couch and Ryan took it from him.

“Don’t worry about it. Can I get you anything?”

“No. Why don’t we just...relax?” Fabian went to the couch, dropped onto it, then patted the cushion next to him.

Ryan had thrown his button-up shirt back on before they’d left the club, but Fabian was only wearing the white lace tank top that had been thoroughly distracting Ryan all night.

Without sleeves in the way, Ryan could see the muscle definition in Fabian’s wiry arms, and he could feast his eyes on the smooth, soft curves of his shoulders.

The nipple piercing that Ryan had been curious about for weeks was clearly visible through the dainty fabric of the shirt.

“You’re staring,” Fabian said.

“Probably.”

“You can get a better look over here.”

Ryan wasn’t sure how far he would be comfortable going tonight, but he decided he would try to let his body, and Fabian, guide him. His brain tended to ruin everything.

He sat in the middle of the sofa, and Fabian immediately crawled into his lap and straddled him. Ryan rested a hand on the side of Fabian’s head and let his fingers drift into his silky, dark hair.

“Mm. Play with my hair and I’ll let you do anything,” Fabian purred.

“Anything, eh? Like what?”

“You can...kiss me?”

Ryan didn’t have to be asked twice. It had been way too fucking long since Ryan had kissed anyone, but it wouldn’t have mattered if he’d made out with five men that morning, this was Fabian.

It was Fabian’s teeth that were nipping at Ryan’s bottom lip; Fabian’s tongue that was sliding over his own; Fabian’s sweet sighs that Ryan was swallowing.

Without even realizing what he was doing, Ryan guided Fabian down onto the couch cushions and covered him. Fabian smiled at him from his new position beneath him, and Ryan took his mouth again.

Ryan knew this was selfish. It was probably the most selfish thing he’d ever done, and he knew he’d feel bad about it later.

But that was later. Right now, he was finally kissing Fabian Salah.

Really kissing him. He was finally making Fabian squirm beneath him by kissing the sensitive skin under his smooth, sharp jaw.

God, his neck. Ryan wanted to know every inch of his neck, and his shoulders, and his collarbone.

Fabian arched up so his erection pressed against Ryan’s thigh. “What do you want? What do you like? I’m up for just about anything.”

Ryan froze, his face hovering above Fabian’s. He was suddenly reminded of how bad he was at sex. Kissing was fine, but anything beyond that would definitely leave Fabian disappointed.

“I—we could just...kiss?”

Fabian looked confused. “We could. Is that all you want?”

“For now. Maybe?”

Fabian stroked his fingers gently over Ryan’s beard. “That’s okay with me. But is something wrong?”

“No. No, it’s just—” Ryan sighed and sat up. His brain had shown up to wreck everything, as usual. “I need you to know, before we do anything, that I’m not...normal about this stuff.”

“Normal? Who wants normal?” Fabian teased.

Ryan ran a hand through his own hair. He had no idea how to explain any of this, so he just started talking. “I’m serious. I’m anxious. Like, clinically anxious.”

“Lots of people are anxious.”

“Okay, fine. But I’m also terrible at talking to people.

I beat people up for a living and...when I’m in the moment—fighting someone, I mean—it’s the only time my head is clear.

It’s like...easy. It’s so fucked up that I’m relaxed when I’m punching someone, but I’m a pile of nerves when I’m ordering in a restaurant.

” Ryan was babbling now, but he needed to make Fabian understand.

“I’m not okay. I see a therapist, I take medication.

And I’m terrible at sex. So if that’s where this is leading—”

Fabian moved to stand between Ryan’s legs. He put his hands on Ryan’s shoulders, commanding his attention. “Do you find it hard, talking to me?”

Ryan answered him honestly. “No.”

“Do you want to know what I think of you?” Ryan wasn’t sure.

When he didn’t reply, Fabian continued. “I think you’re sexy as hell.

And you’re so fucking sweet. And I don’t think you beat people up for a living.

I think you protect people for a living.

Because that’s who you are, Ryan. You have a giant heart in that giant chest and.

