Page 19 of Tied up in Knots (Gummy Bear Orgy #4)

Does it require a tarp?

Winter is most definitely here. Snow falls steadily outside, and the roads are practically empty.

Only a few locals pass by bundled up against the weather.

We’ve had a few customers in the store today, stocking up on books for the upcoming storm front coming in this weekend.

There won’t be anyone out if they don’t have to be.

All the boats have docked and a few of the businesses have closed up for the winter, or at least the majority of it.

Places like the tourist gift shops and information center don’t strum up much business in the off season.

It's been nearly five weeks since Warren left and I’ve thought of him every minute of each day. Especially the last words he said to me before getting on his boat and sailing away.

I do love you.

I’ve shamefully pondered those words and their meaning.

First, taking them at face value, then picking them apart with a fine-toothed comb.

Maybe he just meant it in a friendly way, like how I love Izzy.

Or maybe he meant it like he loves me like family.

Although I’m pretty sure family doesn’t have sex with each other.

At least not anymore. Then I circled all the way back to the beginning.

He loves me romantically. He wanted to be with me and asked me to go with him.

But in the end, he still only thought of himself and chose what’s best for him.

Not what would be best for us both or took into consideration my life, wants and needs.

He should have known better than to think I would leave Gigi like that. My mood has swung wildly from wanting to cry because I missed him so much to wishing I’d kicked him in the ass when I had the chance. It’s been a rough few weeks and I’ve barely been able to focus on much more than work.

At least with the weather turning, Izzy hasn’t been trying to drag me out to be social. So, I’ve been able to hide in my apartment and between the pages of my books. Wallowing in my own self-pity.

Now I stand with an armful of books, restocking the shelves and organizing everything alphabetically by author.

Only able to focus on the titles in front of me.

People can never put things back where they found them.

There’s a Stephen King novel next to Tessa Bailey. It’s not even in the right genre.

I set down my stack and circle to the horror/thriller section and just as I’m rounding a shelf a wave of nausea hits me like a punch to the gut. I have to drop the book and run to the bathroom, fearing I won’t be able to hold it back long enough to make it to the toilet.

Thankfully I’m able to burst into the single stall bathroom and make it to the toilet before I lose my breakfast all over the floor.

This is the thir d _ no fourt h _ time I’ve thrown up this week.

I don’t know what the hell I ate that’s still messing with my stomach, but as soon as I get it out, I feel a million times better.

“Are you okay?” Lauren asks, concerned from the open door to the bathroom. I was in too big a hurry to properly close it apparently.

“Yeah, fine. Just some stomach bug or something I’ve had all week.” I stand and rinse out my mouth at the sink, splashing a handful of cold water over my heated face.

Lauren laughs behind me, but it doesn’t sound mocking or cruel but a little silly and humorous.

Does she find my illness humorous? I glare up at her in the mirror to find her leaning against the door frame, smiling softly, eyes fixed on the wall of the bathroom.

She finally catches my eye and unhappy expression in the mirror and immediately raises her hands in supplication.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh at you. It’s just my sister used that excuse when she was pregnant. It was so obvious what was really wrong with her that we all realized it before she did. Not that you’re pregnant, obviously. It just made me think of her face when she realized what was happening.”

Pregnant? Me? That’s impossible. You have to have sex to get pregnant and I haven’t had any in years.

Except with Warren.

Five weeks ago.

When was the last time I had my period? I can’t remember.

“Do you need some tea or water? Maybe some Pepto?” she offers, completely oblivious to my internal freak out, while I continue to argue with myself over the impossibility of it.

But the more I think about it the more it makes sense.

“No, I’m fine, thanks. I think I’ll just go lay down for the rest of the day. You okay here alone?”

She waves her hands towards the front of the store, “I think I’ll be fine, it’s pretty quiet out there.”

“Great. Thanks.”

I press past her and make my way up the stairs to my apartment, not giving Lauren time to realize I was probably making the same face her sister was when she realized she was pregnant.

Pregnant. Fuck.

