Page 11 of Tides of Fate (Fated in the Stars #3)

“Angel,” Grayson whispers, and Nix thinks it’s too soon to wake up because he’s just closed his eyes.

“I’m going to get ready for dinner, but Luca and Tsuki are here. He’s brought some stuff for you.”

Grayson eases himself out of bed, and Nix misses him already.

Nix holds on to Grayson’s wrist as it slides through his fingers, their bright soul bond dancing in his chest.

“Luca? Tsuki.” It’s enough for Nix to want to see his baby and Tsuki, so he cracks an eyelid, holding out a hand so he can feel a cold nose in his palm before Tsuki settles behind his legs.

There’s a slight commotion when Nix hears Luca drop a plastic case on the dresser, and something clunks onto the bedside table.

“Yeah, baby. We’re going to snuggle with you in your pretty nest, and then we’re going to get dressed up again and go down and rock some worlds. Say bye-bye to Gray.”

“Bye-bye, Gray. Love you.”

There’s a soft kiss on his forehead and a whispered love you too before his bedroom door clicks closed.

“What a pretty nest. Can I come in?”

Luca is always allowed in Nix’s nest, so he says so. It’s nice that Luca hears him, even though Nix has pulled up the green blanket over his face.

The side of the bed jiggles a bit but holds firm, and in the next instant, he’s got an armful of half-naked, sweet-mocha-scented Luca.

He shouldn’ t be so tired.

Before, there hadn’t been a day where Nix had gotten more than one or two hours consecutively, usually during the day while Hayes was at work—when Nix could be assured he had other obligations and couldn’t surprise Nix out of an exhausted sleep for fun.

Being safe here has done wonders for his sleep schedule. Now it would appear he can’t get enough.

It’s nice.

Could be that there are also seven good cuddlers—eight, if you count Tsuki.

Once Luca has settled in the bed under a soft blue blanket, Nix frowns as if it’s not quite right.

“No, like this,” he says as he pulls and turns Luca this way and that until he’s just right, and once he has settled, Nix is safe and warm and not alone.

He’s happy that the purple blanket underneath them will smell like mocha and coffee sooner rather than later.

“Hi. You smell really good. Basil and vanilla go really well together, and this nest is so cozy. Thank you for inviting me in.”

There’s a nose in his ear, and thankfully, it’s not cold or wet or smelling like a dog.

Nix opens his eyes all the way, and like the first time and the last, he’s struck by how beautiful Luca is.

“You are so pretty, Luca. Sometimes it hurts me to look at you.”

“Me? What? No. I mean, I know I wasn’t hit too many times with the ugly stick, and I know I’m a rockstar. But I’m nothing special. Not compared to the others—to you. ”

Nix can tell Luca isn’t fishing for compliments; he genuinely doesn’t know how stunning he is.

He’s sure there is pure shock reflected on his face, and his jaw drops.

“Luca Wilde! You are gorgeous. Look at these cheekbones, and this perfect nose, and your eyes are almost black. They’re so deep and mysterious.”

Nix pokes a finger at each feature as he goes along, stopping just in time so he doesn’t puncture a cornea.

“And do not get me started on your body.”

Nix rolls them over, so he’s lying on top of Luca.

They’re evenly matched height-wise, but Luca is broader in the shoulders, whereas Nix is broader in the hips.

It’s infinitesimally different, really, and probably because Luca works hard at his job, and it builds muscle.

Otherwise, they might be identical.

Nix moves his hips a bit, and his dick rides beside Luca’s in a perfect dry glide.

“I’m not saying I’m not good-looking enough , baby. But if you wanted…you could ‘get started on my body,’ like you said.”

He waggles his eyebrows lasciviously.

There isn’t enough time in the world for Nix to compliment all the beautiful things about his mate, and that’s just what’s on the outside.

“You are so distracting with your tiny waist and your beautiful skin. I am so envious.”

