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Chapter Twenty-Five

Sebastian

S ebastian did his best to mask the intense sense of defeat permeating his entire body.

It was over.

Even after Selina’s abrupt departure last night, he had harbored hope that perhaps she simply needed time. He had been wrong. That much was clear.

“Then it is done,” he said.

She had only done what she had promised, after all—what they had decided together. Why, then, did it hurt so profoundly?

“I am truly sorry you were not able to tell her yourself,” she said, and the way her brows pinched together made it clear she was.

“It is not your fault,” he said. “I should have told them sooner.”

She merely grimaced.

“I shall go to Felix.” He offered a bracing smile, then continued on his way.

Sebastian’s spirits might be in the gutter, but Felix’s were not. He complained that he wanted mutton, eggs, and toast rather than thin gruel, but he had energy and a healthy color to his cheeks .

At least something was going right. Sebastian had been obliged to take a very circuitous route to Berkeley Square, for Hollis had been following him, true to his threats that he would be watching.

Selina peeked her head into the room half an hour later to inform Sebastian the doctor had arrived.

Sebastian stepped into the corridor to speak with him.

“I was passing by and thought I would see how my patient was getting on,” the doctor said. “How did he fare during the night?”

“Not particularly well for the first half,” Sebastian answered, suppressing the urge to look at Selina. “We spent the better part of the night trying to make him comfortable.”

And kissing .

The doctor smiled at Sebastian, then at Selina. “This bit of practice will stand you in good stead as you welcome children of your own. I was remiss and failed to offer the two of you my congratulations yesterday.”

Sebastian’s muscles tightened, but he kept his eyes from Selina. “That is kind of you, sir, but Mrs. Lawrence and I are no longer engaged to be married.”

“Oh,” the doctor said, all awkwardness. “Forgive me, I…”

“Shall we go in and see Felix?” Sebastian suggested. If they stayed in the corridor a moment longer, they would suffocate on the thick air.

“Yes, yes,” the doctor said, as eager to escape as Sebastian.

Sebastian pushed the door open to let the doctor in, while Selina went to speak with the housekeeper.

The doctor smiled at Felix. “You have your appetite back, I see.”

“I could eat an entire horse,” Felix stated.

“I think you might come to regret that choice.”

“Not more than I regret being fed this.” He let some of the gruel drip from his spoon.

The doctor chuckled. “Let me take a look at you, and perhaps we can see about something more substantial. You had better give up the idea of eating a horse, though. That is not a food I am in the habit of prescribing.”

It was but a few minutes before the doctor was gathering up his things, satisfied the danger for Felix had passed. “Better not to let him do anything too strenuous, but he could take a short walk down the corridor?—”

“And play with Pip?” Felix suggested.

The doctor’s brows went up. “Who, pray, is Pip?”

“A marmoset.”

The doctor’s mouth hung open as he tried to decide how to respond to this unusual situation. “So long as you are not exerting yourself too much, I suppose it is well enough.”

Felix grinned broadly, the trial of his gruel forgotten.

Margaret and Hugo were more than willing to facilitate and supervise the interaction between Pip and Felix, and Sebastian allowed them to do so as he accompanied the doctor to the door.

It would perhaps be for the best if he did not meet Pip. There was nothing calm about the creature, after all.

Selina emerged from the sitting room once the doctor had gone. “What did he say?”

“He is confident Felix is on the mend,” Sebastian replied. “He believes he should take another day or two to recover before engaging in anything too exciting or demanding. He agreed to a visit from Pip, however, so I doubt we shall be able to keep that particular advice.”

Selina’s mouth stretched into a smile. “Pip is the very definition of exciting and demanding.”

“On a good day.”

Their smiling gazes held for a moment, then began to waver simultaneously.

“I am sorry for saddling you with illness,” he said.

“There has been no saddling.”

“We will not agree on that score, but either way, given the…ci rcumstances, it seems for the best that they stay elsewhere. I will find a place to house them as soon as?—”

“I am more than happy to have them here, whether well or unwell, Sebastian. You must be the judge of what is best, of course, but they have been happy here, I think, and I would hate to disturb them after all they have been through.”

