Page 25 of Tied up in Knots (Gummy Bear Orgy #4)

I may have lied

How am I supposed to believe him? God, I want to believe him. That would make things so much simpler, but I’ve had months to process everything. And in all my musings one thing was always the same, he left. He was gone, and this, us, was not what he wanted.

“You may be here now Warren, but that’s because you reacted to surprising news dramatically.

In a few weeks or months, maybe even a year, you’ll regret your decision.

You’ll be unhappy, just like you were before.

I don’t want that. I don’t want a repeat of your childhood.

You don’t have to do this just because you feel obligated to. I was just fine doing it on my own.”

Warren doesn’t say anything in response to my little speech, he just stares at me.

Eyes roaming over my face looking for the truth.

It’s all truth. I was fine doing this on my own.

I’ve had six months to get everything in order to raise this baby on my own.

With the help of my best friend and Gigi of course.

He can turn around and leave and no one has to be the wiser.

No one has to know he was here or that he’s the father. Nothing has to change.

“You really think that’s why I came back?” he asks, a bit dejected.

He’s one of my best friends and I love him, and hate hurting him, but I can’t pretend.

For the happiness and safety of my son, I can’t let him waltz back into my life just to flip it on its head in the future.

It’s not just me anymore that I have to be concerned with, I have to think of the baby too.

“Maybe. Sometimes you react without thinking. You make rash decisions and don’t think about the consequences. You heard about the baby and panicked. It’s okay. You don’t have to stay because you feel guilty or obligated. I don’t want that, and I know you don’t either.”

His brows pull together as he frowns down at me, his gaze filled with so much turmoil I can nearly see the thoughts pouring from his gaze.

“If that’s what you think…” he says, dropping his hand from my belly and stepping back. The warmth of his body leaving me with a chill across my skin. “Then I’ll just have to prove you wrong.”

That was not what I was expecting. Although I should have known better, he is extremely stubborn.

“Warren?”

“No Bambi. I’ll prove to you that I’m not going anywhere.

That I didn’t come back out of some obligation .

I should have never left, but I did, and I’ll have to live with that.

With missing out on waiting for the pregnancy test to read positive, for not holding your hair back while you puked, for missing the first sonogram. ”

Warren’s throat bobs with an audible swallow, his chest heaving with his breaths, visibly affected by his own words.

“But not anymore. I’m going to be here from now on for everything. You have a weird craving? You call me and I’ll go get it. You need a ride to the doctor? I’ll drive you. You have swollen feet? I’ll rub them. I’m not here accidentally. You’ll see.”

Bending over he swipes up his shirt and hoodie, pulling them both back on, covering his impressive form. I will admit, seeing him shirtless again was not a bad thing.

Momentarily distracted by his body, I don’t immediately realize he’s moving again.

This time directly towards me. His hands engulf my face and hold me still as he plants a desperate and heart palpitating kiss on my lips.

I’m too stunned to do anything but react, melting against his lips and giving in to my own desire for him.

My brain is a little fuzzy when he pulls away, eyes half lidded as I watch him release me and back away.

“I’m going to go get my boat settled at Gigi’s, but I’ll be back. I’m not going anywhere Bambi. You’re stuck with me now.”

He gives me a wicked grin and slips his knit cap back on his head, flattening his mop of thick brown hair, before leaving me standing in my apartment completely confused.

I need to talk to Izzy.

~

Less than an hour later I’m sitting on Izzy’s couch sipping on hot tea, waiting in silence for her to sit so I can try and explain the whole Warren situation and why I lied to my best friend.

“So, what’s the emergency? You said it has to do with the baby but the baby’s fine?” Izzy finally sits on the opposite end of the couch and curls her legs under her, steam curling from her mug as she sips it gingerly.

“Yeah, so I may have lied to you, just a tiny bit,” I admit, hiding my face behind my mug.

Izzy narrows her gaze at me. “Lied about what, exactly?”

“Um…who the father is.” My admission is muttered but my sharp as a tack best friend still hears it.

Izzy lowers her mug resting it on her knee, her lips pursing in a disapproving manner.

“Mmhmm. So, who is the father? And why did it matter so much to lie about it?”

“Once you know who it is you’ll understand why I lied.”

My best friend waits patiently, watching me with suspicious eyes. Her soft blonde hair is pulled up into a top knot and her oversized sweater is perfectly slid off one shoulder. Her house is just as thought out and put together as she is. Everything in her life is put together, unlike mine.

I’ve always been a little off kilter and weird.

Nothing ever matches, I never do anything different with my hair, I have far too many pairs of overalls, my home looks like a secondhand store and I ride a tricycle around town.

Sometimes I wish I could be more like Izzy, organized, fashionable, sociable.

Maybe then Warren would have stayed, or better yet, asked me out years ago and never even planned to leave.

As it is, I can’t change the past until they discover time travel.

Which I’m sure is pretty far off, so I just have to live the life I’m given… and hope Warren is true to his word.

“The father…is…” When I don’t continue Izzy raises her brows and shakes her head in a ‘go ahead’ gesture.

“Warren.”

Silence, dead fucking silence.

“Warren?” she finally says.

“Yup.”

“As in Warren Graham, our friend of fifteen years and my brother’s best friend, Warren?”

“Yup, the very same.”

“I…You?..He? How? When?”

I think I’ve broken my best friend because she can’t seem to form a whole sentence, but I speak Izzy-a-nese.

