Page 14

14

Desperately Needed a Friend

Seven Years Prior

I stared out the drawing room window, watching the rain. Hating the rain.

It had been raining for days, trapping me in the house. It was becoming harder and harder not to view my new home as a prisoner, and Tolomon my jailer.

That was maybe a tad dramatic. He wasn’t a monster. He just… had a sharp tongue when he’d decided I’d failed him in some way. And had a temper. And tended to be overly jealous of my spending time with anyone besides him. Not just men, but women too. I’d been struggling to make any sort of friends since moving to the lowlands, and his attitude about it all only made it worse.

There had been a few servants at the very beginning who had seemed friendly, but they had vanished after a few weeks. Tolomon had told me they’d requested to be transferred, or they’d had to leave to get married. At first I’d thought luck wasn’t on my side, but I couldn’t ignore the signs, and I couldn’t stop the resentment at his behavior that bubbled up in me .

Exploring the grounds of Tolomon’s estate—our estate; I was still getting accustomed to thinking of it as such, even after a year—had been one of my few comforts. I also spent a decent amount of time with Tolomon when he was free. He always expected me to be available whenever he wanted me and grew irate when I wasn’t easily at his beck and call, claiming he only wanted to spend what little free time he had with me. Running an estate required a great deal of work. Not for me, which had come as a surprise, but lowland customs were different. I’d expected the matrons to help run things like they did in my clan, but the lowlanders had stewards for that.

It left me with too much free time. Free time I should have been using to pick up some sort of hobby. I had considered cooking, but the kitchen staff had been so uncomfortable around me I’d given it up quickly.

I just wanted a friend. In reality, I missed Daenn. There was no way anyone could replace him.

When we first married, I’d hoped to grow that close to Tolomon eventually. But it had been nearly a year, and it was clear to me he would never take that role. He didn’t care to hear my every inane thought like Daenn used to. He had no patience for my “turbulent feminine emotions,” as he called them. He expected me to entertain him how he wanted to be entertained and to bear him an heir—a duty I had sorely failed him in so far and about which his comments were getting more and more cutting.

I was desperate for companionship beyond my husband. Any companionship would have sufficed to help pass the time, even if it meant I had to talk about inanities .

I almost missed the door creaking over the sound of the rain. I looked up lazily. Perhaps Tolomon had finished his work early for the day, and he was coming to—

But it wasn’t Tolomon. A maid, a face I didn’t recognize, crossed the room, bearing a tray. She seemed young, around my age, unlike most of the staff here who had been with Tolomon’s family for decades and were even stiffer and more reserved with me than they were with him.

The maid curtsied, deftly balancing the tray as she did so. “Your tea things, my lady.” Her voice was sweet and soft.

“Here.” I rose, hands out to grab the tray. “I can take that.”

“Oh, no, my lady.” She sidestepped me and placed it on the table.

“Thank you. What’s your name?”

“Letta, my lady.” She kept her gaze lowered deferentially, creating a distance between us I’d grown accustomed to—and accustomed to hating—since coming to the lowlands.

I smiled, even though she wasn’t looking at me. “You may call me Emana.”

Her gaze shot up to me in surprise. “Oh, no, my lady. I couldn’t.”

“I’m not any older than you are, Letta, if my guess is right, and I’m not any nobler, either. Not by blood.” I suppose I was by dint of having married Tolomon, but my loneliness didn’t care about station. “Are you working in the kitchens?” I gestured to her grey apron. I’d only seen its like in the kitchens. The housemaids all wore white.

“Yes, my lady Emana.” She stumbled slightly over my name. “I just got the position last week.”

“Do you like it so far?” I moved to sit at the end of the settee and poured myself a cup of tea. “And would you like some tea? There’s more than enough here for both of us. ”

She took a step back. “Oh, no, thank you. That wouldn’t be appropriate.”

I withheld a sigh. She had used my name, at least. That was a victory I would take. “Do you like it so far?” I asked again.

She gave a small shrug. “I like the money,” she said after a moment, as if unsure about giving such an honest answer.

I grinned. “I hope they pay you well, being the only person under the age of forty on the staff.”

A small smile lurked at the corner of her lips. Another victory.

“Where’d you come from before?” I didn’t recognize her accent.

“A small village near the southern border. We had to come north, for my mother —” She stopped, her cheeks pinking. “You don’t care about family gossip.”

“No.” I leaned toward her, stretching out one hand, before I remembered myself and lowered it. “Please, tell me. I don’t mind.”

She studied me for a moment, lips pursed, but maybe she saw the desperation in me, for she continued after a brief stretch of silence. “My mother is ill, and the only specialist for her particular case lives in Bristhorpe, so here we are. I’m not good at much, but I’m good in the kitchen, so it was fairly easy to get a position with the household.”

“I am sorry about your mother, but I hope they pay you enough to cover her medical fees—and I hope you enjoy working here.”

The smile she gave me was small but genuine. I couldn’t help but smile in return. Maybe here I’d finally found a friend. It didn’t sound like she would be going anywhere anytime soon .