“Really? Ripley’s stylists were always complaining about something.” He sighs at the memory. “We should have gotten away from there a lot sooner.”

“You guys are going to do so great. Are you excited?”

Nix asks and starts absently kneading and pulling up bits of Luca’s soft skin, digging his fingernails in a bit and then moving on to another spot.

“So excited. We talked earlier—”

Nix takes Luca’s pecs in his hands and pushes them together.

He’s got cleavage like this, gah! He’s so sexy.

“You talked, eh?”

His mate giggles and nods.

“After we celebrated , we talked, and I think we have a track list for a first album. Jay is so connected in the industry, we shouldn’t have a problem with getting it out there after the announcement.”

“Would you play some of it for me sometime? I haven’t really heard anything you’ve made yet, and—”

Nix has started a slow figure eight in his mate’s lap, and Luca shivers.

“What?! This is a tragedy. While we get dressed, I will play you some of our biggest hits.”

Luca gasps at the sudden scent of hot vanilla slick, and he gently sits up so he can roll Nix to his side with a rueful smile.

“Baby, you gotta stop. I almost forgot that I’m supposed to be good, and you do not make it easy.”

“Oh.” That feeling of rejection from earlier—with Gideon, Finn, and then Grayson—creeps back and slithers down his spine with an unpleasant heat.

His thoughts from before rear their ugly heads; feeling unwanted and unloved and ashamed all come flooding back, threatening to overwhelm the ground he’d gained through Grayson’s kind care.

“Whoa! No. Hey. Nix.”

Luca tips his chin up, and Nix wants to close his eyes to get away.

“Look at me, please. There you are.”

Shame burns hot, making Nix sweat. “It’s okay. Something’s been weird with me since yesterday.” Nix hopes Luca can’t smell his shame.

Luca’s nostrils flare, and his eyes narrow for a second, but his expression evens out quickly as he replaces it with a small, concerned smile.

“What do you mean ‘weird ’? Are you not feeling well?”

“I’m fine. Really. Just that…um…it makes me feel off when you guys don’t want me. Did I do something wrong? Gray said it’s not me…but then…Gideon in the gym, Finn outside earlier, and now you. Feels….sort of…bad”

Nix cannot find the words beyond that, so he shakes his head. He’s already laid some of it out with Grayson, but not the worst of it.

He’s tackled back onto the bed, and this time, it’s Luca on his tummy.

“Shit, Gray said you were worked up when he texted, but…did you say this to him?”

Nix shakes his head.

“Okay. First, let’s have a snack while we talk, okay?”

He hands Nix a bowl of crackers and cheese and a juice box he’d probably placed on the bedside table when he’d arrived.

Ravenous, he eats the whole bowl of crackers and cheese before he realizes Luca doesn’t have his own bowl and is instead just watching him, mouth open a bit and eyes wide.

He’s in the process of offering the last piece of cheese to Tsuki, who gobbles it down in much the same way, when he thinks to ask, “Uh…was this for you, too?”

Yikes.

He was starving; he hadn’t noticed because he’d gotten so used to blocking it out.

Luca shakes his head. “Nope. You go ahead. You were hungry, eh?”

“Mmhmm. Was good. Thank you. Makes me feel better.”

Maybe Nix had been a little bit hangry .

He hopes the food in his belly will make whatever Luca has to say easier to hear.

“Go ahead, please. Tell me whatever it is you need to say. I can take it.”

Luca puts the empty bowl on the table beside the bed and takes Nix’s hands.

“You can take it? Nix. It’s nothing bad. I promise.”

He squeezes Nix’s fingers gently.

“Here goes. First, I am sorry that I hurt you before. That was totally not my intention. Okay?”

Nix doesn’t enjoy being reminded about it but nods.

Luca blushes, but he has his serious face on, and his scent seems level at a sweet, chocolate-y mocha.

“Hmm. Gray said you and Gideon talked about kinks this afternoon? And Gray told you about his own self-edging thing?”