..” He leaned in, brushing his lips against Ryan’s ear. “I’m. Not. Scared of you.”

The force of Fabian’s words made Ryan gasp, and then, before he could stop himself, he grabbed the front of Fabian’s shirt and pulled him forward until Fabian was in his lap again.

They kissed wildly, and this time it was Ryan who ended up on his back with Fabian falling on top of him.

Fabian straddled Ryan’s waist, and Ryan wrapped his hands around his slim, strong biceps.

Ryan’s cock, which had been half hard since leaving the club, was painfully rigid now, and he could feel Fabian’s arousal digging into his leg.

“We can just kiss,” Fabian said breathlessly, “but if that’s what you want, then I need to change position. Because if we keep up like that I will definitely hump your thigh until I make a mess.”

Lord Jesus. “That would be okay. If you want. I don’t mind.”

Fabian looked amused. “Well, I try to aim a little higher with my sexual partners than doing things they don’t mind.”

Ryan was already fucking this up. “I’m sorry. It’s me. Like I said, I’m not good at sex.” He closed his eyes and waited for Fabian to politely make his excuses to leave.

“I have no idea what that means,” Fabian said. He pushed himself off of Ryan and kneeled between his legs on the couch cushions. “Do you make sure you have your partner’s consent?”

“Yes.”

“Are you safe? Do you use protection?”

“Always.”

“Do you care about your partner’s pleasure?”

“Of course.”

“Well then.” Fabian rested a hand on Ryan’s stomach and smiled at him. “I don’t see a problem.”

Ryan shook his head.

Fabian sighed. “Fine. Tell me the problem. Let’s hear it.”

The mood was effectively killed anyway, so Ryan decided to go for broke. “I need...instruction.”

Fabian’s eyes widened. “Like...domination?”

“No! No. That’s not what I mean. I just need a lot of...” It took a moment, but Ryan found the right word. “Reassurance. That what I’m doing is good. Because otherwise I just spend the whole time worrying that I’m doing everything wrong.”

Fabian seemed to consider this. “Well, that’s certainly doable. Is that all?”

“No. I also...kind of have body issues. I don’t like people looking at me too closely.”

“Naked, you mean?”

“Sexually, I guess. Like, I’m naked all the time in the locker room and stuff. It’s more about...being appraised. Being compared to other people.”

Fabian frowned. “You don’t think much of yourself, do you?”

Ryan looked away, embarrassed. “Not really. No.”

“So let’s say we leave the lights off and I give you lots of positive reinforcement. Would that make things easier?”

Ryan truly appreciated how accommodating Fabian was being, and he wished he could just say yes. That it would be enough. But...

“I can’t... I mean, I don’t usually, um, come. Even if it feels good and I like what’s happening. It’s a side effect of the meds I take, but it’s also just...me. I get trapped in my head sometimes.” He blew out a breath. “So, yeah. Sex with me is probably not worth it.”

He gathered up his courage and turned his gaze back to Fabian, and was surprised to find him smiling fondly.

“We don’t have to do anything, if you don’t want.

But I would like to make you feel good. It doesn’t have to involve orgasms. We can even keep our clothes on.

” He reached for Ryan’s hand and brought it to his lips.

He kissed his knuckles and said, “I like the way you look at me. And the way you touch me and kiss me.”

“I like touching you. And kissing you.”

“Then maybe we could start there, and see what happens. No pressure.” He turned Ryan’s hand over, and began massaging it gently. “But I should warn you... I sort of have the opposite problem. In bed, I mean.”

Ryan’s brow knit. “What? Like, you don’t have body issues?”

Fabian laughed. “I think we both know I don’t. But that’s not what I mean. I tend to orgasm way too quickly. So I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen if we fool around at all.”

“Oh.”

“I have ways to...stave it off. And the good news is that I can usually come at least twice. So it’s not, like, over after the first time. But I just wanted to warn you. Even if we’re just making out, I might go off.”

Ryan blinked. “We are not a good match.”

“Not at all. Want to make out?”

“Yeah. Bedroom?”

“Yes please.”