Page 58 of This Time Around

“Did you tell him to shove his stupidity up his ass?” Keeton asked.

“No, I didn’t. I listened to him. I explained the situation to Milo, and I knew it upset him, but he seemed to be on board with it. Looking back now,” I told them, “I can see now that our relationship was doomed to fail under the circumstances I created.”

“Because you were a dumbass,” Keeton grumbled.

“Keeton, this is a judgment-free zone,” Ollie reminded him. “Talking about these things is one of the ways we work through our urges to do drugs or drink booze.”

“Or sell your body to buy the drugs and booze,” Rebecca whispered. I just wanted to hug her.

“Don’t expect me to open up and share my sob story with any of you,” Keeton said somberly. I think we all felt like that when we first arrived, but Keeton would share when we earned his trust.

“Continue, Andy,” Ollie encouraged. This time his smile was the genuine one I’d come to associate with him.

“I assume there’s a point to this,” Keeton prompted.

“There is a point to this story,” I confirmed. “I didn’t realize until much later that Coach’s sage advice was really a form of bullying. He was telling me that it wasn’t okay to be me and love who I love. He was telling me in a soft voice with a compassionate expression that my new team wouldn’t accept me. He didn’t beat me over the head with it, but he said it often enough that I started to believe it. Then I acted on it, and it sent me into a downward spiral.”

“So, your high school baseball coach is to blame for your drug addiction?” Keeton asked.

“That’s not what I was saying at all. The story was to show you that not all bullying is physical, as you suggested. My coach didn’t have to beat me or verbally abuse me to cause emotional harm. My drug addiction is all on me. I accept full responsibility, and part of that is acknowledging the events that got me to the dark place in my life to avoid putting myself in that situation again.”

Keeton nodded in response, which I accepted as a big victory.

“Anyway, we got off course from my original plan when I volunteered to speak first.” I shot a teasing glance at Keeton, who flipped me off. I saw the faintest hint of a crooked smile, so I shook off Ollie before he could admonish him. “I had just wanted to say thank you, Ollie. These meetings with your leadership have made a huge difference in my life.”

Ollie’s cheeks turned pink like the praise embarrassed him, but then a different expression washed over his face. I thought it might be shame, but it disappeared so fast that I doubted myself.

The meeting went on for another ninety minutes while people shared stories of their past or what was happening in their lives. Neither Rebecca nor Keeton seemed ready to share, and Ollie never forced the issue. He wanted to build a foundation of trust, and my respect for him grew when he softly spoke to them individually after the meeting ended.

“I know you’re eager to get back to Milo,” Adam said, “but how about you join us for burgers and fries like old times.”

“We miss hanging out with our friend,” Brent said.

“Pretty please,” Tyler said then playfully pouted and batted his eyelashes.

“Sure,” I said. I missed hanging out with them too. I texted Milo to let him know I’d be home later than normal. I was half expecting a pithy remark, but instead he offered sexual favors for a burger, fries, and milkshake. Oh, how I loved him.

Ollie seemed surprised when I turned up at our favorite burger joint. Instead of commenting on my absence, he smiled and scooted over so I could sit next to him. We didn’t talk about addictions and recovery over juicy burgers and crispy fries; we talked about our jobs and the people in our lives that made sobriety so important. I didn’t linger as long as I normally would have prior to reconnecting with Milo, but I did stay to enjoy the amazing bond we’d formed.

Once Milo’s to-go order was ready, I told the crew I was heading out. Adam, Brent, and Tyler made kissy faces and lewd gestures, not giving a damn that a pastor was among us. Silence descended on the table when the pastor in question said he wanted to have a private word with me. Like me, the frat boys didn’t know what to make of it, so they just kept shoveling French fries in their mouths as Ollie followed me outside to my truck.

“Are you about to tell me what’s been bothering you this past month?” I asked.

“You noticed, huh?”

“Of course. Do I make you uncomfortable? Would you like me to find another sponsor, Ollie?”

“Heavens, no.” He shook his head as a pink flush crept up his neck. “I take it that Milo never shared the details of our conversation with you.”

“No,” I said slowly. “I knew something occurred between you, but I wasn’t sure what. I thought maybe you recognized him as Madame O-Feel-Ya Peach or something.”

“Shut up!” Ollie exclaimed. “No way!”

“Oh, yeah. He confessed to me that night, so that was the connection I made. I thought maybe you were sorry my boyfriend gave you a boner, even if he wasn’t my boyfriend at the time. I also worried that maybe seeing me with Milo was just too awkward for you. I wasn’t sure what to think of the sudden change.”

“Oh my God!” Ollie said, and I could tell he was reliving Milo’s lap dance.

“Hey!” I said. “Let’s get back to the reason you followed me out here.”