“Yeah. Is that why you pushed me away? Gideon told you to?”

It’s worse than Nix thought.

Luca’s eyes fly open wide in surprise. “Whoa there. What has changed for you since yesterday? Because nothing has changed for us since the moment you woke up—before, even, if Gray’s rebound rut or Rowan’s almost-pack-alpha challenges are anything to go by. We have always wanted you—to the point of distraction.”

The look on his face is genuinely baffled, and if Nix lets himself, he can recall only moments where his mates have shown him desire .

Even if they had to show restraint—like when he shared he’d wanted the alphas to put a baby in him—he hadn’t taken it as rejection.

He’d loved it, even.

The teasing and the push-pull he’d had with Gideon, or making Jamie sweat by calling him Daddy, or knowing Rowan wanted him to touch his already-overused dick after they’d bonded in a feedback loop.

Why is he feeling like this, and why now?

“I don’t know.” It’s the answer to Luca’s question and his own.

He lets out a breath, and there’s a sudden flood of singed vanilla that eases the tightness beside Luca’s mouth.

Had he sucked in his scent like before?

He hadn’t meant to, but when he struggles to keep a lid on that mental box, his body knows his scent is a giveaway—even to himself.

“Thank you, baby. Whew. That’s better.”

He rubs a finger down between Nix’s eyebrows.

“This feeling—has it been like this all the time? You haven’t mentioned it before today.”

Nix shakes his head, realizing in that moment that he doesn’t want to say that out loud because hearing it makes it more real and makes it hurt worse.

“What is it? Please talk to me so I can help.”

Nix pulls the covers up over his face and dislodges Tsuki, who huffs but lies on the floor beside the window in a fading patch of late-day sun.

“Oh. Is it too much?” Luca asks, and Nix can’t tell if his pretty face is contorted in pity or disgust with the trusty green blanket over his face.

“Come on.”

Nix pulls the blanket away in time to see Luca roll off the bed and onto the floor. When he doesn’t stand up again, Nix leans over the side, only to see he has disappeared.

“Come on, baby.”

Luca is under the bed.

Nix crawls off on Tsuki’s side and throws on Grayson’s sweater from earlier. It smells sweet like them, and it grounds him a little .

“Luca, what are we doing?” he asks, but slides under the bed. It’s high enough that they can lie side by side on their backs in the dark. The floors have ambient heat, so it’s cozy, too. It’s like a cave of comfort.

“Well, I thought sometimes it’s a lot out there, but under here, it’s just you and me.”

Tsuki snorts and crawls under, jamming her bony back up against Nix’s side. She seems bigger than yesterday, and it’s such a comfort to be sandwiched between them.

“And Kooky-Tsuki. Now maybe you can tell me, and I can help. Alright with you?” Luca whispers.

Nix is still afraid. Afraid of what happens if that mental box blows open, and then what? He told Leo he couldn’t talk about it with a therapist, let alone his beautiful Luca, who should never know a minute of pain—and certainly not Nix’s.

But his mate lies there with him, holding his hand. He’s not sleeping or resting his eyes. He’s just staring at the bottom of Nix’s new room’s box spring, waiting.

It’s comforting, and before he knows it, he’s pulled off the lid of the box himself. Not all the way, but enough that he can take some things out and maybe share them.

“Since yesterday, I feel…different.” Nix tries to put it into words.

It’s not only fear—he’s used to that. But the worst is this feeling of shame. It had only ever been Hayes and him who knew, and maybe nurses and doctors in hospitals across the city, but he’d locked those feelings down, and they’d been easily managed under the pain of existing. But not now.

“Different? Like sick? Or…? Can you tell me when you first thought of something like this?” He squeezes Nix’s hand before he whispers, “I know it’s hard.”

He’s asking about when he felt that maybe he wasn’t wanted—the feeling of rejection that shakes loose those feelings of shame.