“The week before he left, I admitted I had feelings for him. Apparently, they were mutual and we hooked up, then he left. Then I found out about being pregnant.”

Izzy’s eyes are practically bugging out of her head and her mouth drops open in shock, her tea completely forgotten.

“Did you tell him? Has he been skirting his responsibilities as a father this entire time? Do I need to hunt his ass down and drag him home by his balls?” Izzy progressively gets angrier and more protective with each revelation, and I love her a little bit more for it.

I hold a hand up to stop her from standing and running out the door to do just that. “No, no. I didn’t tell him, and he didn’t know.”

“Didn’t or doesn’t? Does he know now?”

“That’s kind of why I’m admitting it to you now. I was never going to. I was just going to pretend like I didn’t know the father and raise the baby on my own. But…”

“But what?”

I sigh and just get it over with. The hard part is over after all. Admitting he’s the father and that we had a rather vivacious sexual relationshi p _ no matter how short live d _ was the embarrassing part. The next bit is just informative.

“Warren’s back.”

Her brow furrows and she cocks her head to the side slightly. “Back? As in back in town?”

“Yeah. He just appeared at the shop today and nearly gave me a heart attack. Owen had told him about my pregnancy, and he connected the dots on his own.”

“So, he’s here in Homer? Like right now?”

“Yup.”

Izzy’s mug clinks quietly on the coaster as she sets it down, finally realizing she’s still holding it. Leaning back, she pokes her cheek with her tongue, her thinking face. Then she turns to me, determination setting in, I know she’s formulated at least three plans in those thirty seconds.

“Okay. So, what do you want to do? Are we just accepting him back, are we keeping him away? I can do whatever you want Hun. I’ll welcome him with open arms or kick him in the balls, either one is fine with me.”

I laugh and it feels good to finally have it out there, and to not be judged for it.

I take her questions into consideration. And truthfully, I’m not sure what to do.

“Well, he says he’s staying. I’m not sure I believe him.”

“Nor should you after all the years of him plotting to leave.”

I give her a soft smile of gratitude and continue.

“But I want to believe him. I think I’d like to give him the opportunity to prove himself.

I still have feelings for him, and if he really wants to be part of our lives because he loves me and wants to be here, and doesn't just stay out of obligation, then I want to give it a chance. But if his heart isn’t in it… ”

Izzy scoots over and grips my hand in hers, squeezing tightly, reassuringly. “Alright. Then that’s what we’ll do. I’ll keep an eye on him and report back to you, so you can make an informed decision. If he’s being a lame ass, then we’ll kick him out of our lives.”

“You’d do that to your brother’s best friend and ours?”

“Hell yeah. Besides, he was the one who left us first. If he turns out to be a deadbeat dad, it’s the least he deserves.”

“Thanks Izzy.”

“Of course, Rae. You should have told me sooner.” Her face shifts as she realizes that was the beginning of our conversation that we hadn’t properly addressed. “Why didn’t you tell me? Did you think I would judge you? You know I knew you had a thing for Warren.”

I did suspect she knew something, maybe not to the degree I really felt but she knew I stared at him a little too long.

It was hard to hide, especially when I saw him with a girl.

He was with a lot of girls back then. Not so much in current years, but one was always hanging around.

I saw the looks they gave him, the hushed conversations and not so subtle touches.

He never brought any of them out with us and never called any his girlfriend.

I don’t know why, he could have had his pick of the litter.

But he never picked one. I’d always assumed it was because he planned on leaving.

Now he says he’s staying. He said a lot of things earlier, but he never said he loved me. He never said he chose me. There’s something between us, there’s no doubt about that. But is it enough?

“I was just trying to move on, I guess. I knew Warren wasn’t coming back and I didn’t want him to because he felt like he had to. He always wanted to leave, he never wanted to be here. It wasn’t the life he wanted. So, I figured I would just make it easier for everyone.”

Izzy rubs my hand, and I feel stupid now for keeping it from her. Even if I never planned to tell Warren or the rest of town, I could have told Izzy. She would have kept my secret, she always does. I guess a part of me was embarrassed that he chose his boat and the sea over me.

I was never enough. I was never anyone’s first choice. Being proven right just made me feel…worthless.

“And now he’s back and claiming he’s going to stay,” she says.

“Yeah. Guess that didn’t work out like I planned,” I joke.

Izzy chuckles and pulls me in for a side hug. “No, it did not. But hey, it never does. Does it? Does anyone else know he’s in town?”

“I have no idea. He said he was going to Gigi’s to dock his boat, so she’ll know by now.”

“Does Gigi know? About him being the dad?”

I bark a humorous laugh. “She knew before I even told her. Apparently, she noticed me swooning over him more than I realized.”

Izzy laughs a knowing humor filled sound. “Of course she did. Gigi never misses a thing.”

No, she does not. I guess I didn’t inherit that trait from her, sadly.

I should probably go talk to her later once Warren is settled in.

I’m sure she’ll give him her two cents and perhaps a thinly veiled threat about hurting me.

I smile internally picturing her giving him a talking to and him apologizing like a scolded child.

Izzy and I talk for a little longer until James shows up after work. They try to convince me to stay for dinner, but I think a little time at home alone, in the quiet, would be good for me. Tomorrow I’ll have to go to Gigi’s and stress all over again. A good night’s sleep is warranted.