Page 37

37

Unbridled Delight

I look at my husband, taking a moment to savor all the signs of life. His eyes are open, blinking at me. His chest rises and falls with deep, full breaths. He’s still pale, but he’s lost that unhealthy grey undertone, and his skin—his skin is warm beneath my hand, and in my mind, instead of just a steady trickle of emotions, I can sense him with a depth, a solidity that is as tangible as his presence beside me. As if before, we were across the room from each other, could see each other, hear each other if we raised our voices—but now he stands before me, close enough that I can hear every whisper and breath.

So the moment he wakes up enough to realize what I’ve done, to register my hand on his skin, I feel that too, and I brace.

A torrent slams into me. A mixture of emotions, sensations, and unformed thought. Horror, rage, fear, relief. I pull back my hand, and I try to wall him off, to give him some privacy despite what I’ve done.

With a slowness that belies the maelstrom inside him, Daenn sits up.

It’s a relief to see how easily he does it. There’s no struggling, no weakness. I doubt he’s at full strength yet, but without the bracers draining him, I’m sure he’ll make a full recovery.

He pins his gaze on me, and it’s indecipherable. Even with our connection now stronger than ever—even though I can feel him and his emotions far more clearly than I ever could before—I still don’t understand what he’s feeling at this moment. I spare him a glance, but that’s all I can manage, so I drop my gaze and reach for his hand, unlacing the bracer and pulling it off.

The fight was won, but I don’t want to risk them reactivating.

“You stopped them,” he finally says. His voice is calm, unreadable. “You... you completed the bond.”

Over the bond, anger conquers his other emotions.

“You’re a fool if you really thought I was going to just let you die, Daenn.” I tug off the first bracer and toss it to the end of the bed. I’m reaching for the second when his hand intercepts me. He grips my wrist and tugs me forward.

He’s gentle but unyielding. “You should have let me die.”

I match his glare with one of my own. “That was never going to happen.”

“It would have been best for everyone. For you and the clan.”

“No,” I snap, leaning in. “In no way would that have been best for me. I couldn’t let you die when I love you.”

Daenn freezes, and I realize what I’ve snarled. My terror flares at how blank he is, complete and utter shock, and it feels like my every fear is being realized.

He didn’t want this bond. He actively avoided it. I chained myself to him and there is no way to break that. But in his blankness, I can see my life stretching before me, living every day beside him as he hates me for forcing this on him. With him, but apart.

I was willing to do it because it means he’s alive, but it’s a bleak future.

“I’m sorry—I know I’m not an ideal queen. I don’t even know if I can bear you heirs; I never did for Tolomon, and—”

His grip tightens on my wrist. “Tolomon was vermin. I know you might have cared for him, Emana, but you never should have had to deal with him and his abuse—”

“He made my life a misery,” I cut in. “He isolated me; he belittled me. Ours was never a marriage of love—not for him, and certainly not for me. My predominant feeling was relief when you killed him.” I’ve never admitted anything so blunt about him aloud, but Daenn needs to know this. I can’t let him continue with his deluded thinking that I ever loved my former husband.

He leans back in surprise. “Then why were you so angry?”

“Because, first of all, I shouldn’t have been relieved!” I throw up my hand. “He was my husband. I should have been loyal, I should have been a better wife, I should have—”

But then his grip on my wrist tightens further, and he pulls me forward, closing the gap and encasing me in a hug. I can’t help but instantly melt against him. He threads his fingers through my hair, and his fierce whisper is hot against my ear. “It’s all right. You’re allowed to feel relief when a man who so clearly disrespected and mistreated you is removed from your life.”

I let those words swirl through me and take root. They’re comforting, soothing that niggling guilt I haven’t been able to absolve since I first saw Tolomon at Daenn’s feet.

Daenn continues, his voice rumbling through my chest, “I’m sorry for how I handled everything, but I thought it was the only way. I thought you cared for him, and I needed you, even if you hated me.”

“I understand that now. But I was also angry because I thought you’d become just like him. Stealing me away, claiming me like a thing . I should have known better, but all I saw was your actions, not your underlying motivation.”

“I will spend the rest of my life atoning for that, if you’ll let me. I never intended for you to feel that way. I just… I thought I had just murdered the man you loved. It seemed like the only way.”

I shake my head against his shoulder. “How could someone like him replace the adoration that had already embedded in my chest for you ?”

His inhale is surprised. He pulls back to meet my eyes. “How long have you loved me, Emana?”

There’s a desperation to the question, like the answer is a lifeline. It makes it easy to answer, despite how vulnerable it makes me feel. I do try to lighten the weight of my words with a small laugh. “Basically forever?”

The last thing I see is unbridled delight steal over his face before his lips crash into mine, and his other arm circles my waist—and it’s like my world has ended and begun all at once.

I’m spinning, but I’m safe, because Daenn will never let me go. I cling to him, unable to process anything except that Daenn is kissing me.

He pulls away before I’m ready, and I lean forward, trying to follow, which only earns me a husky laugh.

“I guess this means maybe you’re fond of me too?” I ask lightly, trying to disguise how much I need his affirmation in return to balance the field between us.

Of course he can see right through me. He cups my face in his hands, and the gesture is a cocoon only outmatched by his words. “My sweet Emi. I have loved you since before I knew what love was. I wanted you, ached for you, longed for you. I begged my father to change the terms of the treaty when I found out. I would have given them anything else— everything else—rather than you. When you were gone, you were my constant thought, and when you were here again, it took every strip of my will not to pull you into my arms like this. I needed you for your magic. But I want you for you, just like I always have.” He brushes a thumb down my cheek. “And while I may want children, that’s not why I love you. You are more than your ability to give me heirs. I want you even if we never have any.”

I’m heady on the euphoria of his words, of his touch, or maybe it’s the euphoria he is feeling, spinning my head like a rich liquor. I don’t know. I can’t tell, and it doesn’t matter. Because Daenn loves me. Our emotions tangle across the bond, multiplying as they play off each other, and it’s overwhelming.

I have no words, so instead, I hook my arms around his neck, crawl into his lap, and kiss him again.