“This morning? Gideon didn’t want me in the gym, and then Finn said no to fucking me outside. Then Gray ‘needed a minute,’ and now you. It’s dumb, I know that. You all have good reasons, but it feels bad.”

Tsuki puts her nose under the edge of Gray’s sweater against his thigh and snuffles.

Luca says nothing, so Nix fills the silence.

“It feels awful because…I love you, and I don’t really have anything else to offer.”

Luca jerks a bit, his fingers tightening on Nix’s, but he doesn’t say anything or even look at him, so Nix keeps going.

“I’m not a rockstar or an architect, and I don’t save lives. I’ve just…been a burden.”

Luca squeezes Nix’s hand harder.

“No, don’t say anything. I n—need to get it out. I know you all love me, and I know Finn does too, even if he’s not here yet.” He rubs the spot in his chest where the almost-complete rainbow of love swirls and pulses.

“But I’m used up, Luca. I’m dirty—tainted. If I can’t offer you my body—if you don’t want me anymore—what else do I have to give?”

A tear slides down Luca’s cheek.

“But you know what’s worse?” Nix doesn’t expect an answer. “What if I’m ruining all of you, too? What if our bond is tainted because of me? Maybe I should have never—” His throat tightens. “Maybe I should have saved you all from me,” he whispers shakily.

It’s agony to think about, let alone say it. He’d never let it occur to him consciously until now, but now that he’s started, he can’t stop because Luca deserves the entirety of this, not just parts.

No one breaks the silence for a few minutes. Nix’s last words echo in his ears. There’s not even a hushed breath like they’re both holding it, standing on the precipice of this terrible thing together right before they jump.

The panic curls in his stomach, coils in his ribs, tightening so fast he can barely breathe. He fucked up saying it out loud, didn’t he? Maybe Luca agrees. Maybe Luca is just trying to find the words to say it nicely, to tell him that, yeah, maybe it would’ve been better if—

So he takes the plunge and turns to look at his mate, and Luca does the same like he is waiting to catch him.

“Oh, baby. Come. ”

Luca pulls him closer, and the bed isn’t high enough to get his head on his shoulder or for them to turn on their sides. But Nix can slide right up close until Luca can reach his forehead with his lips, and Nix can press his own to Luca’s shoulder.

“I am so sorry.”

Sorry? Why is he sorry?

It’s baffling, and Nix says so. “Why? It’s not your fault. None of it is. Not yours or anyone’s but mine—and maybe H–Hayes’s.”

It’s true, and no matter how they might pity him, the result is the same.

Luca shakes. A tiny tremor, like he’s holding back something sharp, something dangerous.

“We love you. Not your body, or the things you may do for us—here or at home or in the nest, or even someday out in the world. It’s you. When I saw you awake for the first time, shaking with fear, your new senses just online, I felt how much you loved me. It was as if everything was clicking into place.

“I can only understand a little bit of what happened to you. I…uh…have a bit of my own history with feeling bad about myself and thinking that my body was a commodity.”

Luca tries to smile reassuringly, but Nix is unconvinced. It’s shame and self-loathing, and Nix knows exactly what he means. Luca shouldn’t feel that way about himself ever again.

“But Gideon and Ruthie helped me. All of you help me.”

“Luca, I’m sorry that happened to you,” Nix says softly and kisses his mate’s shoulder.

Even though Nix has only been here for a short while, he can see how wonderful and full of life Luca is—how he makes every day an adventure uninhibited by convention. He lives and loves 100% of himself, 100% of the time.

Nix envies him because it looks like freedom.

“See? That feeling you’re having right now? That’s what I mean when I say I’m sorry, too. It’s compassion, and it’s empathy, and it’s love, Nixie. We love you. ”

Nix can see it in his face, hear it in his voice, and smell it in Luca’s sweet mocha scent. He can feel it in his chest. All the bonds are warm and swirly, not hard and sharp like they were earlier when he’d considered severing them.

