Page 20 of Tied up in Knots (Gummy Bear Orgy #4)

You finally did something spontaneous

Confessing to the woman who raised me that I got knocked up by a guy who has no interest in a family, or even living in the same city as me, would be bad enough. Lying to her and telling her it was a one-night stand with a stranger is going to be worse.

Standing outside Gigi’s front door I steel my spine and suck in a deep breath . I can do this, it’s just Gigi. She won’t be mad. I hope. My internal reassurances aren’t exactly motivating, but I can’t not tell her.

Last night Izzy slept over and we stayed up for hours googling everything I might need to know about being pregnant.

Searching for O.B.G.Y.N.’s in Kenai, a city about an hour and a half away from Homer, so news of my pregnancy doesn’t spread through town before I want it to.

I’ve decided not to tell anyone but Izzy and Gigi about it until I’m too large to hide it anymore.

That should give me at least five months to figure everything out.

Not that I think I can figure everything out in such a short amount of time but at least I can get somewhat prepared for the baby’s arrival and more comfortable with the idea of being responsible for an entire human being.

Being a single parent isn’t going to be easy, but I’ll have Gigi, Izzy and even Owen. Between the group of us we should be able to figure it all out. Right?

I raise a shaking hand and knock on the door before using my key to enter. Accidentally walking in on Gigi in the middle of naked hot yoga session once was more than enough times to warrant a warning knock before entering unannounced.

Gigi meets me halfway to the kitchen, smiling broadly.

“Raelyn, I wasn’t expecting you today. What a lovely surprise.”

If she loves that surprise, she’s going to love the next one.

“Hey Gigi.”

She pulls me in for a quick kiss on the cheek before ushering me back to the kitchen table, the heart of her home.

I’ve spent many nights and special occasions around this table.

Blowing out birthday candles, working on homework, gossiping with Izzy, the one time we all got into a spaghetti food fight, Gigi included, and it took a week to get all the sauce off the walls.

“Sit down, I just made fresh cookies.”

The kitchen is warm from her baking, and I slip out of my heavy winter coat, hanging it on the back of the wooden chair at the dining table. I sit because I’m too nervous to stand and maybe a nice warm gooey chocolate chip cookie is exactly what I need to calm my nerves.

“Here you go sunshine, fresh from the oven.”

She calls me sunshine because when I was younger, she always said I was her little ray of sunshine.

The endearment stuck, so sometimes I’m sunshine to her.

It’s kind of funny now that I think about it, but two of the most important people in my life rarely call me Raelyn.

Warren always calls me Bambi and Gigi calls me sunshine.

Gigi sets a plate of cookies and a glass of milk in front of me. I eagerly pick up a giant chocolate chunk cookie and shove at least half of it in my mouth, chewing like a chipmunk who’s filled its cheeks to the brim.

Gigi chuckles. “Slow down Rae or you’ll choke. There’s plenty more, no need to go so fast.”

I finish chewing and swallow down a large gulp of milk. The warm gooeyness helped but my heart still pounds feverishly in my chest. Here goes nothing.

“Gigi, I came over today because I need to tell you something. Something you probably weren’t expecting and might be a little…shocking.”

Sitting in the chair next to me, Gigi tilts her head, a small pinch between her white brows. More curious than concerned. I guess that’s a good sign. Tucking a strand of loose hair behind my ear, her expression softens.

“There’s nothing you could do that would shock me, Rae. I know you too well.”

Okay then, here goes nothing. Better to rip the band aid off in one swift motion, right? Gripping my hands together tightly around my glass of milk I focus on the white liquid instead of looking at the woman who raised me as her own since I was ten.

“I’m pregnant.”

There I said it. It’s out in the open and as one weight lifts from my shoulders, another lands right on top of me. Gigi’s silence is almost as bad as screaming. I have no idea what it means, especially since I’m not looking at her.

Wincing I cautiously shift my gaze to peer at her from the corner of my eye. She’s shocked, that’s for sure. Her face slack and mouth slightly open.

“Well, I was not expecting that.”

“Are you disappointed in me?” I ask, tears threatening to fill my eyes. I blink them away rapidly before they get worse. Stupid hormones.

“What? Of course not.” Gigi pulls me into her arms in a tight hug and the scent of cookies is soothing. “I could never be disappointed in you, sunshine. Especially for something like a baby. That’s not something to be disappointed about in the least.”

“But I’m not married. The father’s…gone. I was foolish and impulsive. I wasn’t thinking and didn’t take preventative measures.”

Releasing me from her embrace Gigi leans back to look at me. Her hands sliding down my arms to thread through mine. She grips me tightly and gives me that don’t be daft look.

“Everyone deserves to be a little foolish and impulsive in their lives, Rae. You just did yours with a little extra. It doesn’t matter how it happened; it just did.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I’m actually happy you finally did something spontaneous.

” She smiles at me. I’m still frazzled, and kind of confused now too.

“You are?”

“Yes. You’ve always been such a good girl.

Don’t get me wrong, you’ve been a godsend, but sometimes I felt like you missed out on being a rambunctious teenager because you always followed the rules.

But now you’ve followed your heart and done something because you wanted to.