“If you need anything—” I cut myself off as the door swung open.

Letta jumped. Tolomon strode in, stopping at the sight of me and the maid. I tensed.

His expression flickered, but then he focused on me, and a signature winning smile spread over his face. “Hello, darling. I thought I’d come take tea with you.”

“Husband. I hadn’t expected you today.” I stood and closed the distance between us. He tugged me against him, pressing his hand into my waist possessively. He pressed a kiss to my temple. “I was thinking that this afternoon we could...” He trailed off, glancing at Letta. “You may go.” His tone was dismissive, and Letta curtsied, keeping her head bowed and hurrying toward the door.

“Thank you for the tea, Letta,” I called after her, unwilling to let her go without at least common courtesy.

“Of course, my lady.” She bobbed her head to me before vanishing through the doorway.

I focused back on Tolomon, trailing my fingers down his chest to distract him from the maid. “What exactly did you have in mind for this afternoon?”

His gaze lingered on the door where Letta had disappeared, however. “Letta?” he repeated inquiringly.

“She’s a new kitchen maid.” I swallowed my concern at his notice of her and stepped out of his embrace, sliding my hand down to his and tugging him toward the tea set. I pitched my voice lighter. Maybe if he thought my interest was professional, he would leave her be. “I was thinking about stealing her away to be my lady’s maid. One of the housemaids helps me now. But she’s so old, she really struggles with all the buttons on your—” I cut myself off, “—on my dresses. ”

Tolomon hated when I referred to the lowland customs or styles or practices as not my own. He was right, of course. This was my home now, no matter how much I missed the clan. I was just having trouble adjusting. It was so very different from the clan. He didn’t catch my slip, though, which I was grateful for.

He was still staring at the door, his brow furrowed.

“She seems smart,” I ventured to add.

“Does she have the training for a lady’s maid?” he asked, finally, looking back to me.

I handed him a teacup and a biscuit. “I’m sure she can be trained if she doesn’t.” I knew she didn’t from what little she had said, but I didn’t want Tolomon shooting down this idea.

I set my own teacup aside and tugged him down on the settee beside me.

I leaned into him, nuzzling his jaw. “What did you have in mind for this afternoon?” I asked again, hoping to distract him from talk of lady’s maids. Physical activities usually worked wonders in drawing his mind off other things, and I didn’t like how focused he was on her. If she became my lady’s maid, we could be friends—and I desperately needed a friend.

I went to the kitchen a few days later, my tea tray in hand. Usually, a maid came to clean it up for me, but I was hoping to see Letta.

I’d seen her the day after we’d met, and we’d chatted a bit more. She had three brothers, all younger than her. One had found a position as an apprentice with a fletcher in the city.

But a different maid had brought the tea today. Besides, around this time every day, the steward, Bernard, took his own tea in the kitchen. I wanted to speak to him about transferring Letta to being my lady’s maid.

The kitchen fell silent at my arrival, and I gave a small, reserved smile, looking around at all the wrinkled faces.

I didn’t see Letta, but that was all right. Bernard was here and I would be able to pull him aside to talk to him in private.

“My lady.” The housekeeper bustled forward, scooping the tray out of my hands. “It’s not your place to bring dishes to the kitchen like a regular servant. You should have rung the bell.” Her tone was respectful but thoroughly chiding. If I weren’t on a mission, I would have been rather cowed. Instead, I homed in on where the steward sat at the table.

“Master Bernard, might I speak with you?”

“Of course, my lady.”

He rose, brushing his fingers on a napkin, and followed me from the kitchen. I stopped a little ways down the hall, where the voices that had resumed in the kitchen were indistinct.

“I wanted to speak with you about one of the maids,” I said without preamble.

His brow furrowed. “Has one of them acted out of line?”

“No.” I shook my head quickly. “No, not at all. But I am in need of a lady’s maid. Helen does her best, but she’s really too old to be helping me dress. I was wondering if I could take on the new kitchen maid, Letta, to fill the role instead.”

Bernard’s frown deepened. “I’m afraid, my lady, that Letta has been let go. Yesterday, in fact.”

My heart sank at his words. “Let go? Why?”

“The chef realized her skills were not satisfactory for the role she inhabited.”

From what she had told me of her past, I found that hard to believe. “Could you contact her? Lacking kitchen skills isn’t necessary for a lady’s maid. ”

He shook his head. “I’m afraid that would be quite impossible. I’m very sorry, my lady. Now, if there’s nothing else...”

“No, that was all.”

He bowed, then he left me in the hallway, my heart down in my gut.

Tolomon had interfered again.

Letta had seemed happy here. She’d said the chef had complimented her on her skills more than once. With her mother needing the specialist, she wouldn’t want to move.

And now, because of me, she had been let go. I desperately hoped she’d find a new position that would cover the expenses of her mother’s medical care.

With her, my hope was gone too. None of the other servants were more than distantly respectful. None of them responded to my efforts to bridge the gap between us.

My eyes burned with a sudden wave of despair, but I shook my head to rid myself of it as I hurried down the hall.

I was alone again. Tolomon had made sure of it.