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Chapter Twenty

Selina

T he house was full of chaos—three new children and endless noise—but even amidst it, ten words had haunted Selina since Sebastian’s departure.

A game is all it has ever been to you .

Within them was the implication she desperately wanted to believe but which terrified her: that it hadn’t always been a game to him .

She had marched into his bedchamber like a trollop, then proceeded to berate him like a naughty child. And she had felt justified in it.

But the fresh memory brought a rush of heat to her cheeks.

The arrival of his siblings had cast everything she had thought she knew about Sebastian Drake into an entirely new light.

More and more, it appeared that he was not a heartless fortune hunter seeking money for his own gain; he needed it to care for his siblings, who, from what Selina could gather, had been mistreated by this man Hollis, whoever he was. A relation, she inferred.

Her decision to offer her home to them had been impulsive, perhaps, but her heart couldn’t help but respond to the sight of those children—travelworn, weary, and running into Sebastian’s arms as though he was their only refuge.

If Arthur, Teddy, Kitty, and Lou had ever been in need of a home, she hoped someone would do the same for them.

There was a soft knock on the door to her bedchamber, and Phoebe appeared, her expression kind but hesitant. “May I come in?”

Selina nodded and stopped twisting her diamond ring. The skin beneath it had become red and almost raw.

She and Phoebe had not spoken of the engagement more than briefly since it had occurred two nights ago.

Selina suspected that was because Phoebe knew the subject was one of supreme confusion to her. She was providing Selina the time and space to come to terms with it.

Phoebe took a seat beside her on the bed. “The children are eating breakfast.”

“I should hurry, then, or I will be left with nothing but crumbs.”

Phoebe smiled. “It is quite probable. You should have seen their eyes when they saw the sideboard.”

Selina grimaced sympathetically. “Poor things. I suspect they have not had a square meal in some time.”

“It was kind of you to take them in.”

Selina stood and went over to her dressing table, suddenly uncomfortable. “Anyone would do as much.”

Phoebe was quiet, her silence an obvious but placid disagreement with the claim.

The two of them seemed to be always at odds on subjects relating to Sebastian.

It was part of why Selina had been avoiding anything more than superficial conversation with her.

Phoebe’s opinion of Sebastian was the one Selina wanted to believe.

That did not mean it was the correct one or that she should believe it, so the last thing she needed was Phoebe adding her arguments on Sebastian’s behalf to the ones already in Selina’s mind and heart .

She opened her jewelry box and began fiddling with the contents. “He admitted everything.”

“ Who admitted everything?”

“Sebasti—” Selina’s lips pressed together. “Mr. Drake. He admitted to courting me for my fortune.” She stole a glance at Phoebe through the mirror.

Her brows knit tightly. “I do not understand. You are betrothed, are you not?”

Selina hesitated, fingering the diamond ring she had worn the night she had met Sebastian. “Only in a manner of speaking…and not for long.”

There was a hint of a smile in Phoebe’s voice when she responded. “I was not aware there were multiple manners of being betrothed. If he admitted to courting you for your fortune, why did you agree to marry him?”

“He did not admit it until after we were betrothed.”

“But you suspected it all along, did you not? So, why say yes in the first place?”

Selina whirled around. “Because he expected me to say no. And because I wanted him to think he had won so that I might tell him of my intention to donate my fortune to charity.”

Phoebe’s brows nearly disappeared into her hair. “Do you mean to do so?”

“Yes! That is…no.” Selina clenched her eyes shut. “I do not know what I intend anymore.”

That, at least, was the pure and honest truth.

There was a short silence before Phoebe spoke. “You do not mean to…use the children against him, do you?”

Selina’s eyes flew open, her face aflame. “Of course not!”

“No,” Phoebe hurried to say. “I only thought…” She did not finish.

“I know what you thought,” Selina said softly, regaining mastery of herself, “and I know why you thought it. Mr. Drake feared the same thing. But when I saw them, Phoebe, I saw Teddy and Arthur and Kitty and Lou—tired, dirty, and starving after somehow managing to find their way to London on their own. Can you fathom?”