That’s weird to consider. I had never thought much about it.

Especially since I was never with a guy long enough to consider the long-term marriage and family thing.

Now? What the hell am I going to do if I am?

What am I going to tell people? Izzy, Gigi?

None of them know about Warren. Would they even believe me if I told them the truth?

Probably not. Should I tell Warren? If everyone in town finds out, it’ll be nonstop gossip forever.

Even after the baby’s born and grown they’ll comment about how its father left and never came back and didn’t care about them or love them enough to stay. It’ll be horrible.

I plop down onto my couch and bend to put my head between my knees, running my fingers through my hair so much my ponytail slips free.

If I tell Warren about the pregnancy, he’ll probably come back. I can’t do that to him. He’ll feel obligated and that’s the last thing I want. He doesn’t want a life here, doesn’t want to settle down with kids, let alone in the town he hates so much. This would literally ruin his life.

A panic starts to fill my chest, and it feels like I’m being strangled.

Okay chill out, first things first. Let’s find out if I actually am pregnant.

Which means I need to get a pregnancy test. Which will also be gossiped about when someone sees what I’m buying.

Because why would I be buying a pregnancy test when I’m single an d _ to their knowledg e _ have been for years?

This is going to blow up in my face before I even know if it’s true or not.

Izzy. I can ask Izzy to get me the test. No one would question her since she has a fiancé, and it wouldn’t be weird. And if anyone asks her, she can just say it was negative. No harm no foul. Right?

I really hope she’ll do it for me. Even if she does, I’ll have to explain why I need it and who the father is.

I’ll either have to tell the truth or come up with a lie that won’t garner many questions.

What would she believe? A one-night stand?

Not really my style but not completely unbelievable either.

Suck it up Raelyn, you’re an adult, Izzy is an adult and your best friend. It’ll be fine. Just text her.

Sitting up slowly I lean back on the couch and pull my cell phone from the front chest pocket of my overalls, black suede with gold buckles, and type out a text to Izzy.

Thirty minutes later Izzy is bursting through my front door, plastic grocery bag in hand and talking a mile a minute.

“Okay so I got three different brands just in case. You can never be too sure with these things. False positives are a real thing, and we don’t want to panic until we know we need to.”

“I’m not panicking.”

“Not yet. We’ll see how well you’re doing once the results show up.”

She has a point. Plus, I’m obviously panicking. Just the idea of being pregnant has me freaking the fuck out.

“Alright. Have you been drinking water? We have a lot of sticks to pee on.”

“Yes, I’ve been chugging it down since I texted you.”

Izzy arranges the boxes on the kitchen counter, each stick next to its corresponding box and instructions so we know how to read the results. There’s one that makes a blue plus sign, one would be two pink lines and the third literally says the word pregnant if positive.

“I think I’ll start with this one.” I grab the test and shakily read the instructions.

Pretty basic stuff. Just pee on the stick or dip it in a cup of pee and wait three minutes for the result. Easy enough. At least the testing part. It’s the part that comes after that is difficult.

“I’ll be right here when you’re done.” Izzy grips my arm and gives me a reassuring smile. I nod and try to smile but I’m too nervous. I step into the bathroom and start peeing on sticks.

~

Pregnant, plus sign and two pink lines. Every single test is positive.

“I’m pregnant.”

The admission is a mere whisper from my lips. The words foreign to my ears. How am I going to tell Gigi? She’s going to be so disappointed in me.

Izzy scoots closer to me on the couch, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

“It’s okay. We’ll get through this together. I’ll be here for you every step of the way.” She pauses and I know the question she’s going to ask before she even speaks it. “So, who’s the father? Should we call him?”

Fuck, right. That. Well now’s the time. Truth or lie?

Lie. Definitely lie.

“I don’t know. He was just some guy passing through after Warren left. I was sad and lonely and met him…at the coffee shop. He’s not in the picture and never will be.”

There. That should be believable enough. Right?

“So, you don’t have his number, I’m assuming?”