It just had unexpected and, I’m assuming, unplanned results. ”

I’m not sure if I should be relieved or worried about her response to my news. Most people don’t think an unplanned pregnancy and single parenthood are a good thing. I guess I should have known better when it comes to Gigi. She doesn’t do anything the normal way.

“I guess so.”

“And you said the father is?”

“Gone.”

She nods with a sad smile, as if she was expecting this answer. Like she already knows everything.

“Warren’s the father, isn’t he?”

I’m pretty sure my heart just stopped beating and my brain melted out through my ears, because there’s no way she just said what I think she said. How could she possibly know that? Not even Izzy asked that. I told her it was a stranger, and she just accepted it without question.

“How did you…?”

“I’m old, not dead. I see things. Like you going out to his boat the night of his going away party and not coming back until late morning.”

One white eyebrow raises, and she smirks. My eyebrows are introduced to my hair line because I had no idea she knew about that. Or saw me. How many other things has she seen that I thought I was being covert about? Not that there were many.

“Besides you two have been making eyes at each other for years. It was only a matter of time before you finally saw each other. It could never be anyone’s but his. There’s no other man you would let down your guard around so thoroughly.”

She’s right. I wouldn’t have let anyone else as close as Warren. I guess I wasn’t as good at hiding my feelings for him as I thought I was, at least from her. Warren didn’t seem to know how I felt about him until I kissed him.

I sit back in my chair, my hands falling limply in my lap, completely unsure what to say now. Everything I thought I’d have to explain or lie about is gone now that she’s just seen through everything.

“Oh!” I sit up so abruptly I startle Gigi.

“I didn’t tell Izzy who the father is. She thinks it was a one-night stand.

I just didn’t want to deal with…” My words trail off because I don’t know how to explain it to her.

How it will be easier to lie about the father to minimize the pity stares and judgement.

An accidental pregnancy from a one-night stand is easier to explain than everything that happened with me and Warren.

Not to mention all the questions that I would get from everyone if they all knew Warren was the father.

“Don’t worry Rae.” Gigi pats my cheek affectionately. “We don’t have to tell anyone anything. It’s none of their business. But…don’t you think Warren deserves to know?”

Yes. I would love nothing more than to call him and tell him and have him be so overjoyed he returns, and we live happily ever after. But I know for a fact he wants nothing less than to return here and be saddled with a baby. A life he never wanted.

“Maybe. But does it matter now? He’s gone and he doesn’t plan on returning. It’s better for both of us if we just forget him altogether.”

I look up from staring at the table to find Gigi frowning at me. That’s more of what I expected to see when I told her I was pregnant.

“You can’t keep it from him forever. He deserves to know.”

“If he wanted to be part of my life he would have stayed, with or without the pregnancy. He still left, even after knowing how I felt about him. If I’m not enough for him, forcing him to stay because of a baby won’t help.

It’ll only make things worse. Forcing a relationship because of a child doesn’t work. ”

“Did you ever stop to think maybe he did want to stay, but was too afraid to? That maybe he just needed someone, who loves him, to show him that staying was the right choice all along?”

If only she were right.

“We tried plenty to convince him to stay. You know this. No one wanted him to leave. He wasn’t happy here, and nothing could change that.”

My heart cracks in my chest admitting it out loud.

It’s literally been his lifelong dream to leave Homer and travel the world and make a new life for himself somewhere else.

It’s not easy to convince someone their dreams are wrong.

And maybe they aren’t. I’m sure he’ll be happier now that he’s gone.

From everything Owen tells us he’s doing great.

Making his way south and enjoying every minute of it. Happier than he’s ever been.

To force him to come back would crush him. I love him too much to do that to him and us. I’ll just have to accept it and focus all my love for Warren on the baby we made together.

“It may have seemed like that, but I think he would have surprised you if given the chance. And one way or another he’s going to find out whether you want him to or not. Things tend to work themselves out in the end.”

“As long as you don’t tell him, he’ll never know. Please Gigi, it’s better this way. Trust me.”

Pleading with my eyes I know she can see the tears gathering there. I need her to understand that no matter how much wishful thinking she has, nothing can change the reality of the situation. She huffs out an exasperated breath.

“Fine. I won’t tell him. But if he does return and asks me, I won’t lie to him.”

I suppose that’s the best I’m going to get. I nod my acquiescence.

“Oh, and there’s one more thing.”

She scowls and looks at me as if she’s about to argue with me on anything else I may ask of her. At least this time it’s a temporary lie.

“I don’t want to tell anyone else until I’m further along. Give me some time to figure things out without everyone breathing down my neck.”

Her scowl softens and her expression changes to one of understanding. Lots of women and couples don’t announce a pregnancy right away, so this is nothing out of the ordinary.

“That I can do. You just let me know when you’re ready.”

“I’ll probably never be ready, but no sooner than when I’m too large to hide it with baggy clothes at least.”

She laughs and pulls me into her side, pressing a kiss to my head.

My anxiety recedes now that I at least have Gigi and Izzy on my side.

Maybe things won’t be so bad after all. Babies always make people happy.

I know the longer I think about it the happier I get.

Even though knowing its father will never see it grow or hold it or love it makes me sad.

I know no matter what, that it will be loved by the rest of us without reservation. And that’ll just have to be enough.