There’s an abrupt banging on the door, and whoever it is doesn’t wait for an answer before opening it.

“Nix? Luca? Where the fuck are you?”

Jamie’s long-toed feet are across the warm floor in an instant, walking into the restroom.

“Gray, you said you left them here, but the bond is fucking…”

Gideon’s smaller— perfect— feet follow suit while four other pairs stand outside the door.

It’s Gideon who figures it out, maybe his soulmate bond pointing the way.

“Hey, kittens. Everything okay under here?”

His face appears on Luca’s side, his eyes alert for trouble. He must gain their measure because, by the time Jamie joins them, it morphs into a smirk. He offers a reassuring nod before standing and walking away.

“Come on, Alpha. They’re okay. Dinner in an hour, you demons. Go! Nothing to see here.”

It’s hard to meet Jamie’s eyes, but he does, and then there’s a hand on Luca’s belly, palm up. It’s not hard to put his own in it and squeeze.

“Okay, baby boy? Luc?”

Was he okay? Not really.

Was he going to be? Maybe.

“Mmmhmm,” he answers anyway.

“Go away, Jaybird. This is Nixie-Luca time.”

Nix almost smiles at the look of affront that crosses Jamie’s face. He looks like he might try to slide under on Luca’s side, but he’s dragged backward on his belly by his feet toward the door. With a tiny nod and a wave, he catches the door after himself on the way out.

It’s warm and sweet, and it makes the surge of love in his chest swell so big that he thinks it can’t all be from just him.

“He loves you. He has always loved you. Before you were Were, before you were bonded. From the very beginning, he has loved you, and he has said it’s unchanged now, Nixie. I won’t say what you went through doesn’t matter to him or me or any of us. Because it fucking does, but not in the way you said. People aren’t dirty or used up. What happened to you matters because you matter .”

What does he say to that? He wants to believe Luca so badly. He’s bonded his fucking life force to all of them. It had been joyous and perfect—he’d felt joyous and perfect for them . His mates.

And he knows that when he finally bonds with Finn, he’s finally going to feel complete.

“Fuck. I won’t tell you it’s easy to work through this or that. once you go ten steps one way, you aren’t going to feel you could fall twenty back the other. Healing isn’t linear like that, and boy, does it fucking suck.”

Why does it have to be hard when moving forward, away from the bad stuff, is only good? Nix mourns the mental titanium-plated box that he’d kept buried at the bottom of the Marianas Trench of his mind. It had been better, even if it hadn’t been easier, because of the constant vigilance to keep it weighed down.

This open box hurts.

The wolf, who has been surprisingly quiet, perks up. Where the fuck have you been? We’re all over the place. I could have used your conviction yesterday already, Nix chastises him, because before now, the wolf had given him strength and helped keep the worst of his memories at bay.

“I don’t know if I can do it, Luca. What if it’s too hard?”

What if they find out the worst of it? What if he fucks up and they leave him?

“I’ll help you. It’s the worst cliché ever, but time does some of the work, and if you do too, it gets easier. I promise you. I won’t ever let you go through stuff alone. None of us will. Look at how Jay wanted to get under here with us, just so he could be with you.” Luca scoffs and rolls his eyes. “How did he think he was going to fit? Those shoulders would be stuck in a minute.”

They both giggle a bit at the mental picture .

“You’d have had to Hulk-lift the bed off him like he’s a damsel in a dress.”

“I think that’s distress …”

“Not in my fantasy,” Luca laughs at his own joke. “But you get it, right? You are more than your body. You are more than your ability to work or whatever. We love you as you are, and if you never wanted to be with us in that way ever again, we would love you and want you just the same. But you never have to feel you need to earn our love, baby. Never.”

Nix feels his heart break open then, and he grabs Luca around the middle, letting his tears come. Not in sobs like yesterday, but slow and strong, so they wash down his cheeks onto Luca’s t-shirt and through to his soft, golden skin and right into his heart.