Phoebe shook her head, her face twisted with sympathy.

Selina gripped the chair behind her with her fingers and stared at her slippers. “We have agreed to end the engagement.”

There was a long silence before Phoebe spoke, tracing the pattern of Selina’s bedcovers with a finger. “And you are happy with that decision…?”

“Oh, Phoebe, what does it matter how I feel? He only ever asked me to marry him because he was certain I would say no. And I should have! I should not have let my pride push me to do what I did. But what’s done is done.

The simple fact is that I cannot marry a man who chose me for my fortune, no matter how noble his reasons and no matter how many times he implies that his affection for me was genuine. ”

Phoebe’s head came up. “Has he implied that?”

Selina sighed. Naturally, Phoebe would focus on that portion. “Twice. But what difference does it make?”

“All the difference, I would think.” Phoebe rose and came over to her, standing before Selina until she met her gaze.

“I have watched the two of you together, Selina, and it has been plain to me how well you would suit if only you could see past your prejudice against him. Would you truly prefer to marry a man who has no need of your money but does not appreciate your best qualities—and love you despite your worst ones? Surely, no man knows your stubbornness or your need for independence better than Mr. Drake. You have used him and tested him in ways most men would never endure.”

“He endured because of my money.”

“Did he?” She let that question linger for a moment before continuing. “Are there no other heiresses to be had? Ones who would gladly let themselves be charmed and wooed by the likes of Mr. Drake without requiring of him half so much as you have?”

Selina swallowed but said nothing, her throat sticky and full.

“I do not fault you,” Phoebe said, her voice and eyes soft as down, “for being afraid of marriage. After all you have been through, anyone would be, and heaven knows I am no expert on love or matrimony. But I love you too much to stand by in silence while you push away the very man who could love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

To her chagrin, Selina found her eyes watering. She blinked rapidly.

“Please promise me you will think on it.”

Selina nodded, but the truth was, she could think of little else already. “What of Mr. Evenden?”

Phoebe’s expression shifted, and she turned away, tugging distractedly at the bedclothes to straighten them. “What of him?”

“You played cards with him the other night.”

“It was nothing—he already formed part of the group when I joined. I would not have done so if I had known.”

Selina watched her for a moment. “Why not?”

Phoebe’s gaze flitted to her, as though the question took her by surprise.

“You were right, Selina. He is a flirt. He and Miss Winser were laughing together the entire game.” She let out a sigh and smiled.

“But it makes no odds. I must go write a letter to Jane. I promised her I would do so.” She smiled, then turned and left the room.

Selina stared at the closed door, her brow heavy with a frown.

It was some time before she went down to breakfast. Despite her fears, the children had left an entire plate of food for her.

She ate what she could but found her appetite reduced and her nerves frayed. Rather than sitting and picking at the food, she offered what remained to the children, who pounced upon it eagerly.

Selina smiled and took her teacup with her as she paced the room. She watched the pedestrians and equipages on the street, sipping slowly in front of the window as the children debated the merits of different types of preserves.

What she wouldn’t give to have that be the debate occupying her mind .

What debate was doing so was a perplexing matter, however.

It was not as though she had to decide whether to end the engagement.

She and Sebastian had come to an agreement upon that already.

He might have harbored some affection for her at some point, but he had only ever referred to it in the past tense.

She had since given him a distaste for her.

The question, then, was when to end the engagement and what story she would tell.

She went still at the sight of Sebastian himself as he came around the corner. His brow was pulled together in a deep v , his mouth and jaw set tightly, his gaze unfocused as he walked distractedly toward Berkeley Square.

How much of that frown was her doing?

When he drew nearer, she stepped back. She needn’t have, however, for he was too lost in his thoughts to take notice of her.

A knock sounded shortly thereafter, and soon he appeared in the doorway to the breakfast parlor.

Selina, whose heart had interpreted his arrival like a gunshot at the races, blinked at the sight of him grinning broadly at the threshold, his dark and somber expression entirely transformed.

“Good morning!” he said in a booming and cheery voice.

The mouths of all three children stretched into wide grins, and they went over to him, abandoning the last of the food on Selina’s plate.