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Fate Conspired

Four Years Prior

“ E mana? Emana.”

I blinked and looked up at Tolomon. “Yes?”

His mouth pinched. “Are you feeling all right? That’s the fifth time I had to say your name.”

“Of course,” I said. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Truth be told, I wasn’t feeling all right. I’d had hot and cold flashes since waking, and my mind felt agitated and fuzzy, struggling to focus on any one thing. “I just didn’t sleep well. I’m excited about my journey.” This would be the first time I would be going home—back to the clan, that is, since marrying Tolomon.

Other visits had been planned, of course, but something always came up. Not this time. This time, I had planned meticulously to ensure success. I dearly missed home—the clan, that is. It had been years since I had seen my mother or Daenn, or even Eskil and Sigrid and dear, sweet Zephyr.

“Are you ready to depart, then?”

“Almost.” I forced myself to take one more bite of fruit, and then I stood. “I’m going to go pack.”

“Already? You’ve barely eaten.”

I smiled and shrugged, and I moved to kiss my husband on the cheek; little gestures like that kept him happy, and I needed him in a good mood so he wouldn’t call off the whole trip.

As I straightened, a wave of dizziness washed over me. On instinct, I gripped Tolomon’s chair for support.

“Emana?”

“I’m fine,” I assured him. “It was only a dizzy spell.” I gave him an indulgent look. “You worry too much.” My attempt to lighten the mood had no effect on his frown.

“Are you sure you’re up for the journey? You seem piqued. Heaven forbid you fall ill while traveling and have to stay there any longer than necessary.”

“I’m fine, truly.”

He sighed and shook his head. “You would say that even if you weren’t.”

“Possibly. But I am fine.” I gave him one more reassuring smile. “I’ll be in my room.”

Tolomon was still scowling when I turned for the door.

I’d barely made it two steps before the world spun out from under me.

Voices dragged me from restless dreams of empty halls and ugly laughter. I was freezing and clammy, and my head pounded with how my thoughts lurched and spun. I struggled to comprehend the words I was hearing.

“—poison, my lord, and you would do well to be on guard. If someone’s bold enough to attack your wife, they may well do the same to you.”

“Let me deal with finding the responsible party, Abney, and you deal with your expertise.” Tolomon’s voice promised violence if Abney pushed the matter .

A throat cleared. “Yes, well, luckily, I am an expert in poisons. I have an antidote that can extract it from her bloodstream. She’ll be back to full strength within the hour.”

“No,” Tolomon snapped before moderating his tone. I lost the thread of his voice, and once I regained it, I could barely make out his words. “—stay on bedrest for the week.”

There was a long pause. “It would cause her undue suffering, my lord. Are you certain you don’t want me to do more?”

Tolomon’s voice was deceptively calm. “You wouldn’t be fool enough to question me, would you, Abney? Not after the example I made of your predecessor for that very mistake.”

“No, my lord,” Abney said quickly. “I will perform my duties precisely as you’ve asked. She’ll be unable to travel, of course.”

“Of course.” Tolomon sounded pleased. “Report to me when you’ve finished.”

“Yes, my lord.”

Footsteps pounded through my skull, and then a door thudded.

I tried to open my eyes, to move, anything, but a cool hand pressed against my head, and the last thing I heard was Abney’s voice murmuring me back into oblivion.

The next time I woke, the room was shrouded in darkness, save for an oil lamp casting light that only accentuated the shadows. I rolled over onto my side with a groan. It felt as if a cart of bricks filled my head, shifting and tumbling with my movement. I wasn’t freezing any longer, which was a small blessing lost amongst how awfully my head and body ached.

Tolomon lounged by my bed in a plush chair, a crystal goblet of dark amber liquid gleaming as he sipped from it. He lowered it and smiled at me. “You’re awake.”

I managed a faint hum of acknowledgment, but my throat was too scratchy and dry for anything else. Faint snatches of dreams swirled in my head; my sleep had been polluted by them. Me alone, sobbing. Me chained in darkness, unable to reach my loved ones beyond a veil. Lost in a forest. Falling from a cliff. Listening to Tolomon argue with another man. That last one had felt more concrete, more whole. More like a memory instead of shreds of scenes or sounds like the others. But that was absurd. Talk of poisons? Bah. Life with Tolomon was too urbane for that.

Tolomon continued smiling. He seemed cheery tonight. Pleased I’d awoken, perhaps? “How are you feeling?”

“Awful,” I admitted. I tried for a rueful smile. “I guess I wasn’t as fine as I claimed.”

He chuckled and reached over to brush a strand of hair from my face. I tried not to shiver away from his touch. He always hated that. “Well, the physician’s come and tended to you. You should be back on your feet in a few days. Maybe a week.”

“So long?” My heart plummeted. “But my visit—I’ll have to postpone it.”

Tolomon hushed me. “I’ve already sent a letter. You’re in no condition to travel, my darling.” His face twisted in concern, and his voice dropped low. “Even once you’re feeling better, I loathe the idea of you going. What if you relapse while you’re gone?”

“The clan has healers,” I protested weakly. Despite my best efforts, he was cancelling my trip home ?

Tolomon’s lip curled briefly with derision. “Healers are no replacement for a proper physician.”

I tensed. I hated when he got like this, sneering at my clan and what he considered its ‘archaic, barbaric practices.’ “They took perfect care of me throughout my whole childhood.”

“Of course they did.” He patted my hand. “But this is a serious illness you’re battling, darling.” He looked down for a moment before meeting my eyes once more. “I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

My chest tightened at the empty words. He was only affectionate when it suited him—like when he wanted me to fall in line with his whims without complaint.

I forced a small smile. “I wouldn’t put you through that.”

“I know how you were looking forward to your trip.” Tolomon ran his thumb over my cheek. I didn’t pull away, though I longed to.

I dared a question, knowing the chances of a favorable answer were low. “Maybe I can try again in a month or two?”

“Just as soon as your health allows, darling,” Tolomon promised. His lips curled up again on one side. “Until then, I’m here for you. I’ll take care of you.”

Take care of me like he had in my nightmares?

No—that was a stretch, even for Tolomon’s cruelty. I tried to manage another smile to flatter him, but my eyelids were drooping closed.

He stood. “I’ll let you sleep in peace.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. A moment later, the door thudded shut.

The silence of the room washed over me, and I drifted, letting it wrap around me like a blanket. I had so desperately wanted to go home. To see Daenn. Mother. Sigrid.

Time and again, fate conspired to keep me away. Maybe I needed to accept that my place really was here. My loyalties lay here, with my husband, as little as I cared for him.

For tonight, I let myself grieve and rage against this horrible sickness that had stolen my chance to see all that I loved again.

I drifted to sleep with tears wetting my pillow.