Nix can’t see it, but he can tell.

Because it helps. It helps him feel lighter. Not entirely free, but he has hope he can be. Someday.

They lie there like that, with Tsuki snoring up a storm and Luca using his t-shirt to wipe Nix’s tears. Much later, there are thundering footsteps in the hall, and then Rowan’s whine as someone drags him away before it’s quiet once again.

It must be dinner time.

Nix’s family is eating together, and they’re celebrating one of the people Nix loves more than anything. He can smell something delicious, and his tummy rumbles, despite him not being sure at all he can eat. Luca’s follows soon after. They try to hold it in but can’t and giggle softly.

“I’m hungry,” Luca whines but makes no move to get out from under the bed. “Someone ate all the crackers and cheese.” He nudges Nix’s shoulder.

“Wasn’t me—Tsuki did it.”

Luca snorts before he breaks into a grin, a dimple popping in his cheek. “Hey, that’s going to be great! Tsuki-baby, you are about to be in more trouble than you’ve rightly earned. Welcome to the team.”

“What team? Besides, you like trouble, Luca Wilde. You are trouble. The personification of trouble.”

But he’s Nix’s trouble and the very best kind.

“Yeah, yeah. Still, who knows when I’ll need a scapegoat…er…dog. Scape-dog? Hmmm .”

Nix loves that his mate is actually thinking about whether a scape-dog is a thing. He loves him so much, and for now, he’s going to believe him and Gray when they tell him they really love him—he needs to, so badly.

“Do you think Gideon will be mad if we don’t dress up for dinner? I’m hungry, but I am too fucking tired.”

“Ha. No. He’ll be happy you’re there, and Jay? He’ll be so happy, he might even cry. Besides, it smells like Don’t Fuck It Up Ragu. You gotta try it. It’s the birthday boy’s favorite—Gideon is so sentimental like that.”

He sighs like a lovesick fool.

“Gideon is sentimental?” Nix asks as he pushes Tsuki out in front of him so he can get out from under the bed.

It’s disorienting, being so out in the open, but Luca is smiling at him over the mattress.

“Feels weird, eh? It gets better, I promise. Come on, I need a fresh shirt. Someone got snot on mine. But yes, he is so sentimental. Did you know he has pressed flowers from Leo in a book of love poems? Not on his bookshelf, but in his bedside table. And he makes these tiny fortune cookies with handwritten notes inside for Ro—one for every day when we’re on the road. I mean, they’re usually dirty, but most times they’re not mean. So that’s sweet, right?”

Luca throws his moist (not all Nix’s fault, thank you very much) t-shirt into Nix’s laundry hamper and grabs a black LRH tank top from a pile on his dresser. He does the same for Nix, and they’re dressed exactly the same. It’s not the fancy stuff Luca brought originally, but they are clean and smell like family.

Still, Nix feels shy suddenly.

He’d been crying, and there’s no hiding it. Luca notices his hesitation because he asks, “You okay?”

“Will they think I’m weird? I hate pity. I hate the big sad eyes—it makes it so hard to just…” Nix shrugs and waves a hand like that explains it all.

“Get on with it? I can’t promise you Jay isn’t going to look like he wants to put you back under his bed, but the rest of them know the drill. I hate the pity, too. But I’m with you, and we can do it together, alright?”

He asks, a small smile on his heart-shaped mouth, but with zero pity in his eyes. It’s just pure love and…mischief.

“I can’t believe I’m asking this, but do you want pants? I’ve heard it’s hard to be strong when your ass is hanging out.”

In the end, Nix does opt for boxers, short black ones that make him feel a bit more like facing the world. He also throws on a big black hoodie that says Bless Your Heart and smells like Jamie, and together, they do give him a bit of courage.

Huh. Just another way Luca is right—maybe he can do this.

“Ready?”