“Nope. Don’t even remember his name.”

Izzy looks at me concerned. I would be too if my by the book, rule loving, tells me everything best friend had a one night stand she didn’t tell me about and became pregnant. Not exactly the normal everyday occurrence around here.

“Why didn’t you tell me about him before?” I can hear the hurt in her voice, but it’s almost overpowered by her concern.

“I was embarrassed. It’s not really my thing, one-night stands. It was a moment of weakness.” That part isn’t a lie. It was a moment of weakness, just one that had been building for over a decade.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about anything with me. I’ll never judge you, you know that. Was he at least cute?” Her simple question eases the guilt inside me, just a little, at not telling her the complete truth.

“Extremely. At least the baby has that much going for it.”

“I’m sure it will be the most adorable baby ever, and once it’s born no one will care who the father is or isn’t. You’ll see.”

My arms wrap around my waist, and I tighten my hold on my nonexistent baby bump, but very real microscopic baby growing inside. Holy moly, there’s a baby inside me. I’m going to be sick again and it has nothing to do with morning sickness.

Izzy wraps both arms around my shoulders and hugs me close, resting her head on my shoulder. I instantly calm, Izzy’s hugs are always an instant relaxant.

“Can we not tell anyone? At least for a while anyways.”

Izzy nods and looks up at me. “What about Gigi?”

“I’ll tell her. She can keep a secret better than anyone in this town.”

“True, that woman is a vault. What about Owen?”

We probably should tell Owen, that would be what real best friends do. But if we tell him he’ll definitely mention it to Warren, and Warren will definitely know he’s the father.

“No. Not yet. He’s kind of a blabber mouth and until I’m comfortable with it all and know how to handle everything, I’d like to keep it quiet.”

She rubs my arm and agrees. “Yeah, he is a giant blabber mouth.”

We both sit in quiet silence. Me internally cataloging every book about pregnancy we have downstairs that I’ll now need to read, and Izzy no doubt mentally redecorating my apartment for a baby and planning my inevitable baby shower.

“So when can I start shopping for you and the baby? Is now too early?”

Yup, planning parties and color schemes.

I love her for being her and not badgering me on the specifics of how I became pregnant.

Or trying to get me to confess things I don’t want to discuss.

Her ability to smooth over tense situations with easier topics to calm my anxiety is a god send.

I don’t want to talk about what doctor I’m going to see, what prenatal vitamins I should take, or how fat I’m going to get.

I’ll deal with those one at time when I’m ready.

But right now, I just need to get comfortable with the idea I’m going to be a mom.

“No, now is not too early. But maybe wait until after I confirm with a doctor?”

She scrunches her nose and shakes her head. “Nah. I’m starting now. Ooh, we can go to that antique store you love in Anchorage to look for a crib to match the rest of your unique furniture.”

I smile at my best friend and am thankful to have her.

I wouldn’t know what to do if she weren’t here.

Probably freak out and rock in the corner like a crazy person.

Instead, I’m grinning and laughing at Izzy and the fact that she knows me so well and is spouting off possible themes for the nursery.

“I would love that, but you know that won’t be till spring.”

“Perfect, by then we’ll know if it’s a boy or a girl and can better choose decorative pieces.”

“I don’t need decorative pieces. It’s a baby not visiting royalty.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t put a few cute animals on the walls, and matching curtains.”

There’s really no point in arguing with her now. However, if boxes start showing up at my door I’m going to have to put my foot down.

“Are you going to go to Gigi’s today?”

I shake my head. I may not know many things, but I need at least one night to work up the bravery to tell Gigi about this unplanned but nonetheless amazing pregnancy.

“No. I’ll go tomorrow. Give myself a night to get used to the idea so I can say it out loud without crying. Or barfing.”

“Good idea. I’m going to make us some dinner and I’m staying the night. No arguing. You should not be alone tonight.”

She points a no-nonsense finger at me, and I raise my hands in defense. “No arguing here.”

“Good. Now is there anything you’re craving?”

“Pickles.”