Sebastian grimaced. He imagined he could find an alternative solution to housing them if he tried hard enough, but the truth was, he had other things on his plate that were already overwhelming him.

He was being forced to reconsider the church as a way to make his way in the world, though little had changed from before.

To make a living as a vicar or rector, he required someone to grant him a living, and he had no such option available.

“Thank you,” he said with genuine feeling.

“They will certainly prefer to remain where they are. It should not be much longer.” He considered telling her the precise date of the hearing but stopped himself.

Their lives had already become hopelessly entangled, and he needed to keep whatever distance he could.

For his own sanity. She had already done enough.

“I would like to stay, but I must see to a few matters?—”

“Of course. You need not worry about them.”

He gave a grimacing smile, then a quick bow, and made his way to the front door.

Miss Grant stopped him just shy of it, however. “You are leaving?”

“Yes. I have a number of matters to attend to.”

She nodded. “I shall not keep you, then. I merely wished to tell you that I am sorry.”

He raised his brows, but his heart sped. “For what?”

“That things have turned out this way between you and Selina.”

He forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat and attempted a smile, aware it fell short of what he would like. “It is kind of you, Miss Grant. ”

She struggled for a moment before speaking again. “Selina’s past holds a great deal of suffering.”

Sebastian’s brows pulled together at the thought of anyone making her suffer.

Had he not played his own part in precisely that, though?

She had been married off at a tender age, naive to the ways of the world, only to discover she was worth nothing more than her beauty to the man meant to protect and cherish her.

Then Sebastian had come into her life, choosing to court her for her money. He was no better than George Lawrence.

“I know,” he said softly. “The last thing I want is to cause her pain.”

“I think she knows that,” Miss Grant said, “but fear is often stronger than reason.” She offered one last sad smile. “Good day, Mr. Drake.”

He was far from convinced that it was a good day, but whatever it was, he needed to make the most of it.

He went directly to his banker. His estate was entailed, but he had to see if there was any possible route for him to take that would help his case with the Chancery.

The response from the banker was not positive, however. Even if there had been no entail, the value of the estate was nearly equal to the debts against it.

Mrs. Winser seemed to have done a fine job of informing the ton of the dissolution of the engagement between Sebastian and Selina. Sebastian was offered grim condolences from two different gentleman in the street, then one at Blackstone’s, each one twisting the knife in his heart a bit deeper.

With the distinct sense that the walls were closing in upon him, Sebastian spent the next four days trying and failing to find solutions that would satisfy the Chancery.

His solicitor had obtained a statement from Margaret to help their case, and they had others attesting to Sebastian’s character from Yorke, Fairchild, and Blackstone, but there was still a gaping hole in the evidence they demanded .

Sebastian kept his visits to Berkeley Square short, but the guilt ate at him, for it meant leaving the children to the care of Selina and her household.

The alternative, however, was to force his presence upon her when their situation was awkward enough already.

Every moment in her company was a special form of sweet torture.

His final act of desperation was a visit to the Duke of Rockwood to ask whether he possessed a living Sebastian might be granted.

He had promised himself he would never return to that sphere, for it was at the mercy of money and influence just as everything else seemed to be.

The income was far from robust, too, and would hardly be sufficient for sustaining three children the way they deserved. But it was something.

The duke regarded him with a frown, his hands clasped on his desk. “I am sorry to say, Drake, that every living in my gift is already occupied—and has been for some years. I would offer one gladly if it were in my power.”

Sebastian nodded, swallowing painfully. “I quite understand. Do you know of any others, perhaps?”

The duke grimaced and shook his head. “I will certainly inform you if I become aware of anything.”

Sebastian forced a smile and rose. “Thank you, Your Grace. It is more than I deserve.”

He saw Margaret’s brave face, Hugo’s fierce protectiveness, and Felix’s smiles over Pip. And then he saw them fading into the shadow of Hollis’s care.

The thought hollowed him.

The day before the hearing arrived all too quickly, and Sebastian resigned himself to his one and final option: throwing himself upon the mercy of the court and hoping they would see the value in granting him guardianship despite his financial situation.