When Luca opens the bedroom door, the noise in the living room stops so suddenly that he can hear a pin drop. His mate rolls his eyes and holds a finger up, whispering, “Wait for it…”

They hear an ow! from Rowan, and the noise picks up again, which makes Luca giggle under his breath.

Nix rushes back to his nest ( his nest! ) so he can grab the red blanket before taking Luca’s hand in his.

They start down the hall to the stairs, but he pulls Luca to a stop. “Thank you.” It’s not everything he wants to say, but by the smile on Luca’s face, it’s enough.

Dinner is in full swing when they get to the dining room, and the Don’t Fuck It Up Ragu smells so good. His handsomely dressed mates are attempting to pretend like he doesn’t look shell-shocked and—as Luca predicted—Jamie is on his feet and around the table, slipping away from Gideon’s lightning-fast grasp.

His black button-down shirt is rolled up at the sleeves, and his jeans are tight in the thigh. He’s got those bare feet, still, and he’s smiling—so beautiful that Nix wants to cry again.

“Hi, Jamie. Happy birthday,” Nix manages to get out around the lump in his throat.

“Hey, come eat some ragu, yeah?”

Tsuki had gone on ahead of them, and Finn must have let her outside and left the door open a crack so she could let herself back in.

Luca leads him away toward his end of the table, and for the first time since he’s started sitting on Jamie’s lap to eat every meal, Nix sits in his own chair instead. He checks on Jamie because he wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings, but the alpha is already seated and chewing another bite of his dinner.

“It’ll be okay, baby,” Luca whispers.

Grayson pours him some water instead of wine, while Rowan puts some pasta and ragu on his plate with a soft smile.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

Nix takes a minute to look around.

Jamie has his wine in hand and is laughing at something Finn said. When Nix catches Finn’s gaze, his mate smiles and blows him a kiss. Gideon is feeding little bites of ragu to Luca, who stores them in his cheeks and keeps talking, waving his hands around, and at one point doing a dance in his seat, jostling Grayson with an elbow, who just smiles.

Leo has his arm protectively around his plate and is eating steadily, not rising to the bait when Rowan starts to bug him by poking his biceps with his fork.

“He’s worried Rowan’s going to clear it away before he’s done.” Grayson nods back at Leo, who throws him a middle finger.

Nix laughs as Leo winks.

Grayson rolls his eyes before whispering loudly, “I’m glad you came for dinner, Angel. We’re playing some fun games after. I need an emotionally intelligent and creative partner.”

“Hey! I’m the birthday boy. I get to choose my team first,” Jamie says, eyes narrowed in challenge.

“Hey, I’m the youngest, and I always choose first. You said, Jay—that’s your rule.”

They bicker and squabble about whose team Nix will be on as he takes his first bite of ragu, and even though it would be impossible for Gideon to be anything less than perfect in the kitchen, he did not, in fact, Fuck It Up.

He feels a feather-light hand on his wrist, and Rowan offers him a smile and then wipes a drop of sauce from his lip while Gray tries to engage Leo in a debate about football across the table.

There’s even a soft, furry Tsuki-flank on his toes under the table.

Taking a deep breath, he lets the chaos and love flow over and around him.

Today was hard.

There’s no denying that, and he’d had to think about things he’d rather not, and worse, he’d spoken them out loud. But Jamie and Gray and Luca, they’d heard some of those hard things and still wanted him anyway.

Maybe the others will, too.

Maybe they’ll love him no matter what, and the least Nix can do is give them the opportunity, right?

Because he is safe here. Safe with them, that much he knows for sure.

It occurs to him that when he’d woken up in the hospital, he’d thought he was being added to an already-perfect thing. Luca had said they were happy, but now, they’re more than that.

But these men aren’t perfect. They’re each working through hard things, and while all their pieces might be irregular and sometimes have sharp edges, they all fit together to make a brand-new whole.

And maybe, just maybe, his irregular pieces fit in here just fine.